Good day gentle reader, it’s been a while since last we spoke. Yesterdays happenings on patrol demanded a log entry, so here we are yet again to tell the tale of one Apocalypse pilot named Licena

This pilot had a “certain look” about her, and I knew deep down in her core she was exactly the kind of devious criminal mastermind that I had set out to expose. I scanned down her Apoc and arrived to find it in the midst of brutally brutalizing an innocent fleet of Sansha pilgrims on their way to an Incursion. Her accomplice in this matter was a somewhat lethargic Noctis pilot that was woefully under-performing his duties. I was obliged to step in and assist, as well as seek justice for the defeated Sansha.

My trusty Vigil made short work of about a dozen wrecks before Licena apparently took notice and both her and her accomplice logged out on the spot. Undeterred, I make a note on the bookmark and proceed to investigate other reports in the system. Several hours pass and I’ve met with additional success on other cases when I notice Licena reappear in space. I wait a few minutes to finish my current batch of reports and to let her think that the long arm of justice has forgotten her transgressions.

I then dash her hopes of a clean getaway. She is back to massacring those helpless pilgrims and though I can do but little to prevent their demise, I give as many as I can a proper burial and see that their worldly possessions are looked after. I sit in a tight orbit around the Noctis and intercept those wrecks and cargoes that he so kindly tractors in and finally Licena commits her second to last mistake of the evening: opening fire on me.

Immediately she finds her warp drive disabled and a very angry Vigil buzzing around her at 20km. Her massive lasers can’t hit our nimble hero (me), and her woefully inadequate Tech 1 drones are quickly mercy-killed as she tries to align out towards the station. My deputy is already en route with the Orca responding to my request for backup and as soon as he enters the room Licena once again tries to bury her head in the sand by logging out. Not this time my dear. The Orca quickly catches up and launches my ever faithful Sleipnir from her ship bay and I make quick work of the Apocalypse.

Left somewhat unsatisfied by this success, as the perpetrator wasn’t around to appreciate the efforts that I went to on their behalf, I decide to make her pay the ultimate price for her arrogance. After cleaning up the debris left from our encounter I notice a lowly Rifter in the Orcas ship bay and decide to send it on one last glorious mission. I quickly scan down Licena’s capsule which is still hovering in space and warp to it in the Rifter. There she is, sitting so smugly thinking that she’s only lost a ship. Not having the time to file the appropriate paperwork with my fellow CONCORD representatives, I resign myself to the loss of the Rifter as the price for making an example out of this criminal and disintegrate the capsule.

The only thing worse than breaking the law gentle reader, is not having the courage to stick around and face the consequences. Until next time.

Good morning gentle reader! Lately I’ve been testing the waters with a rookie co-pilot flying backup in an Orca and I have to say I’m quite impressed with his versatility. This young fellow has fairly revolutionized my day to day patrol activities and brought efficiency up to heights unknown until now.

As with any new endeavor, there is always a learning curve. Unfortunately in my line of work, mistakes mean criminals get away without paying the price for their offenses. Fortunately as I’ve become more accustomed to my new partner, I’ve been able to bring the swift hand of justice to bear.

Jade Azumi’s Abaddon was the first to fall, to be followed shortly by mikkelrev’s Maelstrom. mikkelrev was initially offered a fine of 100mil isk in lieu of the destruction of his ship, but instead he tried to pull a fast one to the tune of 100k isk. I obviously noticed and made him aware of his accounting error, collected the proper amount due, then found him guilty of attempted grand larceny. His Maelstrom was adjudicated forfeit to the aggrieved party (me).

My confidence was rising in my new co-pilot’s abilities, but as is often the case the local criminal element began dispersing as word of my swift and sure justice so I thought it prudent to further expand my patrols.

After relocating I stumble upon one “Sliceri” laying waste to a helpless population of Sansha refugees. In my attempt to clean up some of the carnage, I find myself targeted not only by Sliceri but also some of the grieving family members of those he’s recently slaughtered. Mistaking me as Sliceri’s accomplice no doubt, I have the great misfortune to find myself webbed by a defensive tower at exactly the same time Sliceri opens fire with his Apoc. My poor Vigil didn’t stand a chance.

As I warped back to get another ship I noticed Sliceri docking up and figured he would simply wait out the timer. I moved on to investigate another report and lost track of time, I noticed the timer expiring too late and the Apoc undocked from station as soon as it expired. I rushed back to the first room of his mission and secured another item from a wreck just as he was warping in. His prior assisted success had apparently made our offender overconfident. On landing, he immediately deployed drones, locked me, and engaged.

I settled my Vigil immediately into a 20km orbit and proceeded to dispatch his flight of T2 drones with extreme prejudice. As his drones were dying in tiny balls of fire, my new protege was enroute with the Orca. Once the Orca arrived I ordered it into a collision course with the Apoc to knock him out of warp alignment. Again my expectations were exceeded as the impact sent the hapless battleship spinning like a top. I quickly boarded the Hurricane that was stored in the Orca’s hangar, reestablished point, and proceeded to melt the Apoc’s defenses.

Once I’d taken him to structure, I decided to offer the pilot the opportunity to post bail and escape with his ship intact. He declined to pay the standard 100mil isk fine and instead thought to assault my innocent assistant and his pristine Orca. I guess if you’re going to lose a ship, you might as well do it with style. CONCORD soon arrived to assist me with finishing off the flaming Apoc, letting me do the lion’s share as per usual, and relieving Sliceri of some of his security status in the process.

Good evening gentle reader! You may have noticed the lack of recent entries, and if so do not despair. My services have been required in other capacities than the usual spacelane patrols and as such I’ve not been afforded the material or opportunity to record. I do have a milestone, and a brief cautionary tale to share with you, so please lend me your ears for a moment more.

The milestone I spoke of was the first time I’d been called to oversee a summary execution in the service of TEARS. For reasons unknown to a simple patrol officer like myself, one “MORBSTAR” and his private Corporation “THE BLACK HAND OF DEATH” drew the ire of the powers that be this past week and lo, war was declared. Determined to bring this blatant criminal to justice for his unspecified crimes, I set a course for my nearest locator agent who informed me that the target was currently somewhere in the Uedama solar system. I knew from my research the types of ships he was likely to be flying so I fit out a nasty looking Wolf and set a course for justice.

Arriving in Uedama I was pleased to see him still in system, so I headed towards the first asteroid belt on my overview to see if I could catch him in space (he hadn’t been docked when the locator report came in). I didn’t see him in the first belt, but I did see wrecks and cargo containers left strewn amongst the veldspar and I grinned in anticipation. Moving to the next belt down, imagine my glee when I see something flashy and red appear on my overview! MORBSTAR is engaging two pirate frigates in his Republic Fleet Firetail as I land on grid some 26 kilometers away. My particular Wolf fitting utilizes a short range warp scrambler so I overheat it and my propulsion module in the hope of catching before he gets away.

He never pauses from his current battle to address the MUCH greater threat that was bearing down on him. In short order I have him locked down and begin mercilessly pounding his Firetail while he…. continues to shoot the pirates? In a mere handful of volleys his ship explodes. Being somewhat disappointed that the battle was over so soon, I decide to try for another round and try to point his capsule before it can get away, knowing that it’s almost certainly a futile effort. Or is it?

Mr. MORBSTAR’s criminal record was updated to include 3 additional counts of Engaging in Combat while on Autopilot, 2 counts of Carebearing During Time of War, and 1 count of Negligent Capsuleering. Guilty verdict passed, sentence carried out. Fly safer than MORBSTAR gentle reader.

Good day gentle reader, fear not for I have not abandoned the spacelanes!  I’ve been doing a good bit of traveling lately, casting my Net of Justice far out into the Sea of Villainy that is New Eden.  Lately I’ve been exploring the backwaters of Amarr space searching for those who seek to avoid punishment for their crimes by avoiding regular patrols. They can run, but they can’t hide.

I’ve apprehended numerous minor offenders, issued them citations, and in several cases forcibly removed ships from their possession when necessary.  None of these incidents really merit a log entry here, but I thought this one had that little extra something that should have an official record.

Flying into the deadend Ahteer system, I came across a Corporate mining operation with 3 Hulks, a Retriever, an Iteron V, a Rokh, and an Orca.  I had noticed 2 unlicensed jetcans during my initial investigation, but they had been collected by the Orca before I was able to impound the contents and issue a citation.  I felt that this situation needed to be monitored however so I warped to a safe and waited.  Shortly I noticed new wrecks appearing in the area so I returned to find the smoking hulls of some local Sansha pirates littering the asteroid belt.  I quickly moved in to help with cleanup operations and as soon as I secured a 50mm armor plating in my cargohold the Rokh pilot blew his top over the Local broadcast.  I quickly decided that it was necessary to adjust my usually professional approach to deal with this overly hostile offender.

[ 2011.02.16 02:16:37 ] Faalenleaf > lol
[ 2011.02.16 02:16:45 ] Faalenleaf > come on dryfly shoot me
[ 2011.02.16 02:16:51 ] Faalenleaf > bitch
[ 2011.02.16 02:17:11 ] Dryfty > Ladies and Incompetents first
[ 2011.02.16 02:17:13 ] Faalenleaf > go for it punk ass bitch
[ 2011.02.16 02:17:23 ] Dryfty > now now that sort of language isnt called for
[ 2011.02.16 02:17:39 ] Faalenleaf > do it you scumb bag
[ 2011.02.16 02:17:39 ] Dryfty > thought you miners were supposed to be civilized, gentle folk
[ 2011.02.16 02:17:56 ] Ntwaidumela > awww did we hurt your wittle feeewings ??? LOL
[ 2011.02.16 02:17:57 ] Faalenleaf > I’ll show you civilized you piece of shit
[ 2011.02.16 02:18:17 ] Dryfty > oh?
[ 2011.02.16 02:18:42 ] Faalenleaf > mark my name down come get me during hulkageddon. I’ll cap your scank ass
[ 2011.02.16 02:18:54 ] Dryfty > not very likely, but as you wish
[ 2011.02.16 02:19:06 ] Dryfty > also
[ 2011.02.16 02:19:10 ] Dryfty > you might want to shower.
[ 2011.02.16 02:19:13 ] Faalenleaf > heh I’ll call your bluff bud
[ 2011.02.16 02:19:18 ] Dryfty > you seem to have some asteroid dust in your vagina
[ 2011.02.16 02:19:26 ] Faalenleaf > yeah I bet bud
[ 2011.02.16 02:19:36 ] Faalenleaf > why don’t you come back so I can kill you with my drones?
[ 2011.02.16 02:20:16 ] Dryfty > if you were going to try you wouldve, instead of trying to scare me
[ 2011.02.16 02:20:27 ] Dryfty > good effort though
[ 2011.02.16 02:20:29 ] Faalenleaf > You calling me out on this?
[ 2011.02.16 02:20:29 ] Dryfty > B-
[ 2011.02.16 02:20:42 ] Faalenleaf > Cause if your calling me out, come on in and we can play
[ 2011.02.16 02:22:33 ] Faalenleaf > heh talk is cheap get in here

Now at this point there’s a veritable horde of drones being fielded by the various miners, and I highly suspect there might be a surprise waiting for me in the maintenance bay of that Orca, so I play it safe and maintain an orbit of 75km from the Rokh who has me targeted.  Sure enough, one of the other miners boards a Worm from the Orca and begins burning towards me using a microwarp drive.   I put some additional distance between us and the rest of his Corp without putting us to warp range, then  engage the Worm with my trusty Firetail.

He puts out a flight of Hobgoblin II’s and I know the success of this arrest depends on how quickly I can take them out, but I was not prepared for just how quickly I would do that.  The first drone died in 2 volleys from my two 150mm Autocannons, the rest took either 2 or 3.  Once the first flight of drones were dead I turned my loving caresses to the Worm and he melted to half armor before managing to get his second flight of Hobs out of the drone bay.

By this point I was taking steady damage and had allowed my shields to get lower than I should have, so instead of worrying about the drones I overheated my guns, along with my shield hardener and burned the Worm the rest of the way in short order with 10-15% of my Firetails shields remaining.

The Rokh pilot didn’t have much to say after seeing that Worm go down in flames, but a few minutes pass and I receive this mail from him:

can
From: Faalenleaf
Sent: 2011.02.16 02:28
To: Dryfty,

Hey look it was uncalled for on my part…no hard feelings…just a pissy night on my end.

While considering whether or how to respond I also received a private communication so I decided to gently push his buttons and see if anything else came out.

[ 2011.02.16 02:34:30 ] Dryfty > ?
[ 2011.02.16 02:34:46 ] Faalenleaf > hey that crap was uncalled for on my part
[ 2011.02.16 02:35:03 ] Faalenleaf > I am used to can flipping, and I apologize about being a dumbass
[ 2011.02.16 02:35:21 ] Faalenleaf > No excuse for my behaivor
[ 2011.02.16 02:35:25 ] Dryfty > its ok, you cant help it
[ 2011.02.16 02:35:30 ] Dryfty > I bring out the best in people
[ 2011.02.16 02:35:33 ] Dryfty > \o/
[ 2011.02.16 02:35:51 ] Dryfty > you did go from 0 to WOAH
[ 2011.02.16 02:35:59 ] Dryfty > was pretty funny
[ 2011.02.16 02:36:02 ] Faalenleaf > Well, figured I would at least make the attempt to apologize…..not like it has not happened before..can flipping that is

So there you have it gentle reader, another harrowing tale of crime, punishment, and repentance. You may notice that I highlighted part of his initial ranting, challenging me to find him during Hulkageddon. I’m not quite done with this offender I think. Unfortunately, I don’t have any experience with this particular brand of justice, so I put the call out to you my readers.

On top of the chance at fame, glory, and prizes you stand to win from the competition, I will contribute 20 million isk for each API verified killmail linked in the comments of this post on Faalenleaf, and 10 million for any of his Corp ProtoStar Trading, for the duration of Hulkageddon.

Obviously common sense restrictions apply (empty shuttle kills, etc), and I reserve the right to withhold the bounty from anyone that looks to be trying to take advantage of this noble quest for justice.

Good evening gentle reader, it’s been quite the eventful weekend shift here are TEARS patrol HQ in Agrallarier.  The most recent offender is quickly making his way up the food chain towards “habitual offender”.  Bear with me (no pun intended) as I lay out his many transgressions for you gentle reader, and I will step back and let him be judged additionally by the court of public opinion.

It was a relatively quiet afternoon, and a slow evening until I happened upon one “bullfart1” (yes, that’s actually his name…) happily slaughtering Serpentis employees and not bothering to clean up the moderate mess he was leaving behind.  I say moderate, because there appeared to not be a single battleship class vessel in the entire deadspace, so cleanup fortunately doesnt take me near as long.  On the third wreck he recalls his drones and warps off towards the station, leaving me to complete my job in relative peace as the remaining Serpentis’ are more concerned about saving their own hides than tanning mine.  That was until I received the following incoming transmission from bullfart1 (really, this name should be the first offense on the guys permanent record.):

[ 2011.01.23 06:01:33 ] Dryfty > yes?
[ 2011.01.23 06:01:57 ] bullfart1 > yeah would you mind leaving hte area
[ 2011.01.23 06:02:13 ] Dryfty > sorry, but theres still salvage that needs to be secured
[ 2011.01.23 06:02:19 ] Dryfty > Ill be done shortly though I assure you
[ 2011.01.23 06:02:25 ] bullfart1 > and it’s my slavage
[ 2011.01.23 06:02:36 ] Dryfty > as its in my cargohold, I believe its actually mine
[ 2011.01.23 06:02:38 ] bullfart1 > so fuck off
[ 2011.01.23 06:02:42 ] Dryfty > your salvage is in your hold sir
[ 2011.01.23 06:02:55 ] Dryfty > I really cant be blamed for your inefficiency
[ 2011.01.23 06:03:33 ] bullfart1 > either way fuck off
[ 2011.01.23 06:03:48 ] Dryfty > Im fine thanks, and I really dont appreciate your lack of manners
[ 2011.01.23 06:04:03 ] Dryfty > you could at least say “please fuck off”
[ 2011.01.23 06:04:06 ] bullfart1 > coming from the theif
[ 2011.01.23 06:04:37 ] Dryfty > we prefer to think of it as “spacelane sanitation”

At this time he returned to the mission, targeted my frigate, and opened fire. I kept the lines of communication open in an attempt to lull him into complacency, which was either successful or completely unnecessary. I continue the chatter as I warp back to station to spare my ship more of the ineffectual beating from his railguns and swap for a ship with a few more teeth: 425mm teeth.

[ 2011.01.23 06:05:07 ] Dryfty > well I suppose thats a bit more convincing than “fuck off”
[ 2011.01.23 06:05:10 ] Dryfty > its all yours
[ 2011.01.23 06:05:27 ] bullfart1 > next time think before my guns do the talking
[ 2011.01.23 06:05:34 ] Dryfty > roger that
[ 2011.01.23 06:06:17 ] bullfart1 > all i want to do is my mission and salvage after, so if isn’t an abandoned wreck then don’t touch it
[ 2011.01.23 06:07:14 ] Dryfty > an understandable request, there are many who arent as conscientious as you though
[ 2011.01.23 06:07:20 ] Dryfty > and that makes for very dirty space
[ 2011.01.23 06:08:06 ] bullfart1 > only in your mind, in mine it’s makes for a prfitable day

Oh dear. He sounds like he might have the makings of a TEARS officer, if only he weren’t so damn stupid. I’m now warping back in my trusty, and toothy, Cynabal and am dismayed when I arrive 48km from the Megathron. Knowing he’ll see the doom swooping down on him and head for the station I overheat my afterburner (still need to do further experimentation with the newly enable Micro Warp Drives before they’re ready for patrol duty) and warp disruptor hoping to hook him before he can leave. As it turns out, yet another completely unfounded worry as he didn’t even try to budge. It’s admirable when someones that confident, or clueless, about their ability to withstand a TEARS style arrest. I settle into a close orbit under the already pitiful firing solution offered by his railguns (he’d engaged me on my head-on approach and with 2 volleys only managed to remove 1% shields) and begin pelting him with Republic Fleet Fusion ammunition while deploying my Warrior II’s for good measure. His response?

[ 2011.01.23 06:09:03 ] bullfart1 > leave me alone

That’s right. Let’s take one more look at that just to be sure we’re all seeing it properly.. perhaps with more emphasis as I like to imagine him screaming it all alone in his cockpit

[ 2011.01.23 06:09:03 ] bullfart1 > leave me alone

What kind of man am I that can ignore such a potent warning and plea? I don’t know gentle reader, but it scares me deep inside, making me worry about the monster that could even now be lurking just beneath the surface of this mild-mannered and dedicated law enforcement official. That is a topic for another day however. Now to continue with the conversation, and it gets better:

[ 2011.01.23 06:09:20 ] Dryfty > Im sorry, but you did intiate hostilities against me sir
[ 2011.01.23 06:09:30 ] Dryfty > you’ve wounded my ship and my pride
[ 2011.01.23 06:09:33 ] bullfart1 > and now i am leaving

OH REALLY? For a moment I wondered if perhaps he knew something I didn’t and had taken the opportunity in station to fit a warp core stabilizer. Turns out he’s just an idiot, and after 20 seconds or so of him madly mashing the Align button on his console we continue our conversation.

[ 2011.01.23 06:09:53 ] bullfart1 > so you have to ba dick about it
[ 2011.01.23 06:10:18 ] Dryfty > Ive been nothing but polite sir
[ 2011.01.23 06:10:22 ] bullfart1 > all i gave you was warning shot
[ 2011.01.23 06:10:47 ] Dryfty > well you could consider this a warning shot, I would be willing to put all this behind us for say 40mil?
[ 2011.01.23 06:10:54 ] Dryfty > much cheaper than the alternative
[ 2011.01.23 06:11:08 ] Dryfty > Ill eve give you a minute
[ 2011.01.23 06:11:10 ] bullfart1 > says you if i had the isk\
[ 2011.01.23 06:11:19 ] Dryfty > thats unfortunate
[ 2011.01.23 06:11:29 ] Dryfty > its such a nice looking ship

I thought perhaps he didn’t want to discourse with me anymore, since he left the comm channel as his Megathron exploded in all it’s terribly fit glory. After securing the contents of the wreck, I decided to be charitable and let him know that I’d neglected to abscond with the tremendously heavy Cap Booster 800 charges he had been carrying.

Loot
From: Dryfty
Sent: 2011.01.23 06:13
To: bullfart1,

I left you the Cap Boosters, but thanks for the rest.

---

go fuck yourself
From: bullfart1
Sent: 2011.01.23 06:15
To: Dryfty,

how about you go fuck yourself, in my world people like you do not deserve to live, should i ever find in life i will be make sure that holds true

---

Re: go fuck yourself
From: Dryfty
Sent: 2011.01.23 06:16
To: bullfart1

Now you’ve carried your rudeness into real life threats. Im sorry sir, but thats unacceptable and will be duly reported to CCP. Also, you should be THANKING for blowing up that monstrosity you call a ship. Cheap armor plate, cheap hardeners, but no armor reps? But you fit Cap 800s and a Large Shield Booster? Wtf were you thinking?

I’ve just rendered a public service taking that out of space, really I should be sending you a bill.

---

loot this
From: bullfart1
Sent: 2011.01.23 06:16
To: Dryfty,

you couldn’t even be respectful, there was no damage to your ship and you were stealing my salvage in the first place, you have no honour and no concept of pride or respect

I’m really at a loss for words by this point gentle reader, but unlike our aggressor I manage to scrape together a few coherent sentences (really, I think he was so angry he may have literally gone retarded by the end of those mails. Note how his ability to communicate is distorted by extreme levels of unfocused rage.) and escalated these threats to my superiors within CONCORD. Here is a copy of that communication and their most timely response:

Name: bullfart1
Report:

After firing on my ship, and subsequently getting blown up by me, this player resorted to threatening to kill me in real life.

“how about you go fuck yourself, in my world people like you do not deserve to live, should i ever find in life i will be make sure that holds true”

You can find his EVEmail in my Inbox for your inspection. I appreciate your attention to this matter.

---

Hi,

<REDACTED SECRETS>

Best regards,
GM Zhainius
EVE Online Customer Support

Oops.

Good afternoon gentle reader. Last night’s patrol of Agrallarier was fairly routine, with a good portion of my time spent cleaning up the fields of debris left by the usual suspect: careless bears. One of the bears in question happened to be one Mr. Lorphall of the Aliastra Corporation. Upon my arrival in the deadspace occupied by Mr. Lorphall’s Megathron, and his accomplice Unkas’ Raven, I noticed at once that I had been presented with an opportunity. Instantly identifying the mission as World’s Collide, I moved quickly through the gate to the Serpentis Base only to find it destroyed. I made my way towards the Research Outpost, cleaning up a few wrecks on my way and bookmarking the rest for later disposal, I proceeded into the next area with the hope of stopping this pointless conflict before more lives were lost.

Arriving at the Research Outpost, I noticed that almost half of the defenders had been killed by messieurs Lorphall and Unkas, so I set about my grizzly duty of interring the newly departed and properly disposing of their remaining worldly possessions. Apparently our fine, upstanding mass-murderers took issue with the performance of my duties and both quickly targeted my defenseless salvage ship. After cleaning up two or three more balls of crushed steel, flesh, and bone I found myself fired upon by Mr. Lorphalls railguns and a flight of angry looking Warrior I’s heading my direction. I withstood the fire long enough to lay two more crews to rest before I was forced to flee by the deteriorating condition of my own ship. I was not to be gone long though gentle reader.

Back at station I quickly boarded my trusty Cynabal that was waiting on standby and checked to make sure I had the proper munitions loaded. Warping back into deadspace I see that our two battleships are still on their spree of death and destruction, and my determination to bring them to justice flared even hotter as I warped into the Research Outpost landing practically on top of the Megathron. Before he could even react he found himself scrambled, orbited, and taking heavy fire from my guns and drones. His associate Unkas locked my ship hoping to forestall the destruction of Lorphall’s Megathron, but I knew that my backup from CONCORD was waiting in the wings to take action should he open fire. It did not take long at all for Lorphall to join the ranks of the departed.

I finally noticed something else after securing the remains of the Megathron in my cargohold: there were no Serpentis left alive in the area, Lorphall had been 20 kilometers from the Damaged Heron when his attention was so forcefully occupied by myself, and Unkas was another 30 kilometers farther away than Lorphall. Perhaps imagining I could hear the cries of the survivors, or maybe knowing on a deeper level that there were still lives to be saved, I made my way over to the Damaged Heron to find the entire Ship’s Crew battered but alive and in need of rescue. I quickly ushered them on board the Cynabal and set a course back to the nearest station where they could receive medical attention and some much needed rest.

En route to station I picked up an incoming transmission from Lorphall:

[ 2011.01.21 23:53:50 ] Lorphall > whats ur problem dude?
[ 2011.01.21 23:54:11 ] Dryfty > you shot me, so I shot back
[ 2011.01.21 23:54:24 ] Lorphall > u were stealing our loots
[ 2011.01.21 23:54:29 ] Dryfty > Ship’s Crew got this too
[ 2011.01.21 23:54:32 ] Lorphall > ur a pirate
[ 2011.01.21 23:54:46 ] Dryfty > no sir, Im a ninja
[ 2011.01.21 23:54:49 ] Dryfty > there’s a distinct difference
[ 2011.01.21 23:54:54 ] Dryfty > just remember, you shot me first
[ 2011.01.21 23:55:03 ] Dryfty > I was merely cleaning up after you
[ 2011.01.21 23:55:03 ] Lorphall > U hink I was supposed to let u ninja loots and dont shoot back?
[ 2011.01.21 23:55:11 ] Lorphall > alright.
[ 2011.01.21 23:55:13 ] Dryfty > well, yes
[ 2011.01.21 23:55:19 ] Dryfty > Ill be a good sport though
[ 2011.01.21 23:55:29 ] Lorphall > congrats, I cant buy another BS, and Im leaving the game. Good job
[ 2011.01.21 23:55:32 ] Dryfty > and sell you your mission objective back for the reasonable sum of 18mil
[ 2011.01.21 23:55:40 ] Dryfty > can I have the rest of your stuff then?
[ 2011.01.21 23:55:45 ] Dryfty > no sense it going to waste
[ 2011.01.21 23:55:46 ] Lorphall > fuck u
[ 2011.01.21 23:55:52 ] Dryfty > now thats not very nice
[ 2011.01.21 23:55:57 ] Lorphall > Il trash it all b4 giving yo u
[ 2011.01.21 23:55:58 ] Dryfty > Im trying to do you a favor

In the end, justice was served, and yet another criminal has been punished. Some may call my line of work thankless or misunderstood. I just call it necessary. Fly safe gentle reader.

Good morning gentle reader. As you’re undoubtedly aware, there’s been an enormous push in New Eden in the last day or so for image makeovers, and we TEARS Operatives were no exception. With our licenses up for renewal, the powers that be decided it was time to issue new ID badges and update our file photos as well.

I think this is a good thing. You might have noticed that I didn’t bother removing my sunglasses for the last photo, and I’ve been told that I come off as “too aggressive” or “unapproachable”. I’ve sought to remedy this image faux pas and adopt a “softer” look that I hope will encourage more citizens to seek out my assistance. So, without further ado, I present the New Face of Justice™:

I’m one handsome devil if I say so myself.

Good day gentle reader, I hope this transmission finds you well. I’ve been quite the busy pilot these past weeks and am just now entering a lull where I can sit and update the logs. While the workload hasn’t been too overbearing, I have managed to bring a few criminals to justice recently. This includes my first ever fugitive Rokh pilot!

I’m not sure why, as I don’t fly Caldari-made ships, but I just dont see that many Rokh’s flying about, and on the occasion that I do they tend to be upstanding citizens with little inclination to accost spacelane sanitation crews.

This one was different. Perhaps Tomkroose felt he had something to prove to the universe. Perhaps he was trying to live up to his poorly spelled namesake. Whatever his motivation, he made a poor choice when he initiated hostilities towards yours truly.

It had been a mostly uneventful day on patrol when I noticed a Rokh on the scanner surrounded by a LOT of wrecks. I warped in and noticed that indeed the Rokh pilot had been making quite a mess, and proceeded to assist in cleanup operations with my Vigil. There were still several pirates in the area, but they were out of range and not engaging. After watching my efficient removal of 2-3 wrecks, Mr. Kroose warped off and soon dropped out of Local. I had an idea of what was coming next, but the reality of the situation exceeded my expectations.

I noticed immediately when our subject re-entered the system and sure enough I shortly picked up a Merlin on the scanner rapidly approaching my position. Knowing he couldn’t hope to keep pace with my lightning quick Vigil, I led him on a bit of a chase around the deadspace area. I would circle and draw him out wide, then zoom in to salvage a wreck and be on the move again before he could close. Obviously this was getting to him and he began going for the wrecks instead of me. Deciding to oblige him I closed to just inside his targeting range and held position as he finally managed a lock on my ship and opened fire with a couple of quick volley’s that did next to nothing. For good measure I salvaged one more wreck before leaving the scene to get backup.

Once docked up I kept an eye on the station occupants and sure enough Tomkroose pulled into a bay adjacent to the one I occupied. I quickly transferred over to my waiting Cynabal and undocked to keep an eye on the situation from a safe distance. As the window of opportunity steadily counted down I saw no activity from the station on my scanner. I really wanted to bring that Rokh to justice, so as the timer hit 2 minutes I applied for an emergency extension and was gratified that the paperwork was processed quickly and approved. Approaching the end of the extension, I noticed the Merlin had undocked from the station. I was approaching the deadline to apply for a further extension, but in order to do so I had to dock up to file the paperwork, but I also didn’t want to spook the Merlin as I wanted him to bring the Rokh back out of the hangar.

I noticed the Merlin drop off scan so I quickly headed for the station and docked up to prep the papers for another extension. As I undocked, the Rokh came out of station right on my tail. Certain that the operation was blown, I made a last ditch effort at deception to get the Rokh outside of the docking perimeter. I warped to a prearranged location in the opposite direction from his deadspace and focused my scans back towards the station. The Rokh was still on scan, but soon disappeared. I adjusted the angle of the scan towards the deadspace and was gratified to see the Rokh back in the mission with only about a minute left on the timer.

I warp in and land almost on top of the Rokh with seconds to spare, get a target lock, and engage my warp disruptor. From there the conclusion is inevitable.

To conclude our trilogy of tales of the trials and tribulations of those unfortunate enough to incur the disapproving stare of TEARS, we look to an Alliance Executor by the name of Lyphar. This unfortunate pilot liked to write checks with his mouth that his Alliance couldn’t cash, and was bankrupted when TEARS came to collect.

Some of the TEARS “Caldari Crew” met up with Lyphar and his Corporation/Alliance in the systems surrounding Ruvas.  The bears were happily missioning away when they took umbrage to some of our noble operatives doing their part and cleaning up the deadspace behind them.  Of course after initiating hostilities, they were shown the error of their ways.

Much wailing and gnashing of teeth ensued on Oblivion United’s behalf, and they declared themselves to now be an “anti-ninja fleet” and set about to thwart our stalwart operatives in the execution of their duties.  They failed miserably.

Normally this would be the end, or near it, of a situation like this.  That is, had not some of our operatives taken a special liking to the tang of OU’s tears.  Within a matter of hours their primary Corporation, Oblivion Chaos Fleet, had been infiltrated and the true mission had begun.

Now we fast forward a couple of months.  It is time to act.  With the information provided by our spy within the ranks, TEARS declares bloody war on Oblivion United.  They think they have 24 hours of continued safety.  They think they have 24 hours before we can harm them.  How very wrong they are.

We know where they mission, where they mine, and where they have their low and highsec POS’s.  We also have the forcefield password.  A small TEARS strike team moves in with the assistance of the mole and liberates the contents of the Ship Maintenance Array, including a fully fit Orca that is helpful in the relocation of the rest of their assets.  In the end only a single Retriever escaped our grasp simply because we couldnt haul anymore.

I arrived on the scene after the heist was completed, on the trail of an OU pilot that had been spotted entering their lowsec territory.  Unfortunately he arrived at the POS before I could engage in my Jaguar, and a few of us proceeded to monitor the station from within taunting range.  Sadly this is where our first and only loss of the campaign occurred, as my Jaguar flew a little too close to the manually controlled POS guns.  Lesson learned gentle reader.. lesson learned.

All ships were safely transported back to Empire space to be sold, and the shedding of tears commenced. Try to contain your laughter gentle reader, as I relay to you some of the pearls of wisdom passed down from Lyphar to his acolytes.

Exhibit 1

WAR: MARSHAL LAW
From: Lyphar
Sent: 2010.12.05 07:12
To: Oblivion United,

At ease Gentlemen,
As of this point I am declaring marshal law. No one is to talk in alliance without director status. EVERYONE is to reply to this email with a limited API key and User ID for each of their accounts. EVERYONE’s status, ranks, titles, and such are suspended until the war is over. If you do not reply within 24hrs, you or your corp shall be expended from your corp or alliance. The ears are in the walls and we’re burning out the cockroaches with flamethrowers. This mandate is for you and your corporation’s general well being and properity.

Second. Everyone is to evacuate Ziona surrounding area. Move details will come after the 24hr period. No one is to engage, no one is to fly alone, no one is to mine, mission run, ect. EVERYONE is to read our tutorials page AND FOLLOW THE PVP COMMANDMENTS TO THE LETTER. http://griffin30007productions.com/obchf/tutorials.htm
I had a higher faith in your guys’ integrety. Thank you for proving that wrong (you know who you are).

More details to follow.

May our enemies perish in the holy fire of our lasers.
Lyphar
Admiral of Oblivion Chaos Fleet
Head of Oblivion United

Exhibit 2

WAR: Battle Plan
From: Lyphar
Sent: 2010.12.05 21:39
To: Oblivion United,

Hey guys,
API/UserID policy is put on hold for now. Everyone is to lie low for the first 48hrs of the war while the Alliance and Corp restructures. Please watch local playerlists for war targets, avoid major player hubs, move a couple combat ships out of Ziona, and place jump clones. No one is to be mission running or mining within the first 48 hrs and not after without carefully watching local and always being aligned. This war has horrible timing and we need to gather more intel as to what the enemy will actually be flying or putting into the war or if they will get bored and lax after 24hrs.
Once again please read my PvP Crash Course on our website, ESP. if this is your first war.
http://griffin30007productions.com/obchf/tutorials.htm

We will try to avoid placing any rules for alliance which do not help keep you guys safe and prepare us for this war as well as others. Fleets will be forming after the 48hr bunker time.
Victory for Oblivion United!
Lyphar
Admiral of Oblivion Chaos Fleet

Exhibit 3

WAR: MARSHAL LAW and New Policy
From: Lyphar
Sent: 2010.12.06 01:55
To: Oblivion Chaos Fleet,

As per our corp. I still expect everyone’s UserIDs and Limited API keys (https://www.eveonline.com/login.asp?r=%2F&t=%2Fapi%2Fdefault.asp%3F). These keys are not a temporary thing and are not to be changed. If they are changed, the new key is to be sent to myself within 24hrs. No exceptions.
No one shall have BPO access except high command.
No one shall have wallet or hanger access except high command.
This shall go into effect after the war. During the war Marshal Law is still in affect.
Everyone is to stay docked up for the next 48hrs while we restructure alliance and corp.
Again several corp members are theives and they know who they are.
Lyphar

Exhibit 4 – Compliments of Hefe Weizen

Intel on our new friends
From: Hefe Weizen
Sent: 2010.12.05 06:59
To:

Basic info:

Tear Extraction and Reclamation consists of 8 corporations. Most of those corporations probably aren’t going to be a problem, as a few of them are purely industrial.

They ARE NOT directly affiliated with the ongoing pirate action we have had in Ziona with Daff Punk and Death Incarnate INC. Any association between the two has to be under the table, so to speak.

The main corporate threat will be Suddenly Ninjas with 224 players and to a lesser degree, Ritual Suicide with 23 members.

Most likely ships used by hostiles are:

Rifter
Heron (for surveilance, they lose these alot)
Vigil
Hurricane

Most previous activity has occured in Minimitar, Caldari and Gallente space. I have not been able to find data for Ammar space in recent history. Although Suddenly Ninjas has appeared around here, they have had no kills.

CEO and Founder is

Tchell Dahhn
No active kill since April of 2009. Probably running an Alt now.
Her email and MSN account is [useless email redacted]

Their top hitters from Suddently Ninjas are. (Top 30 and with kills within the past week)

Arden Elenduil
Bladewise
Solomar Espersei
Ullus Demos
danjor2
Xa Fel
Michael Zign
Aiden Mourn
Cam Clarke
Rigby Jess
Tuomas Arturi
waagstrom
Galmarr
Sebulous
Skippermonkey
Dryfty <– I made the list \o/
Set Shwayo
Bass Indy
Dhazar
radonicon
Zavulon Sukkot
Natthias Sharl
Shale Kelevra
knight david
Scopique
Simen123
Lars Foolsbane
Soul Decayed
JordanParey
Nexus Havoc

Their website and forum, which is open to view is http://suddenlyninjas.net/forum.php, although at the moment they do have radio silence when it comes to actual fleet activity.

More information to follow

- Hefe

In the end, nothing really helped them. There may have been a few that escaped our attentions during the war, but I’ve yet to hear of any.

Two Corporations gave up the fight and dropped from the Alliance during the first few days of the war. Coming to the close of the first week I had a member of Tactical Operations Fleet Delta pinned into station in Youl for the better part of 2 days, and they finally struck up a conversation. After 30 minutes of talking they also dropped from the Alliance, and were followed by 2 other Corps within a matter of hours.

They’d been under the impression that the war was almost over, and things would soon be back to normal. I corrected that misconception for them, and there was more than a little animosity towards Lyphar for dragging them into this in the first place.

Within two hours, Oblivion Chaos Fleet stood alone. Well, except for the SIX one-man holding Corporations owned by Lyphar and held by his alts. Really? Once the wardec was officially extended for a second week, OBCHF didn’t start losing members… it started hemorrhaging members.

Now, 2 days later, Lyphar truly stands alone. The only pilots left in the Corp are him and his alts. He was offered a reasonable ransom and if he’d cared about his Corp/Alliance, he’d have swallowed his pride and paid it. This is how Alliances rise and fall, swinging on the ego of individuals. Welcome to New Eden gentle reader.

Welcome to part two of this miniature trilogy gentle reader. Here I will regale you with a harrowing tale of two miners, seven unlicensed containers of ore, two solar systems, and what happens when they meet yours truly.

Our two protagonists for this epic yarn go by the names Tru Warden and Brutalis Furia (I couldn’t make those up if I tried). I encountered this intrepid duo busily laying waste to asteroid after asteroid in another backwater system by the name of Gaknem. Now, this is a 0.6 system so there is no excuse for such sloppy mining practices as were displayed by these two. Brutalis is even the CEO of their tiny corporation. Sometimes corruption and willful ignorance of the law goes all the way to the top.

I was immediately intrigued when I noticed a Rokh, Hulk, and Caldari Shuttle on my scanner, along with two containers labeled with timestamps. Moving in to investigate, I immediately took corrective action by impounding the contents of the two illegal containers. Tru Warder fled the scene of the crime, heading for a local mining outpost while Mr. Furia continued to mine obliviously and I kept watch over the impounded ore and began my paperwork.

Shortly Tru Warder returned in a Mammoth and began to approach the impounded ore, but thought better of his planned theft and returned to station once more. By this time Brutalis has filled his cargohold but is obviously reluctant to pollute space further in the presence of a TEARS officer and sits idly.

At this time a message comes through from an uninvolved party that requires my immediate and undivided attention. Unable to continue to maintain the integrity of the impounded ore, and having had no communication from either offender, I make the appropriate notations on my paperwork and flag the ore for immediate disposal. I then dock for the next couple of hours to handle that intruding business.

Fear not gentle reader, our story does not stop here. After my other business was concluded I return to find both Tru Warder and Brutalis Furia gone from Gaknem. I have a gut feeling however that they have not learned their lesson from our earlier encounter, and sure enough I find them merely in the next system over continuing their ruinous roid rampage, while still jettisoning ore into illegal containers. Dismayed by their lack of cooperation with local authorities, I warp in to their belt to discover FIVE timestamped containers floating dangerously close to a municipal warplane.

I move to impound the first container which is full to capacity, when the below transmission shows up on the local broadcast channel. Through all this I continue to impound container after container while the two deviant miners stare dumbly and vent their frustrations via comms.

[ 2010.12.12 03:31:55 ] Tru Warder > Dryfty – we CAN’T fight you – if you’re just looking for a fight
[ 2010.12.12 03:32:05 ] Tru Warder > all you”re doing is being a PITA
[ 2010.12.12 03:32:31 ] Dryfty > just keeping the spacelanes clear of dangerous unlicensed jetcans sir
[ 2010.12.12 03:33:57 ] Tru Warder > I’d just as soon not have wasted several hours of gameplay, if you don’t mind
[ 2010.12.12 03:34:17 ] Dryfty > Im sorry sir, but your unsafe mining practices put lives at risk
[ 2010.12.12 03:34:20 ] Tru Warder > my strongest ship is a cormorant
[ 2010.12.12 03:34:32 ] Tru Warder > I don’t think that would constitute a fair fight, do you?
[ 2010.12.12 03:34:40 ] Brutalis Furia > Explain that one if you don’t mind
[ 2010.12.12 03:34:52 ] Tru Warder > him, or me?
[ 2010.12.12 03:34:57 ] Brutalis Furia > him
[ 2010.12.12 03:35:23 ] Dryfty > leaving improperly licensed jetcans in municipal warplanes are a severe collision hazard
[ 2010.12.12 03:35:35 ] Dryfty > part of our duties are to keep the warplanes clear of these obstacles
[ 2010.12.12 03:35:36 ] Tru Warder > uh-huh
[ 2010.12.12 03:36:02 ] Brutalis Furia > do you represent any sanctioned agency with apropriate juristiction over these maters
[ 2010.12.12 03:36:03 ] Tru Warder > I’ve bounced off STATIONS, never mind itsy-bitsy jetcans…
[ 2010.12.12 03:36:14 ] Tru Warder > *matters
[ 2010.12.12 03:36:18 ] Tru Warder > :)
[ 2010.12.12 03:36:25 ] Dryfty > TEARS Operatives are sanctioned by CONCORD itself
[ 2010.12.12 03:36:39 ] Tru Warder > uh-huh – and that’s why you turned RED?
[ 2010.12.12 03:36:46 ] Dryfty > you’ll both be receiving citations via evemail once my paperwork for the day is complete
[ 2010.12.12 03:36:57 ] Brutalis Furia > please show or link me to that relevant document
[ 2010.12.12 03:37:24 ] Dryfty > as I said, you’ll receive copies of my report with your citations once the days paperwork is complete. I only have two hands sir
[ 2010.12.12 03:37:39 ] Brutalis Furia > not acceptable
[ 2010.12.12 03:38:16 ] Dryfty > well, apparently thats just too damn bad sir.
[ 2010.12.12 03:38:29 ] Brutalis Furia > if you are impounding my property, i demand aprpriate paperwork on the matter
[ 2010.12.12 03:38:36 ] Dryfty > your non-compliance will be noted in my report
[ 2010.12.12 03:39:08 ] Dryfty > actually sir, because of your repeat offender status, the property has been reffered for proper disposal
[ 2010.12.12 03:39:46 ] Brutalis Furia > like the two cans you destroyed in gaknem? where was the prior offence that time?
[ 2010.12.12 03:39:46 ] Dryfty > you’ll notice that where there were 5 unlicensed jetcans, there are now only 2 to dispose of
[ 2010.12.12 03:40:26 ] Dryfty > actually, that was a matter of my attention being required elsewhere, and I couldnt trust you and your accomplice not to simply steal the impounded property
[ 2010.12.12 03:40:43 ] Dryfty > its really your own doing sir
[ 2010.12.12 03:41:13 ] Brutalis Furia > who is your superoir officer sir?
[ 2010.12.12 03:41:18 ] Dryfty > have no fear sir, Im almost done here
[ 2010.12.12 03:41:40 ] Dryfty > complaints are best referred to Aiden Mourn I suppose, that Im uncertain how anyone could have a complaint with the service Ive rendered
[ 2010.12.12 03:41:48 ] Dryfty > Aiden Mourn
[ 2010.12.12 03:41:49 ] Brutalis Furia > that matters not, i wish to file a complaint
[ 2010.12.12 03:44:01 ] Dryfty > I appreciate your attentiveness in this matter
[ 2010.12.12 03:44:05 ] Dryfty > and removing the last of the debris
[ 2010.12.12 03:44:21 ] Dryfty > unfortunately that can have no bearing in the issuance of my citations for your previous offences
[ 2010.12.12 03:44:49 ] Dryfty > should you decide to pursue this self-destructive criminal lifestyle
[ 2010.12.12 03:44:51 ] Tru Warder > you are an ass, sir
[ 2010.12.12 03:45:02 ] Dryfty > Im afraid further intervention will be necessary
[ 2010.12.12 03:45:17 ] Tru Warder > cry to Concord
[ 2010.12.12 03:46:07 ] Dryfty > apparently we have differing definitions of crying sir
[ 2010.12.12 03:46:12 ] Dryfty > Im simply doing my job

You may see from the log that Tru Warder finally decided that watching his ore being impounded was simply too much to bear and he proceeded to jump back to Gaknem for his trusty Mammoth that he was too afraid to employ earlier. This time he was a bit more successful as I had mere seconds remaining before my crew could jettison another impound container, and he managed to save a single container of ore from authorized disposal. As he managed to secure that amount of ore, I did not reflect it in the following citation as we must encourage these people to clean up after themselves. I was sincere in my appreciation for his belated assistance in keeping the spacelanes clear.

Mr. Tru Warder, Mr. Brutalis Furia:

Pursuant to our earlier interaction, I am officially enclosing the aforementioned citation and requisite fine for TEARS Officer intervention. We hope that together with your cooperation we can keep areas like Gaknem and Phoren safe for travelers and miners alike and must insist in the future that you use a properly licensed TEARS jetcan for your ore storage needs. Individual licenses may be purchased from myself or any TEARS representative for the nominal sum of 5,000,000 ISK. Please see details below for Corporation licensing.

Your prompt payment of this fine will conclude TEARS involvement in this case.

Dutifully Yours,
Dryfty – Tash-Murkon Region TEARS Representative

FORM #46183.A-C93 UNREGISTERED JETCAN CITATION
Issued by: TEAR EXTRACTION AND RECLAMATION SERVICE

Sector ID: 486BFG88499HG-3345-588FN
Jetcan Inventory: See Misc/Ref. Lading Log #6587-15

Operatives of TEARS Alliance, Subgroup: Suddenly Ninjas [YOINK] have issued a member(s) of your Corporation a Citation for Failure to Properly Register an Unsecured Jetcan Residing in a Municipal Asteroid Belt per EDEN Municipal Code #46183.A in 0.6 Systems: Gaknem and Phoren

Parties In Violation:
Tru Warder
Brutalis Furia

Infraction of EDEN Municipal Code #46183.A can incur a fine of up to 500,000.00 ISK per m3 of debris, authorized destruction of vessel and resulting wreck salvage fees, not to exceed 20,000,000.00 ISK.

Registration Fee ………………………………………….. 250,000 ISK
Astrogation LIDAR Omission Penalty …………………………. 150,000 ISK
Debris Handling Fee……………………………………………………….. 50.000 ISK
Disposal Fee …………………………………………………………… 1,000,000 ISK
TEARS Licensed Destructable Jetcan x6…………………………….2,200,000 ISK
TEARS Officer Ammunition………………………………………….200,000 ISK
Fraternal Order of Salvagers Union Fund Contribution … 5,500 ISK

Total Assessment: 3,855,500 ISK

Please Remit Funds to TEARS – Spacelane Sanitation Division
Authorized Representative or your nearest TEARS Alliance Officer.
Failure to submit payment on this citation may prompt additional TEARS action and requisite sanctions.

Resolution of this case is still pending. Past due notices are scheduled to be distributed in the next few hours.