Good evening gentle reader, I hope this transmission finds you well.  I’m certain that it will actually find you this time, for I have bid a fond adieu to the series of wormholes that I’ve spent the past several days exploring and returned to beautiful Heimatar.  Like any authority figure that goes on vacation, on my return I was appalled to see the sheer volume of unsecured debris cluttering up the regional spacelanes.  I traded in my recently overworked Cheetah for the new Rifter that I purchased to replace my beloved Citation Jr. that so nobly gave it’s life recently.

Extending my patrol southward, I entered the Onga system not expecting the disturbing experience that awaited me.  On the third asteroid belt of my patrol, I came upon Phredreich haphazardly mining in his Stabber, and to my dismay, leaving large chunks of scordite banging around in not one, but TWO unlicensed cannisters.  I immediately engaged my afterburner, and moved in to confiscate the ore and consolidate it into an approved TEARS issue container to be hauled to the local impound.  No sooner had I secured the last of the ore, than I found myself being targeted and Phredreich’s lone Warrior I drone being launched in my direction.  I quickly consulted Chapter 4 of the TEARS Operative Manual on “Evasive Maneuvers” and settled into a close orbit as suggested, activating my Warp Scrambler II on the Stabber while focusing my fire on the Warrior and quickly sending it to whatever special hell drones go to when they die.  As I began to eat through Phredreich’s armor I could almost imagine the look of frustration and disbelief on his face as he realized that he indeed, was going to pay for his crimes.  Keeping an eye on the local population, I noticed that one of Phredreich’s compatriots had just entered the system and he soon arrived in the belt where I was chipping away at the Stabbers armor.  Having the feeling that this was going to hurt, I consigned myself the the possibility of losing this nearly brand new Rifter, but I was determined that I’d take Phredreich’s Stabber down in the ball of flames with me.

At this time I realized that even with the assistance of the obnoxiously-named Thermo Luminescence (names like this truly do begin to grate on your nerves when you’re filling out paperwork in triplicate.), I was holding steady at about 30% armor.  I turned my attention to the Rupture now, quickly chasing him down the 16 kilometers I needed to cover in order to engage my warp scrambler.  If he’d been paying any kind of attention to the demise of his friend, or was possessed of any common sense, Thermo would have used this delay to remove himself from the field.  Fortunately for my now-appeased sense of justice he did not.

I took this moment to get myself into a station for some much needed armor repairs and to top off the charges in my weapons.  On coming back out I went to check the seals on the TEARS container with the confiscated ore and was shocked to see Thermo once again in the belt, only this time in a Wreathe.  He was obviously attempting to violate TEARS Impound Code 723.C in committing unauthorized removal of confiscated items, but fortunately I intercepted him before any of the containers seals were disturbed.  Right as Thermo’s Wreathe was creaking its last death throes, who should arrive but Phredreich but in a Cyclone this time.  I was eager to test my mettle against this utterly new challenge, but as fortune would have it there were 50 kilometers between us and I did not fancy my chances of survival should I attempt to cover that ground while under fire.  Luckily though the confiscated ore was much closer to his ship.  I quickly warped to the nearest adjacent belt, threw my poor little Rifter into the tighester 180 she could manage, and warped back on top of the cannister.  I was in nearly perfect range, but at this time my window of opportunity granted by CONCORD chose to expire.  Perhaps another day.

Once the wrecks and their contents were secured for additional impound measures, I proceeded to detonate the confiscated ore inside the container as they obviously had no intention of paying the fine for it’s release, and there were no couriers in the area available for transport.  No debris remains in the belt and the spacelanes are clear once more.

Entirely for their benefit, I attempted to open a civil discourse to congratulate them on sticking to their own twisted principles even though they be in the moral minority, and hopefully to educate them as to the importance of using properly licensed containers for the storage of ore.  From the logs below I’m sure you can deduce that this extended olive branch was not well received.

[03:11:44] Dryfty > Rifter 1 – Stabber and Rupture 0
[03:27:39] Dryfty > Gentlemen, please keep an eye on your mailboxes for your citations in the near future.
[03:28:22] Dryfty > 2 counts of unlicensed use of a jetcan, and 2 counts of unlawful aggression towards an authorized TEARS representative between the two of you
[03:28:37] Dryfty > you could be looking at a fairly hefty fine, but I wont know until I complete the paperwork
[03:28:56] Dryfty > fly safe, and keep the spacelanes clear o7
[03:31:58] Dryfty > as an aside, the offending contraband is scheduled for routine destruction.  Please don’t let this kind of thing happen again.
[03:32:53] Thermo Luminescence > Please be advised: Our Systems have picked up a POS (Piece of Shit) in one of our local channels. Be aware: we do not tolerate shitbaggery: Dryfty
[03:33:20] Dryfty > now that kind of tone simply isnt called for
[03:33:37] Dryfty > I do believe you were the ones that opened fire on me in the course of my justly appointed duties
[03:33:53] Dryfty > if anyone is guilty of “shitbaggery” it would be you two kind gentlemen
[03:34:08] colby sheets > llool
[03:34:18] Dryfty > but really now, once the citations are issued, and the fines are paid, we can put this whole messy incident behind us
[03:34:26] Thermo Luminescence > Considering U blow up my teammate when I arrive, then blow me up?
[03:34:31] Thermo Luminescence > Your logic=Fail
[03:34:42] Dryfty > which was only possible because you fired on me.
[03:35:11] Dryfty > and quite honestly, based on the fittings of your Cruisers, I did you a favor
[03:35:24] Thermo Luminescence > Again your logic = Fail. Blocking procedues of POS known as Dryfty: Completed
[03:35:28] Thermo Luminescence > Have a nice day!
[03:35:39] Dryfty > please refer to EVE Commandment #2:  Thou Shall Not Failfit
[03:35:57] colby sheets > lol cn u sen me a rupture fit?
[03:36:46] Dryfty > another good days work completed.  Thank you for your compliance Onga Citizens
[03:36:51] Dryfty > fly safe o7

Attached Documents:  Copy of TEARS Citation #716897

Mr. Phredreich, Mr. Luminescence:

Pursuant to our earlier interaction, I am officially enclosing the aforementioned citation and requisite fine for TEARS Officer intervention. We hope that together with your cooperation we can keep areas like Onga safe for travelers and miners alike and must insist in the future that you use a properly licensed TEARS jetcan for your ore storage needs. Individual licenses may be purchased from myself or any TEARS representative for the nominal sum of 50,000 ISK. Please see details below for Corporation licensing.

Your prompt payment of this fine will conclude TEARS involvement in this case. Should you wish to appeal this citation, file a complaint, or request a quote for a Corporation Jetcan License: please contact SN CEO Aiden Mourn

Dutifully Yours,
Dryfty – Heimatar Region TEARS Representative

FORM #46183.A-C93 UNREGISTERED JETCAN CITATION
Issued by: TEAR EXTRACTION AND RECLAMATION SERVICE

Sector ID: 486BFG88499HG-3345-588FN
Jetcan Inventory: See Misc/Ref. Lading Log #6587-15

Operatives of TEARS Alliance, Subgroup: Suddenly Ninjas [YOINK] have issued a member of your Corporation a Citation for Failure to Properly Register an Unsecured Jetcan Residing in a Municipal Asteroid Belt per EDEN Municipal Code #46183.A in 1.0 System: Onga

Parties In Violation:
Phredreich
Thermo Luminescence

Infraction of EDEN Municipal Code #46183.A can incur a fine of up to 500,000.00 ISK, authorized destruction of vessel and resulting wreck salvage fees, not to exceed 20,000.00 ISK.

Registration Fee ………………………………………….. 250,000 ISK
Astrogation LIDAR Omission Penalty …………………………. 150,000 ISK
Debris Handling Fee……………………………………………………….. 50.000 ISK
Disposal Fee …………………………………………………………… 15,000 ISK
TEARS Licensed Destructable Jetcan…………………………….25,000 ISK
TEARS Officer Ammunition………………………………………….200,000 ISK
Assault of an Authorized TEARS Officer……………500,000 ISK
Fraternal Order of Salvagers Union Fund Contribution … 5,500 ISK

Total Assessment: 1,195,000 ISK

Please Remit Funds to TEARS – Spacelane Sanitation Division
Authorized Representative or your nearest TEARS Alliance Officer.
Failure to submit payment on this citation may prompt additional TEARS action and requisite sanctions.