Greetings again to you gentle reader.  In catching up on my colossal stack of paper I came across these reports that I’d yet to upload.  I do so now.

In exploring the Luminaire system, I came across Mr. Kraftdiner busily mining away in his Procurer mining barge.  Unfortunately, in clear violation of TEARS ordinance, into an unlicensed jetcan.  I proceed to impound his illegally stored ore into a TEARS Licensed Ore Receptacle, but no sooner had I moved the last of it than he steals it from the impound.  Of course there can only be one conclusion.  Or can there? Almost immediately his accomplice Killauea warps into the belt flying a Catalyst and engages me in my Big Bad Wolf.  He is quickly eaten.  Just when I think that this bloodbath is over, Kraftdiner receives a second nomination for a Darwin award by warping back into the belt in an Iteron…  30km from the ore he’s so desperate to reclaim.  Obviously the Darwin is a posthumous award.

Continuing in my patrols I came across Mr. ozzy812 mining from his Hulk into multiple jetcans.  I quickly moved 2 full containers of Solid Pyroxeres into TEARS Licensed Ore Receptacles, but caution was the better part of valor and ozzy took his Hulk and docked up.  Unwilling to leave such a large amount of debris in a municipal asteroid belt, I quickly destroyed it and turned in for the night, but not before issuing this citation:

Dear Sir or Madame:

This citation is a direct result of the use of an unlicensed jetcan in CONCORD space. As the authorized TEARS agent in the sector, I confiscated and impounded 55,000 m3 of Pyroxeres valued at roughly 4.5 million ISK that had been left floating in a municipal asteroid belt / warplane. This ore was transferred into two licensed TEARS containers awaiting pickup, but has since been abandoned. Please note that the offending ore has been destroyed as of 04:10 EVE standard time. Please see the attached citation for the fine due and instructions for remittance. Thank you.

Questions, comments, or complaints may be submitted to subgroup commander Aiden Mourn

Dryfty, Genesis Region TEARS Representative

FORM #46183.A-C93 UNREGISTERED JETCAN CITATION
Issued by: TEAR EXTRACTION AND RECLAMATION SERVICE

Sector ID: 486BFG88499HG-3345-588FN
Jetcan Inventory: See Misc/Ref. Lading Log #6587-15

Operatives of TEARS Alliance, Subgroup: Suddenly Ninjas [YOINK] have issued a member of your Corporation a Citation for Failure to Properly Register an Unsecured Jetcan Residing in a Municipal Asteroid Belt per EDEN Municipal Code #46183.A in 0.8 System: Pakhshi

Parties In Violation:
ozzy812

Infraction of EDEN Municipal Code #46183.A can incur a fine of up to 500,000.00 ISK, authorized destruction of vessel and resulting wreck salvage fees, not to exceed 20,000.00 ISK.

Registration Fee ………………………………………….. 250,000 ISK
Astrogation LIDAR Omission Penalty …………………………. 150,000 ISK
Debris Handling Fee……………………………………………………….. 50.000 ISK
Disposal Fee …………………………………………………………… 15,000 ISK
TEARS Licensed Destructable Jetcan x2…………………………….100,000 ISK
TEARS Officer Ammunition………………………………………….200,000 ISK
Fraternal Order of Salvagers Union Fund Contribution … 5,500 ISK

Total Assessment: 745,000 ISK

Please Remit Funds to TEARS – Spacelane Sanitation Division
Authorized Representative or your nearest TEARS Alliance Officer.
Failure to submit payment on this citation may prompt additional TEARS action and requisite sanctions.

The next morning I awoke and took to the stars once more, only to stumble upon Mr. ozzy812 yet again, and his poor mining practices had not improved overnight.  Once again securing a can of Solid Pyroxeres, this time ozzy decided to take back what he felt was his.  In an Orca. Without a tank or warp core stabilizers.  This led only to further disappointment. Here’s a copy of the broadcast:

[ 2010.09.10 00:20:10 ] ozzy812 > Dryfty your pissing mr off lol
[ 2010.09.10 00:22:08 ] Dryfty > Sorry sir, just doing my job. You really should use a properly licensed container if you’re going to leave ore lying around space
[ 2010.09.10 00:22:26 ] ozzy812 > lol its cool
[ 2010.09.10 00:25:43 ] ozzy812 > do yous guys get payment for that?
[ 2010.09.10 00:25:51 ] ozzy812 > its great
[ 2010.09.10 00:26:07 ] ozzy812 > i framed it
[ 2010.09.10 00:26:27 ] Dryfty > we make a meager salary sir, most of our income is provided from citations that we issue in the course of duty
[ 2010.09.10 00:26:51 ] Dryfty > and of course we accept donations from grateful citizens
[ 2010.09.10 00:28:34 ] ozzy812 > ok hang out ill give you 1
[ 2010.09.10 00:34:45 ] ozzy812 > no
[ 2010.09.10 00:34:55 ] ozzy812 > stop you will start a war
[ 2010.09.10 00:35:16 ] ozzy812 > i will give you ransom
[ 2010.09.10 00:35:20 ] Dryfty > I might be willing to overlook this infraction for 2/3 the hull value, I believe thats about 200m
[ 2010.09.10 00:35:39 ] ozzy812 > fine
[ 2010.09.10 00:35:57 ] ozzy812 > stop
[ 2010.09.10 00:36:04 ] ozzy812 > i need to get the isk
[ 2010.09.10 00:36:07 ] Dryfty > I dont see a deposit yet sir
[ 2010.09.10 00:36:32 ] ozzy812 > wait
[ 2010.09.10 00:36:36 ] ozzy812 > shit
[ 2010.09.10 00:36:38 ] Dryfty > you’re losing time sir
[ 2010.09.10 00:36:46 ] ozzy812 > iam working on it
[ 2010.09.10 00:37:12 ] Dryfty > very well, I can afford to give you a minute
[ 2010.09.10 00:38:10 ] Dryfty > times up sir
[ 2010.09.10 00:38:31 ] Dryfty > I imagine you have about 1min left
[ 2010.09.10 00:38:39 ] ozzy812 > all i have is 24 mil
[ 2010.09.10 00:40:26 ] ozzy812 > ok
[ 2010.09.10 00:40:56 ] Dryfty > thank you for utilizing TEARS spacelane debris removal services
[ 2010.09.10 00:41:31 ] Dryfty > you’ll receive a citation with my contact information attached shortly, and we ask that you not make this a habit
[ 2010.09.10 00:41:38 ] Sleevedace > nice orca bro
[ 2010.09.10 00:41:42 ] Ninjarider > dude your citations are garbage
[ 2010.09.10 00:41:48 ] Ninjarider > all your doing is coning people
[ 2010.09.10 00:41:51 ] Ninjarider > so shove it
[ 2010.09.10 00:42:15 ] Dryfty > just doing our job sir, no need for hostility
[ 2010.09.10 00:42:23 ] Dryfty > theft cannot be tolerated
[ 2010.09.10 00:42:27 ] Sleevedace > to protect the asteroids!
[ 2010.09.10 00:42:55 ] Ninjarider > no because your stealing from people to get them aggro
[ 2010.09.10 00:43:05 ] Dryfty > Mr. Ozzy still has an outstanding fine and citation from yesterday
[ 2010.09.10 00:43:13 ] Dryfty > this only compounded his crimes
[ 2010.09.10 00:43:39 ] Dryfty > for the time being, justice has been served, but we are ever vigilant
[ 2010.09.10 00:43:42 ] Ninjarider > well im puting a petition in with ccp so enjoy
[ 2010.09.10 00:43:54 ] Sleevedace > cool story bro
[ 2010.09.10 00:44:04 ] Dryfty > Im sure you’ll be just as satisfied with their response as you have been with my service
[ 2010.09.10 00:44:06 ] Dryfty > not very.
[ 2010.09.10 00:44:13 ] Dryfty > we’re professionals sir
[ 2010.09.10 00:44:41 ] Dryfty > Mr. Ozzy was given the opportunity to pay his fine and save that poor helpless Orca
[ 2010.09.10 00:44:56 ] Ninjarider > lol crimes against what
[ 2010.09.10 00:44:56 ] Dryfty > unfortunately he was trying to pull a fast one on a respected officer of the law
[ 2010.09.10 00:44:59 ] Ninjarider > you stealing from h im
[ 2010.09.10 00:45:09 ] Ninjarider > lol you dont play for the game
[ 2010.09.10 00:45:17 ] Ninjarider > you dont work for ccp you you have no “Law”
[ 2010.09.10 00:45:24 ] Dryfty > I was merely impounding the offending ore in a properly licensed container, for the protection of innocent travelers
[ 2010.09.10 00:45:49 ] Dryfty > once the fine had been paid, the property would have been moved to a secure location for immediate release to the offender
[ 2010.09.10 00:46:16 ] Dryfty > consider this a lesson
[ 2010.09.10 00:46:20 ] Dryfty > a very expensive one
[ 2010.09.10 00:46:25 ] Dryfty > and fly safe gentlemen
[ 2010.09.10 00:47:25 ] Dryfty > please do also be aware the TEARS officers conduct regular patrols through this sector, and your willful negligence has warranted placing your Corporation on our watch list
[ 2010.09.10 00:47:56 ] Ninjarider > … im scared…
[ 2010.09.10 00:48:23 ] Dryfty > not trying to frighten sir, just to advise you to be careful of your mining procedures in the future
[ 2010.09.10 00:48:42 ] Dryfty > nobody wants to collide with your unlicensed jetcan midwarp and turn into a fiery ball of death
[ 2010.09.10 00:48:58 ] Ninjarider > thats such a crock of crap
[ 2010.09.10 00:49:10 ] Dryfty > fiery balls of death are nothing to sneer at sir.
[ 2010.09.10 00:49:37 ] Ninjarider > like a jet can is going to do something versus an asteroid…
[ 2010.09.10 00:49:41 ] Ninjarider > your too full of yourself
[ 2010.09.10 00:49:42 ] ozzy812 > ya i know thats why your in high sec
[ 2010.09.10 00:49:44 ] Ninjarider > get a life
[ 2010.09.10 00:49:59 ] Dryfty > we don’t handle reports of asteroid molestation sir
[ 2010.09.10 00:50:11 ] Ninjarider > oh just you ripping people off
[ 2010.09.10 00:50:20 ] Dryfty > we’re here strictly to keep the spacelanes clean of volatile debris
[ 2010.09.10 00:50:35 ] ozzy812 > this guy is anel
[ 2010.09.10 00:50:43 ] Dryfty > you’re presenting collision hazards for unsuspecting warp travellers and we simply cannot abide that
[ 2010.09.10 00:51:18 ] Dryfty > I am curious sir
[ 2010.09.10 00:51:25 ] Dryfty > have you ever actually ridden a ninja?
[ 2010.09.10 00:51:37 ] Ninjarider > ho ride your hand
[ 2010.09.10 00:51:42 ] Ninjarider > go*
[ 2010.09.10 00:51:47 ] Dryfty > you’ll find we are wiry and difficult to keep a grip on
[ 2010.09.10 00:51:54 ] Dryfty > its part of being.. well… a ninja
[ 2010.09.10 00:52:06 ] Ninjarider > which is exactly what you are
[ 2010.09.10 00:52:08 ] Ninjarider > a theif
[ 2010.09.10 00:52:09 ] ozzy812 > i feel sorry for you  Dryfty sound like i lost aship but i think you lost your life to this game
[ 2010.09.10 00:52:31 ] ozzy812 > fly safe your in my book
[ 2010.09.10 00:52:35 ] Ninjarider > thats ok he has to con his isk from people since he cant play the game
[ 2010.09.10 00:52:50 ] Dryfty > if you should feel the need to continue your destructive behavior sir, we can arrage for you to lose many more if you persist in ignoring legally issued fines and citations
[ 2010.09.10 00:53:08 ] Ninjarider > get bent
[ 2010.09.10 00:53:19 ] ozzy812 > ya i know he’s a losser never see him in null
[ 2010.09.10 00:53:32 ] Sleevedace > You go to null…
[ 2010.09.10 00:53:34 ] Sleevedace > That’s.
[ 2010.09.10 00:53:35 ] Sleevedace > Amusing
[ 2010.09.10 00:53:38 ] Dryfty > win or lose, Im just doing my job sir
[ 2010.09.10 00:53:40 ] ozzy812 > iam sick of hanging out here anyway
[ 2010.09.10 00:53:48 ] Sleevedace > Cool story bro
[ 2010.09.10 00:54:09 ] Dryfty > then I wish you well, and encourage you to clean any remaining debris from your mining locations
[ 2010.09.10 00:54:38 ] ozzy812 > you one man you got this one
[ 2010.09.10 00:54:44 ] Dryfty > you’ll find that those in low and nullsec are even less tolerant of your sector squatting and littering than TEARS operatives are
[ 2010.09.10 00:55:46 ] Dryfty > if its any consolation
[ 2010.09.10 00:55:59 ] ozzy812 > please tell
[ 2010.09.10 00:56:12 ] Dryfty > theres a  Small Tractor Beam I here in the TEARS licensed jetcan that we seem to be out of room to transport
[ 2010.09.10 00:56:19 ] Dryfty > it may make a start in recovering your losses
[ 2010.09.10 00:56:25 ] Dryfty > 299 more of them
[ 2010.09.10 00:56:28 ] Dryfty > and you’ll break even
[ 2010.09.10 00:56:33 ] Dryfty > o7
[ 2010.09.10 00:57:24 ] ozzy812 > god you can add ta?
[ 2010.09.10 00:57:52 ] Dryfty > some rudimentary math skills are required of all TEARS officers
[ 2010.09.10 00:58:14 ] ozzy812 > yes
[ 2010.09.10 00:58:35 ] Dryfty > I do encourage you to remove this tractor beam from space at your earliest convenience
[ 2010.09.10 00:58:43 ] Dryfty > otherwise we’ll be forced to issue another citation
[ 2010.09.10 00:58:52 ] Tosted > haha do it …
[ 2010.09.10 00:58:58 ] Tosted > nothing is going to happen
[ 2010.09.10 00:59:43 ] Dryfty > the forms must be followed sir
[ 2010.09.10 00:59:49 ] Dryfty > if we allow the process to break down
[ 2010.09.10 00:59:54 ] Dryfty > then we are no better than animals
[ 2010.09.10 01:00:33 ] ozzy812 > you got that right
[ 2010.09.10 01:00:47 ] Dryfty > well, I AM in a Wolf sir
[ 2010.09.10 01:00:57 ] Dryfty > sorry, police humor, not everyone gets it
[ 2010.09.10 01:02:23 ] Dryfty > well, we’re moving forward with our patrols.  Farewell citizens.

After this exchange I patiently waited for the promised declaration of war, but so far it has not been forthcoming.  I am disappointed.  Of course I also sent an addendum to my original citation to ozzy812 and his Corp CEO, but no response or payment of fines have been forthcoming.