To conclude our trilogy of tales of the trials and tribulations of those unfortunate enough to incur the disapproving stare of TEARS, we look to an Alliance Executor by the name of Lyphar. This unfortunate pilot liked to write checks with his mouth that his Alliance couldn’t cash, and was bankrupted when TEARS came to collect.

Some of the TEARS “Caldari Crew” met up with Lyphar and his Corporation/Alliance in the systems surrounding Ruvas.  The bears were happily missioning away when they took umbrage to some of our noble operatives doing their part and cleaning up the deadspace behind them.  Of course after initiating hostilities, they were shown the error of their ways.

Much wailing and gnashing of teeth ensued on Oblivion United’s behalf, and they declared themselves to now be an “anti-ninja fleet” and set about to thwart our stalwart operatives in the execution of their duties.  They failed miserably.

Normally this would be the end, or near it, of a situation like this.  That is, had not some of our operatives taken a special liking to the tang of OU’s tears.  Within a matter of hours their primary Corporation, Oblivion Chaos Fleet, had been infiltrated and the true mission had begun.

Now we fast forward a couple of months.  It is time to act.  With the information provided by our spy within the ranks, TEARS declares bloody war on Oblivion United.  They think they have 24 hours of continued safety.  They think they have 24 hours before we can harm them.  How very wrong they are.

We know where they mission, where they mine, and where they have their low and highsec POS’s.  We also have the forcefield password.  A small TEARS strike team moves in with the assistance of the mole and liberates the contents of the Ship Maintenance Array, including a fully fit Orca that is helpful in the relocation of the rest of their assets.  In the end only a single Retriever escaped our grasp simply because we couldnt haul anymore.

I arrived on the scene after the heist was completed, on the trail of an OU pilot that had been spotted entering their lowsec territory.  Unfortunately he arrived at the POS before I could engage in my Jaguar, and a few of us proceeded to monitor the station from within taunting range.  Sadly this is where our first and only loss of the campaign occurred, as my Jaguar flew a little too close to the manually controlled POS guns.  Lesson learned gentle reader.. lesson learned.

All ships were safely transported back to Empire space to be sold, and the shedding of tears commenced. Try to contain your laughter gentle reader, as I relay to you some of the pearls of wisdom passed down from Lyphar to his acolytes.

Exhibit 1

WAR: MARSHAL LAW
From: Lyphar
Sent: 2010.12.05 07:12
To: Oblivion United,

At ease Gentlemen,
As of this point I am declaring marshal law. No one is to talk in alliance without director status. EVERYONE is to reply to this email with a limited API key and User ID for each of their accounts. EVERYONE’s status, ranks, titles, and such are suspended until the war is over. If you do not reply within 24hrs, you or your corp shall be expended from your corp or alliance. The ears are in the walls and we’re burning out the cockroaches with flamethrowers. This mandate is for you and your corporation’s general well being and properity.

Second. Everyone is to evacuate Ziona surrounding area. Move details will come after the 24hr period. No one is to engage, no one is to fly alone, no one is to mine, mission run, ect. EVERYONE is to read our tutorials page AND FOLLOW THE PVP COMMANDMENTS TO THE LETTER. http://griffin30007productions.com/obchf/tutorials.htm
I had a higher faith in your guys’ integrety. Thank you for proving that wrong (you know who you are).

More details to follow.

May our enemies perish in the holy fire of our lasers.
Lyphar
Admiral of Oblivion Chaos Fleet
Head of Oblivion United

Exhibit 2

WAR: Battle Plan
From: Lyphar
Sent: 2010.12.05 21:39
To: Oblivion United,

Hey guys,
API/UserID policy is put on hold for now. Everyone is to lie low for the first 48hrs of the war while the Alliance and Corp restructures. Please watch local playerlists for war targets, avoid major player hubs, move a couple combat ships out of Ziona, and place jump clones. No one is to be mission running or mining within the first 48 hrs and not after without carefully watching local and always being aligned. This war has horrible timing and we need to gather more intel as to what the enemy will actually be flying or putting into the war or if they will get bored and lax after 24hrs.
Once again please read my PvP Crash Course on our website, ESP. if this is your first war.
http://griffin30007productions.com/obchf/tutorials.htm

We will try to avoid placing any rules for alliance which do not help keep you guys safe and prepare us for this war as well as others. Fleets will be forming after the 48hr bunker time.
Victory for Oblivion United!
Lyphar
Admiral of Oblivion Chaos Fleet

Exhibit 3

WAR: MARSHAL LAW and New Policy
From: Lyphar
Sent: 2010.12.06 01:55
To: Oblivion Chaos Fleet,

As per our corp. I still expect everyone’s UserIDs and Limited API keys (https://www.eveonline.com/login.asp?r=%2F&t=%2Fapi%2Fdefault.asp%3F). These keys are not a temporary thing and are not to be changed. If they are changed, the new key is to be sent to myself within 24hrs. No exceptions.
No one shall have BPO access except high command.
No one shall have wallet or hanger access except high command.
This shall go into effect after the war. During the war Marshal Law is still in affect.
Everyone is to stay docked up for the next 48hrs while we restructure alliance and corp.
Again several corp members are theives and they know who they are.
Lyphar

Exhibit 4 – Compliments of Hefe Weizen

Intel on our new friends
From: Hefe Weizen
Sent: 2010.12.05 06:59
To:

Basic info:

Tear Extraction and Reclamation consists of 8 corporations. Most of those corporations probably aren’t going to be a problem, as a few of them are purely industrial.

They ARE NOT directly affiliated with the ongoing pirate action we have had in Ziona with Daff Punk and Death Incarnate INC. Any association between the two has to be under the table, so to speak.

The main corporate threat will be Suddenly Ninjas with 224 players and to a lesser degree, Ritual Suicide with 23 members.

Most likely ships used by hostiles are:

Rifter
Heron (for surveilance, they lose these alot)
Vigil
Hurricane

Most previous activity has occured in Minimitar, Caldari and Gallente space. I have not been able to find data for Ammar space in recent history. Although Suddenly Ninjas has appeared around here, they have had no kills.

CEO and Founder is

Tchell Dahhn
No active kill since April of 2009. Probably running an Alt now.
Her email and MSN account is [useless email redacted]

Their top hitters from Suddently Ninjas are. (Top 30 and with kills within the past week)

Arden Elenduil
Bladewise
Solomar Espersei
Ullus Demos
danjor2
Xa Fel
Michael Zign
Aiden Mourn
Cam Clarke
Rigby Jess
Tuomas Arturi
waagstrom
Galmarr
Sebulous
Skippermonkey
Dryfty <– I made the list \o/
Set Shwayo
Bass Indy
Dhazar
radonicon
Zavulon Sukkot
Natthias Sharl
Shale Kelevra
knight david
Scopique
Simen123
Lars Foolsbane
Soul Decayed
JordanParey
Nexus Havoc

Their website and forum, which is open to view is http://suddenlyninjas.net/forum.php, although at the moment they do have radio silence when it comes to actual fleet activity.

More information to follow

- Hefe

In the end, nothing really helped them. There may have been a few that escaped our attentions during the war, but I’ve yet to hear of any.

Two Corporations gave up the fight and dropped from the Alliance during the first few days of the war. Coming to the close of the first week I had a member of Tactical Operations Fleet Delta pinned into station in Youl for the better part of 2 days, and they finally struck up a conversation. After 30 minutes of talking they also dropped from the Alliance, and were followed by 2 other Corps within a matter of hours.

They’d been under the impression that the war was almost over, and things would soon be back to normal. I corrected that misconception for them, and there was more than a little animosity towards Lyphar for dragging them into this in the first place.

Within two hours, Oblivion Chaos Fleet stood alone. Well, except for the SIX one-man holding Corporations owned by Lyphar and held by his alts. Really? Once the wardec was officially extended for a second week, OBCHF didn’t start losing members… it started hemorrhaging members.

Now, 2 days later, Lyphar truly stands alone. The only pilots left in the Corp are him and his alts. He was offered a reasonable ransom and if he’d cared about his Corp/Alliance, he’d have swallowed his pride and paid it. This is how Alliances rise and fall, swinging on the ego of individuals. Welcome to New Eden gentle reader.

Welcome to part two of this miniature trilogy gentle reader. Here I will regale you with a harrowing tale of two miners, seven unlicensed containers of ore, two solar systems, and what happens when they meet yours truly.

Our two protagonists for this epic yarn go by the names Tru Warden and Brutalis Furia (I couldn’t make those up if I tried). I encountered this intrepid duo busily laying waste to asteroid after asteroid in another backwater system by the name of Gaknem. Now, this is a 0.6 system so there is no excuse for such sloppy mining practices as were displayed by these two. Brutalis is even the CEO of their tiny corporation. Sometimes corruption and willful ignorance of the law goes all the way to the top.

I was immediately intrigued when I noticed a Rokh, Hulk, and Caldari Shuttle on my scanner, along with two containers labeled with timestamps. Moving in to investigate, I immediately took corrective action by impounding the contents of the two illegal containers. Tru Warder fled the scene of the crime, heading for a local mining outpost while Mr. Furia continued to mine obliviously and I kept watch over the impounded ore and began my paperwork.

Shortly Tru Warder returned in a Mammoth and began to approach the impounded ore, but thought better of his planned theft and returned to station once more. By this time Brutalis has filled his cargohold but is obviously reluctant to pollute space further in the presence of a TEARS officer and sits idly.

At this time a message comes through from an uninvolved party that requires my immediate and undivided attention. Unable to continue to maintain the integrity of the impounded ore, and having had no communication from either offender, I make the appropriate notations on my paperwork and flag the ore for immediate disposal. I then dock for the next couple of hours to handle that intruding business.

Fear not gentle reader, our story does not stop here. After my other business was concluded I return to find both Tru Warder and Brutalis Furia gone from Gaknem. I have a gut feeling however that they have not learned their lesson from our earlier encounter, and sure enough I find them merely in the next system over continuing their ruinous roid rampage, while still jettisoning ore into illegal containers. Dismayed by their lack of cooperation with local authorities, I warp in to their belt to discover FIVE timestamped containers floating dangerously close to a municipal warplane.

I move to impound the first container which is full to capacity, when the below transmission shows up on the local broadcast channel. Through all this I continue to impound container after container while the two deviant miners stare dumbly and vent their frustrations via comms.

[ 2010.12.12 03:31:55 ] Tru Warder > Dryfty – we CAN’T fight you – if you’re just looking for a fight
[ 2010.12.12 03:32:05 ] Tru Warder > all you”re doing is being a PITA
[ 2010.12.12 03:32:31 ] Dryfty > just keeping the spacelanes clear of dangerous unlicensed jetcans sir
[ 2010.12.12 03:33:57 ] Tru Warder > I’d just as soon not have wasted several hours of gameplay, if you don’t mind
[ 2010.12.12 03:34:17 ] Dryfty > Im sorry sir, but your unsafe mining practices put lives at risk
[ 2010.12.12 03:34:20 ] Tru Warder > my strongest ship is a cormorant
[ 2010.12.12 03:34:32 ] Tru Warder > I don’t think that would constitute a fair fight, do you?
[ 2010.12.12 03:34:40 ] Brutalis Furia > Explain that one if you don’t mind
[ 2010.12.12 03:34:52 ] Tru Warder > him, or me?
[ 2010.12.12 03:34:57 ] Brutalis Furia > him
[ 2010.12.12 03:35:23 ] Dryfty > leaving improperly licensed jetcans in municipal warplanes are a severe collision hazard
[ 2010.12.12 03:35:35 ] Dryfty > part of our duties are to keep the warplanes clear of these obstacles
[ 2010.12.12 03:35:36 ] Tru Warder > uh-huh
[ 2010.12.12 03:36:02 ] Brutalis Furia > do you represent any sanctioned agency with apropriate juristiction over these maters
[ 2010.12.12 03:36:03 ] Tru Warder > I’ve bounced off STATIONS, never mind itsy-bitsy jetcans…
[ 2010.12.12 03:36:14 ] Tru Warder > *matters
[ 2010.12.12 03:36:18 ] Tru Warder > :)
[ 2010.12.12 03:36:25 ] Dryfty > TEARS Operatives are sanctioned by CONCORD itself
[ 2010.12.12 03:36:39 ] Tru Warder > uh-huh – and that’s why you turned RED?
[ 2010.12.12 03:36:46 ] Dryfty > you’ll both be receiving citations via evemail once my paperwork for the day is complete
[ 2010.12.12 03:36:57 ] Brutalis Furia > please show or link me to that relevant document
[ 2010.12.12 03:37:24 ] Dryfty > as I said, you’ll receive copies of my report with your citations once the days paperwork is complete. I only have two hands sir
[ 2010.12.12 03:37:39 ] Brutalis Furia > not acceptable
[ 2010.12.12 03:38:16 ] Dryfty > well, apparently thats just too damn bad sir.
[ 2010.12.12 03:38:29 ] Brutalis Furia > if you are impounding my property, i demand aprpriate paperwork on the matter
[ 2010.12.12 03:38:36 ] Dryfty > your non-compliance will be noted in my report
[ 2010.12.12 03:39:08 ] Dryfty > actually sir, because of your repeat offender status, the property has been reffered for proper disposal
[ 2010.12.12 03:39:46 ] Brutalis Furia > like the two cans you destroyed in gaknem? where was the prior offence that time?
[ 2010.12.12 03:39:46 ] Dryfty > you’ll notice that where there were 5 unlicensed jetcans, there are now only 2 to dispose of
[ 2010.12.12 03:40:26 ] Dryfty > actually, that was a matter of my attention being required elsewhere, and I couldnt trust you and your accomplice not to simply steal the impounded property
[ 2010.12.12 03:40:43 ] Dryfty > its really your own doing sir
[ 2010.12.12 03:41:13 ] Brutalis Furia > who is your superoir officer sir?
[ 2010.12.12 03:41:18 ] Dryfty > have no fear sir, Im almost done here
[ 2010.12.12 03:41:40 ] Dryfty > complaints are best referred to Aiden Mourn I suppose, that Im uncertain how anyone could have a complaint with the service Ive rendered
[ 2010.12.12 03:41:48 ] Dryfty > Aiden Mourn
[ 2010.12.12 03:41:49 ] Brutalis Furia > that matters not, i wish to file a complaint
[ 2010.12.12 03:44:01 ] Dryfty > I appreciate your attentiveness in this matter
[ 2010.12.12 03:44:05 ] Dryfty > and removing the last of the debris
[ 2010.12.12 03:44:21 ] Dryfty > unfortunately that can have no bearing in the issuance of my citations for your previous offences
[ 2010.12.12 03:44:49 ] Dryfty > should you decide to pursue this self-destructive criminal lifestyle
[ 2010.12.12 03:44:51 ] Tru Warder > you are an ass, sir
[ 2010.12.12 03:45:02 ] Dryfty > Im afraid further intervention will be necessary
[ 2010.12.12 03:45:17 ] Tru Warder > cry to Concord
[ 2010.12.12 03:46:07 ] Dryfty > apparently we have differing definitions of crying sir
[ 2010.12.12 03:46:12 ] Dryfty > Im simply doing my job

You may see from the log that Tru Warder finally decided that watching his ore being impounded was simply too much to bear and he proceeded to jump back to Gaknem for his trusty Mammoth that he was too afraid to employ earlier. This time he was a bit more successful as I had mere seconds remaining before my crew could jettison another impound container, and he managed to save a single container of ore from authorized disposal. As he managed to secure that amount of ore, I did not reflect it in the following citation as we must encourage these people to clean up after themselves. I was sincere in my appreciation for his belated assistance in keeping the spacelanes clear.

Mr. Tru Warder, Mr. Brutalis Furia:

Pursuant to our earlier interaction, I am officially enclosing the aforementioned citation and requisite fine for TEARS Officer intervention. We hope that together with your cooperation we can keep areas like Gaknem and Phoren safe for travelers and miners alike and must insist in the future that you use a properly licensed TEARS jetcan for your ore storage needs. Individual licenses may be purchased from myself or any TEARS representative for the nominal sum of 5,000,000 ISK. Please see details below for Corporation licensing.

Your prompt payment of this fine will conclude TEARS involvement in this case.

Dutifully Yours,
Dryfty – Tash-Murkon Region TEARS Representative

FORM #46183.A-C93 UNREGISTERED JETCAN CITATION
Issued by: TEAR EXTRACTION AND RECLAMATION SERVICE

Sector ID: 486BFG88499HG-3345-588FN
Jetcan Inventory: See Misc/Ref. Lading Log #6587-15

Operatives of TEARS Alliance, Subgroup: Suddenly Ninjas [YOINK] have issued a member(s) of your Corporation a Citation for Failure to Properly Register an Unsecured Jetcan Residing in a Municipal Asteroid Belt per EDEN Municipal Code #46183.A in 0.6 Systems: Gaknem and Phoren

Parties In Violation:
Tru Warder
Brutalis Furia

Infraction of EDEN Municipal Code #46183.A can incur a fine of up to 500,000.00 ISK per m3 of debris, authorized destruction of vessel and resulting wreck salvage fees, not to exceed 20,000,000.00 ISK.

Registration Fee ………………………………………….. 250,000 ISK
Astrogation LIDAR Omission Penalty …………………………. 150,000 ISK
Debris Handling Fee……………………………………………………….. 50.000 ISK
Disposal Fee …………………………………………………………… 1,000,000 ISK
TEARS Licensed Destructable Jetcan x6…………………………….2,200,000 ISK
TEARS Officer Ammunition………………………………………….200,000 ISK
Fraternal Order of Salvagers Union Fund Contribution … 5,500 ISK

Total Assessment: 3,855,500 ISK

Please Remit Funds to TEARS – Spacelane Sanitation Division
Authorized Representative or your nearest TEARS Alliance Officer.
Failure to submit payment on this citation may prompt additional TEARS action and requisite sanctions.

Resolution of this case is still pending. Past due notices are scheduled to be distributed in the next few hours.

Good evening gentle reader! Once again I pulled the weekend patrol, and encountered a variety of offenders. From the cooperative, to the belligerent, to the violent, all were dealt with appropriately and the corresponding paperwork filed in triplicate. I believe there is much to be learned from their experiences with this humble TEARS Operative, and so I share their three separate tales with you now.

We begin the reports with one “Dr Crippen“, who I believe is no real doctor at all though I’ve been unable to confirm this suspicion. The good doctor was busily mining away in a small backwater system in Tash-Murkon by the name of Iro. I was in the area patrolling for unlicensed jetcans in my Jaguar when I encountered his Retriever merrily mining away, but there were no cans to be found.

On my way to leave I noticed a pirate wreck that as yet lay unsalvaged so I checked the cargohold to discover a Civilian Shield Booster. Not having a salvager equipped presently, I could not properly remove all of the debris, but I did what little I could by taking care of that module and preparing to move on to inspect the next asteroid belt.

No sooner had I begun to align for warp, I found myself being targeted by the Retriever and a rather angry looking flight of Hornet I’s coming at me full speed. My training and instincts took over as I returned the target lock, engaged my warp scrambler, and burned towards the Retriever as fast as my afterburner would allow. As is my habit, I began targeting his drones in order to dispatch that threat first when I accidentally sent a volley of autocannon fire into the Retriever and was shocked to see his shields disappear completely along with a quarter of his armor. Quickly deciding that the drones were tougher than the ship, I dispatched the Retriever with two more successive volleys and the drones went inactive.

Dr Crippen warped his capsule off towards a station to presumably lick his wounds, and being in no particular hurry I took my time sifting through the wreckage of his Retriever and destroying what I was unable or unwilling to take with me.

One thing I’ve learned is that paying attention to your ships scanning instrumentation can pay off, and such was the case today. As I was warping off I noticed “Dr Crippen’s Drake” appear outside the station he’d warped to, so I proceeded to a neutral area of the system and turned my scanner on the asteroid belt I’d just left. I did not wait long before the Drake appeared in the belt and I engaged my warp drive.

Arriving in the belt I immediately lock him and again engage my warp scrambler and afterburner as he’s salvaging the wreck of his Retriever. Burning into a close orbit we begin exchanging fire and he deploys another flight of Hornet I’s. This time the Hornets are definitely the priority, so I systematically destroy them while maintaining my orbit around the Drake. My Jaguar is pelted by volley after volley of cruiser missiles, but they have practically no effect on my shields. On the other hand, my guns steadily break through first his shields, and then his armor. Once I begin firing on the exposed hull of the Drake I open a private channel to Dr Crippen and offer a reasonable ransom for the survival of the Drake, but I was rebuffed. Moments later the asteroids in the belt got their second fireworks show of the evening.

Almost instantly Dr Crippen realizes that he is now without a ship to fly, and proceeds to vent his frustration over the local broadcast channel:

[ 2010.12.12 01:26:11 ] Dr Crippen > what a ass hole
[ 2010.12.12 01:26:26 ] Dryfty > I offered a reasonable ransom, you declined.
[ 2010.12.12 01:27:10 ] Dr Crippen > some of us dont have that sort of isk pratt
[ 2010.12.12 01:27:26 ] Dryfty > it was less than the cost of replacing that Drake hull
[ 2010.12.12 01:27:30 ] Dryfty > *shrug*
[ 2010.12.12 01:27:46 ] Dr Crippen > thats why your a ass
[ 2010.12.12 01:28:27 ] Dryfty > your logic escapes me. Perhaps inhaling all that asteroid dust has affected your brain?
[ 2010.12.12 01:29:24 ] Dr Crippen > i said i had no isk do you not under stand cant give what you dont have that why your a ass
[ 2010.12.12 01:29:40 ] Dryfty > you being poor != me being an ass sir
[ 2010.12.12 01:30:19 ] Dryfty > I believe theres an ancient Chinese proverb that applies to this situation, and I think you may find it useful
[ 2010.12.12 01:30:26 ] Dryfty > “dont fly what you cant afford to lose”
[ 2010.12.12 01:30:33 ] Dryfty > you might have heard it before sir?
[ 2010.12.12 01:30:56 ] Dryfty > I expected higher intellect from a “Dr”
[ 2010.12.12 01:31:08 ] Dryfty > what are they teaching in doctor school these days?
[ 2010.12.12 01:31:24 ] Dr Crippen > ha ha ha this is not my main my main is dave starfly i would look out if i was you
[ 2010.12.12 01:31:47 ] Dryfty > Im terrified sir. If you’re as inept on your main, as you are on your alt, I quiver at the thought of it
[ 2010.12.12 01:32:09 ] Dryfty > so unless you give yourself a labotomy before logging into this pilot, I dont have much to fear
[ 2010.12.12 01:32:58 ] Dr Crippen > well look him up he in 00 at moment corp monro
[ 2010.12.12 01:33:35 ] Dryfty > looking now actually, still not impressed. But whatever makes you happy, makes me happy sir.
[ 2010.12.12 01:33:45 ] Dr Crippen > modro
[ 2010.12.12 01:33:59 ] Dryfty > the whole “Ill crush you with my main” is so 2005
[ 2010.12.12 01:35:20 ] Dryfty > Though I do thank you, you’ve topped off my Tear Capacitors quite nicely.
[ 2010.12.12 01:35:39 ] Dr Crippen > yes so is picking on people in high sec p off to low sec and have a go
[ 2010.12.12 01:35:56 ] Dryfty > You fired at me sir, just who is picking on who?
[ 2010.12.12 01:36:08 ] Dryfty > at least take responsibility for your actions
[ 2010.12.12 01:36:42 ] Dr Crippen > you stole from me
[ 2010.12.12 01:37:06 ] Dr Crippen > you whent red to me
[ 2010.12.12 01:37:14 ] Dryfty > I severely doubt you were going to actually take / use anything from that wreck.
[ 2010.12.12 01:37:39 ] Dryfty > just trying to keep the spacelanes clear of debris
[ 2010.12.12 01:37:52 ] Dr Crippen > when you are low on isk all helps get back in game
[ 2010.12.12 01:38:09 ] Dryfty > you’ll notice I allowed you to salvage the wreck of your Retriever, before blowing up your Drake. We all have to do our part
[ 2010.12.12 01:39:01 ] Dryfty > perhaps you should “get back into the game” in low/null sec. You’re obviously much more powerful there than here.
[ 2010.12.12 01:39:14 ] Dryfty > perhaps theres kryptonite in this solar system?
[ 2010.12.12 01:39:50 ] Dryfty > dont worry, 1 more minute and you can safely undock
[ 2010.12.12 01:40:00 ] Dr Crippen > why i have not done anyone any harm here unlike some people i could say
[ 2010.12.12 01:40:10 ] Dryfty > no need to fear me sir, and I hope this unfortunate incident doesnt get in the way of our friendship.
[ 2010.12.12 01:40:18 ] Dryfty > I feel a special bond growing between us
[ 2010.12.12 01:40:23 ] Dryfty > like we’ve known each other for years.
[ 2010.12.12 01:40:32 ] Dr Crippen > :-)
[ 2010.12.12 01:40:40 ] Dryfty > oh sorry, that was gas
[ 2010.12.12 01:40:41 ] Dr Crippen > lol
[ 2010.12.12 01:40:42 ] Dryfty > my mistake
[ 2010.12.12 01:41:05 ] Dryfty > well you enjoy the rest of your day sir, fly safe if you cant fly smart ;)

And so ends the Tale of Dryfty and Dr Crippen. Riveting.

Good evening gentle reader!  Another weekend is upon us at last, and I must say it was a busy week indeed.  Spacelanes were patrolled, numerous offenses were investigated, and even a few violators were…  well, violated.   While I had the good fortune to fly with some outstanding operatives, and bring a few criminals to justice, the most satisfying of these began with a somewhat overzealous and loudmouthed Rattlesnake pilot by the name of SovereignTM.

I was merrily making my way through quite the backlog of debris reports with the assistance of undercover operatives Clantyn and Slim Biggins, when I come upon aforementioned loudmouth in a deadspace simply littered with wrecks and other debris.  I of course did what I do best and began removing the offending debris from space, but something told me that the intrepid mission bear did not appreciate my efforts.

[ 2010.12.01 23:54:51 ] SovereignTM > Fag off my wrecks please
[ 2010.12.01 23:55:15 ] Dryfty > I dont see your name on them… oh wait. I do. Oh well
[ 2010.12.01 23:55:33 ] SovereignTM > No problem here, I’ll just pop them
[ 2010.12.01 23:55:46 ] Dryfty > then why so butthurt?
[ 2010.12.01 23:55:52 ] Dryfty > you guys make no sense
[ 2010.12.01 23:56:10 ] Slim Biggins > at least hes thinking about ways to keep the shipping lanes free of deadly space wrecks
[ 2010.12.01 23:56:12 ] SovereignTM > Not “butthurt” just think its a pathetic thing to do
[ 2010.12.01 23:56:37 ] Dryfty > then you should make a donation to the Fraternal Order of Salvagers so we dont have to steal wrecks to feed our families
[ 2010.12.01 23:56:57 ] Slim Biggins > lol
[ 2010.12.01 23:57:14 ] SovereignTM > Or you could just try doing missions yourself
[ 2010.12.01 23:57:28 ] Dryfty > much easier to let you do them for me
[ 2010.12.01 23:57:35 ] Dryfty > its all about efficiency
[ 2010.12.01 23:57:56 ] SovereignTM > Well pretty flippers won’t get anything from me
[ 2010.12.01 23:58:07 ] SovereignTM > Rather pop my wrecks than let people like you have them ^^
[ 2010.12.01 23:58:11 ] Dryfty > and what is a “pretty flipper” I may ask?
[ 2010.12.01 23:58:21 ] Dryfty > a type of dolphin?
[ 2010.12.01 23:58:40 ] SovereignTM > I meant petty actually, my bad
[ 2010.12.01 23:59:17 ] Augum > apologies for ninja’ing your wrecks, but am skint and must raise some funds without the cash to fund a new ship
[ 2010.12.02 00:00:46 ] Dryfty > dont apologize, 90% of these tossers leave them floating in space. They only get butthurt when someone else comes along to get something out of it
[ 2010.12.02 00:01:09 ] SovereignTM > Some of us can afford a Noctis to salvage ourselves
[ 2010.12.02 00:01:30 ] Dryfty > *looks around, doesnt see a Noctis, continues salvaging*

During the course of this exchange I of course continue to salvage wrecks and secure the contents of their cargoholds. First he tries to deter me by shooting the wrecks, but knowing he will just quit if I were to leave and our first duty as TEARS operatives being spacelane safety, I carry on and then double back to the previous pockets to clear up any wrecks I might have missed in my rush to clear the largest obstructions first.

I finish the previous pockets and rejoin the offender who this time decides to target my salvage ship as I continue cleaning up after him. Once caught up I decide to return to station to make some room in my cargohold and then pop over to Dodixie to do a little shopping.

Once my short trip to Dodixie is finished I return to Agra and notice our offender crying out yet again for attention in Local.

[ 2010.12.02 00:22:51 ] SovereignTM > Was it something I said? :)
[ 2010.12.02 00:23:51 ] SovereignTM > Or maybe I scared the little flipper
[ 2010.12.02 00:23:54 ] SovereignTM > Could be it
[ 2010.12.02 00:24:12 ] Dryfty > actually, I took all the Larges and moved on, but Ill be glad to come back shortly
[ 2010.12.02 00:24:38 ] SovereignTM > Unless you want my Rattlesnake up your arse you’d better not ^^
[ 2010.12.02 00:24:55 ] Dryfty > awww now thats no way to make friends and influence people
[ 2010.12.02 00:25:23 ] SovereignTM > Neither if flipping really
[ 2010.12.02 00:26:30 ] Dryfty > I think you also need to lookup the definition of “flipping”, that suggests that Im actually leaving something, which I dont
[ 2010.12.02 00:27:17 ] SovereignTM > I’m not quite sad enough to look up the EVE slang dictionary but the day I am I’ll let you know
[ 2010.12.02 00:29:52 ] Dryfty > well there’s a difference between learning enough to not sound like a retard, and being “sad”
[ 2010.12.02 00:30:16 ] SoraXIII > ^ +1
[ 2010.12.02 00:30:51 ] SovereignTM > Then clearly you need to look up the definition of retard
[ 2010.12.02 00:31:07 ] Dryfty > I did, thats how I ended up in your mission
[ 2010.12.02 00:31:14 ] SoraXIII > you people and your definitions
[ 2010.12.02 00:31:25 ] Slim Biggins > its pronounced ruh tard
[ 2010.12.02 00:31:30 ] SovereignTM > And for someone who uses the term butthurt your hardly one to call me on proper use of grammar
[ 2010.12.02 00:31:31 ] SoraXIII > ^^
[ 2010.12.02 00:32:06 ] Slim Biggins > thats not a word?> shit i use that all the time
[ 2010.12.02 00:33:25 ] SovereignTM > Well its not but I was just pointing out its a pretty bad insult
[ 2010.12.02 00:33:44 ] Dryfty > it would be if it were an insult… its more a “state of mind”
[ 2010.12.02 00:33:53 ] Slim Biggins > ^^
[ 2010.12.02 00:34:03 ] Slim Biggins > i cant really call someone a butthurt now can i?
[ 2010.12.02 00:34:57 ] SovereignTM > I didn’t say that, your still using it as an insult, but you are only a flipper so, what more can be expected
[ 2010.12.02 00:35:09 ] Slim Biggins > whats a flipper?
[ 2010.12.02 00:35:49 ] Slim Biggins > is that like the flappers of years past?
[ 2010.12.02 00:36:45 ] SovereignTM > Heh look at him go, earning his pennies :)
[ 2010.12.02 00:37:50 ] Slim Biggins > just remember pennies add up
[ 2010.12.02 00:38:06 ] TriKamRed > -.-
[ 2010.12.02 00:38:25 ] Ustrello > awww..
[ 2010.12.02 00:38:29 ] SovereignTM > And the little flipper flys away
[ 2010.12.02 00:38:41 ] Dryfty > well I cant tank the mission for you forever
[ 2010.12.02 00:38:43 ] Ustrello > hit the second gate like three times
[ 2010.12.02 00:39:05 ] SovereignTM > Not my fault if you stupidly piss off a group is it :L
[ 2010.12.02 00:39:40 ] Dryfty > still 21 Armor Plates richer, so I count it as a win
[ 2010.12.02 00:40:12 ] Slim Biggins > i still like the tripped power circuits
[ 2010.12.02 00:40:24 ] Ustrello > surely you cant be serious dry
[ 2010.12.02 00:40:24 ] Dryfty > 70 of those \o/
[ 2010.12.02 00:40:34 ] Slim Biggins > i find they drop more than plates
[ 2010.12.02 00:41:16 ] SovereignTM > Lol if thats what motivates you to play everyday your a very lonely person Dry :)
[ 2010.12.02 00:43:30 ] Slim Biggins > what motivates you to play sov?
[ 2010.12.02 00:43:47 ] Slim Biggins > i have to say salvaging is much more interesting than mining
[ 2010.12.02 00:44:00 ] Slim Biggins > to me that is the most mind numbing task ever
[ 2010.12.02 00:44:03 ] Dryfty > meh
[ 2010.12.02 00:44:09 ] Dryfty > I am disappoint.
[ 2010.12.02 00:44:11 ] Ustrello > can i make it in time
[ 2010.12.02 00:44:14 ] Ustrello > dun dun dun dun
[ 2010.12.02 00:44:40 ] Ustrello > weeeeeeeeeee

The latter portion of the above log is where it starts to get interesting. I warped back to the Rattlesnake and continued where I’d left off, salvaging what he’d killed (and not shot, just as I suspected). I soon noticed a Hurricane appear on scan, but wasn’t terribly concerned as we were 4 gates into Angel’s Extravaganza, so I knew I had a bit of time. I simply kept a respectable distance from the warpin, which wasn’t hard as the Rattler had moved 50km off and his wrecks followed. Soon enough the valiant White Knight™ Ustrello appears on grid some 40km away and quickly targets my Vigil. Being somewhat familiar with the Hurricane myself (see my collected works for references), I quickly determine that he’s carrying only short range weaponry so I primarily concern myself with staying well out of point range while I determine just how big a mistake our hero is going to make.

Here their Corporation has about 8 minutes left in which to destroy my ship for taking their hard-won salvage, and I have a Rattlesnake and Hurricane targeting me but unwilling to pull the trigger… or so it would seem. To nudge them in the proper direction, I align to station from a vector that puts me on a slow approach towards the Hurricane who has been burning towards me since entering the pocket. As I align I disable my afterburner and just barely keep myself at 30km, outside T2 Disruptor range if he doesn’t overheat. My hunch was correct and I remained unpointed. The “can I make it in time?” question in Local was asked as I began to align, so I had a good feeling about my chances of getting shot at.

Suddenly Success.

He deploys a flight of Warrior II’s and sends them in, firing a hopeful volley from his autocannons as the drones near their range. I wait for the Drones to score a first volley on my shields before warping out to be certain of the effect. This all happens in the course of 3-4 seconds and the Rattlesnake did not fire. Oh well, sometimes you have to settle for bringing in the little fish to keep from starving, even if it means spooking the big fish.

Remember there are 3 members of this Corporation in system now gentle reader, and one has committed a violent act upon my ship and my person. As I queue up the pod transfer from my Vigil to my Hurricane in station, I notice Ustrello docking. My heart sinks at once, just knowing that I’ve lost the opportunity to bring this particular criminal to justice, only to soar moments later when he undocks and I receive notice from Clantyn and Slim that he’s sitting outside the station in the undocking lane along with another Corpmate in a Hurricane.

Finally sitting in my own Hurricane, I decide to wait out the 6 minutes left on their Corporate timer and engage Ustrello once his friends are unable to assist. I realize the possibility of the other Hurricane pilot having Logistic modules fit, so I have some assistance of my own on standby in the form of Slim’s Exequror. Slim does his part by keeping them distracted in Local, and Clantyn brings out a Kestrel and begins bumping Ustrello away from the station. I’m taking one shot at this arrest, and I detest playing station games.

I time my undock to coincide with the expiration of the Corp timer in the hope of catching the other Hurricane with a CONCORDOKKEN, and quickly lock Ustrello, deploy drones, and engage. I slam on the warp disruptor and stasis web to prevent any attempt at escape, and quickly burn into a close orbit laying into his shields with volley after volley. I’m surprised he doesn’t already have his own drones out, and my fingers hover over the targeting console waiting to lock them once they deploy, but I’m left waiting. In fact, as I break his shields and start drilling rounds into the ships armor, I notice that I haven’t even been targeted yet.

Ustrello finally wakes up, targets me, and returns fire as he hits approximately 85% armor and out come his own drones. At first my instinct is to neutralize the opposing Warrior II’s, but I focus on the Hurricane and continue melting it where it lay. I experience a brief flash of panic as my own shields dissipate in 4-5 volleys before realizing that this is an armor tanked Hurricane that I simply haven’t flown in some time. It doesn’t even have T2 guns.

Occupants of the Agrallarier Astral Mining Inc. Refinery were treated to quite the fireworks show as Ustrello’s Hurricane went up in glorious flames.

Here’s the logs of where he realizes what’s happening, and Corpmate BlackTalon07 just sits and watches his friend take it.

[ 2010.12.02 00:53:46 ] Ustrello > opps
[ 2010.12.02 00:53:49 ] Ustrello > scaredd me
[ 2010.12.02 00:54:02 ] BlackTalon07 > lol i shit myself a little
[ 2010.12.02 00:54:06 ] BlackTalon07 > jk lol
[ 2010.12.02 00:54:11 ] Ustrello > damn targeting…
[ 2010.12.02 00:54:57 ] Ustrello > oh noes
[ 2010.12.02 00:55:08 ] BlackTalon07 > damn…
[ 2010.12.02 00:55:12 ] Dryfty > gf
[ 2010.12.02 00:55:14 ] Slim Biggins > surprise!
[ 2010.12.02 00:55:17 ] Ustrello > hehe wasent paying attention
[ 2010.12.02 00:55:37 ] Slim Biggins > you scared me ust i wasnt either
[ 2010.12.02 00:55:47 ] Slim Biggins > i saw the fight and figured you were mean so the other guy gets the reps
[ 2010.12.02 00:55:49 ] Ustrello > station lied to me saying its a not a kick out
[ 2010.12.02 00:56:10 ] Slim Biggins > see what happens when you dont tell people whats going on :)
[ 2010.12.02 00:56:16 ] Ustrello > eh idc
[ 2010.12.02 00:56:18 ] Ustrello > its a game
[ 2010.12.02 00:56:25 ] Clantyn > \o/
[ 2010.12.02 00:56:30 ] Dryfty > either way, gf man :D
[ 2010.12.02 00:56:35 ] Ustrello > not really lol
[ 2010.12.02 00:56:40 ] Ustrello > wasent paying attentipon
[ 2010.12.02 00:56:41 ] Slim Biggins > stickem up?
[ 2010.12.02 00:56:47 ] Ustrello > attention
[ 2010.12.02 00:56:55 ] Slim Biggins > lols
[ 2010.12.02 00:56:59 ] SovereignTM > Neut repping is also considered faggy
[ 2010.12.02 00:56:59 ] Ustrello > by the time i switched targets i was dead
[ 2010.12.02 00:57:07 ] Ustrello > /emote shurgs
[ 2010.12.02 00:57:10 ] Slim Biggins > but legal
[ 2010.12.02 00:57:13 ] Ustrello > shurgs?
[ 2010.12.02 00:57:15 ] Slim Biggins > and to the victors go the spoils
[ 2010.12.02 00:57:37 ] Dryfty > honestly I didnt need the reps, had a pretty good headstart
[ 2010.12.02 00:57:43 ] Ustrello > lol yeah you did
[ 2010.12.02 00:57:59 ] Ustrello > would of been interesting if you didnt have the nuet rep and we both started the same
[ 2010.12.02 00:58:06 ] SovereignTM > Surprising you can fly anything other than your little Vigil really
[ 2010.12.02 00:58:14 ] Dryfty > we’re just full of surprises
[ 2010.12.02 00:58:40 ] Slim Biggins > the battle vigil will not be talked about like that
[ 2010.12.02 00:58:46 ] Ustrello > the one time i forgot my ecm drones
[ 2010.12.02 00:58:47 ] Ustrello > lol
[ 2010.12.02 00:58:48 ] Slim Biggins > it is a noble garbage collection vessel
[ 2010.12.02 00:58:49 ] Ustrello > could of helped
[ 2010.12.02 00:59:17 ] SovereignTM > Heh well another example of not fighting fair
[ 2010.12.02 00:59:29 ] Dryfty > alls fair in love and internet spaceships

An example has been made gentle reader, and another criminal has learned that there are consequences for every action. Standing against law, order, and TEARS has harsh and immediate repercussions my friends, so fly smart and stand alongside us.