This was an important day in my piloting career, for it was a day of firsts. The first “first” if you will, was a bittersweet affair indeed. I came upon a new pilot by the name of Miss Cupiditas mining Omber in the second asteroid belt surrounding Balle IV and at once I sensed that something was amiss. Upon closer inspection of the situation via my navcom, I realized that our intrepid miner was in fact offloading the ore from the cargohold of her Navitas into an unanchored Giant Secure Container. Granting that Balle is a 0.5 security rated system, there is simply no excuse for this type of unsafe practice.

Being the stickler that I am for the proper handling and maintenance of cargo and cargo containers, I took it as my civic duty to step in and educate Miss Cupiditas to the dangerous situation she was creating not only for herself, but other pilots passing through the vicinity.  They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and an extension of this proverb could easily be “You don’t know what you have until it’s gone.”.  This was the lesson that I hoped to impart to our young miner by first moving the ore from the unanchored container, into a licensed TEARS Ore Containment Unit for it’s safety and hers while I explained the dangers of her methods.

No sooner had I secured the Omber, than Miss Cupiditas aligned her Navitas towards the local Center for Advanced Studies and engaged her warp drives, leaving me spinning from the backwash of her thrusters.  Surely she wouldn’t just abandon her hard won assets without at least hearing me out?  This, gentle readers, is where my story takes a turn for the worse.  No sooner had I begun trying to establish a comlink with the Navitas (only to be told by the computer that it was no longer online), than Miss Cupiditas comes back into the asteroid belt in a Catalyst, targets me, and opens fire!

Not certain of how to respond, and being the natural pacifist that I am, I first thought of simply leaving her to her wayward mining practices and escaping before anymore damage could be done to my stalwart Rifter “Hurp”.  I considered this of course, but the sheer brutality of her aggression disturbed me greatly, and I knew then and there that I could not allow her to leave unchastened.  What unfortunate pilot might she come upon next with her careless mining and trigger happy ways?  I settled into a close orbit knowing that the Catalyst would surely begin tearing through my meager shields and into the somewhat tougher underbelly of my armor.  With the flick of two switches I engaged my warp scrambler and 200mm Light Prototype Automatic Cannons and began to pray.  Soon enough it became apparent that I had little to fear from the Catalyst as none but the first volley managed to even scratch my shields.  Then, Suddenly Fireworks!

So I must finally thank you Miss Cupiditas, for on your first day in New Eden, you became my first kill.  I’ll never forget you.  Here is the invoice submitted to her for my services, and a special thanks to Mr. Set Shwayo for use of his excellent template that enabled me to submit the paperwork in a timely manner.

Bill for Services Rendered: Case #73285
From: Dryfty
Sent: 2010.07.28 19:37
To: Miss Cupiditas,

Miss Cupiditas,

Thank you for engaging the services of your local TEARS representatives for your spacelane cleanup, and cannister education needs.

I was very pleased with the overall success of today’s encounter and hope to be of service in the future. Please find below the invoice for the TEARS services rendered.

- Dryfty, Balle System TEARS Representative

FORM #23512-Z-4u7720 UNSECURED CONTAINER CITATION
Issued by: TEAR EXTRACTION AND RECLAMATION SERVICE

Sector ID: 486BFG88499HG-3345-588FN
Debris Field Inventory: See Misc/Ref. Lading Log #4589-54

Operatives of TEARS Alliance, Subgroup: Suddenly Ninjas [YOINK] have issued a Citation for Failure to Properly Anchor a Secured Cargo Container Residing in a Municipal Asteroid Belt per EDEN Municipal Code #234.678z

Party In Violation:  Miss Cupiditas

Infraction of EDEN Municipal Code #234.678z can incur a fine of up to 2,000,000.00 ISK, authorized destruction of vessel and resulting wreck salvage fees, not to exceed 20,000.00 ISK.

Registration Fee ………………………………………….. 250,000 ISK
Cargo Container Anchoring Review…………………………….100,000 ISK
Astrogation LIDAR Omission Penalty …………………………. 150,000 ISK
Debris Hauling Fee……………………………………………………….. 50.000 ISK
Disposal Fee …………………………………………………………… 5,000 ISK
Fraternal Order of Salvagers Union Fund Contribution … 5,500 ISK
Total Assessment: 560,000 ISK

Please Remit Funds to TEARS – SpaceLane Traffic Authority Division
Authorized Representative or your nearest TEARS Alliance Officer.

In the event that this citation is not paid and offending cargo removed within the current 15 minute timer interval, TEARS Operatives are authorized to employ Level III Advanced Citation Protocol 2345-2. This protocol can include additional fines, destruction of cargo, and including destruction of vessel.

Oh, but I’m not yet done gentle reader!  For did I not say that this was a day of firsts? As in more than one? Indeed I did!  While continuing to meander around Balle later that very same cycle I became aware of a “Planetary Launch Container” on my navcom.  With my curiosity peaked, and nothing better to do at the moment, I decided to investigate!  Finally narrowing the range and angle of my scan, I plotted it on my system chart directly ahead give or take 5 degrees, at a rough distance of 12,000km.  That’s quite a jaunt, but I quickly returned to the local station and bought a Vigil along with a couple of Capacitor Rechargers that I knew would come in handy, and also fitted it with a brand new microwarp drive that I had laying around my hangar.  Thus scantily clad I returned to the location I’d spotted the container and began moving in that direction at a rate of 3662 m/s.  Needless to say this was no quick journey,  but I maintained my focus and eventually I was rewarded as the elusive container popped onto my overview grid.

As I approached the container I felt a sense of giddiness at the unknown aspect of this discovery, but also at the impending reward for my perseverance.  I pulled the container into my hold and as the cargobay pressurized the hiss of the locks releasing was music to my ears.  I eagerly watched the monitor to see what was inside, and imagine my surprise when it turned out to be….

261 x Precious Metal

Oi.  Not only was it practically worthless, and of limited quantity, but it belonged to someone else!  Inside the container I noticed a datacore that simply displayed the words

“Property of Kwazio, Center for Advanced Studies”

Now I really faced a quandry!  Should I simply sell the items for what meager profits I may? But what of the owner? He would certainly soon arrive at the location where his container should be located only to find empty space.  Not having a giant secure container of my own to either replace the items or at least leave him a message, I decided to return to station with the goods and ponder a solution there.  After much thought I finally had it!  I would simply contract the items back to the original owner for the fair market value (only to cover the expenses I incurred by safely hauling his goods to the station rather than leaving them floating in space) of 96.00 Thousand isk.  I then mailed Mr. Kwazio to inform him of what had transpired and how he could go about recovering his merchandise.

All in all it was a good day…  but now that I think about it…  Did I put 96.00 Thousand, or Million on that contract?  I suppose only time will tell… But here is the letter submitted to Mr. Kwazio letting him know of the efforts I went to on his behalf.

Re: Planetary Launch Container
From: Dryfty
Sent: 2010.07.29 01:37
To: Kwazio,

Mr. Kwazio,

I had the occasion to come across a Planetary Launch Container that I believe belongs to you. Noticing that it seemed to be nearing expiration I took it upon myself to gather the contents and create a private contract to you for the amount I’d have receiving selling them at the Balle station of 96.00 Thousand isk.

Precious Metals x 261

Im glad to be able to return these items to you, but I can’t stress enough the importance of collecting your Planetary Interaction products in a timely manner. It’s mere chance that I was the one to find them as opposed to someone who’d have just taken the money and run.

Fly Safe \o
- Dryfty

The “war” continues, and I use the term “war” lightly as it is assuredly one-sided playing hide and seek with The 0rphanage, though hiding is what ninjas do best…  besides yoinking from the ever present bear population of New Eden.  Having come down with a moderate case of the pod flu over the last few cycles I’ve remained docked up, studiously hitting the books to expand my skillset while I wait for the fever, chills, and the seemingly never-ending goo emissions to… well, end.  Taking stock of my current assets and their locations, I find myself looking into additional sources of revenue that aren’t quite so taxing on my weakened state.  I have a few likely candidates in mind and will fire up my trusty Peekabo and Payload this evening and see what I can uncover.

As is my habit, I keep a close watch on the publications of my fellow TEARS pilots and have been inspired by their deeds.  Thus I will be attempting to broaden my horizons in an effort to both increase the size of my wallet, and provide many more tears for your consumption.  I do it all for you gentle readers.

It is with great sadness, gentle readers, that I must inform you of the war that has been declared on our merry band of space janitors and purveyors of all things shiny.  Those dastardly ne’er do wells at The 0rphanage have declared war on we Sultans of Spacelane Sanitation™, and while normally I would relish the opportunity to test my mettle against such a purportedly fine group of pilots, the Broke Ass Ninja is currently at his brokest.  Because of this unprecedented degree of broke-ness, I will likely be sitting out the majority of this war and using the time to catch up on some seriously overdue paperwork, reviewing pending and outstanding citations, and furthering my studies in Advanced Capsuleering.

It really is quite unfortunate that such simple misunderstandings can so easily become the catalyst for the deaths of countless billions as the resulting wars engulf system after system.  All the while the real instigators sit idly by, playing with themselves through the exceedingly deep pockets that only a true sleuth of bears could possess.  This underhanded act of third party aggression sends a clear and powerful message!  We are obviously not making enough of an impact in our daily patrols of the spacelanes and will have to increase our efforts accordingly.

The bears hope that this war will distract us from our true purpose, the maintenance of the dark highways of New Eden.  They wish to see the gradual breakdown of interstellar commerce as warpgates are hidden beneath floating clouds of debris, the thousands of wrecks created and abandoned daily by bear after countless bear.  They laugh their little bear laughs as they watch hapless traders, haulers, and freighters speed towards a fiery doom as containers slowly clog the warplanes, crowding out even the most nimble of shuttles.  All the while, the Stalwart Saviors of Space™ are being harassed, even HUNTED by the bear governments hired 0rphan muscle.

What can you do gentle readers, to stem the tide of destruction that rapidly rolls its way across the transportation channels of New Eden?  Take up your Salvagers my brethren, fit them proudly in the high mounts of your ships, and GO FORTH leaving nothing behind.  It is no longer simply enough to remove the largest and heaviest of these hazards to preserve our right of unhindered transit.  I say unto YOU gentle readers, to STAND UP, SALVAGE, LOOT, and LEAVE NOTHING BEHIND. If you can’t take it with you, BLOW IT UP.  We must be more aggressive than ever in keeping the spacelanes clear, for to stop now would be to admit defeat.

Today I find myself drifting among the planets and asteroid belts of the lovely Agrallarier system searching for ever needful isk (I AM the Broke Ass Ninja am I not?).  I’m a fair jaunt from my usual stomping grounds in and around Oichiya, but I have only myself to blame for this.  Lately I’ve been looking longingly at the few isk remaining in my wallet, trying to conceive of some ingenious method to increase the local isk population.  To this end, I have begun to dabble slightly in the mysterious art of “Trading”.  So far, I’ve managed to make a few million here and a few million there, but not consistently, and for the most part I have no idea what I’m doing.  But I soldier on!

So here I am in Agrallarier, flying my trusty hauler “Fuggernaut” returning from a failed 14 jump trade attempt.   Some other lucky entrepreneur claimed the ridiculously cheap buy order before I could load the cargo into my own hold and thus I was returning to Oichiya empty-handed.  Glancing at my navigational computer I happen to notice my proximity to Agra and the handful of ships that I (pay out the nose to) dock there for just such occasions when I chance to be in the neighborhood.  I quickly alter my destination and make the 4 jumps towards what I hope will turn out to be a bit of excitement, and profit, in an otherwise unremarkable day.  How right I turned out to be!

Once I’m FINALLY tractored into my hangar(these thrice-damned dockhands get slower every cycle.  If I didn’t know better I’d swear the Gallente Dockworkers Union was PURPOSELY exposing fine upstanding capsuleers like myself to the hazards that are constantly drawn to orbital stations like the Astral Mining Inc. Refinery!) I look around to assess the condition of my girls.  My Probe, the semi-stealthy “Peekabo” who always knows just how to find what I’m looking for, even when I sometimes don’t know myself is looking as lovely as the day she was pulled from the scrapheap and expertly refurbished.  A Rifter simply named “Hurp” sits under the next dust cover waiting for a systems check and lap around the regional asteroid belts looking for unlicensed jetcan miners to cite and report to command.  Finally my trusty Vigil “Payload”.  Payload’s been with me a long time, in fact I’ve taken to naming all my Vigil’s payload like some large, genealogically confused family, only differentiated by the roughly drawn ancient Roman numerals on the hull.  This is Payload Mk V, one of my earlier creations but still steadfast and serviceable.  I double check her fittings to make sure everything is in order, then return to the loading bay and wait while those damned GDU lackwits prep my little Peekabo for launch.

Once we’re finally out of the confines of the station, Peekabo seems to take on a life of her own, leaping effortlessly into warp towards our favorite safe spot to see what we can see.  Lately Agrallarier has been quite the busy little system.  Since those bureaucratic bastards in the government finally decided to open up planetary resources to the miners and other care…”industrialists” a month or so ago, they’ve been flocking to Agra like corpseworms to a …  well…  corpse.  Whatever the draw, Peekabo doesn’t let me down, quickly using her scanner to locate and lock a half-dozen potential clients in a matter of mere seconds.

I quickly warp back to the Astral station and dock up (FAR TOO SLOWLY YOU POXIED SONS OF HANGAR RATS!…  My apologies gentle readers, for these continued outburts.  It really is quite unseemly to let my frustrations gain the upper hand, but if you only understood just how INFURIATING IT IS TO BE FLOATING IN LIMBO WAITING FOR SOME STOOP BACKED ACADEMY DROPOUT TO PUSH TWO BUTTONS AND TOW ME TO MY HANGAR!)

Ok.  Breathe. In… Out… In… Out…  Now, as I was saying, I as-quickly-as-possible-given-the-circumstances docked up and patiently waited as my pod was removed from Peekabo and Payload was towed into the launch position.  Once my pod was securely in place, I barely waited for the layabout dockhands to get clear before punching the throttle to full and feeling the station fall away from beneath me.  I was off.

My first hit was a Navy Issue Megathron, but as I entered the mission perimeter there was nary a soul to be seen.  What there was to see however, were dozens of gleaming wrecks floating in space.  They beckoned to me.  I became enthralled by the flashes of light bouncing off the twisted metal from the nearby sun.  Without further hesitation I engaged my micro warp drive and went to work.  Somewhat disheartened that there were no fair maidens to rescue today, I reminded myself that what I was doing now was still a very important service for the safety of the people of Agrallarier. Clean space lanes are safe space lanes!

No sooner had I finished cleaning up the debris from the second large wreck, did another ship warp into the area.  Checking his hull and pilot identification against the computer, I determined this to be the creator of this hazard.  I momentarily considered issuing this pilot a citation, but a small voice in the back of my head stayed my hand.  Identifying the ship as a Cormorant, I reached the conclusion that he was on a similar task to the one I was currently engaged in, so I exercised my discretion and allowed him to continue unmolested.  Little did I know that he didn’t have the same intentions for me, as he immediately plotted an intercept course and approached as quickly as his big tub of a ship would allow.  I could’ve easily outrun him, but my innate curiosity took hold and I continued moving from wreck to wreck.  Suddenly alarms started going off in my cockpit! I’d been targeted!  Hovering over the warp console I waited.  And waited. And waited.  Finally determining that this was only a scare tactic and that there was no true threat, I continued cleaning up the last of the wrecks and proceeded back to station to unload.

Barely giving anymore thought to the incident in the debris field, I was surprised to see the following come over broadcast, but of course I would respond…

[ 2010.07.20 01:04:28 ] Captain Leinax > Dryfty ven ven
[ 2010.07.20 01:05:04 ] Dryfty > I’m sorry, I dont speak whatever it is you’re speaking.  Might I humbly implore you to use English?
[ 2010.07.20 01:05:29 ] Captain Leinax > me to kill you ven ven
[ 2010.07.20 01:05:41 ] Dryfty > is “ven ven” some sort of adjective?
[ 2010.07.20 01:05:55 ] Dryfty > or exclamation?
[ 2010.07.20 01:06:03 ] Captain Leinax > comon comon
[ 2010.07.20 01:06:29 ] Dryfty > and for the record my friend, you had a perfect chance that you didn’t take while I was gathering all the juicy morsels from those wrecks
[ 2010.07.20 01:06:49 ] Dryfty > so you really have nobody to blame but yourself for your careless space littering
[ 2010.07.20 01:06:51 ] Captain Leinax > me da igual lo que digas te voy a matar por ninja
[ 2010.07.20 01:07:25 ] Dryfty > a wise man once said “English Motherfucker.  Do you speak it?”  I’d like to shake that mans hand.
[ 2010.07.20 01:07:55 ] PrincessLeiaOrgana > rofl
[ 2010.07.20 01:08:09 ] PrincessLeiaOrgana > these past few comments have made my day lol
[ 2010.07.20 01:08:38 ] Dryfty > happy to oblige someone :D
[ 2010.07.20 01:08:42 ] Silas Cooper > lol
[ 2010.07.20 01:08:50 ] PrincessLeiaOrgana > besides yourself?
[ 2010.07.20 01:08:58 ] Dryfty > if only I knew what my grammatically impaired compadre was asking for
[ 2010.07.20 01:09:05 ] PrincessLeiaOrgana > aye
[ 2010.07.20 01:09:12 ] Dryfty > maybe with a series of grunts, farts, and hand gestures?
[ 2010.07.20 01:09:22 ] Pugzz > ven ven = friend friend
[ 2010.07.20 01:09:29 ] Dryfty > Pugzz, thanks!
[ 2010.07.20 01:09:30 ] Pugzz > i guess he just needs to type it twice
[ 2010.07.20 01:09:31 ] PrincessLeiaOrgana > well thats fantastic hah
[ 2010.07.20 01:09:35 ] Pugzz > lol
[ 2010.07.20 01:09:43 ] Dryfty > in that
[ 2010.07.20 01:09:45 ] Dryfty > case.
[ 2010.07.20 01:09:51 ] Pugzz > thank god for google
[ 2010.07.20 01:09:58 ] Dryfty > Captain…  will you be this lonely capsuleers BFF?
[ 2010.07.20 01:09:58 ] PrincessLeiaOrgana > rofl yup
[ 2010.07.20 01:10:01 ] Dryfty > por favor?
[ 2010.07.20 01:10:03 ] lPrincesslEVE > pugzz ven ven
[ 2010.07.20 01:10:15 ] Pugzz > \o/ those could be real war decing word.. ven ven
[ 2010.07.20 01:10:16 ] Dryfty > I make an excellent BFF
[ 2010.07.20 01:10:23 ] Captain Leinax > gonna kill for ninja  Dryfty
[ 2010.07.20 01:10:31 ] lPrincesslEVE > ven ven
[ 2010.07.20 01:10:39 ] Pugzz > then kill him
[ 2010.07.20 01:10:48 ] Dryfty > yellow boxes don’t kill, you have to actually pull the trigger
[ 2010.07.20 01:11:06 ] Dryfty > kinda like driving, its the pedal on the RIGHT
[ 2010.07.20 01:12:02 ] Captain Leinax > come here noob, youre flagged Dryfty
[ 2010.07.20 01:12:27 ] PrincessLeiaOrgana > jeeez, captain is scaring me
[ 2010.07.20 01:12:36 ] lPrincesslEVE > captain means business
[ 2010.07.20 01:12:39 ] PrincessLeiaOrgana > im calling cops
[ 2010.07.20 01:12:41 ] Astaroth > captain is gonna die :S
[ 2010.07.20 01:12:49 ] PrincessLeiaOrgana > lols
[ 2010.07.20 01:13:08 ] Pugzz > PrincessLeiaOrgana  meet us at the “blue oyster bar” we can talk about the Minmatar Gay Rights League application u put in
[ 2010.07.20 01:13:09 ] Astaroth > dryfty is prolly a front for 10x ppl that will jump in on im when he opens fire

During the course of this exchange I’m obviously contacting any fellow Ninjas, of the Suddenly variety for any assistance they might render as my only combat worthy ship in the area is my patrol Rifter. Unfortunately I’ve not yet completed my certification course for the use of Tech 2 projectile weapons, so I doubted she would be up to the task of taking down a Navy Issue Megathron, which I felt certain Captain Leinax was flying.  The valiant pilots Zavulon Sukkot, Kiritsubo, and Ejidun were quickly en route to assist, but alas our antagonist had vanished from the system.  The search was on.  Finally we intercepted him coming back via the Auvergne jumpgate, but either kill rights had expired or something else had prevented my Fleetmates from gaining CONCORD sanction to melt his ship, and on top of this insult he was still flying the Cormorant!  Slightly disheartened, but anxious to further my combat training I went back and spent the rest of the cycle doing what I do best: cleaning up after others.  All was not lost though, for I believe I made a lasting impression on the young Captain Leinox.  This was later confirmed via this notification:

Captain Leinax has set their standing to terrible towards you.
“for ninja”

Alas that I can’t part as friends with those who don’t understand the value of the services we provide.  Fly safe gentle readers o/.

So there I was busily scanning away in Oichiya looking for those elusive bears, when I stumble across a Raven who’s just launched an assault against some sort of intergalactic brothel!  After determining that the ships he destroyed were worthless for salvage, and the modules they carried I wouldnt fit on an Ibis, I settled in to wait and see what rewards his efforts might bring… and to whom.

I sat at ~43km from the Pleasure Hub he was assaulting and as it went up in a glorious ball of flame and debris, I engaged my trusty Micro Warp Drive and made a dive-bombing run for the remaining container from which I could faintly hear moans of despair.  But behold! TWO containers, and our stalwart bear is in the process of tractor beaming one into his cargohold.  My gut tells me that that was not the container from which I heard the anguished cries of distress, so onward I push to retrieve the other forgotten, floating canister.  And lo, but what do I find as I release the pressure locks once the container is firmly secured aboard my trusty Vigil?  A fair Damsel!  Obviously overjoyed at her fortuitous rescue, she flung herself into my arms and bid me take her away from this hellish place.  It was with great reluctance, and much wailing and gnashing of teeth on her part, that once safely docked I sent out a general broadcast in an attempt to locate our hero in order to reunite him with his true love.

Of course no good deed must go unrewarded, and the fair lady insist that I accept a token of her beloveds esteem before she would part from my company.  I truly was grateful for this, as I incurred significant expenses on this mission of rescue and was beginning to wonder how I would be able to continue serving the Greater Good™.

This gentle reader, is where our story of chivalry and daring do breaks down.  Our hero, one Orin Leo, had the AUDACITY to be ungrateful for my assistance!  After several fair minded attempts on my part to reach an equitable reward for my services, Mr. Leo stormed off to parts unknown, leaving the fair Damsel in my capable care.

For your consideration, those that are still reading, I present our discourse:

Local:

[02:30:18] Orin Leo > asshole
[02:30:35] Chris Ross > whos an asshole dude?#
[02:30:38] Dryfty > WTS  The Damsel  25m
[02:30:46] Atra Lupus > rofl
[02:30:56] Klapen > lolz
[02:30:59] Pullo Bishop > LMAO
[02:31:05] Ralorne Seffre > i saw that contract last night, lol’d irl
[02:31:06] Atra Lupus > blackmail him
[02:31:21] Cbpress > /emote golf claps
[02:31:26] Dryfty > she wont last long gents, step right up
[02:31:30] Dryfty > get one of your very own
[02:31:46] Dryfty > she cooks, she cleans, she does unspeakable things
[02:32:03] Orin Leo > i dunno why people get a kick out of being dickheads
[02:32:19] Iciandori > Dont give the bottomfeeder the satisfaction drop the mission
[02:32:34] Orin Leo > no i’m not losing standinds, i’ll petition it
[02:32:34] Dryfty > tell you what Orin, since you seem like such a swell guy, Ill contract it to you for an even 20m, thats a 5 MILLION ISK SAVINGS
[02:32:49] Atra Lupus > ghaha
[02:32:56] Orin Leo > lick my nuts i wouldn’t give you an acorn for that damsel
[02:33:18] Plainace > pine cone maybe ?
[02:33:29] Daniel Kaiser > Or an orange!
[02:33:39] AlexTheTerrible > ahahaha
[02:33:41] Dryfty > enjoy your standing loss then mate :D
[02:33:41] Daniel Kaiser > Lotsa oranges her ein florida… can’t give em away
[02:33:42] AlexTheTerrible > >petition it
[02:33:45] Dryfty > contracts up if you change your mind
[02:33:48] AlexTheTerrible > enjoy your standings loss
[02:33:49] Plainace > dude, orange > damsel
[02:33:52] Dryfty > even private just for you
[02:34:01] Pullo Bishop > Wow….I gave up that Bitch for cheep last night…..Should have demanded more….
[02:34:03] Pullo Bishop > :(
[02:34:39] Klapen > awwww u poor little thing
[02:34:44] Klapen > here here
[02:34:49] Dryfty > its unfortunate, but this is what comes of leaving helpless women floating in space in an unsecured container =/
[02:34:55] Klapen > ha
[02:34:57] Dryfty > Chivalry truly is dead in Oichiya
[02:35:03] Dryfty > /emote hangs head
[02:35:11] Klapen > just oichiya?
[02:35:12] Chris Ross > shes dead, you mean we a necrophiliacs?
[02:35:16] Dofla Lither > no it’s not
[02:35:21] Pullo Bishop > First come first serve….And guess where the line starts :)
[02:36:41] Dryfty > Orin should be happy that I was there to assist, otherwise she might’ve suffocated or something the rate he was moving to the rescue
[02:37:20] Klapen > ……
[02:37:22] Daniel Kaiser > And petitioning won’t do anything… it’s part of the game
[02:37:42] Daniel Kaiser > it’s an exploit yes, but it’s part of the game that people do often.
[02:37:55] Atra Lupus > why exploit?
[02:38:07] Atra Lupus > since it’s a part of the game
[02:38:08] Dryfty > I believe the term you’re seaching for is “game mechanic”
[02:38:23] Dryfty > internet spaceships best spaceships
[02:39:06] Iciandori > its a an adaptation of game mechanics that the Suddenly Ninja Corp uses to grief other players
[02:39:23] Iciandori > Once you know about it you just refuse to play their game
[02:39:46] Versoth > why not just warp out when a ninja shows up?
[02:39:51] Atra Lupus > well since someone got you’re mission item, you should play his game hehe
[02:40:02] Iciandori > nah abandon mission
[02:40:08] Versoth > or just run the mish tomorrow?
[02:40:13] Atra Lupus > lol ok great
[02:40:32] Iciandori > does the structure respawn?
[02:40:34] Atra Lupus > enjoin the standing loss
[02:40:36] Iciandori > Never tried that
[02:40:40] Atra Lupus > no
[02:40:42] Atra Lupus > ofc
[02:43:09] Dryfty > unfortunately my friend Orin rejected my generous offer, so once again The Damsel is available on public contract.  Fly safe o7

Private Conversation initiated by me:

[02:51:07] Dryfty > \o there
[02:51:17] Dryfty > Im afraid we mightve gotten off on the wrong foot
[02:51:17] Orin Leo > whats up
[02:51:58] Dryfty > while it IS fortunate that I was around to assist you, I cant help but sense some hostility from your corner
[02:52:29] Dryfty > I’d like to make peace between us, and allow you to complete your mission, for the most reasonable sum of 17.5m isk
[02:53:21] Orin Leo > you and i both know you’ll never sell that for 25mil so, in the worst way possible, go fuck yourself
[02:53:29] Orin Leo > oh by the way, i already got a damsel
[02:53:46] Orin Leo > i petitioned it and already received a damsel
[02:54:05] Dryfty > well congratulations!  Im glad you were able to safely rescue one before she asphyxiated
[02:54:35] Dryfty > next time you really might want to consider being a little more prompt with your rescue mission
[02:54:44] Dryfty > or I could forsee this kind of thing happening again =/
[02:54:48] Orin Leo > i was actually but there was 2 cans
[02:54:53] Orin Leo > i choose the wrong one
[02:54:56] Dryfty > I may not always be there to bail you out
[02:55:05] Dryfty > but damnnit I WILL TRY!
[02:55:09] Dryfty > fly safe o7

Finally, after his disturbing Monty Pythonesque reply of “I’ve already got one!”, I decided to seek wisdom from the powers that be, whom he claims assisted him in this most repulsive act of human trafficking:

Good Evening!  I’m in a bit of a quandry, as a I recently assisted a sloth-like mission runner with safely securing a Damsel in Distress.  Back at the station over a round of beers I kindly offered to exchange her in return for a nominal fee to cover my expenses accrued in dashing to her rescue (quite dashingly I might add!).

Unfortunately at this time my good will was spat upon and I was informed that I was being ‘petitioned’.  For the sake of maintaining a positive working relationship with said mission runner, I issued a private contract in his name for an equitable exchange of this fair Damsel, yet once more my gesture was rejected.

Mere minutes later I try for one last time to bring my dear friend Orin Leo to his senses only to be rebuffed with the claim that he’d already found ANOTHER fair Damsel!

So my question to you good folks of CCP, is whether in fact you do reward such ingratitude in your citizens by simply giving them what they have scorned receiving fairly from the hands of others?

TLDR:  If a mission item is obtained and offered back to the mission runner for a ransom, is it your policy to supply a replacement even though they have the means to reasonably acquire the original mission item?

Originally Published @ Suddenly Ninjas 7/14/10