Good evening gentle reader! You may have noticed the lack of recent entries, and if so do not despair. My services have been required in other capacities than the usual spacelane patrols and as such I’ve not been afforded the material or opportunity to record. I do have a milestone, and a brief cautionary tale to share with you, so please lend me your ears for a moment more.

The milestone I spoke of was the first time I’d been called to oversee a summary execution in the service of TEARS. For reasons unknown to a simple patrol officer like myself, one “MORBSTAR” and his private Corporation “THE BLACK HAND OF DEATH” drew the ire of the powers that be this past week and lo, war was declared. Determined to bring this blatant criminal to justice for his unspecified crimes, I set a course for my nearest locator agent who informed me that the target was currently somewhere in the Uedama solar system. I knew from my research the types of ships he was likely to be flying so I fit out a nasty looking Wolf and set a course for justice.

Arriving in Uedama I was pleased to see him still in system, so I headed towards the first asteroid belt on my overview to see if I could catch him in space (he hadn’t been docked when the locator report came in). I didn’t see him in the first belt, but I did see wrecks and cargo containers left strewn amongst the veldspar and I grinned in anticipation. Moving to the next belt down, imagine my glee when I see something flashy and red appear on my overview! MORBSTAR is engaging two pirate frigates in his Republic Fleet Firetail as I land on grid some 26 kilometers away. My particular Wolf fitting utilizes a short range warp scrambler so I overheat it and my propulsion module in the hope of catching before he gets away.

He never pauses from his current battle to address the MUCH greater threat that was bearing down on him. In short order I have him locked down and begin mercilessly pounding his Firetail while he…. continues to shoot the pirates? In a mere handful of volleys his ship explodes. Being somewhat disappointed that the battle was over so soon, I decide to try for another round and try to point his capsule before it can get away, knowing that it’s almost certainly a futile effort. Or is it?

Mr. MORBSTAR’s criminal record was updated to include 3 additional counts of Engaging in Combat while on Autopilot, 2 counts of Carebearing During Time of War, and 1 count of Negligent Capsuleering. Guilty verdict passed, sentence carried out. Fly safer than MORBSTAR gentle reader.

Good evening gentle reader, it’s been quite the eventful weekend shift here are TEARS patrol HQ in Agrallarier.  The most recent offender is quickly making his way up the food chain towards “habitual offender”.  Bear with me (no pun intended) as I lay out his many transgressions for you gentle reader, and I will step back and let him be judged additionally by the court of public opinion.

It was a relatively quiet afternoon, and a slow evening until I happened upon one “bullfart1” (yes, that’s actually his name…) happily slaughtering Serpentis employees and not bothering to clean up the moderate mess he was leaving behind.  I say moderate, because there appeared to not be a single battleship class vessel in the entire deadspace, so cleanup fortunately doesnt take me near as long.  On the third wreck he recalls his drones and warps off towards the station, leaving me to complete my job in relative peace as the remaining Serpentis’ are more concerned about saving their own hides than tanning mine.  That was until I received the following incoming transmission from bullfart1 (really, this name should be the first offense on the guys permanent record.):

[ 2011.01.23 06:01:33 ] Dryfty > yes?
[ 2011.01.23 06:01:57 ] bullfart1 > yeah would you mind leaving hte area
[ 2011.01.23 06:02:13 ] Dryfty > sorry, but theres still salvage that needs to be secured
[ 2011.01.23 06:02:19 ] Dryfty > Ill be done shortly though I assure you
[ 2011.01.23 06:02:25 ] bullfart1 > and it’s my slavage
[ 2011.01.23 06:02:36 ] Dryfty > as its in my cargohold, I believe its actually mine
[ 2011.01.23 06:02:38 ] bullfart1 > so fuck off
[ 2011.01.23 06:02:42 ] Dryfty > your salvage is in your hold sir
[ 2011.01.23 06:02:55 ] Dryfty > I really cant be blamed for your inefficiency
[ 2011.01.23 06:03:33 ] bullfart1 > either way fuck off
[ 2011.01.23 06:03:48 ] Dryfty > Im fine thanks, and I really dont appreciate your lack of manners
[ 2011.01.23 06:04:03 ] Dryfty > you could at least say “please fuck off”
[ 2011.01.23 06:04:06 ] bullfart1 > coming from the theif
[ 2011.01.23 06:04:37 ] Dryfty > we prefer to think of it as “spacelane sanitation”

At this time he returned to the mission, targeted my frigate, and opened fire. I kept the lines of communication open in an attempt to lull him into complacency, which was either successful or completely unnecessary. I continue the chatter as I warp back to station to spare my ship more of the ineffectual beating from his railguns and swap for a ship with a few more teeth: 425mm teeth.

[ 2011.01.23 06:05:07 ] Dryfty > well I suppose thats a bit more convincing than “fuck off”
[ 2011.01.23 06:05:10 ] Dryfty > its all yours
[ 2011.01.23 06:05:27 ] bullfart1 > next time think before my guns do the talking
[ 2011.01.23 06:05:34 ] Dryfty > roger that
[ 2011.01.23 06:06:17 ] bullfart1 > all i want to do is my mission and salvage after, so if isn’t an abandoned wreck then don’t touch it
[ 2011.01.23 06:07:14 ] Dryfty > an understandable request, there are many who arent as conscientious as you though
[ 2011.01.23 06:07:20 ] Dryfty > and that makes for very dirty space
[ 2011.01.23 06:08:06 ] bullfart1 > only in your mind, in mine it’s makes for a prfitable day

Oh dear. He sounds like he might have the makings of a TEARS officer, if only he weren’t so damn stupid. I’m now warping back in my trusty, and toothy, Cynabal and am dismayed when I arrive 48km from the Megathron. Knowing he’ll see the doom swooping down on him and head for the station I overheat my afterburner (still need to do further experimentation with the newly enable Micro Warp Drives before they’re ready for patrol duty) and warp disruptor hoping to hook him before he can leave. As it turns out, yet another completely unfounded worry as he didn’t even try to budge. It’s admirable when someones that confident, or clueless, about their ability to withstand a TEARS style arrest. I settle into a close orbit under the already pitiful firing solution offered by his railguns (he’d engaged me on my head-on approach and with 2 volleys only managed to remove 1% shields) and begin pelting him with Republic Fleet Fusion ammunition while deploying my Warrior II’s for good measure. His response?

[ 2011.01.23 06:09:03 ] bullfart1 > leave me alone

That’s right. Let’s take one more look at that just to be sure we’re all seeing it properly.. perhaps with more emphasis as I like to imagine him screaming it all alone in his cockpit

[ 2011.01.23 06:09:03 ] bullfart1 > leave me alone

What kind of man am I that can ignore such a potent warning and plea? I don’t know gentle reader, but it scares me deep inside, making me worry about the monster that could even now be lurking just beneath the surface of this mild-mannered and dedicated law enforcement official. That is a topic for another day however. Now to continue with the conversation, and it gets better:

[ 2011.01.23 06:09:20 ] Dryfty > Im sorry, but you did intiate hostilities against me sir
[ 2011.01.23 06:09:30 ] Dryfty > you’ve wounded my ship and my pride
[ 2011.01.23 06:09:33 ] bullfart1 > and now i am leaving

OH REALLY? For a moment I wondered if perhaps he knew something I didn’t and had taken the opportunity in station to fit a warp core stabilizer. Turns out he’s just an idiot, and after 20 seconds or so of him madly mashing the Align button on his console we continue our conversation.

[ 2011.01.23 06:09:53 ] bullfart1 > so you have to ba dick about it
[ 2011.01.23 06:10:18 ] Dryfty > Ive been nothing but polite sir
[ 2011.01.23 06:10:22 ] bullfart1 > all i gave you was warning shot
[ 2011.01.23 06:10:47 ] Dryfty > well you could consider this a warning shot, I would be willing to put all this behind us for say 40mil?
[ 2011.01.23 06:10:54 ] Dryfty > much cheaper than the alternative
[ 2011.01.23 06:11:08 ] Dryfty > Ill eve give you a minute
[ 2011.01.23 06:11:10 ] bullfart1 > says you if i had the isk\
[ 2011.01.23 06:11:19 ] Dryfty > thats unfortunate
[ 2011.01.23 06:11:29 ] Dryfty > its such a nice looking ship

I thought perhaps he didn’t want to discourse with me anymore, since he left the comm channel as his Megathron exploded in all it’s terribly fit glory. After securing the contents of the wreck, I decided to be charitable and let him know that I’d neglected to abscond with the tremendously heavy Cap Booster 800 charges he had been carrying.

Loot
From: Dryfty
Sent: 2011.01.23 06:13
To: bullfart1,

I left you the Cap Boosters, but thanks for the rest.

---

go fuck yourself
From: bullfart1
Sent: 2011.01.23 06:15
To: Dryfty,

how about you go fuck yourself, in my world people like you do not deserve to live, should i ever find in life i will be make sure that holds true

---

Re: go fuck yourself
From: Dryfty
Sent: 2011.01.23 06:16
To: bullfart1

Now you’ve carried your rudeness into real life threats. Im sorry sir, but thats unacceptable and will be duly reported to CCP. Also, you should be THANKING for blowing up that monstrosity you call a ship. Cheap armor plate, cheap hardeners, but no armor reps? But you fit Cap 800s and a Large Shield Booster? Wtf were you thinking?

I’ve just rendered a public service taking that out of space, really I should be sending you a bill.

---

loot this
From: bullfart1
Sent: 2011.01.23 06:16
To: Dryfty,

you couldn’t even be respectful, there was no damage to your ship and you were stealing my salvage in the first place, you have no honour and no concept of pride or respect

I’m really at a loss for words by this point gentle reader, but unlike our aggressor I manage to scrape together a few coherent sentences (really, I think he was so angry he may have literally gone retarded by the end of those mails. Note how his ability to communicate is distorted by extreme levels of unfocused rage.) and escalated these threats to my superiors within CONCORD. Here is a copy of that communication and their most timely response:

Name: bullfart1
Report:

After firing on my ship, and subsequently getting blown up by me, this player resorted to threatening to kill me in real life.

“how about you go fuck yourself, in my world people like you do not deserve to live, should i ever find in life i will be make sure that holds true”

You can find his EVEmail in my Inbox for your inspection. I appreciate your attention to this matter.

---

Hi,

<REDACTED SECRETS>

Best regards,
GM Zhainius
EVE Online Customer Support

Oops.

To conclude our trilogy of tales of the trials and tribulations of those unfortunate enough to incur the disapproving stare of TEARS, we look to an Alliance Executor by the name of Lyphar. This unfortunate pilot liked to write checks with his mouth that his Alliance couldn’t cash, and was bankrupted when TEARS came to collect.

Some of the TEARS “Caldari Crew” met up with Lyphar and his Corporation/Alliance in the systems surrounding Ruvas.  The bears were happily missioning away when they took umbrage to some of our noble operatives doing their part and cleaning up the deadspace behind them.  Of course after initiating hostilities, they were shown the error of their ways.

Much wailing and gnashing of teeth ensued on Oblivion United’s behalf, and they declared themselves to now be an “anti-ninja fleet” and set about to thwart our stalwart operatives in the execution of their duties.  They failed miserably.

Normally this would be the end, or near it, of a situation like this.  That is, had not some of our operatives taken a special liking to the tang of OU’s tears.  Within a matter of hours their primary Corporation, Oblivion Chaos Fleet, had been infiltrated and the true mission had begun.

Now we fast forward a couple of months.  It is time to act.  With the information provided by our spy within the ranks, TEARS declares bloody war on Oblivion United.  They think they have 24 hours of continued safety.  They think they have 24 hours before we can harm them.  How very wrong they are.

We know where they mission, where they mine, and where they have their low and highsec POS’s.  We also have the forcefield password.  A small TEARS strike team moves in with the assistance of the mole and liberates the contents of the Ship Maintenance Array, including a fully fit Orca that is helpful in the relocation of the rest of their assets.  In the end only a single Retriever escaped our grasp simply because we couldnt haul anymore.

I arrived on the scene after the heist was completed, on the trail of an OU pilot that had been spotted entering their lowsec territory.  Unfortunately he arrived at the POS before I could engage in my Jaguar, and a few of us proceeded to monitor the station from within taunting range.  Sadly this is where our first and only loss of the campaign occurred, as my Jaguar flew a little too close to the manually controlled POS guns.  Lesson learned gentle reader.. lesson learned.

All ships were safely transported back to Empire space to be sold, and the shedding of tears commenced. Try to contain your laughter gentle reader, as I relay to you some of the pearls of wisdom passed down from Lyphar to his acolytes.

Exhibit 1

WAR: MARSHAL LAW
From: Lyphar
Sent: 2010.12.05 07:12
To: Oblivion United,

At ease Gentlemen,
As of this point I am declaring marshal law. No one is to talk in alliance without director status. EVERYONE is to reply to this email with a limited API key and User ID for each of their accounts. EVERYONE’s status, ranks, titles, and such are suspended until the war is over. If you do not reply within 24hrs, you or your corp shall be expended from your corp or alliance. The ears are in the walls and we’re burning out the cockroaches with flamethrowers. This mandate is for you and your corporation’s general well being and properity.

Second. Everyone is to evacuate Ziona surrounding area. Move details will come after the 24hr period. No one is to engage, no one is to fly alone, no one is to mine, mission run, ect. EVERYONE is to read our tutorials page AND FOLLOW THE PVP COMMANDMENTS TO THE LETTER. http://griffin30007productions.com/obchf/tutorials.htm
I had a higher faith in your guys’ integrety. Thank you for proving that wrong (you know who you are).

More details to follow.

May our enemies perish in the holy fire of our lasers.
Lyphar
Admiral of Oblivion Chaos Fleet
Head of Oblivion United

Exhibit 2

WAR: Battle Plan
From: Lyphar
Sent: 2010.12.05 21:39
To: Oblivion United,

Hey guys,
API/UserID policy is put on hold for now. Everyone is to lie low for the first 48hrs of the war while the Alliance and Corp restructures. Please watch local playerlists for war targets, avoid major player hubs, move a couple combat ships out of Ziona, and place jump clones. No one is to be mission running or mining within the first 48 hrs and not after without carefully watching local and always being aligned. This war has horrible timing and we need to gather more intel as to what the enemy will actually be flying or putting into the war or if they will get bored and lax after 24hrs.
Once again please read my PvP Crash Course on our website, ESP. if this is your first war.
http://griffin30007productions.com/obchf/tutorials.htm

We will try to avoid placing any rules for alliance which do not help keep you guys safe and prepare us for this war as well as others. Fleets will be forming after the 48hr bunker time.
Victory for Oblivion United!
Lyphar
Admiral of Oblivion Chaos Fleet

Exhibit 3

WAR: MARSHAL LAW and New Policy
From: Lyphar
Sent: 2010.12.06 01:55
To: Oblivion Chaos Fleet,

As per our corp. I still expect everyone’s UserIDs and Limited API keys (https://www.eveonline.com/login.asp?r=%2F&t=%2Fapi%2Fdefault.asp%3F). These keys are not a temporary thing and are not to be changed. If they are changed, the new key is to be sent to myself within 24hrs. No exceptions.
No one shall have BPO access except high command.
No one shall have wallet or hanger access except high command.
This shall go into effect after the war. During the war Marshal Law is still in affect.
Everyone is to stay docked up for the next 48hrs while we restructure alliance and corp.
Again several corp members are theives and they know who they are.
Lyphar

Exhibit 4 – Compliments of Hefe Weizen

Intel on our new friends
From: Hefe Weizen
Sent: 2010.12.05 06:59
To:

Basic info:

Tear Extraction and Reclamation consists of 8 corporations. Most of those corporations probably aren’t going to be a problem, as a few of them are purely industrial.

They ARE NOT directly affiliated with the ongoing pirate action we have had in Ziona with Daff Punk and Death Incarnate INC. Any association between the two has to be under the table, so to speak.

The main corporate threat will be Suddenly Ninjas with 224 players and to a lesser degree, Ritual Suicide with 23 members.

Most likely ships used by hostiles are:

Rifter
Heron (for surveilance, they lose these alot)
Vigil
Hurricane

Most previous activity has occured in Minimitar, Caldari and Gallente space. I have not been able to find data for Ammar space in recent history. Although Suddenly Ninjas has appeared around here, they have had no kills.

CEO and Founder is

Tchell Dahhn
No active kill since April of 2009. Probably running an Alt now.
Her email and MSN account is [useless email redacted]

Their top hitters from Suddently Ninjas are. (Top 30 and with kills within the past week)

Arden Elenduil
Bladewise
Solomar Espersei
Ullus Demos
danjor2
Xa Fel
Michael Zign
Aiden Mourn
Cam Clarke
Rigby Jess
Tuomas Arturi
waagstrom
Galmarr
Sebulous
Skippermonkey
Dryfty <– I made the list \o/
Set Shwayo
Bass Indy
Dhazar
radonicon
Zavulon Sukkot
Natthias Sharl
Shale Kelevra
knight david
Scopique
Simen123
Lars Foolsbane
Soul Decayed
JordanParey
Nexus Havoc

Their website and forum, which is open to view is http://suddenlyninjas.net/forum.php, although at the moment they do have radio silence when it comes to actual fleet activity.

More information to follow

- Hefe

In the end, nothing really helped them. There may have been a few that escaped our attentions during the war, but I’ve yet to hear of any.

Two Corporations gave up the fight and dropped from the Alliance during the first few days of the war. Coming to the close of the first week I had a member of Tactical Operations Fleet Delta pinned into station in Youl for the better part of 2 days, and they finally struck up a conversation. After 30 minutes of talking they also dropped from the Alliance, and were followed by 2 other Corps within a matter of hours.

They’d been under the impression that the war was almost over, and things would soon be back to normal. I corrected that misconception for them, and there was more than a little animosity towards Lyphar for dragging them into this in the first place.

Within two hours, Oblivion Chaos Fleet stood alone. Well, except for the SIX one-man holding Corporations owned by Lyphar and held by his alts. Really? Once the wardec was officially extended for a second week, OBCHF didn’t start losing members… it started hemorrhaging members.

Now, 2 days later, Lyphar truly stands alone. The only pilots left in the Corp are him and his alts. He was offered a reasonable ransom and if he’d cared about his Corp/Alliance, he’d have swallowed his pride and paid it. This is how Alliances rise and fall, swinging on the ego of individuals. Welcome to New Eden gentle reader.

Welcome to part two of this miniature trilogy gentle reader. Here I will regale you with a harrowing tale of two miners, seven unlicensed containers of ore, two solar systems, and what happens when they meet yours truly.

Our two protagonists for this epic yarn go by the names Tru Warden and Brutalis Furia (I couldn’t make those up if I tried). I encountered this intrepid duo busily laying waste to asteroid after asteroid in another backwater system by the name of Gaknem. Now, this is a 0.6 system so there is no excuse for such sloppy mining practices as were displayed by these two. Brutalis is even the CEO of their tiny corporation. Sometimes corruption and willful ignorance of the law goes all the way to the top.

I was immediately intrigued when I noticed a Rokh, Hulk, and Caldari Shuttle on my scanner, along with two containers labeled with timestamps. Moving in to investigate, I immediately took corrective action by impounding the contents of the two illegal containers. Tru Warder fled the scene of the crime, heading for a local mining outpost while Mr. Furia continued to mine obliviously and I kept watch over the impounded ore and began my paperwork.

Shortly Tru Warder returned in a Mammoth and began to approach the impounded ore, but thought better of his planned theft and returned to station once more. By this time Brutalis has filled his cargohold but is obviously reluctant to pollute space further in the presence of a TEARS officer and sits idly.

At this time a message comes through from an uninvolved party that requires my immediate and undivided attention. Unable to continue to maintain the integrity of the impounded ore, and having had no communication from either offender, I make the appropriate notations on my paperwork and flag the ore for immediate disposal. I then dock for the next couple of hours to handle that intruding business.

Fear not gentle reader, our story does not stop here. After my other business was concluded I return to find both Tru Warder and Brutalis Furia gone from Gaknem. I have a gut feeling however that they have not learned their lesson from our earlier encounter, and sure enough I find them merely in the next system over continuing their ruinous roid rampage, while still jettisoning ore into illegal containers. Dismayed by their lack of cooperation with local authorities, I warp in to their belt to discover FIVE timestamped containers floating dangerously close to a municipal warplane.

I move to impound the first container which is full to capacity, when the below transmission shows up on the local broadcast channel. Through all this I continue to impound container after container while the two deviant miners stare dumbly and vent their frustrations via comms.

[ 2010.12.12 03:31:55 ] Tru Warder > Dryfty – we CAN’T fight you – if you’re just looking for a fight
[ 2010.12.12 03:32:05 ] Tru Warder > all you”re doing is being a PITA
[ 2010.12.12 03:32:31 ] Dryfty > just keeping the spacelanes clear of dangerous unlicensed jetcans sir
[ 2010.12.12 03:33:57 ] Tru Warder > I’d just as soon not have wasted several hours of gameplay, if you don’t mind
[ 2010.12.12 03:34:17 ] Dryfty > Im sorry sir, but your unsafe mining practices put lives at risk
[ 2010.12.12 03:34:20 ] Tru Warder > my strongest ship is a cormorant
[ 2010.12.12 03:34:32 ] Tru Warder > I don’t think that would constitute a fair fight, do you?
[ 2010.12.12 03:34:40 ] Brutalis Furia > Explain that one if you don’t mind
[ 2010.12.12 03:34:52 ] Tru Warder > him, or me?
[ 2010.12.12 03:34:57 ] Brutalis Furia > him
[ 2010.12.12 03:35:23 ] Dryfty > leaving improperly licensed jetcans in municipal warplanes are a severe collision hazard
[ 2010.12.12 03:35:35 ] Dryfty > part of our duties are to keep the warplanes clear of these obstacles
[ 2010.12.12 03:35:36 ] Tru Warder > uh-huh
[ 2010.12.12 03:36:02 ] Brutalis Furia > do you represent any sanctioned agency with apropriate juristiction over these maters
[ 2010.12.12 03:36:03 ] Tru Warder > I’ve bounced off STATIONS, never mind itsy-bitsy jetcans…
[ 2010.12.12 03:36:14 ] Tru Warder > *matters
[ 2010.12.12 03:36:18 ] Tru Warder > :)
[ 2010.12.12 03:36:25 ] Dryfty > TEARS Operatives are sanctioned by CONCORD itself
[ 2010.12.12 03:36:39 ] Tru Warder > uh-huh – and that’s why you turned RED?
[ 2010.12.12 03:36:46 ] Dryfty > you’ll both be receiving citations via evemail once my paperwork for the day is complete
[ 2010.12.12 03:36:57 ] Brutalis Furia > please show or link me to that relevant document
[ 2010.12.12 03:37:24 ] Dryfty > as I said, you’ll receive copies of my report with your citations once the days paperwork is complete. I only have two hands sir
[ 2010.12.12 03:37:39 ] Brutalis Furia > not acceptable
[ 2010.12.12 03:38:16 ] Dryfty > well, apparently thats just too damn bad sir.
[ 2010.12.12 03:38:29 ] Brutalis Furia > if you are impounding my property, i demand aprpriate paperwork on the matter
[ 2010.12.12 03:38:36 ] Dryfty > your non-compliance will be noted in my report
[ 2010.12.12 03:39:08 ] Dryfty > actually sir, because of your repeat offender status, the property has been reffered for proper disposal
[ 2010.12.12 03:39:46 ] Brutalis Furia > like the two cans you destroyed in gaknem? where was the prior offence that time?
[ 2010.12.12 03:39:46 ] Dryfty > you’ll notice that where there were 5 unlicensed jetcans, there are now only 2 to dispose of
[ 2010.12.12 03:40:26 ] Dryfty > actually, that was a matter of my attention being required elsewhere, and I couldnt trust you and your accomplice not to simply steal the impounded property
[ 2010.12.12 03:40:43 ] Dryfty > its really your own doing sir
[ 2010.12.12 03:41:13 ] Brutalis Furia > who is your superoir officer sir?
[ 2010.12.12 03:41:18 ] Dryfty > have no fear sir, Im almost done here
[ 2010.12.12 03:41:40 ] Dryfty > complaints are best referred to Aiden Mourn I suppose, that Im uncertain how anyone could have a complaint with the service Ive rendered
[ 2010.12.12 03:41:48 ] Dryfty > Aiden Mourn
[ 2010.12.12 03:41:49 ] Brutalis Furia > that matters not, i wish to file a complaint
[ 2010.12.12 03:44:01 ] Dryfty > I appreciate your attentiveness in this matter
[ 2010.12.12 03:44:05 ] Dryfty > and removing the last of the debris
[ 2010.12.12 03:44:21 ] Dryfty > unfortunately that can have no bearing in the issuance of my citations for your previous offences
[ 2010.12.12 03:44:49 ] Dryfty > should you decide to pursue this self-destructive criminal lifestyle
[ 2010.12.12 03:44:51 ] Tru Warder > you are an ass, sir
[ 2010.12.12 03:45:02 ] Dryfty > Im afraid further intervention will be necessary
[ 2010.12.12 03:45:17 ] Tru Warder > cry to Concord
[ 2010.12.12 03:46:07 ] Dryfty > apparently we have differing definitions of crying sir
[ 2010.12.12 03:46:12 ] Dryfty > Im simply doing my job

You may see from the log that Tru Warder finally decided that watching his ore being impounded was simply too much to bear and he proceeded to jump back to Gaknem for his trusty Mammoth that he was too afraid to employ earlier. This time he was a bit more successful as I had mere seconds remaining before my crew could jettison another impound container, and he managed to save a single container of ore from authorized disposal. As he managed to secure that amount of ore, I did not reflect it in the following citation as we must encourage these people to clean up after themselves. I was sincere in my appreciation for his belated assistance in keeping the spacelanes clear.

Mr. Tru Warder, Mr. Brutalis Furia:

Pursuant to our earlier interaction, I am officially enclosing the aforementioned citation and requisite fine for TEARS Officer intervention. We hope that together with your cooperation we can keep areas like Gaknem and Phoren safe for travelers and miners alike and must insist in the future that you use a properly licensed TEARS jetcan for your ore storage needs. Individual licenses may be purchased from myself or any TEARS representative for the nominal sum of 5,000,000 ISK. Please see details below for Corporation licensing.

Your prompt payment of this fine will conclude TEARS involvement in this case.

Dutifully Yours,
Dryfty – Tash-Murkon Region TEARS Representative

FORM #46183.A-C93 UNREGISTERED JETCAN CITATION
Issued by: TEAR EXTRACTION AND RECLAMATION SERVICE

Sector ID: 486BFG88499HG-3345-588FN
Jetcan Inventory: See Misc/Ref. Lading Log #6587-15

Operatives of TEARS Alliance, Subgroup: Suddenly Ninjas [YOINK] have issued a member(s) of your Corporation a Citation for Failure to Properly Register an Unsecured Jetcan Residing in a Municipal Asteroid Belt per EDEN Municipal Code #46183.A in 0.6 Systems: Gaknem and Phoren

Parties In Violation:
Tru Warder
Brutalis Furia

Infraction of EDEN Municipal Code #46183.A can incur a fine of up to 500,000.00 ISK per m3 of debris, authorized destruction of vessel and resulting wreck salvage fees, not to exceed 20,000,000.00 ISK.

Registration Fee ………………………………………….. 250,000 ISK
Astrogation LIDAR Omission Penalty …………………………. 150,000 ISK
Debris Handling Fee……………………………………………………….. 50.000 ISK
Disposal Fee …………………………………………………………… 1,000,000 ISK
TEARS Licensed Destructable Jetcan x6…………………………….2,200,000 ISK
TEARS Officer Ammunition………………………………………….200,000 ISK
Fraternal Order of Salvagers Union Fund Contribution … 5,500 ISK

Total Assessment: 3,855,500 ISK

Please Remit Funds to TEARS – Spacelane Sanitation Division
Authorized Representative or your nearest TEARS Alliance Officer.
Failure to submit payment on this citation may prompt additional TEARS action and requisite sanctions.

Resolution of this case is still pending. Past due notices are scheduled to be distributed in the next few hours.

Good evening gentle reader! Once again I pulled the weekend patrol, and encountered a variety of offenders. From the cooperative, to the belligerent, to the violent, all were dealt with appropriately and the corresponding paperwork filed in triplicate. I believe there is much to be learned from their experiences with this humble TEARS Operative, and so I share their three separate tales with you now.

We begin the reports with one “Dr Crippen“, who I believe is no real doctor at all though I’ve been unable to confirm this suspicion. The good doctor was busily mining away in a small backwater system in Tash-Murkon by the name of Iro. I was in the area patrolling for unlicensed jetcans in my Jaguar when I encountered his Retriever merrily mining away, but there were no cans to be found.

On my way to leave I noticed a pirate wreck that as yet lay unsalvaged so I checked the cargohold to discover a Civilian Shield Booster. Not having a salvager equipped presently, I could not properly remove all of the debris, but I did what little I could by taking care of that module and preparing to move on to inspect the next asteroid belt.

No sooner had I begun to align for warp, I found myself being targeted by the Retriever and a rather angry looking flight of Hornet I’s coming at me full speed. My training and instincts took over as I returned the target lock, engaged my warp scrambler, and burned towards the Retriever as fast as my afterburner would allow. As is my habit, I began targeting his drones in order to dispatch that threat first when I accidentally sent a volley of autocannon fire into the Retriever and was shocked to see his shields disappear completely along with a quarter of his armor. Quickly deciding that the drones were tougher than the ship, I dispatched the Retriever with two more successive volleys and the drones went inactive.

Dr Crippen warped his capsule off towards a station to presumably lick his wounds, and being in no particular hurry I took my time sifting through the wreckage of his Retriever and destroying what I was unable or unwilling to take with me.

One thing I’ve learned is that paying attention to your ships scanning instrumentation can pay off, and such was the case today. As I was warping off I noticed “Dr Crippen’s Drake” appear outside the station he’d warped to, so I proceeded to a neutral area of the system and turned my scanner on the asteroid belt I’d just left. I did not wait long before the Drake appeared in the belt and I engaged my warp drive.

Arriving in the belt I immediately lock him and again engage my warp scrambler and afterburner as he’s salvaging the wreck of his Retriever. Burning into a close orbit we begin exchanging fire and he deploys another flight of Hornet I’s. This time the Hornets are definitely the priority, so I systematically destroy them while maintaining my orbit around the Drake. My Jaguar is pelted by volley after volley of cruiser missiles, but they have practically no effect on my shields. On the other hand, my guns steadily break through first his shields, and then his armor. Once I begin firing on the exposed hull of the Drake I open a private channel to Dr Crippen and offer a reasonable ransom for the survival of the Drake, but I was rebuffed. Moments later the asteroids in the belt got their second fireworks show of the evening.

Almost instantly Dr Crippen realizes that he is now without a ship to fly, and proceeds to vent his frustration over the local broadcast channel:

[ 2010.12.12 01:26:11 ] Dr Crippen > what a ass hole
[ 2010.12.12 01:26:26 ] Dryfty > I offered a reasonable ransom, you declined.
[ 2010.12.12 01:27:10 ] Dr Crippen > some of us dont have that sort of isk pratt
[ 2010.12.12 01:27:26 ] Dryfty > it was less than the cost of replacing that Drake hull
[ 2010.12.12 01:27:30 ] Dryfty > *shrug*
[ 2010.12.12 01:27:46 ] Dr Crippen > thats why your a ass
[ 2010.12.12 01:28:27 ] Dryfty > your logic escapes me. Perhaps inhaling all that asteroid dust has affected your brain?
[ 2010.12.12 01:29:24 ] Dr Crippen > i said i had no isk do you not under stand cant give what you dont have that why your a ass
[ 2010.12.12 01:29:40 ] Dryfty > you being poor != me being an ass sir
[ 2010.12.12 01:30:19 ] Dryfty > I believe theres an ancient Chinese proverb that applies to this situation, and I think you may find it useful
[ 2010.12.12 01:30:26 ] Dryfty > “dont fly what you cant afford to lose”
[ 2010.12.12 01:30:33 ] Dryfty > you might have heard it before sir?
[ 2010.12.12 01:30:56 ] Dryfty > I expected higher intellect from a “Dr”
[ 2010.12.12 01:31:08 ] Dryfty > what are they teaching in doctor school these days?
[ 2010.12.12 01:31:24 ] Dr Crippen > ha ha ha this is not my main my main is dave starfly i would look out if i was you
[ 2010.12.12 01:31:47 ] Dryfty > Im terrified sir. If you’re as inept on your main, as you are on your alt, I quiver at the thought of it
[ 2010.12.12 01:32:09 ] Dryfty > so unless you give yourself a labotomy before logging into this pilot, I dont have much to fear
[ 2010.12.12 01:32:58 ] Dr Crippen > well look him up he in 00 at moment corp monro
[ 2010.12.12 01:33:35 ] Dryfty > looking now actually, still not impressed. But whatever makes you happy, makes me happy sir.
[ 2010.12.12 01:33:45 ] Dr Crippen > modro
[ 2010.12.12 01:33:59 ] Dryfty > the whole “Ill crush you with my main” is so 2005
[ 2010.12.12 01:35:20 ] Dryfty > Though I do thank you, you’ve topped off my Tear Capacitors quite nicely.
[ 2010.12.12 01:35:39 ] Dr Crippen > yes so is picking on people in high sec p off to low sec and have a go
[ 2010.12.12 01:35:56 ] Dryfty > You fired at me sir, just who is picking on who?
[ 2010.12.12 01:36:08 ] Dryfty > at least take responsibility for your actions
[ 2010.12.12 01:36:42 ] Dr Crippen > you stole from me
[ 2010.12.12 01:37:06 ] Dr Crippen > you whent red to me
[ 2010.12.12 01:37:14 ] Dryfty > I severely doubt you were going to actually take / use anything from that wreck.
[ 2010.12.12 01:37:39 ] Dryfty > just trying to keep the spacelanes clear of debris
[ 2010.12.12 01:37:52 ] Dr Crippen > when you are low on isk all helps get back in game
[ 2010.12.12 01:38:09 ] Dryfty > you’ll notice I allowed you to salvage the wreck of your Retriever, before blowing up your Drake. We all have to do our part
[ 2010.12.12 01:39:01 ] Dryfty > perhaps you should “get back into the game” in low/null sec. You’re obviously much more powerful there than here.
[ 2010.12.12 01:39:14 ] Dryfty > perhaps theres kryptonite in this solar system?
[ 2010.12.12 01:39:50 ] Dryfty > dont worry, 1 more minute and you can safely undock
[ 2010.12.12 01:40:00 ] Dr Crippen > why i have not done anyone any harm here unlike some people i could say
[ 2010.12.12 01:40:10 ] Dryfty > no need to fear me sir, and I hope this unfortunate incident doesnt get in the way of our friendship.
[ 2010.12.12 01:40:18 ] Dryfty > I feel a special bond growing between us
[ 2010.12.12 01:40:23 ] Dryfty > like we’ve known each other for years.
[ 2010.12.12 01:40:32 ] Dr Crippen > :-)
[ 2010.12.12 01:40:40 ] Dryfty > oh sorry, that was gas
[ 2010.12.12 01:40:41 ] Dr Crippen > lol
[ 2010.12.12 01:40:42 ] Dryfty > my mistake
[ 2010.12.12 01:41:05 ] Dryfty > well you enjoy the rest of your day sir, fly safe if you cant fly smart ;)

And so ends the Tale of Dryfty and Dr Crippen. Riveting.

Good afternoon gentle reader. One of the things that I love most about my duties as a TEARS operative, are the many opportunities we are afforded to think outside of the box and use our imagination. Such one opportunity presented itself to me just an hour or so ago.

I had located the signature of a Kronos in system and decided to pop in for a surprise inspection. As is typically the case with Marauder class ships, he was doing a fair job of cleaning up after himself, but a TEARS operative strives for perfection.

I quickly made short work of the few wrecks and containers that he’d not yet addressed, then for whatever reason he decided to warp off. As there was nothing left for me to assist with at that time, I decided to move on to other endeavors and made a note to check back in with the Kronos later.

After quick and unproductive excursions into the deadspace pockets of 2 Dominix’s, I decided to check on the Kronos. I warp in to see him just re-entering the first pocket himself, so I jump ahead through the acceleration gate and quickly move out of range of the remaining pirate residents to assess the situation. My eye is quickly drawn to the wreck of an Angel Personnel Transport that’s not yet had its cargohold processed. Unfortunately it’s being guarded by a heavy concentration of frigates and cruisers, so I decide to wait for the Kronos to follow me in and draw their fire. I didn’t have to wait long.

As soon as he warped in, I took the gamble that by the time I reached the transport wreck, most of the attention would be on the Kronos. As I closed within 8km of the wreck, a tractor beam took hold and started drawing it into the maw of the beast, so I quickly rescued the Militants from the wreckage and salvaged what I could for good measure. I then find myself targeted by the Kronos, and prepare to exercise the better part of valor (discretion that is, also known as “running away”) should it become necessary. After only a minute or two he drops the lock on me and I see my inbox start flashing with a message from the Kronos pilot. I open it up to see this:

warning
From: Shirase Mei
Sent: 2010.11.21 17:39
To: Dryfty,

First warning if you do something again, you, your corp and alliance will be marked as red and will be added as a KOS

How quaint. Sensing an opportunity here, albeit a small one, I decide to wring as much as I can out of this pilot who seems to think so much of his abilities.

Re: warning
From: Dryfty
Sent: 2010.11.21 17:41
To: Shirase Mei,

All your loot and salvage now belong to me. Have a nice day sir.

The gauntlet has been thrown gentle reader! At this point I decide to quickly deposit that rescued bunch of Militants in a safe place, as I would not needlessly risk their lives should the Kronos get a lucky shot on my Vigil. My above reply was sent as I was returning to his mission. Color me disappointed though with the next reply, shortly followed by the Kronos warping away again.

Re: Re: warning
From: Shirase Mei
Sent: 2010.11.21 17:42
To: Dryfty,

As you wish
Have a good fun

How easily these carebears give up, have a good fun indeed. I think I will. At this point I increased my CSPA charge from its normal 1 isk to the maximum 1 million isk (I tried going higher, but alas, I was not allowed) and then attempted to engage the Kronos with words this time instead of arms. I feel it was a moderate success and deprived Mr. Shirase Mei of 5 million isk before he apparently noticed his deflating wallet and blocked me before I could my latest reply.

From: Dryfty
Sent: 2010.11.21 17:44
To: Shirase Mei,

Just as I thought, another mouthy coward :D No worries, I can clean that out for you no problem. Already have your misison objective anyway ;)

From: Shirase Mei
Sent: 2010.11.21 17:48
To: Dryfty,

Someone who steals others belonging calls someone coward? You’re a one funny guy. I always though that stupid people are funny… Just to let you know… Eve is a game which let’s you kick someones ass in future, also eve is a game of corps and alliances which allows you to not only kick someones ass but also make his life here more than worse… So good luck mate

From: Dryfty
Sent: 2010.11.21 17:49
To: Shirase Mei,

Better men have threatened worse mate, you’ll have to pardon me if Im not exactly terrified by your temper tantrum, but hey. You keep on showing those rats who’s boss eh?

From: Shirase Mei
Sent: 2010.11.21 17:51
To: Dryfty,

Oh gosh did you ever heard about phrase like “Do not underestimate your opponent” ? If you take me as a PvP noob then you’re more than stupid – sorry.

From: Dryfty
Sent: 2010.11.21 17:52
To: Shirase Mei,

Always bet on stupid my friend, and my money’s firmly on you.

From: Shirase Mei
Sent: 2010.11.21 17:54
To: Dryfty,

yeah… and how much money did you get on me? maybe 1mil? … nah not that much… and for 1 mil you’ve made enemies with TnT … gratz

From: Dryfty
Sent: 2010.11.21 17:55
To: Shirase Mei,

I do try, and if I gave a damn I might even care :D That’s the thing with you carebears, always assuming that people you know… care. But please, this is comedy gold, dont stop now. This would be a good time to tell me how you’re going to “crush you with my main” wouldn’t it?

From: Shirase Mei
Sent: 2010.11.21 17:58
To: Dryfty,

Quess who’s the carebear here… Ninjastealer or char that has to get some isk for PvP restock?

From: Dryfty
Sent: 2010.11.21 18:01
To: Shirase Mei,

Yeah, that whole “target, untarget, send whiney evemail” routine really is the hallmark of the PvP Elite. I salute your prowess at internet spaceships. Dont you have a mission to finish? Oh thats right…

From: Shirase Mei
Sent: 2010.11.21 18:05
To: Dryfty,

Well most of you ninja stealers are just a bunch of noobs so you get scared from that. You didn’t – congrats you’re not at the same level as them. Question: I’m wondering how you imagine this “PvP Elite” ? They’re normal people so what’s wrong with mail? I’m affraid I have to say that you never been around much of “them”…

And this is where it ended. I’d worked up an, in my humble opinion, excellent reply only to find myself blocked when I tried to send it. Guess I got him for more than 1mil after all ;)  So, another day, another empty threat from a member/associate of a nullsec Alliance.

Fly safe gentle reader.

Good morning gentle reader! The past week or two have been quite eventful for me, but nothing that really merited logging… until now.  I have broadened my mobility considerably by investing in several jumpclones courtesy of Estel Arador Corp Services before the recent sale of the service.  I grew weary of the scarce populations in Amarr space, so I have returned to the ninja’s ancestral homeland of Sinq Laison to continue my pursuit of the ever dangerous mission and miner bear.

Having just docked up from another long patrol, I was looking forward to some much needed R and R in Agrallarier. Fate had other plans.  Fellow ninja Skilluuhh sent out the call for some assistance with bringing in a recalcitrant Dominix pilot that had opened fire upon his frigate in the line of duty in the nearby Marosier system.  I immediately had the dockhands prepare my trusty Hurricane for launch and set a course for heroism.  After a brief stop in Dodixie for a logistics drone (always be prepared), I was enroute alongside JERKS pilot (and SN alumnus) Schmetterflug.

Arriving in Marosier, we find Skilluuhh and the Russian Dominix pilot, Kameliy, deep in the last sector of an Angel’s Extravaganza mission at something of a stalemate.  Skilluuhh can’t break down the armor of the Dominix, but the Dominix only has Tech 1 drones that are no match for Skilluuhh’s Worm and Tech 2 Warrior drones.  So they sit.

Schmetterflug and I begin providing unnecessary repairs to Skilluuhh’s ship in the hopes of the Dominix taking out his/her frustrations on a new target, but to no avail.  Finally after several minutes we conclude that Skilluuhh is going to have to finish this one himself, so we contact one of his subordinates and have them fly down a Raven from Skilluuhh’s hangar.  I ram the Dominix to keep him from escaping while Skilluuhh changes ships midfight, and as soon as his weapon systems are online it’s essentially game over.

Nothing extraordinary here by any means, pretty standard operating procedure.  What really set the wheels spinning in my head was the conversation taking place in Marosier Local during this engagement, with an unsuspecting White Knight™ by the name of AetheroToland.  At one point Skilluuhh’s subordinate offered a ransom to the Dominix pilot which obviously went unanswered because of said pilots lack of affinity for the English language.  It did however pique Mr. Tolands interest in the goings on of his fair system. Being who we are, we decided to oblige.

[ 2010.10.18 20:34:21 ] Skilluuhh Alt > kameliy, 100million isk to my pocket and you are free
[ 2010.10.18 20:35:06 ] AetheroToland > hhmmm… what’s going on HERE?
[ 2010.10.18 20:35:23 ] Dryfty > war target most likely
[ 2010.10.18 20:35:37 ] AetheroToland > being bribed?
[ 2010.10.18 20:35:50 ] Dryfty > Ive seen it
[ 2010.10.18 20:36:00 ] Dryfty > *shrug*
[ 2010.10.18 20:36:18 ] AetheroToland > female char. wonder if someone is being cornered by a woman?
[ 2010.10.18 20:39:34 ] AetheroToland > i dont think kameliy speaks english. she’s in a russian corp.
[ 2010.10.18 20:39:35 ] Schmetterflug > Hey Kameliy, everything okay?
[ 2010.10.18 20:40:58 ] Skilluuhh > yeah but kameliy can use google translate :D
[ 2010.10.18 20:41:20 ] AetheroToland > lol. she just blocked me besides. didnt even open up the line.
[ 2010.10.18 20:41:20 ] Kameliy > нахуй бы вы ребета не пошли бы
[ 2010.10.18 20:41:27 ] AetheroToland > yep. told you. lol
[ 2010.10.18 20:41:38 ] Schmetterflug > Hehe, use the Translator.
[ 2010.10.18 20:41:59 ] AetheroToland > we have one?
[ 2010.10.18 20:43:15 ] Kameliy > я с клоунами не разговариваю
[ 2010.10.18 20:43:30 ] Schmetterflug > Lets ask google.
[ 2010.10.18 20:43:33 ] Schmetterflug > First: fuck you rebeta would not go
[ 2010.10.18 20:43:36 ] AetheroToland > sprekin de english?
[ 2010.10.18 20:43:49 ] Schmetterflug > And this was: I’m with the clowns do not talk
[ 2010.10.18 20:44:12 ] AetheroToland > can you ask her if she needs help?
[ 2010.10.18 20:44:22 ] Schmetterflug > Let me try!
[ 2010.10.18 20:44:49 ] Schmetterflug > Эй мат, нужна помощь?
[ 2010.10.18 20:45:47 ] Skilluuhh > schmetter he has you blocked, so he doesn’t see it ;D
[ 2010.10.18 20:45:52 ] Schmetterflug > Ohboy.
[ 2010.10.18 20:46:02 ] Schmetterflug > Why does everyone block me. =/
[ 2010.10.18 20:46:07 ] AetheroToland > why is she blocking everyone?
[ 2010.10.18 20:46:09 ] Dryfty > no helping the stubborn angry Russian apparently =/
[ 2010.10.18 20:46:13 ] Schmetterflug > OH WAIT!
[ 2010.10.18 20:46:14 ] Skilluuhh > maybe because he is dieing atm
[ 2010.10.18 20:46:27 ] Schmetterflug > Haha, Cane in space.
[ 2010.10.18 20:46:40 ] AetheroToland > what?
[ 2010.10.18 20:46:49 ] Skilluuhh > ah
[ 2010.10.18 20:46:57 ] Skilluuhh > he jetisoned a can ;D
[ 2010.10.18 20:47:02 ] Skilluuhh > with that sentence ;D
[ 2010.10.18 20:47:17 ] AetheroToland > what’s he flying?
[ 2010.10.18 20:47:21 ] Skilluuhh > domi
[ 2010.10.18 20:47:35 ] AetheroToland > lmao, who is she challenging?
[ 2010.10.18 20:47:42 ] Skilluuhh > me
[ 2010.10.18 20:47:51 ] AetheroToland > you gunna take it up?
[ 2010.10.18 20:47:58 ] Skilluuhh > he will die
[ 2010.10.18 20:47:58 ] AetheroToland > i’ll fly your wing, if you need.
[ 2010.10.18 20:47:58 ] Dryfty > what are you flying Skill?
[ 2010.10.18 20:48:13 ] Skilluuhh > deadly worm :D
[ 2010.10.18 20:48:24 ] Schmetterflug > Deadly Worm is deadly.
[ 2010.10.18 20:48:46 ] AetheroToland > lol, link or GTFO
[ 2010.10.18 20:48:58 ] Skilluuhh > link?:D
[ 2010.10.18 20:49:10 ] AetheroToland > you know how to link your fit?
[ 2010.10.18 20:49:17 ] Skilluuhh > http://www.creativeuncut.com/gallery-02/art/oot-link07.gif
[ 2010.10.18 20:49:29 ] Skilluuhh > uhm no, thanks
[ 2010.10.18 20:49:38 ] Schmetterflug > Oh, you can Link your Fit?
[ 2010.10.18 20:49:38 ] AetheroToland > your actual fitting, lol
[ 2010.10.18 20:49:41 ] AetheroToland > yep
[ 2010.10.18 20:49:42 ] Schmetterflug > Tell me!
[ 2010.10.18 20:49:49 ] Malkuls Akrylla > ^^
[ 2010.10.18 20:49:52 ] Dryfty > needs moar triforce in the lows
[ 2010.10.18 20:49:53 ] Skilluuhh > no thanks aeth, my fit is private :D
[ 2010.10.18 20:50:06 ] AetheroToland > open fitting, and drag the name of your ship into the chat
[ 2010.10.18 20:50:08 ] Skilluuhh > I feel ashame about the t1 salvagers ;(
[ 2010.10.18 20:50:24 ] AetheroToland > Outlaw Star <– Linked his current Hyperion fitting. He’s flying this in space. Right now.
[ 2010.10.18 20:50:25 ] Schmetterflug > Open Fitting? What “fitting”?
[ 2010.10.18 20:50:27 ] AetheroToland > alright, no prob.
[ 2010.10.18 20:50:38 ] AetheroToland > yeah. that
[ 2010.10.18 20:50:53 ] Schmetterflug > Sorry, all I have in the UI are little buttons.
[ 2010.10.18 20:50:58 ] Schmetterflug > Whats Fitting?
[ 2010.10.18 20:51:11 ] AetheroToland > on your left-side menu
[ 2010.10.18 20:51:17 ] Skilluuhh > I like your fit
[ 2010.10.18 20:51:20 ] Skilluuhh > is that good?
[ 2010.10.18 20:51:21 ] AetheroToland > 4th from top option is fitting. click it
[ 2010.10.18 20:51:22 ] Schmetterflug > Mh, the button with the 5 stars?
[ 2010.10.18 20:51:29 ] Skilluuhh > I don’t know so much about fitting ships
[ 2010.10.18 20:51:33 ] AetheroToland > no, open your cortex, lol
[ 2010.10.18 20:51:50 ] AetheroToland > i’m, getting there. it’s damn effective against anything it can hit.
[ 2010.10.18 20:51:57 ] AetheroToland > hih is cruiser and bigger, normally.
[ 2010.10.18 20:52:12 ] AetheroToland > its a work in progress.
[ 2010.10.18 20:52:15 ] AetheroToland > need more skills
[ 2010.10.18 20:52:42 ] AetheroToland > got it schmett?
[ 2010.10.18 20:53:29 ] Schmetterflug > Mh, nope. Right now im looking at my Mailwindow and i cant find the “close” button. =( What the hell did you do to my UI…
[ 2010.10.18 20:54:06 ] AetheroToland > lol, i promise it’ll be alright
[ 2010.10.18 20:54:10 ] AetheroToland > find the x
[ 2010.10.18 20:54:23 ] Skilluuhh > y
[ 2010.10.18 20:54:31 ] Schmetterflug > What? x or y?
[ 2010.10.18 20:54:35 ] Skilluuhh > z
[ 2010.10.18 20:54:37 ] AetheroToland > x.
[ 2010.10.18 20:54:59 ] AetheroToland > shush skill. he’s learning
[ 2010.10.18 20:55:08 ] AetheroToland > i was there a few weeks ago, lmao
[ 2010.10.18 20:55:23 ] AetheroToland > its just like any other thing, schmett
[ 2010.10.18 20:56:03 ] Schmetterflug > Oh, okay.
[ 2010.10.18 20:56:11 ] AetheroToland > got it?
[ 2010.10.18 20:56:40 ] Schmetterflug > Jepp, thx a lot mate.
[ 2010.10.18 20:56:53 ] AetheroToland > show me a fit then.
[ 2010.10.18 20:57:35 ] Schmetterflug > Megathron <– Civilian fit Megathron fitting that Skilluuhh had laying around
[ 2010.10.18 20:57:39 ] Schmetterflug > Is this any good?
[ 2010.10.18 20:57:54 ] AetheroToland > w…t….h…
[ 2010.10.18 20:58:07 ] Dryfty > well.. its inexpensive
[ 2010.10.18 20:58:09 ] AetheroToland > you have a battleship. stronger than my hyp.
[ 2010.10.18 20:58:18 ] AetheroToland > with civilian load-out?
[ 2010.10.18 20:58:30 ] Schmetterflug > Jepp.
[ 2010.10.18 20:58:56 ] AetheroToland > if it says civilian, take it off.
[ 2010.10.18 20:59:10 ] Schmetterflug > Oh, why that? =/
[ 2010.10.18 20:59:22 ] AetheroToland > civilian is the eakest of EVERYTHING
[ 2010.10.18 20:59:34 ] AetheroToland > it’s only good because you dont need ANY skills to use them
[ 2010.10.18 20:59:54 ] AetheroToland > work on your small, med, then large autocannons
[ 2010.10.18 20:59:58 ] AetheroToland > drone control.
[ 2010.10.18 21:00:12 ] AetheroToland > then get you some real cannons, and some drones.
[ 2010.10.18 21:02:18 ] Skilluuhh > good fight Kameliy
[ 2010.10.18 21:02:22 ] Schmetterflug > Oh, but the Civilian Modules are cheap.
[ 2010.10.18 21:02:45 ] Schmetterflug > You should ask Aethero to post if for you so that Kameliy can read it? ^^
[ 2010.10.18 21:03:06 ] AetheroToland > yeah. and they’re a quick way to lose a ship
[ 2010.10.18 21:03:16 ] AetheroToland > you should be able to rape me with that ship
[ 2010.10.18 21:03:21 ] Schmetterflug > But I dont want to loose my ship?
[ 2010.10.18 21:03:27 ] AetheroToland > lol.
[ 2010.10.18 21:03:35 ] AetheroToland > how much money do you have?
[ 2010.10.18 21:04:16 ] Schmetterflug > Right now I have ONE MILLION Dude… Spend all my ISK on that Mega.
[ 2010.10.18 21:04:54 ] AetheroToland > i figured thats what you did. go to the market. see how much large shield repairers are going for. and then see if you can use them
[ 2010.10.18 21:06:10 ] Schmetterflug > Market? Right now i buyed all my stuff in direct trade?
[ 2010.10.18 21:06:24 ] AetheroToland > with players?
[ 2010.10.18 21:06:27 ] Schmetterflug > Yeah.
[ 2010.10.18 21:06:31 ] Schmetterflug > Where is the Market? oO
[ 2010.10.18 21:07:05 ] AetheroToland > *facepalm* alright. you’re in. apply to join my corp.
[ 2010.10.18 21:07:27 ] AetheroToland > we’llteach you, set you straight
[ 2010.10.18 21:08:24 ] Schmetterflug > Oh cool. What will you teach me?
[ 2010.10.18 21:08:45 ] AetheroToland > everything we can. combat tactics, fitting, UI
[ 2010.10.18 21:09:05 ] AetheroToland > right click my name
[ 2010.10.18 21:09:12 ] AetheroToland > add contact.
[ 2010.10.18 21:09:22 ] AetheroToland > then do it again, and ‘show info’
[ 2010.10.18 21:09:26 ] Schmetterflug > Yeah?
[ 2010.10.18 21:09:55 ] AetheroToland > put me as on watchlist, and send me a notification

Isn’t he just the most helpful?  So at about this time Skilluuhh has scanned down Mr. Tolands Hyperion in a mission, and verified that it was him, so Skilluuh warps in first with Schmet and I close behind.  There’s no way this guys going to shoot, but it’s slow and could be fun right?

[ 2010.10.18 21:10:12 ] AetheroToland > lmao
[ 2010.10.18 21:10:18 ] AetheroToland > really? please dont shoot?
[ 2010.10.18 21:10:33 ] Skilluuhh > please don’t!
[ 2010.10.18 21:10:38 ] AetheroToland > lol, i wont
[ 2010.10.18 21:10:43 ] Skilluuhh > haha you are scared
[ 2010.10.18 21:10:46 ] AetheroToland > its a tracking thing
[ 2010.10.18 21:10:49 ] Skilluuhh > you do what I say ! ;D
[ 2010.10.18 21:10:59 ] Skilluuhh > kk I stand still for you
[ 2010.10.18 21:11:15 ] Schmetterflug > Oh hai guys. o/ Whats up in this Mission?
[ 2010.10.18 21:11:49 ] AetheroToland > alright, how’d you guys find this pocket?
[ 2010.10.18 21:11:55 ] Skilluuhh > cheats
[ 2010.10.18 21:12:02 ] AetheroToland > -.-
[ 2010.10.18 21:12:07 ] Skilluuhh > could you shoot me please? I need to test my tank
[ 2010.10.18 21:12:11 ] Dryfty > wow… whered all you come from?
[ 2010.10.18 21:12:19 ] Dryfty > and why are you in my mission?
[ 2010.10.18 21:12:26 ] Skilluuhh > this is my mission!
[ 2010.10.18 21:12:31 ] Dryfty > ….
[ 2010.10.18 21:12:31 ] AetheroToland > wtf?
[ 2010.10.18 21:12:34 ] Malkuls Akrylla > ^^
[ 2010.10.18 21:12:34 ] Schmetterflug > Sure?
[ 2010.10.18 21:12:46 ] Dryfty > my Salvaging Agent just gave it to me
[ 2010.10.18 21:13:03 ] Dryfty > wth…
[ 2010.10.18 21:13:13 ] Skilluuhh > AetheroToland, here I stand still for you
[ 2010.10.18 21:13:20 ] Dryfty > seriously guys
[ 2010.10.18 21:13:21 ] Dryfty > please leave
[ 2010.10.18 21:13:26 ] Skilluuhh > I am only in a frigate!
[ 2010.10.18 21:13:51 ] AetheroToland > dryfty, you just got put on my kill rights list. <-- Looted a can 15km from his Hype, then approached to within 3km while continuing to lay it on thick
[ 2010.10.18 21:13:59 ] Dryfty > whgy?
[ 2010.10.18 21:14:03 ] Dryfty > its MY MISSION
[ 2010.10.18 21:14:22 ] AetheroToland > stealing my loot, i’m sure. i completed this mission when i jumped in. I picked all this up, guy.
[ 2010.10.18 21:14:32 ] Skilluuhh > this is my loot now
[ 2010.10.18 21:14:36 ] Dryfty > then why would my agent send me here?
[ 2010.10.18 21:14:45 ] Dryfty > can I petition this ?
[ 2010.10.18 21:14:49 ] AetheroToland > must be the same pocket
[ 2010.10.18 21:14:56 ] Dryfty > and why are you targeting me?
[ 2010.10.18 21:15:10 ] AetheroToland > in case you try anything funny.
[ 2010.10.18 21:15:12 ] Dryfty > knock it off and get out
[ 2010.10.18 21:15:24 ] Skilluuhh > aeth stop targeting me I am scared
[ 2010.10.18 21:15:43 ] Skilluuhh > but you are to scared to shoot me anyway, am I right?
[ 2010.10.18 21:16:01 ] AetheroToland > sure. i wouldnt have to worry about hitting you.
[ 2010.10.18 21:16:08 ] AetheroToland > thats what drones are for.
[ 2010.10.18 21:16:24 ] Dryfty > seriously, are you going to reimburse me for this?
[ 2010.10.18 21:16:32 ] Dryfty > how do I complete the mission now?
[ 2010.10.18 21:16:35 ] Skilluuhh > okay wait ath
[ 2010.10.18 21:16:38 ] AetheroToland > i could put rounds down your throat without consequence. <-- There are ALWAYS consequences my friend.
[ 2010.10.18 21:16:55 ] Mind Hunter > i dont need a soap om tv i have local ^^
[ 2010.10.18 21:17:02 ] Dryfty > or you just pay me back the 200k reward, and Ill eat the standings loss I guess
[ 2010.10.18 21:17:22 ] Dryfty > just petitioned it

At this point Skill and Schmet warped out, and mere seconds later Mr. Toland deployed a flight of Ogre I’s and engaged me! I hit the AB (had my Damage Control II running from the moment he targeted me) and settled into a close orbit while deploying my T2 Warriors to deal with his drones. That turned out to be completely unnecessary as he melted in less than 2 minutes, without ever breaking the shields on an armor tanked Hurricane. Of course there’s also the aftermath to consider :D

[ 2010.10.18 21:18:54 ] Dryfty > well…
[ 2010.10.18 21:18:56 ] Dryfty > that was interesting
[ 2010.10.18 21:19:05 ] Schmetterflug > Indeed.
[ 2010.10.18 21:20:14 ] AetheroToland > goddamn trap.
[ 2010.10.18 21:20:26 ] AetheroToland > well sprung.
[ 2010.10.18 21:20:26 ] Dryfty > teach you to steal my mission
[ 2010.10.18 21:20:36 ] Skilluuhh > good fight
[ 2010.10.18 21:20:38 ] Skilluuhh > lolfit-guy
[ 2010.10.18 21:20:39 ] Malkuls Akrylla > lol
[ 2010.10.18 21:20:39 ] Skilluuhh > ;D
[ 2010.10.18 21:20:45 ] Schmetterflug > Gfgf, rofl.
[ 2010.10.18 21:20:47 ] Malkuls Akrylla > ging ja schnell^^
[ 2010.10.18 21:20:50 ] Schmetterflug > Muss. ;)
[ 2010.10.18 21:21:14 ] Malkuls Akrylla > schickes schauspiel :)
[ 2010.10.18 21:21:16 ] Dryfty > gf.
[ 2010.10.18 21:22:28 ] Dryfty > Aether, any interest in Small Sealed Cargo Containers ? <-- Oh look, a mission objective \o/
[ 2010.10.18 21:22:45 ] Dryfty > be happy to part with it for a decent price
[ 2010.10.18 21:23:15 ] AetheroToland > how about that was the loot from my mission. which i ran before you got there.
[ 2010.10.18 21:23:23 ] AetheroToland > hence thats why i can jump to that location.
[ 2010.10.18 21:23:46 ] Dryfty > correct
[ 2010.10.18 21:23:54 ] Dryfty > and you can have it back for 10mil \o
[ 2010.10.18 21:24:04 ] Dryfty > afk for a bit, but it was a pleasure doing business with you
[ 2010.10.18 21:24:09 ] Dryfty > fly safe

I actually was trying to leave for a previous engagement, but I couldn’t help but accept his convo request when it came through almost immediately afterwards, but sensing that the tear faucet had run dry I didn’t prolong the contact.

[ 2010.10.18 21:24:21 ] Dryfty > ?
[ 2010.10.18 21:24:44 ] AetheroToland > keep it. use it to remember me. we’ll remember you :)
[ 2010.10.18 21:24:47 ] Dryfty > private contract is up for the objective, a reasonable 10mil
[ 2010.10.18 21:24:50 ] Dryfty > fair enough
[ 2010.10.18 21:25:00 ] Dryfty > look forward to doing business with you in the future :D
[ 2010.10.18 21:25:13 ] AetheroToland > i love smart-ass pirates.
[ 2010.10.18 21:25:27 ] Dryfty > ah see thats the error you all make
[ 2010.10.18 21:25:31 ] Dryfty > we’re ninjas, not pirates
[ 2010.10.18 21:25:35 ] Dryfty > theres a difference :D
[ 2010.10.18 21:25:46 ] Dryfty > but yeah, many of us are indeed smartasses
[ 2010.10.18 21:25:50 ] Dryfty > occupational hazard
[ 2010.10.18 21:25:54 ] Dryfty > *shrug*
[ 2010.10.18 21:26:37 ] Dryfty > if you’re unsatisfied with the service you’ve received today, I encourage you to take it up with my CEO as I have a previous engagement to get to
[ 2010.10.18 21:26:41 ] Dryfty > cheers \o

All in all a rewarding experience.

Good evening gentle reader, give me but a moment to compose myself and wipe away the tears of laughter, and we will get to the heart of tonight’s entry.  Recently I’ve been spending more time in the Domain region because of the generally low profile presence of TEARS operatives.  We’ve focused so much on a handful of trouble areas that we’ve been neglecting the rest of the universe, and I’m trying to do my part to correct this pattern of behavior.

Tonights subject is one Rokh pilot named: Commissar Ludd

Now I’m not sure what Herr Ludd was expecting tonight when he undocked and proceeded into a deadspace area in an attempt to rescue some stranded Prisoners, but I’m fairly certain from our lengthy conversation that it was not me.  Utilizing my Sister’s Expanded Probe Launcher that I’ve come to rely on so heavily, I locate the signature of Herr Ludd’s Rokh all by himself in a deep corner of the system.  Sensing, nay knowing, that something untoward was happening in that deadspace pocket I quickly went to investigate.  It was a good thing I did.

Herr Ludd was just finishing off the last of the nefarious pirates that inhabited the area, and I couldn’t help but notice that there were numerous wrecks and cargo containers littering the area.  At this time my TEARS operative training kicked in, but apparently so did Herr Ludd’s aggressive nature.  As I approached the first of these wrecks in order to begin removing the debris from municipal space, a shot comes blazing across my bow and blows chunks of the wreck everywhere.  Instead of a nice clean salvage job, I got the impression that this was going to turn into a scrapyard brawl and I was not far from being right.  Wreck after wreck are blown up, as well as any cargo container that I approach.  It’s not the way I’d have handled the situation, but perhaps Herr Ludd was taking responsibility for his messiness and attempting to clean up after himself.

Finally all the wrecks and cargo containers have been destroyed…  except one.  Curious, I approach this container which is located approximately 60km from Herr Ludd’s ship, after a moment of waiting for the expecting discharge of weaponry, nothing happens.  I take a look inside said container and to my dismay discover 10 emaciated prisoners obviously suffering from exposure to the harsh environs of deep space in such a flimsy vehicle.  I was obligated, nay morally obliged, to assist in their rescue as Herr Ludd was still an unacceptable distance away and the prisoners could start suffering from hypothermia at any moment.

After securing the prisoners in the small but well-equipped medical bay aboard my Vigil, I open a direct line of communication to Commissar Ludd in the hopes of coordinating the return of these prisoners to the proper authorities.  Below is the log of our discourse, and I must caution you gentle reader, it is not for the eyes of young pilots.  I must also apologize for the seeming nonsense of my replies late in the conversation, but I had tired of Herr Ludd and was curious to see just how long he’d remain on the line.  I was not disappointed.

[00:32:15] Commissar Ludd > what the hell. give me that now
[00:32:15] Dryfty > didnt need these did you? Prisoners
[00:32:49] Dryfty > 15mil
[00:32:52] Dryfty > and they’re yours
[00:33:07] Dryfty > guess you shouldn’t have shot the other wrecks..
[00:34:07] Commissar Ludd > give them to me now and i won’t kill you
[00:34:44] Dryfty > hrmm, I like my terms better. Quite generous really
[00:35:07] Dryfty > going rate is 20mil
[00:35:56] Commissar Ludd > why the hell did you steal those?
[00:36:10] Dryfty > well, you shot everything else, there had to be a reason you didnt shoot that one
[00:36:22] Dryfty > and oh look
[00:36:23] Dryfty > there was
[00:36:25] Dryfty > \o/
[00:36:36] Dryfty > so
[00:36:38] Dryfty > 15mil
[00:36:45] Dryfty > before my price goes up
[00:36:57] Commissar Ludd > i’m talking to my corp mates to get some help with it
[00:37:52] Commissar Ludd > you coward
[00:38:04] Dryfty > Ill put them up on a private contract just for you
[00:38:08] Dryfty > here in system
[00:38:17] Commissar Ludd > what station?
[00:38:35] Dryfty > name calling just raised the price to 18mil
[00:38:43] Dryfty > and if you look, theres only 1 station
[00:39:07] Dryfty > you really should treat others with the respect you’d like to be treated with
[00:39:51] Commissar Ludd > you are a fucking asshole. my friend is in system he just raised the price on you life.
[00:40:00] Dryfty > thanks nice
[00:40:03] Dryfty > 19mil
[00:40:07] Dryfty > thats*
[00:40:30] Commissar Ludd > undock you little coward.
[00:40:55] Dryfty > actually, “fucking asshole” and “coward” arent really original enough to merit that price hike
[00:41:06] Dryfty > we’ll call it good at 17.5mil because Im feeling generous
[00:41:13] Dryfty > you should thank me
[00:42:04] Commissar Ludd > you are a worthless coward. you don’t deserve to fly this space. undock and come face me you piece of pirate crap
[00:42:26] Dryfty > sorry sir, but the correct term is “ninja”, pirates are something altogether different
[00:42:50] Dryfty > Contract is up
[00:43:00] Dryfty > private for for the next hour
[00:43:04] Commissar Ludd > suck my cock you shit head
[00:43:29] Dryfty > well that’s not very neighborly at all now is it?
[00:43:43] Commissar Ludd > undock and face me like a fucking man kid
[00:43:56] Dryfty > so.. how much standing do you lose for failing a mission because of your ego?
[00:44:07] Dryfty > it’s not like Im asking a lot
[00:44:26] Dryfty > this isnt one of those “its the principle” things is it?
[00:44:33] Dryfty > because that would just make you sad
[00:44:35] Commissar Ludd > its still not right. i hate little dick bag kids like you
[00:44:50] Dryfty > but we love you sir
[00:44:53] Dryfty > and all your kind
[00:45:17] Commissar Ludd > you are a worthless coward. shouldn’t it be you camping me? fucking coward.
[00:45:17] Dryfty > are you a Native American sir?
[00:45:29] Dryfty > because I think “Raging Bear” would be an EXCELLENT name
[00:45:46] Commissar Ludd > you cock biteing bitch. fucking fight me.
[00:45:48] Dryfty > do you own a tomahawk?
[00:46:09] Dryfty > or perhaps a headdress from those bars with YMCA impersonators?
[00:46:16] Dryfty > work with me here sir
[00:46:26] Dryfty > for the low low price of 17.5mil isk
[00:46:31] Dryfty > you can put this all behind you
[00:46:31] Commissar Ludd > you fucking coward. come out and fight me you no dick bitch
[00:46:51] Dryfty > fine fine you win
[00:46:58] Commissar Ludd > come fucking fight.
[00:47:10] Dryfty > bet you lose
[00:47:22] Commissar Ludd > fucking coward.
[00:47:41] Dryfty > has anyone ever told you how cute you are when you’re angry?
[00:48:14] Commissar Ludd > has anyone ever told you how stupid and raceist you are?
[00:48:53] Dryfty > Ive not said a racist thing at all sir. I was simply sharing my thought that you have the makings of an outstanding Native American, at least from a descriptive name standpoint
[00:49:04] Dryfty > Im sorry if you’ve confused “wit” with “racism”
[00:49:23] Dryfty > but generally speaking, intelligence has never been the carebear strongpoint
[00:49:38] Commissar Ludd > you have no wit. you are a fucking idot.
[00:49:47] Dryfty > I.D.I.O.T. sir
[00:49:48] Commissar Ludd > i have what i need. suck my dick and die
[00:49:50] Dryfty > just saying
[00:50:00] Dryfty > have a good day sir
[00:50:10] Dryfty > but I must regretfuly inform you
[00:50:10] Commissar Ludd > go fuck yourself
[00:50:18] Dryfty > that Ill not be sucking anything of yours
[00:50:25] Dryfty > and best of luck with your petition
[00:50:34] Commissar Ludd > and you consider yourself to have wit?
[00:50:51] Dryfty > well, compared to you I should really be traveling the country doing stand up
[00:50:57] Commissar Ludd > i’ve heard frenchmen with more wit then you
[00:51:11] Dryfty > I LOVE MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL OMG OMG OMG!
[00:51:17] Dryfty > wow, we could be BFF’s
[00:51:24] Dryfty > what are the odds?
[00:51:32] Dryfty > in this great big universe
[00:51:47] Dryfty > so…. are you a Gemini?
[00:52:03] Commissar Ludd > you fucking retard. you are a witless ball less coward

And there you have it gentle reader. My only regret is that I was unable to engage him on the field of honor, as he called in a friend in a Bhaalgorn and I didn’t really fancy my chances against the pair. Today discretion was the better part of valor for myself, but somehow I get the feeling that Chief Raging Bear didn’t take away the same lessons from our fortuitous meeting.

Also, for anyone who may need them for an agent of their own, or simply to own a small piece of what some day might be considered history, a public contract is currently available in Domain Region entitled “[WTS] Commissarr Ludd’s Prisoners”. Don’t hurt each other getting to the front of the line gentle readers, and fly safe.

Hello again on this beautiful night in EVE gentle reader. I hope you are relaxing snugly in your pods, safely spinning in station or elsewhere that I might have your attention for a few moments once more.  As I mentioned in my log from earlier in the cycle, I’ve been roaming around the native systems of my biological people, primarily familiarizing myself with the area, and even *gasp* running a few missions in the hopes of eventually being able to keep myself supplied with Sisters Probes and Launchers.

Tonight I decide to take a new Rifter, using Mr. Set Shwayo’s excellent “Citation” fitting, out for a spin to see how she handles.  While not being quite as maneuverable as my trusty Payload, the Citation Jr. performed admirably though she was not tested in combat.

My report of tonight’s activities is as follows:

While cruising through the numerous asteroid belts of the Abudban system (0.7) I came across one “Natedog40″ mining from a Retriever into an unlicensed jetcan, and dangerously close to a known warp corridor.  Approaching Mr. Dog40′s position, he failed to respond to my attempts to raise him on the navcom and so I was forced to confiscate the contents of the jetcan in question and impound them temporarily in a TEARS Licensed Ore Containment Unit.

At this point Mr. Dog40 proceeded to lock on to my patrol ship and I felt that attack from his Warrior I combat drones was imminent.  For reasons unknown to this officer, the suspect held his fire but continued to annoy me with his persistent “yellow box” whenever I moved within range in hopes of initiating a dialog.  At this juncture I decided to proceed with standard hazardous material disposal procedures by shuffling the confiscated ore from the standard TEARS LOCU, to a new prototype container that I’ve been working on: the TEARS Licensed Destructible Jetcan, or TLDJ.

Once all the ore was safely secured in the TLDJ, I proceeded along a safe vector and activated the ignition sequence.  The blast radius was confined to 400m of the site, no debris was detected on DSCAN, and the corridors were safe once again.  I decided to wait in the area for a moment to see if I could finally get a response from Mr. Dog40 but none was forthcoming.  I docked up to attend to the call of nature, and the call of paperwork.

Here I assumed that this was a pretty open and shut case of space littering and prepared to fill out the proper forms.  When I returned from the “office”, and the records room with a fresh stack of blank forms I noticed that I’d missed an incoming private transmission from Mr. Natedog40.  Wondering what prompted this communication, I immediately opened a return channel and entered into this dialog.  Please note that at [03:04:18] Eden Standard Time, one “Enigmatic Lunatic” joined the conversation as Mr. Dog40′s Corporate CEO.

[02:54:04] Natedog40 > hello
[02:54:08] Dryfty > hi there, sorry I was away for a bit
[02:54:11] Dryfty > what can I do for you?
[02:54:25] Natedog40 > give back my ore that u stole
[02:54:47] Dryfty > unfortunately that ore no longer exists
[02:54:58] Natedog40 > then pay me for it
[02:55:29] Dryfty > it was clogging the spacelane and after confiscating it, and without a response from you, I destroyed it to prevent any unfortunate accidents
[02:56:05] Dryfty > you seem to misunderstand the situation, but as soon as I finish my paperwork rest assured that you’ll receive a copy of your citation for littering
[02:56:21] Natedog40 > well your actions have been demmed wrong and my corp hunters are in the sector
[02:56:22] Dryfty > at that time you’ll have the opportunity to pay the fine and put this whole incident behind you
[02:57:02] Dryfty > well I sincerely hope for their part that they take a little more pride in their work than you seemed to, leaving all that just lying around
[02:57:19] Dryfty > but rest assured, where there’s debris, I’ll do my best to be there to help clean up
[02:57:29] Natedog40 > i hope u are ready to lose your ship
[02:57:54] Dryfty > I do believe you had ample opportunity to attempt that yourself earlier but didnt seize the moment
[02:58:01] Dryfty > *shrug*
[02:58:13] Natedog40 > in a mining barge r u nuts
[02:58:34] Dryfty > perhaps in the future you will act more promptly to right these so-called “wrongs” that you claim to be a victim of
[02:59:06] Dryfty > your drones were perfectly capable of destroying those innocent belt refugees that come through every so often
[02:59:27] Dryfty > I wouldn’t have thought a tiny Citation Issue Rifter would be a problem for you
[02:59:38] Natedog40 > perhaps in the future u will learn respect
[03:00:02] Natedog40 > i just hope it doesnt take a podding tot each u that respect
[03:00:21] Dryfty > oh I have lots of respect for those that uphold TEARS Ordinance #46183.A,  but unfortunately your littering ways disqualify you from that distinction
[03:00:38] Dryfty > it really is sad, I think we could’ve been great friends
[03:00:39] Natedog40 > if u reimburse the value of the ore i may spare your ship/pod
[03:01:08] Dryfty > unfortunately sir we here at SN and TEARS don’t negotiate with terrorists
[03:01:22] Natedog40 > wtf your the terroist
[03:01:25] Dryfty > which its increasingly apparent that is what you really are
[03:01:30] Natedog40 > u popped my can
[03:01:54] Dryfty > hiding behind your “oh its a mining barge” excuses while you clog the spacelanes with debris, hoping to destroy hapless travelers by
[03:02:21] Dryfty > and then publicly harranguing officially licensed TEARS operatives who step in to help you resolve the situation
[03:02:36] Dryfty > now on top of that you’re making militant threats on condition of ransom
[03:02:40] Dryfty > sounds like a terrorist to me sir
[03:02:52] Natedog40 > u owe me 200,000 isk for that ore if u pay i will s[pare your ship/pod
[03:03:05] Dryfty > so as I said before, as much as I wish we could’ve been friends, we simply don’t negotiate with terrorists
[03:03:40] Dryfty > and for the record, that looked like a lot more than 200k worth of ore, just because you’re a terrorist doesn’t mean you should sell yourself so short
[03:03:52] Dryfty > have some pride in your work at least
[03:04:05] Dryfty > while you murder women and children with your “mining lasers”
[03:04:18] Enigmatic Lunatic > hey dryfty
[03:04:25] Dryfty > why hello there \o
[03:04:25] Enigmatic Lunatic > im nate coe
[03:04:31] Enigmatic Lunatic > o7
[03:04:47] Dryfty > doesn’t ring a bell, but what can I do for you nate?
[03:04:58] Dryfty > was just oh nm
[03:04:59] Dryfty > I misread
[03:05:03] Dryfty > you’re Nate’s CEO
[03:05:03] Natedog40 > he is my corp leader
[03:05:12] Enigmatic Lunatic > sorry im nate’s ceo sorry i cant type right today
[03:05:28] Dryfty > well Nate and I were just having a discussion of the reasons that he really should turn his life around and give up terrorism
[03:05:38] Enigmatic Lunatic > yeah .. if you want a duel im down to duel you but nate is new
[03:05:42] Dryfty > surely as his CEO and friend you can help him see the wisdom of this?
[03:05:48] Enigmatic Lunatic > wow nate when did you become a terrorist
[03:05:57] Natedog40 > dunno i was one
[03:06:16] Natedog40 > here i thought i was jetcan mining
[03:06:18] Enigmatic Lunatic > if by terrorist you mean frendly miner makeing isk and having fun i think your correct
[03:06:20] Dryfty > I encountered Mr. Dog40 a short while ago placing IED cannisters around the M8 Belt 4
[03:06:32] Dryfty > hoping to snare innocent travelers in his web of death ore
[03:06:53] Dryfty > thankfully as a local TEARS representative I came upon the scene and removed the hazardous debris
[03:06:58] Enigmatic Lunatic > ahh so you thought you would be a good samaritan and pop that “dangerous object” he was leaving in space
[03:07:19] Dryfty > Ill be certain to copy you on Mr. Dog40′s citation once I file my report
[03:07:33] Enigmatic Lunatic > well as somone who knows nate i can safely say that he has no explosives to use in said dangerous containers
[03:07:42] Dryfty > we here at TEARS look forward to a speedy resolution to all such incidents
[03:08:11] Dryfty > once the fine is paid in full we’ll be happy to write this whole thing off as a youthful offense
[03:08:13] Enigmatic Lunatic > well thanks dryfty
[03:08:17] Dryfty > given Mr. Dog40′s age
[03:08:20] Enigmatic Lunatic > the fine?
[03:08:40] Dryfty > certainly welcome, if there’s anything else we can do for you, please don’t hesitate to contact a local TEARS representative
[03:09:11] Dryfty > oh yes, possession of an unlicensed jetcan, improper storage of hazardous materials, among others
[03:09:31] Dryfty > the typical fine comes out to around 500k, but I wont know the extend of the damages until I type my report
[03:09:50] Dryfty > extent*
[03:09:59] Enigmatic Lunatic > lol ill keep you guys in mind if i need something to laugh myself to death with
[03:10:16] Dryfty > we do what we can sir, one system at a time
[03:10:22] Enigmatic Lunatic > im glad we could talk about this and keep it fun
[03:10:29] Enigmatic Lunatic > do you guys do merc work ever
[03:10:31] Dryfty > unless there’s anything else you’d like to discuss, fly safe o7
[03:10:47] Enigmatic Lunatic > cuz i might need to hire some people in a month or so
[03:11:09] Dryfty > no sir, though we have excellent relations with several merc corps, and might be able to refer you to one, we don’t take on those kinds of jobs
[03:11:25] Enigmatic Lunatic > thanks mind if i bookmark you
[03:11:29] Dryfty > we’re much too busy here in the Spacelane Sanitation Division
[03:11:33] Dryfty > of course, please do
[03:11:44] Enigmatic Lunatic > fly safe dryfty
[03:11:50] Dryfty > look forward to hearing from you, fly safe
[03:12:32] Natedog40 > well i got mining to do bye

I find myself infinitely thankful for the reasonable presence of Enigmatic Lunatic (irony? I think so.) that kept Nate from dangerously escalating the situation any further.  At times during the conversation I had begun to genuinely fear for my own safety and that of other TEARS operatives in the area.

Fortunately “EL” was present to calm things down, and I think that my professional tone and friendly manner went a long way towards diffusing the situation.  With everything now well in hand, I finally proceeded to complete the required paperwork which allowed me to officially issue this citation to “EL” on behalf of TEARS for the inappropriate actions of his employee.

I do appreciate the fact that by the end of our discussion, Mr. Natedog40 had essentially yielded his position with a “Thank you sir, may I have another?”. Pending payment of the fine, or a formal response to the citation, this case is tabled.

Citation #47620-3 Use of Unregistered Jetcan
From: Dryfty
Sent: 2010.08.03 04:37
To: Enigmatic Lunatic,

Mr. Lunatic,

Pursuant to our earlier interaction, I am officially enclosing the aforementioned citation and requisite fine for TEARS Officer intervention. We hope that together with your cooperation we can keep areas like Abudban VIII Belt IV safe for travelers and miners alike and must insist in the future that you use a properly licensed TEARS jetcan for your ore storage needs. Individual licenses may be purchased from myself or any TEARS representative for the nominal sum of 50,000 ISK. Please see details below for Corporation licensing.

Your prompt payment of this fine will conclude TEARS involvement in this case. Should you wish to appeal this citation, file a complaint, or request a quote for a Corporation Jetcan License: please contact SN CEO Aiden Mourn

As a gesture of goodwill I have decided to “forget” the terroristic threats made by Mr. Dog40 during our previous discussion and have not included those fees in the below citation. I hope we here at TEARS can count on your continued support in our efforts to keep the spacelanes clear for all.

Respectfully Yours,
Dryfty – Heimatar Region TEARS Representative

FORM #46183.A-C93 UNREGISTERED JETCAN CITATION
Issued by: TEAR EXTRACTION AND RECLAMATION SERVICE

Sector ID: 486BFG88499HG-3345-588FN
Jetcan Inventory: See Misc/Ref. Lading Log #6587-15

Operatives of TEARS Alliance, Subgroup: Suddenly Ninjas [YOINK] have issued a member of your Corporation a Citation for Failure to Properly Register an Unsecured Jetcan Residing in a Municipal Asteroid Belt per EDEN Municipal Code #46183.A in 0.7 System Abudban, Planet VIII, Belt IV

Party In Violation:  Natedog40

Infraction of EDEN Municipal Code #46183.A can incur a fine of up to 500,000.00 ISK, authorized destruction of vessel and resulting wreck salvage fees, not to exceed 20,000.00 ISK.

Registration Fee ………………………………………….. 250,000 ISK
Astrogation LIDAR Omission Penalty …………………………. 150,000 ISK
Debris Handling Fee……………………………………………………….. 50.000 ISK
Disposal Fee …………………………………………………………… 15,000 ISK
TEARS Licensed Destructable Jetcan…………………………….25,000 ISK
TEARS Officer Ammunition………………………………………….20,000 ISK
Fraternal Order of Salvagers Union Fund Contribution … 5,500 ISK

Total Assessment: 515,500 ISK

Please Remit Funds to TEARS – Spacelane Sanitation Division
Authorized Representative or your nearest TEARS Alliance Officer.

Forthcoming replies will be appended to the case file

Update: Reply from Enigmatic Lunatic Re: Citation #47620-3 Use of Unregistered Jetcan, and my response.

Re: Citation #47620-3 Use of Unregistered Jetcan
From: Enigmatic Lunatic
Sent: 2010.08.03 06:55
To: Dryfty

Mr. Dryfty,

After much thought and consideration i have chosen to decline your offer and keep this matters punishment “in house.” If you are not able to lend me the courtesy of keeping my affairs in house i will have to seek “counsultants” to help me handle any negative relations. Please do not contact me at home about this matter as my security company is very well paid and very bored.

Your quick response is appreciated.
The Lunatic

Mr. Lunatic,

As always it’s a pleasure speaking with you.  While I can certainly respect your desire to handle the discipline of your employee “in house”, records must be maintained so that should future incidents occur, all parties involved can make sound and rational judgments.  Having already been informed by Mr. Dog40 of his refusal to remit said fine, this case has been marked “Closed, No Resolution” and Mr. Dog40 has been red-flagged for additional monitoring.  Should he stumble back into his illegal use of unlicensed jetcans, further TEARS action may be forthcoming.

Speaking to your use of “counsultants”, we here at TEARS certainly welcome dialog with any parties that may be so inclined to involve themselves in matters of jurisdiction and corrective actions.  Should you or your “counsultants” wish to pursue this line further please do not hesitate to contact SN CEO Aiden Mourn

Respectfully Yours,
Dryfty – Heimatar Region TEARS Representative