Good day gentle reader, fear not for I have not abandoned the spacelanes!  I’ve been doing a good bit of traveling lately, casting my Net of Justice far out into the Sea of Villainy that is New Eden.  Lately I’ve been exploring the backwaters of Amarr space searching for those who seek to avoid punishment for their crimes by avoiding regular patrols. They can run, but they can’t hide.

I’ve apprehended numerous minor offenders, issued them citations, and in several cases forcibly removed ships from their possession when necessary.  None of these incidents really merit a log entry here, but I thought this one had that little extra something that should have an official record.

Flying into the deadend Ahteer system, I came across a Corporate mining operation with 3 Hulks, a Retriever, an Iteron V, a Rokh, and an Orca.  I had noticed 2 unlicensed jetcans during my initial investigation, but they had been collected by the Orca before I was able to impound the contents and issue a citation.  I felt that this situation needed to be monitored however so I warped to a safe and waited.  Shortly I noticed new wrecks appearing in the area so I returned to find the smoking hulls of some local Sansha pirates littering the asteroid belt.  I quickly moved in to help with cleanup operations and as soon as I secured a 50mm armor plating in my cargohold the Rokh pilot blew his top over the Local broadcast.  I quickly decided that it was necessary to adjust my usually professional approach to deal with this overly hostile offender.

[ 2011.02.16 02:16:37 ] Faalenleaf > lol
[ 2011.02.16 02:16:45 ] Faalenleaf > come on dryfly shoot me
[ 2011.02.16 02:16:51 ] Faalenleaf > bitch
[ 2011.02.16 02:17:11 ] Dryfty > Ladies and Incompetents first
[ 2011.02.16 02:17:13 ] Faalenleaf > go for it punk ass bitch
[ 2011.02.16 02:17:23 ] Dryfty > now now that sort of language isnt called for
[ 2011.02.16 02:17:39 ] Faalenleaf > do it you scumb bag
[ 2011.02.16 02:17:39 ] Dryfty > thought you miners were supposed to be civilized, gentle folk
[ 2011.02.16 02:17:56 ] Ntwaidumela > awww did we hurt your wittle feeewings ??? LOL
[ 2011.02.16 02:17:57 ] Faalenleaf > I’ll show you civilized you piece of shit
[ 2011.02.16 02:18:17 ] Dryfty > oh?
[ 2011.02.16 02:18:42 ] Faalenleaf > mark my name down come get me during hulkageddon. I’ll cap your scank ass
[ 2011.02.16 02:18:54 ] Dryfty > not very likely, but as you wish
[ 2011.02.16 02:19:06 ] Dryfty > also
[ 2011.02.16 02:19:10 ] Dryfty > you might want to shower.
[ 2011.02.16 02:19:13 ] Faalenleaf > heh I’ll call your bluff bud
[ 2011.02.16 02:19:18 ] Dryfty > you seem to have some asteroid dust in your vagina
[ 2011.02.16 02:19:26 ] Faalenleaf > yeah I bet bud
[ 2011.02.16 02:19:36 ] Faalenleaf > why don’t you come back so I can kill you with my drones?
[ 2011.02.16 02:20:16 ] Dryfty > if you were going to try you wouldve, instead of trying to scare me
[ 2011.02.16 02:20:27 ] Dryfty > good effort though
[ 2011.02.16 02:20:29 ] Faalenleaf > You calling me out on this?
[ 2011.02.16 02:20:29 ] Dryfty > B-
[ 2011.02.16 02:20:42 ] Faalenleaf > Cause if your calling me out, come on in and we can play
[ 2011.02.16 02:22:33 ] Faalenleaf > heh talk is cheap get in here

Now at this point there’s a veritable horde of drones being fielded by the various miners, and I highly suspect there might be a surprise waiting for me in the maintenance bay of that Orca, so I play it safe and maintain an orbit of 75km from the Rokh who has me targeted.  Sure enough, one of the other miners boards a Worm from the Orca and begins burning towards me using a microwarp drive.   I put some additional distance between us and the rest of his Corp without putting us to warp range, then  engage the Worm with my trusty Firetail.

He puts out a flight of Hobgoblin II’s and I know the success of this arrest depends on how quickly I can take them out, but I was not prepared for just how quickly I would do that.  The first drone died in 2 volleys from my two 150mm Autocannons, the rest took either 2 or 3.  Once the first flight of drones were dead I turned my loving caresses to the Worm and he melted to half armor before managing to get his second flight of Hobs out of the drone bay.

By this point I was taking steady damage and had allowed my shields to get lower than I should have, so instead of worrying about the drones I overheated my guns, along with my shield hardener and burned the Worm the rest of the way in short order with 10-15% of my Firetails shields remaining.

The Rokh pilot didn’t have much to say after seeing that Worm go down in flames, but a few minutes pass and I receive this mail from him:

can
From: Faalenleaf
Sent: 2011.02.16 02:28
To: Dryfty,

Hey look it was uncalled for on my part…no hard feelings…just a pissy night on my end.

While considering whether or how to respond I also received a private communication so I decided to gently push his buttons and see if anything else came out.

[ 2011.02.16 02:34:30 ] Dryfty > ?
[ 2011.02.16 02:34:46 ] Faalenleaf > hey that crap was uncalled for on my part
[ 2011.02.16 02:35:03 ] Faalenleaf > I am used to can flipping, and I apologize about being a dumbass
[ 2011.02.16 02:35:21 ] Faalenleaf > No excuse for my behaivor
[ 2011.02.16 02:35:25 ] Dryfty > its ok, you cant help it
[ 2011.02.16 02:35:30 ] Dryfty > I bring out the best in people
[ 2011.02.16 02:35:33 ] Dryfty > \o/
[ 2011.02.16 02:35:51 ] Dryfty > you did go from 0 to WOAH
[ 2011.02.16 02:35:59 ] Dryfty > was pretty funny
[ 2011.02.16 02:36:02 ] Faalenleaf > Well, figured I would at least make the attempt to apologize…..not like it has not happened before..can flipping that is

So there you have it gentle reader, another harrowing tale of crime, punishment, and repentance. You may notice that I highlighted part of his initial ranting, challenging me to find him during Hulkageddon. I’m not quite done with this offender I think. Unfortunately, I don’t have any experience with this particular brand of justice, so I put the call out to you my readers.

On top of the chance at fame, glory, and prizes you stand to win from the competition, I will contribute 20 million isk for each API verified killmail linked in the comments of this post on Faalenleaf, and 10 million for any of his Corp ProtoStar Trading, for the duration of Hulkageddon.

Obviously common sense restrictions apply (empty shuttle kills, etc), and I reserve the right to withhold the bounty from anyone that looks to be trying to take advantage of this noble quest for justice.

Good day gentle reader. I hope you can pardon the recent lapse in log entries, but paperwork has a tendency to pile up with the sheer volume of calls that we TEARS operatives handle on a daily basis. I assure you that this will be worth the wait as I have much to catch up on, not least the apprehension of the second most valuable offender on record for TEARS (I refuse to count that Carrier).

While we expend much of our patrol efforts in the numerous asteroid belts of New Eden, we do regularly seek out those less obvious hazards: deadspace wreck fields.  These silent killers are not as obtrusive as an asteroid belt filled with the cast-offs of sloppy miners, but they clog the warplanes nonetheless and must be removed to preserve the integrity of our warplanes.  Sometimes in the course of this duty a TEARS operative will encounter a hostile pilot that while not securing these wrecks and their cargo, seem determined to prevent us from doing so as well.  Often they go so far as to fire upon a duly sanctioned TEARS officer, which opens up a whole other level of citations and, you guessed it, paperwork.

Over the course of the previous two weeks I’ve dipped my toes into this wellspring of offenders and have emerged refreshed.  My first successful attempt to bring a violent fugitive to justice resulted in the destruction of Ms. Luna Pretoria’s Typhoon.  Up to, and for a week after this arrest, I busied myself with my normal belt patrols and scouting new systems to ordnance violators which led to my apprehension of two additional offenders just yesterday. Mr. Kaiser Barker thought to flout the decree of law and open fire on my TEARS Issue Vigil while I was securing and processing a large number of Sansha’s Large Wrecks and their cargo that he had carelessly left clogging a heavily traveled warplane.  I paused in my salvage duties to assess the threat posed by his Armageddon battleship, and put it down like the rabid dog it was.  Finally as I was considering turning in at the end of my shift, I decided to branch out and explore surrounding systems for possible violations.  The TEARS presence is minimal in Amarr space, and I’m loathe to allow the criminal element the comfort of complacency.

Checking the whiteboard for pirate activity, I was drawn to the Ekid solar system.  Upon arrival in my trusty Cheetah I immediately knew something was wrong.  There were only 14 pilots in the system including myself, yet the number of pirate ships that had been recently destroyed was off the charts!  We had a serious offender here.  Definitely serial killer potential.  I engage my trusty Sister’s Combat Probes (a recent addition, quite fond of them really) and set out to bring justice to this Amarrian backwater.  My first contact was a Raven who appeared to simply be sitting by himself out in space, alone with his thoughts.  Only a few moments later though I found him: Mr. Apocalypse Navy Issue.  Oh yes, this was our man. I docked my Cheetah in system and quickly made the three jumps back to Penirgman where I’d temporarily stored my assets and returned as quickly as possibly in Payload, my trusty Vigil.  Upon warping into the deadspace area he was engaging I noticed that these were no pirates at all, but my Matari brothers who’d chosen to serve in the Republic Fleet!  Enraged I hit the acceleration gate and notice that our ANI pilot has an underling in a Catalyst removing the evidence of his crimes from the field.  This must not stand.  I warp into the second sector and there he is, slaughtering left and right without the decency to give my brothers a military burial.  I engage my afterburner and move to correct this wrong, collecting the fallen’s dogtags to send back to their families, and salvaging what I can from the wrecks of their ships for the Republic Fleet Pension Fund.  Unfortunately, after laying to rest only two crews I found myself engaged by the Apoc pilot, Purple Delpoodle, and his drones coming in fast.

I managed to warp out, and immediately headed for Penirgman to repair the damage to my Vigil and exchange it for my Hurricane.  Never expecting him to be there when I returned, imagine my surprise when after 6 jumps and the station hangar delay (damn union dock workers), there he is on my navcom just as before.  I warp into the first room where I’d previously encountered his salvage minion in a Catalyst, but there was nothing to be found.  I activate the acceleration gate and prepare to rain swift and fiery justice down upon the offender…  but he’s no longer there.  Quickly checking my navcom I see his salvage minion busily working away at the veritable graveyard, but the ANI is nowhere to be seen.  Then I spot the next acceleration gate 10km away and immediately burn towards it in slow motion.  I fully expect him to be gone by the time I arrive, having been forewarned by his faithful minion who’s surely noticed a giant flashy red Hurricane by now, but to my surprise and delight I warp in directly on top of him as he engages even more of my Matari brethren.

Upon noticing me finally, he begins to align for warp.  I quickly target him and engage my Warp Disruptor II, and he’s suddenly stranded with a bunch of angry Minmatar.  I quickly chew through his armor and was contemplating demanding a ransom for his ship when this comes across the broadcast:

[ 2010.09.17 03:57:48 ] Purple Delpoodle > hey dry
[ 2010.09.17 03:57:51 ] Purple Delpoodle > ill pay ransom
[ 2010.09.17 03:57:58 ] Dryfty > 250mil or you die
[ 2010.09.17 03:58:01 ] Purple Delpoodle > kkk
[ 2010.09.17 03:58:16 ] Purple Delpoodle > stop shooting first please
[ 2010.09.17 03:58:20 ] Dryfty > money first.
[ 2010.09.17 03:58:31 ] Purple Delpoodle > you get that?
[ 2010.09.17 03:58:37 ] Dryfty > indeed, and thanks
[ 2010.09.17 03:58:44 ] Dryfty > SUDDENLY BETRAYAL
[ 2010.09.17 03:59:24 ] Purple Delpoodle > not cool

This was the result. Let this serve as a reminder to those who would flout the law and expect to avoid the repercussions. This is not low/null sec where pirate does battle with pirate and ransoms form a necessary revenue stream.  This is TEARS sec.  If you break the law, you will be broken in turn. Although tears normally fuel our ships, faction modules certainly don’t hurt.

So to you Purple Delpoodle: You did not cry, and died well, so my virtual hat (as you can plainly see I don’t wear one) is off to you.  If you’re interested you will find your Shadow Serpentis Tracking Computer and Imperial Navy Heat Sink on public contract in Amarr for reasonable prices.

Greetings gentle readers, I hope this message finds you all in good health, if it manages to find you at all.  The last few days I’ve found myself deep in various wormholes, exploring and familiarizing myself with just how such things function.  It started as any other adventure generally does, scanning around for interesting things in my Cheetah.  I picked up the signature of an unstable wormhole in Ammold and decided to investigate since I had nothing better to do at the time.  I found myself in a Class 2 occupied by a tiny Alliance of around 35 pilots in 3 Corporations (2 of which only boasted 2 members each).

I viewed this as an excellent opportunity to not only learn more about wormholes, but to practice my scanning and exploration skills as well.  Marking a few safer looking places via the navcom, I then deployed my scanner probes to see what other signatures I might find.  In short order I had uncovered 10 or so signatures in the system, and set about identifying each of them.  Most turned out to be gas clouds or asteroid belts, but one resolved into another wormhole entering onto a Class 4!  Bear in mind that this is exciting for me, as I’ve previously barely scraped the surface of wormhole exploration.  Jumping through into the Class 4, I find it empty of inhabitants but having a mass of signatures and anomalies.  I spent the next several hours painstakingly identifying and documenting each location, discovering another wormhole in the process.

Jumping through once more, I discover this wormhole to be a tiny Class 1 with not much to offer but an exit to an unknown low security solar system, and another to a Class 3 wormhole.  Choosing to continue exploring this wormhole chain I jump into the Class 3 and find it heavily fortified, yet sparsely populated.  The lone occupant other than myself is an unmanned Archon class Carrier sitting inside the force field of one of the structures.  Having never seen an actual Carrier before I decided to take a look, though unfortunately the force field prevented my getting too close. After this I took the time to scan down any signatures in the system and located a hisec exit that put me out a mere 13 systems from where I began, but something in the back of my mind told me that I wasn’t quite done with this wormhole yet.

Hopping back in, I waited… and waited… and… waited some more.  Finally my patience was rewarded as the Carrier left the station it was floating outside and I began to notice Sleeper wrecks appearing on my scanner display along with a Tengu.  There only being 2 anomalies in this Class 3, I proceeded with caution in the hopes of seeing the Carrier in action (just not involving myself).  Entering at range and well cloaked, I notice the last few Sleepers falling to the Carrier’s fighters and the accompanying Tengu.  The Tengu pilot then stored his ship in the Carriers maintenance bay and sat idly in his capsule for a few minutes before warping himself back to the station, presumably to get a loot and salvage ship as none of the wrecks have been touched at this point.

I decide to do something about that.  Quickly bookmarking the only 3 Large Sleeper wrecks, I warp out to a nearby moon, then warp in on top of each Large wreck in turn, quickly gathering the surviving cargo in the wreckage into my hold before warping back to the moon and then back in on top of the next wreck.  I did this primarily in the hopes of preventing the Carrier from having enough time to target me and dispatch his fighters if he was paying attention.   After securing the large cargo containers I decided to save some time and risk staying in the area to gather up Medium and Small wrecks, activating my cloaking device while I travel any distance between them.  In the end I collected all of the cargo from the 10 to 12 wrecks and decided that was not enough.  Knowing that salvaging these wrecks would be a time consuming affair, I decided to wait and see what the Carrier pilot would do, and whether the other pilot would be returning (all the while I was collecting cargo from their wrecks, the other pilot was sitting inside the force field in his capsule.).

Within 10 minutes the Carrier recalled his fighters that had been orbiting his ship, and engaged his jump drive, so I sprang into action!  Wielding the lone Salvager I module on my Cheetah with a passion, I spent near 40 module cycles just getting the salvage from the 3 Large wrecks, though the Mediums and Smalls went much faster with a few exceptions.  In the end I made off with about 40 million isk worth of salvage and cargo for the 15 to 20 minutes or so I invested.  Not bad at all in my opinion.

By this time, a day had passed and the previous signatures had all expired, so back to scanning I went.  After locating the new high security system exit I decided to take a look and see if I was near a station worth selling my ill-gotten gains at.  I popped out a mere 7 systems from Jita and quickly headed that direction.

In all, I learned much about wormholes and turned a small profit.  Who could ask for more?