Good day gentle reader, fear not for I have not abandoned the spacelanes!  I’ve been doing a good bit of traveling lately, casting my Net of Justice far out into the Sea of Villainy that is New Eden.  Lately I’ve been exploring the backwaters of Amarr space searching for those who seek to avoid punishment for their crimes by avoiding regular patrols. They can run, but they can’t hide.

I’ve apprehended numerous minor offenders, issued them citations, and in several cases forcibly removed ships from their possession when necessary.  None of these incidents really merit a log entry here, but I thought this one had that little extra something that should have an official record.

Flying into the deadend Ahteer system, I came across a Corporate mining operation with 3 Hulks, a Retriever, an Iteron V, a Rokh, and an Orca.  I had noticed 2 unlicensed jetcans during my initial investigation, but they had been collected by the Orca before I was able to impound the contents and issue a citation.  I felt that this situation needed to be monitored however so I warped to a safe and waited.  Shortly I noticed new wrecks appearing in the area so I returned to find the smoking hulls of some local Sansha pirates littering the asteroid belt.  I quickly moved in to help with cleanup operations and as soon as I secured a 50mm armor plating in my cargohold the Rokh pilot blew his top over the Local broadcast.  I quickly decided that it was necessary to adjust my usually professional approach to deal with this overly hostile offender.

[ 2011.02.16 02:16:37 ] Faalenleaf > lol
[ 2011.02.16 02:16:45 ] Faalenleaf > come on dryfly shoot me
[ 2011.02.16 02:16:51 ] Faalenleaf > bitch
[ 2011.02.16 02:17:11 ] Dryfty > Ladies and Incompetents first
[ 2011.02.16 02:17:13 ] Faalenleaf > go for it punk ass bitch
[ 2011.02.16 02:17:23 ] Dryfty > now now that sort of language isnt called for
[ 2011.02.16 02:17:39 ] Faalenleaf > do it you scumb bag
[ 2011.02.16 02:17:39 ] Dryfty > thought you miners were supposed to be civilized, gentle folk
[ 2011.02.16 02:17:56 ] Ntwaidumela > awww did we hurt your wittle feeewings ??? LOL
[ 2011.02.16 02:17:57 ] Faalenleaf > I’ll show you civilized you piece of shit
[ 2011.02.16 02:18:17 ] Dryfty > oh?
[ 2011.02.16 02:18:42 ] Faalenleaf > mark my name down come get me during hulkageddon. I’ll cap your scank ass
[ 2011.02.16 02:18:54 ] Dryfty > not very likely, but as you wish
[ 2011.02.16 02:19:06 ] Dryfty > also
[ 2011.02.16 02:19:10 ] Dryfty > you might want to shower.
[ 2011.02.16 02:19:13 ] Faalenleaf > heh I’ll call your bluff bud
[ 2011.02.16 02:19:18 ] Dryfty > you seem to have some asteroid dust in your vagina
[ 2011.02.16 02:19:26 ] Faalenleaf > yeah I bet bud
[ 2011.02.16 02:19:36 ] Faalenleaf > why don’t you come back so I can kill you with my drones?
[ 2011.02.16 02:20:16 ] Dryfty > if you were going to try you wouldve, instead of trying to scare me
[ 2011.02.16 02:20:27 ] Dryfty > good effort though
[ 2011.02.16 02:20:29 ] Faalenleaf > You calling me out on this?
[ 2011.02.16 02:20:29 ] Dryfty > B-
[ 2011.02.16 02:20:42 ] Faalenleaf > Cause if your calling me out, come on in and we can play
[ 2011.02.16 02:22:33 ] Faalenleaf > heh talk is cheap get in here

Now at this point there’s a veritable horde of drones being fielded by the various miners, and I highly suspect there might be a surprise waiting for me in the maintenance bay of that Orca, so I play it safe and maintain an orbit of 75km from the Rokh who has me targeted.  Sure enough, one of the other miners boards a Worm from the Orca and begins burning towards me using a microwarp drive.   I put some additional distance between us and the rest of his Corp without putting us to warp range, then  engage the Worm with my trusty Firetail.

He puts out a flight of Hobgoblin II’s and I know the success of this arrest depends on how quickly I can take them out, but I was not prepared for just how quickly I would do that.  The first drone died in 2 volleys from my two 150mm Autocannons, the rest took either 2 or 3.  Once the first flight of drones were dead I turned my loving caresses to the Worm and he melted to half armor before managing to get his second flight of Hobs out of the drone bay.

By this point I was taking steady damage and had allowed my shields to get lower than I should have, so instead of worrying about the drones I overheated my guns, along with my shield hardener and burned the Worm the rest of the way in short order with 10-15% of my Firetails shields remaining.

The Rokh pilot didn’t have much to say after seeing that Worm go down in flames, but a few minutes pass and I receive this mail from him:

can
From: Faalenleaf
Sent: 2011.02.16 02:28
To: Dryfty,

Hey look it was uncalled for on my part…no hard feelings…just a pissy night on my end.

While considering whether or how to respond I also received a private communication so I decided to gently push his buttons and see if anything else came out.

[ 2011.02.16 02:34:30 ] Dryfty > ?
[ 2011.02.16 02:34:46 ] Faalenleaf > hey that crap was uncalled for on my part
[ 2011.02.16 02:35:03 ] Faalenleaf > I am used to can flipping, and I apologize about being a dumbass
[ 2011.02.16 02:35:21 ] Faalenleaf > No excuse for my behaivor
[ 2011.02.16 02:35:25 ] Dryfty > its ok, you cant help it
[ 2011.02.16 02:35:30 ] Dryfty > I bring out the best in people
[ 2011.02.16 02:35:33 ] Dryfty > \o/
[ 2011.02.16 02:35:51 ] Dryfty > you did go from 0 to WOAH
[ 2011.02.16 02:35:59 ] Dryfty > was pretty funny
[ 2011.02.16 02:36:02 ] Faalenleaf > Well, figured I would at least make the attempt to apologize…..not like it has not happened before..can flipping that is

So there you have it gentle reader, another harrowing tale of crime, punishment, and repentance. You may notice that I highlighted part of his initial ranting, challenging me to find him during Hulkageddon. I’m not quite done with this offender I think. Unfortunately, I don’t have any experience with this particular brand of justice, so I put the call out to you my readers.

On top of the chance at fame, glory, and prizes you stand to win from the competition, I will contribute 20 million isk for each API verified killmail linked in the comments of this post on Faalenleaf, and 10 million for any of his Corp ProtoStar Trading, for the duration of Hulkageddon.

Obviously common sense restrictions apply (empty shuttle kills, etc), and I reserve the right to withhold the bounty from anyone that looks to be trying to take advantage of this noble quest for justice.

Good evening gentle reader, it’s been quite the eventful weekend shift here are TEARS patrol HQ in Agrallarier.  The most recent offender is quickly making his way up the food chain towards “habitual offender”.  Bear with me (no pun intended) as I lay out his many transgressions for you gentle reader, and I will step back and let him be judged additionally by the court of public opinion.

It was a relatively quiet afternoon, and a slow evening until I happened upon one “bullfart1” (yes, that’s actually his name…) happily slaughtering Serpentis employees and not bothering to clean up the moderate mess he was leaving behind.  I say moderate, because there appeared to not be a single battleship class vessel in the entire deadspace, so cleanup fortunately doesnt take me near as long.  On the third wreck he recalls his drones and warps off towards the station, leaving me to complete my job in relative peace as the remaining Serpentis’ are more concerned about saving their own hides than tanning mine.  That was until I received the following incoming transmission from bullfart1 (really, this name should be the first offense on the guys permanent record.):

[ 2011.01.23 06:01:33 ] Dryfty > yes?
[ 2011.01.23 06:01:57 ] bullfart1 > yeah would you mind leaving hte area
[ 2011.01.23 06:02:13 ] Dryfty > sorry, but theres still salvage that needs to be secured
[ 2011.01.23 06:02:19 ] Dryfty > Ill be done shortly though I assure you
[ 2011.01.23 06:02:25 ] bullfart1 > and it’s my slavage
[ 2011.01.23 06:02:36 ] Dryfty > as its in my cargohold, I believe its actually mine
[ 2011.01.23 06:02:38 ] bullfart1 > so fuck off
[ 2011.01.23 06:02:42 ] Dryfty > your salvage is in your hold sir
[ 2011.01.23 06:02:55 ] Dryfty > I really cant be blamed for your inefficiency
[ 2011.01.23 06:03:33 ] bullfart1 > either way fuck off
[ 2011.01.23 06:03:48 ] Dryfty > Im fine thanks, and I really dont appreciate your lack of manners
[ 2011.01.23 06:04:03 ] Dryfty > you could at least say “please fuck off”
[ 2011.01.23 06:04:06 ] bullfart1 > coming from the theif
[ 2011.01.23 06:04:37 ] Dryfty > we prefer to think of it as “spacelane sanitation”

At this time he returned to the mission, targeted my frigate, and opened fire. I kept the lines of communication open in an attempt to lull him into complacency, which was either successful or completely unnecessary. I continue the chatter as I warp back to station to spare my ship more of the ineffectual beating from his railguns and swap for a ship with a few more teeth: 425mm teeth.

[ 2011.01.23 06:05:07 ] Dryfty > well I suppose thats a bit more convincing than “fuck off”
[ 2011.01.23 06:05:10 ] Dryfty > its all yours
[ 2011.01.23 06:05:27 ] bullfart1 > next time think before my guns do the talking
[ 2011.01.23 06:05:34 ] Dryfty > roger that
[ 2011.01.23 06:06:17 ] bullfart1 > all i want to do is my mission and salvage after, so if isn’t an abandoned wreck then don’t touch it
[ 2011.01.23 06:07:14 ] Dryfty > an understandable request, there are many who arent as conscientious as you though
[ 2011.01.23 06:07:20 ] Dryfty > and that makes for very dirty space
[ 2011.01.23 06:08:06 ] bullfart1 > only in your mind, in mine it’s makes for a prfitable day

Oh dear. He sounds like he might have the makings of a TEARS officer, if only he weren’t so damn stupid. I’m now warping back in my trusty, and toothy, Cynabal and am dismayed when I arrive 48km from the Megathron. Knowing he’ll see the doom swooping down on him and head for the station I overheat my afterburner (still need to do further experimentation with the newly enable Micro Warp Drives before they’re ready for patrol duty) and warp disruptor hoping to hook him before he can leave. As it turns out, yet another completely unfounded worry as he didn’t even try to budge. It’s admirable when someones that confident, or clueless, about their ability to withstand a TEARS style arrest. I settle into a close orbit under the already pitiful firing solution offered by his railguns (he’d engaged me on my head-on approach and with 2 volleys only managed to remove 1% shields) and begin pelting him with Republic Fleet Fusion ammunition while deploying my Warrior II’s for good measure. His response?

[ 2011.01.23 06:09:03 ] bullfart1 > leave me alone

That’s right. Let’s take one more look at that just to be sure we’re all seeing it properly.. perhaps with more emphasis as I like to imagine him screaming it all alone in his cockpit

[ 2011.01.23 06:09:03 ] bullfart1 > leave me alone

What kind of man am I that can ignore such a potent warning and plea? I don’t know gentle reader, but it scares me deep inside, making me worry about the monster that could even now be lurking just beneath the surface of this mild-mannered and dedicated law enforcement official. That is a topic for another day however. Now to continue with the conversation, and it gets better:

[ 2011.01.23 06:09:20 ] Dryfty > Im sorry, but you did intiate hostilities against me sir
[ 2011.01.23 06:09:30 ] Dryfty > you’ve wounded my ship and my pride
[ 2011.01.23 06:09:33 ] bullfart1 > and now i am leaving

OH REALLY? For a moment I wondered if perhaps he knew something I didn’t and had taken the opportunity in station to fit a warp core stabilizer. Turns out he’s just an idiot, and after 20 seconds or so of him madly mashing the Align button on his console we continue our conversation.

[ 2011.01.23 06:09:53 ] bullfart1 > so you have to ba dick about it
[ 2011.01.23 06:10:18 ] Dryfty > Ive been nothing but polite sir
[ 2011.01.23 06:10:22 ] bullfart1 > all i gave you was warning shot
[ 2011.01.23 06:10:47 ] Dryfty > well you could consider this a warning shot, I would be willing to put all this behind us for say 40mil?
[ 2011.01.23 06:10:54 ] Dryfty > much cheaper than the alternative
[ 2011.01.23 06:11:08 ] Dryfty > Ill eve give you a minute
[ 2011.01.23 06:11:10 ] bullfart1 > says you if i had the isk\
[ 2011.01.23 06:11:19 ] Dryfty > thats unfortunate
[ 2011.01.23 06:11:29 ] Dryfty > its such a nice looking ship

I thought perhaps he didn’t want to discourse with me anymore, since he left the comm channel as his Megathron exploded in all it’s terribly fit glory. After securing the contents of the wreck, I decided to be charitable and let him know that I’d neglected to abscond with the tremendously heavy Cap Booster 800 charges he had been carrying.

Loot
From: Dryfty
Sent: 2011.01.23 06:13
To: bullfart1,

I left you the Cap Boosters, but thanks for the rest.

---

go fuck yourself
From: bullfart1
Sent: 2011.01.23 06:15
To: Dryfty,

how about you go fuck yourself, in my world people like you do not deserve to live, should i ever find in life i will be make sure that holds true

---

Re: go fuck yourself
From: Dryfty
Sent: 2011.01.23 06:16
To: bullfart1

Now you’ve carried your rudeness into real life threats. Im sorry sir, but thats unacceptable and will be duly reported to CCP. Also, you should be THANKING for blowing up that monstrosity you call a ship. Cheap armor plate, cheap hardeners, but no armor reps? But you fit Cap 800s and a Large Shield Booster? Wtf were you thinking?

I’ve just rendered a public service taking that out of space, really I should be sending you a bill.

---

loot this
From: bullfart1
Sent: 2011.01.23 06:16
To: Dryfty,

you couldn’t even be respectful, there was no damage to your ship and you were stealing my salvage in the first place, you have no honour and no concept of pride or respect

I’m really at a loss for words by this point gentle reader, but unlike our aggressor I manage to scrape together a few coherent sentences (really, I think he was so angry he may have literally gone retarded by the end of those mails. Note how his ability to communicate is distorted by extreme levels of unfocused rage.) and escalated these threats to my superiors within CONCORD. Here is a copy of that communication and their most timely response:

Name: bullfart1
Report:

After firing on my ship, and subsequently getting blown up by me, this player resorted to threatening to kill me in real life.

“how about you go fuck yourself, in my world people like you do not deserve to live, should i ever find in life i will be make sure that holds true”

You can find his EVEmail in my Inbox for your inspection. I appreciate your attention to this matter.

---

Hi,

<REDACTED SECRETS>

Best regards,
GM Zhainius
EVE Online Customer Support

Oops.

Good afternoon gentle reader. Last night’s patrol of Agrallarier was fairly routine, with a good portion of my time spent cleaning up the fields of debris left by the usual suspect: careless bears. One of the bears in question happened to be one Mr. Lorphall of the Aliastra Corporation. Upon my arrival in the deadspace occupied by Mr. Lorphall’s Megathron, and his accomplice Unkas’ Raven, I noticed at once that I had been presented with an opportunity. Instantly identifying the mission as World’s Collide, I moved quickly through the gate to the Serpentis Base only to find it destroyed. I made my way towards the Research Outpost, cleaning up a few wrecks on my way and bookmarking the rest for later disposal, I proceeded into the next area with the hope of stopping this pointless conflict before more lives were lost.

Arriving at the Research Outpost, I noticed that almost half of the defenders had been killed by messieurs Lorphall and Unkas, so I set about my grizzly duty of interring the newly departed and properly disposing of their remaining worldly possessions. Apparently our fine, upstanding mass-murderers took issue with the performance of my duties and both quickly targeted my defenseless salvage ship. After cleaning up two or three more balls of crushed steel, flesh, and bone I found myself fired upon by Mr. Lorphalls railguns and a flight of angry looking Warrior I’s heading my direction. I withstood the fire long enough to lay two more crews to rest before I was forced to flee by the deteriorating condition of my own ship. I was not to be gone long though gentle reader.

Back at station I quickly boarded my trusty Cynabal that was waiting on standby and checked to make sure I had the proper munitions loaded. Warping back into deadspace I see that our two battleships are still on their spree of death and destruction, and my determination to bring them to justice flared even hotter as I warped into the Research Outpost landing practically on top of the Megathron. Before he could even react he found himself scrambled, orbited, and taking heavy fire from my guns and drones. His associate Unkas locked my ship hoping to forestall the destruction of Lorphall’s Megathron, but I knew that my backup from CONCORD was waiting in the wings to take action should he open fire. It did not take long at all for Lorphall to join the ranks of the departed.

I finally noticed something else after securing the remains of the Megathron in my cargohold: there were no Serpentis left alive in the area, Lorphall had been 20 kilometers from the Damaged Heron when his attention was so forcefully occupied by myself, and Unkas was another 30 kilometers farther away than Lorphall. Perhaps imagining I could hear the cries of the survivors, or maybe knowing on a deeper level that there were still lives to be saved, I made my way over to the Damaged Heron to find the entire Ship’s Crew battered but alive and in need of rescue. I quickly ushered them on board the Cynabal and set a course back to the nearest station where they could receive medical attention and some much needed rest.

En route to station I picked up an incoming transmission from Lorphall:

[ 2011.01.21 23:53:50 ] Lorphall > whats ur problem dude?
[ 2011.01.21 23:54:11 ] Dryfty > you shot me, so I shot back
[ 2011.01.21 23:54:24 ] Lorphall > u were stealing our loots
[ 2011.01.21 23:54:29 ] Dryfty > Ship’s Crew got this too
[ 2011.01.21 23:54:32 ] Lorphall > ur a pirate
[ 2011.01.21 23:54:46 ] Dryfty > no sir, Im a ninja
[ 2011.01.21 23:54:49 ] Dryfty > there’s a distinct difference
[ 2011.01.21 23:54:54 ] Dryfty > just remember, you shot me first
[ 2011.01.21 23:55:03 ] Dryfty > I was merely cleaning up after you
[ 2011.01.21 23:55:03 ] Lorphall > U hink I was supposed to let u ninja loots and dont shoot back?
[ 2011.01.21 23:55:11 ] Lorphall > alright.
[ 2011.01.21 23:55:13 ] Dryfty > well, yes
[ 2011.01.21 23:55:19 ] Dryfty > Ill be a good sport though
[ 2011.01.21 23:55:29 ] Lorphall > congrats, I cant buy another BS, and Im leaving the game. Good job
[ 2011.01.21 23:55:32 ] Dryfty > and sell you your mission objective back for the reasonable sum of 18mil
[ 2011.01.21 23:55:40 ] Dryfty > can I have the rest of your stuff then?
[ 2011.01.21 23:55:45 ] Dryfty > no sense it going to waste
[ 2011.01.21 23:55:46 ] Lorphall > fuck u
[ 2011.01.21 23:55:52 ] Dryfty > now thats not very nice
[ 2011.01.21 23:55:57 ] Lorphall > Il trash it all b4 giving yo u
[ 2011.01.21 23:55:58 ] Dryfty > Im trying to do you a favor

In the end, justice was served, and yet another criminal has been punished. Some may call my line of work thankless or misunderstood. I just call it necessary. Fly safe gentle reader.

Welcome to part two of this miniature trilogy gentle reader. Here I will regale you with a harrowing tale of two miners, seven unlicensed containers of ore, two solar systems, and what happens when they meet yours truly.

Our two protagonists for this epic yarn go by the names Tru Warden and Brutalis Furia (I couldn’t make those up if I tried). I encountered this intrepid duo busily laying waste to asteroid after asteroid in another backwater system by the name of Gaknem. Now, this is a 0.6 system so there is no excuse for such sloppy mining practices as were displayed by these two. Brutalis is even the CEO of their tiny corporation. Sometimes corruption and willful ignorance of the law goes all the way to the top.

I was immediately intrigued when I noticed a Rokh, Hulk, and Caldari Shuttle on my scanner, along with two containers labeled with timestamps. Moving in to investigate, I immediately took corrective action by impounding the contents of the two illegal containers. Tru Warder fled the scene of the crime, heading for a local mining outpost while Mr. Furia continued to mine obliviously and I kept watch over the impounded ore and began my paperwork.

Shortly Tru Warder returned in a Mammoth and began to approach the impounded ore, but thought better of his planned theft and returned to station once more. By this time Brutalis has filled his cargohold but is obviously reluctant to pollute space further in the presence of a TEARS officer and sits idly.

At this time a message comes through from an uninvolved party that requires my immediate and undivided attention. Unable to continue to maintain the integrity of the impounded ore, and having had no communication from either offender, I make the appropriate notations on my paperwork and flag the ore for immediate disposal. I then dock for the next couple of hours to handle that intruding business.

Fear not gentle reader, our story does not stop here. After my other business was concluded I return to find both Tru Warder and Brutalis Furia gone from Gaknem. I have a gut feeling however that they have not learned their lesson from our earlier encounter, and sure enough I find them merely in the next system over continuing their ruinous roid rampage, while still jettisoning ore into illegal containers. Dismayed by their lack of cooperation with local authorities, I warp in to their belt to discover FIVE timestamped containers floating dangerously close to a municipal warplane.

I move to impound the first container which is full to capacity, when the below transmission shows up on the local broadcast channel. Through all this I continue to impound container after container while the two deviant miners stare dumbly and vent their frustrations via comms.

[ 2010.12.12 03:31:55 ] Tru Warder > Dryfty – we CAN’T fight you – if you’re just looking for a fight
[ 2010.12.12 03:32:05 ] Tru Warder > all you”re doing is being a PITA
[ 2010.12.12 03:32:31 ] Dryfty > just keeping the spacelanes clear of dangerous unlicensed jetcans sir
[ 2010.12.12 03:33:57 ] Tru Warder > I’d just as soon not have wasted several hours of gameplay, if you don’t mind
[ 2010.12.12 03:34:17 ] Dryfty > Im sorry sir, but your unsafe mining practices put lives at risk
[ 2010.12.12 03:34:20 ] Tru Warder > my strongest ship is a cormorant
[ 2010.12.12 03:34:32 ] Tru Warder > I don’t think that would constitute a fair fight, do you?
[ 2010.12.12 03:34:40 ] Brutalis Furia > Explain that one if you don’t mind
[ 2010.12.12 03:34:52 ] Tru Warder > him, or me?
[ 2010.12.12 03:34:57 ] Brutalis Furia > him
[ 2010.12.12 03:35:23 ] Dryfty > leaving improperly licensed jetcans in municipal warplanes are a severe collision hazard
[ 2010.12.12 03:35:35 ] Dryfty > part of our duties are to keep the warplanes clear of these obstacles
[ 2010.12.12 03:35:36 ] Tru Warder > uh-huh
[ 2010.12.12 03:36:02 ] Brutalis Furia > do you represent any sanctioned agency with apropriate juristiction over these maters
[ 2010.12.12 03:36:03 ] Tru Warder > I’ve bounced off STATIONS, never mind itsy-bitsy jetcans…
[ 2010.12.12 03:36:14 ] Tru Warder > *matters
[ 2010.12.12 03:36:18 ] Tru Warder > :)
[ 2010.12.12 03:36:25 ] Dryfty > TEARS Operatives are sanctioned by CONCORD itself
[ 2010.12.12 03:36:39 ] Tru Warder > uh-huh – and that’s why you turned RED?
[ 2010.12.12 03:36:46 ] Dryfty > you’ll both be receiving citations via evemail once my paperwork for the day is complete
[ 2010.12.12 03:36:57 ] Brutalis Furia > please show or link me to that relevant document
[ 2010.12.12 03:37:24 ] Dryfty > as I said, you’ll receive copies of my report with your citations once the days paperwork is complete. I only have two hands sir
[ 2010.12.12 03:37:39 ] Brutalis Furia > not acceptable
[ 2010.12.12 03:38:16 ] Dryfty > well, apparently thats just too damn bad sir.
[ 2010.12.12 03:38:29 ] Brutalis Furia > if you are impounding my property, i demand aprpriate paperwork on the matter
[ 2010.12.12 03:38:36 ] Dryfty > your non-compliance will be noted in my report
[ 2010.12.12 03:39:08 ] Dryfty > actually sir, because of your repeat offender status, the property has been reffered for proper disposal
[ 2010.12.12 03:39:46 ] Brutalis Furia > like the two cans you destroyed in gaknem? where was the prior offence that time?
[ 2010.12.12 03:39:46 ] Dryfty > you’ll notice that where there were 5 unlicensed jetcans, there are now only 2 to dispose of
[ 2010.12.12 03:40:26 ] Dryfty > actually, that was a matter of my attention being required elsewhere, and I couldnt trust you and your accomplice not to simply steal the impounded property
[ 2010.12.12 03:40:43 ] Dryfty > its really your own doing sir
[ 2010.12.12 03:41:13 ] Brutalis Furia > who is your superoir officer sir?
[ 2010.12.12 03:41:18 ] Dryfty > have no fear sir, Im almost done here
[ 2010.12.12 03:41:40 ] Dryfty > complaints are best referred to Aiden Mourn I suppose, that Im uncertain how anyone could have a complaint with the service Ive rendered
[ 2010.12.12 03:41:48 ] Dryfty > Aiden Mourn
[ 2010.12.12 03:41:49 ] Brutalis Furia > that matters not, i wish to file a complaint
[ 2010.12.12 03:44:01 ] Dryfty > I appreciate your attentiveness in this matter
[ 2010.12.12 03:44:05 ] Dryfty > and removing the last of the debris
[ 2010.12.12 03:44:21 ] Dryfty > unfortunately that can have no bearing in the issuance of my citations for your previous offences
[ 2010.12.12 03:44:49 ] Dryfty > should you decide to pursue this self-destructive criminal lifestyle
[ 2010.12.12 03:44:51 ] Tru Warder > you are an ass, sir
[ 2010.12.12 03:45:02 ] Dryfty > Im afraid further intervention will be necessary
[ 2010.12.12 03:45:17 ] Tru Warder > cry to Concord
[ 2010.12.12 03:46:07 ] Dryfty > apparently we have differing definitions of crying sir
[ 2010.12.12 03:46:12 ] Dryfty > Im simply doing my job

You may see from the log that Tru Warder finally decided that watching his ore being impounded was simply too much to bear and he proceeded to jump back to Gaknem for his trusty Mammoth that he was too afraid to employ earlier. This time he was a bit more successful as I had mere seconds remaining before my crew could jettison another impound container, and he managed to save a single container of ore from authorized disposal. As he managed to secure that amount of ore, I did not reflect it in the following citation as we must encourage these people to clean up after themselves. I was sincere in my appreciation for his belated assistance in keeping the spacelanes clear.

Mr. Tru Warder, Mr. Brutalis Furia:

Pursuant to our earlier interaction, I am officially enclosing the aforementioned citation and requisite fine for TEARS Officer intervention. We hope that together with your cooperation we can keep areas like Gaknem and Phoren safe for travelers and miners alike and must insist in the future that you use a properly licensed TEARS jetcan for your ore storage needs. Individual licenses may be purchased from myself or any TEARS representative for the nominal sum of 5,000,000 ISK. Please see details below for Corporation licensing.

Your prompt payment of this fine will conclude TEARS involvement in this case.

Dutifully Yours,
Dryfty – Tash-Murkon Region TEARS Representative

FORM #46183.A-C93 UNREGISTERED JETCAN CITATION
Issued by: TEAR EXTRACTION AND RECLAMATION SERVICE

Sector ID: 486BFG88499HG-3345-588FN
Jetcan Inventory: See Misc/Ref. Lading Log #6587-15

Operatives of TEARS Alliance, Subgroup: Suddenly Ninjas [YOINK] have issued a member(s) of your Corporation a Citation for Failure to Properly Register an Unsecured Jetcan Residing in a Municipal Asteroid Belt per EDEN Municipal Code #46183.A in 0.6 Systems: Gaknem and Phoren

Parties In Violation:
Tru Warder
Brutalis Furia

Infraction of EDEN Municipal Code #46183.A can incur a fine of up to 500,000.00 ISK per m3 of debris, authorized destruction of vessel and resulting wreck salvage fees, not to exceed 20,000,000.00 ISK.

Registration Fee ………………………………………….. 250,000 ISK
Astrogation LIDAR Omission Penalty …………………………. 150,000 ISK
Debris Handling Fee……………………………………………………….. 50.000 ISK
Disposal Fee …………………………………………………………… 1,000,000 ISK
TEARS Licensed Destructable Jetcan x6…………………………….2,200,000 ISK
TEARS Officer Ammunition………………………………………….200,000 ISK
Fraternal Order of Salvagers Union Fund Contribution … 5,500 ISK

Total Assessment: 3,855,500 ISK

Please Remit Funds to TEARS – Spacelane Sanitation Division
Authorized Representative or your nearest TEARS Alliance Officer.
Failure to submit payment on this citation may prompt additional TEARS action and requisite sanctions.

Resolution of this case is still pending. Past due notices are scheduled to be distributed in the next few hours.

Good evening gentle reader! Once again I pulled the weekend patrol, and encountered a variety of offenders. From the cooperative, to the belligerent, to the violent, all were dealt with appropriately and the corresponding paperwork filed in triplicate. I believe there is much to be learned from their experiences with this humble TEARS Operative, and so I share their three separate tales with you now.

We begin the reports with one “Dr Crippen“, who I believe is no real doctor at all though I’ve been unable to confirm this suspicion. The good doctor was busily mining away in a small backwater system in Tash-Murkon by the name of Iro. I was in the area patrolling for unlicensed jetcans in my Jaguar when I encountered his Retriever merrily mining away, but there were no cans to be found.

On my way to leave I noticed a pirate wreck that as yet lay unsalvaged so I checked the cargohold to discover a Civilian Shield Booster. Not having a salvager equipped presently, I could not properly remove all of the debris, but I did what little I could by taking care of that module and preparing to move on to inspect the next asteroid belt.

No sooner had I begun to align for warp, I found myself being targeted by the Retriever and a rather angry looking flight of Hornet I’s coming at me full speed. My training and instincts took over as I returned the target lock, engaged my warp scrambler, and burned towards the Retriever as fast as my afterburner would allow. As is my habit, I began targeting his drones in order to dispatch that threat first when I accidentally sent a volley of autocannon fire into the Retriever and was shocked to see his shields disappear completely along with a quarter of his armor. Quickly deciding that the drones were tougher than the ship, I dispatched the Retriever with two more successive volleys and the drones went inactive.

Dr Crippen warped his capsule off towards a station to presumably lick his wounds, and being in no particular hurry I took my time sifting through the wreckage of his Retriever and destroying what I was unable or unwilling to take with me.

One thing I’ve learned is that paying attention to your ships scanning instrumentation can pay off, and such was the case today. As I was warping off I noticed “Dr Crippen’s Drake” appear outside the station he’d warped to, so I proceeded to a neutral area of the system and turned my scanner on the asteroid belt I’d just left. I did not wait long before the Drake appeared in the belt and I engaged my warp drive.

Arriving in the belt I immediately lock him and again engage my warp scrambler and afterburner as he’s salvaging the wreck of his Retriever. Burning into a close orbit we begin exchanging fire and he deploys another flight of Hornet I’s. This time the Hornets are definitely the priority, so I systematically destroy them while maintaining my orbit around the Drake. My Jaguar is pelted by volley after volley of cruiser missiles, but they have practically no effect on my shields. On the other hand, my guns steadily break through first his shields, and then his armor. Once I begin firing on the exposed hull of the Drake I open a private channel to Dr Crippen and offer a reasonable ransom for the survival of the Drake, but I was rebuffed. Moments later the asteroids in the belt got their second fireworks show of the evening.

Almost instantly Dr Crippen realizes that he is now without a ship to fly, and proceeds to vent his frustration over the local broadcast channel:

[ 2010.12.12 01:26:11 ] Dr Crippen > what a ass hole
[ 2010.12.12 01:26:26 ] Dryfty > I offered a reasonable ransom, you declined.
[ 2010.12.12 01:27:10 ] Dr Crippen > some of us dont have that sort of isk pratt
[ 2010.12.12 01:27:26 ] Dryfty > it was less than the cost of replacing that Drake hull
[ 2010.12.12 01:27:30 ] Dryfty > *shrug*
[ 2010.12.12 01:27:46 ] Dr Crippen > thats why your a ass
[ 2010.12.12 01:28:27 ] Dryfty > your logic escapes me. Perhaps inhaling all that asteroid dust has affected your brain?
[ 2010.12.12 01:29:24 ] Dr Crippen > i said i had no isk do you not under stand cant give what you dont have that why your a ass
[ 2010.12.12 01:29:40 ] Dryfty > you being poor != me being an ass sir
[ 2010.12.12 01:30:19 ] Dryfty > I believe theres an ancient Chinese proverb that applies to this situation, and I think you may find it useful
[ 2010.12.12 01:30:26 ] Dryfty > “dont fly what you cant afford to lose”
[ 2010.12.12 01:30:33 ] Dryfty > you might have heard it before sir?
[ 2010.12.12 01:30:56 ] Dryfty > I expected higher intellect from a “Dr”
[ 2010.12.12 01:31:08 ] Dryfty > what are they teaching in doctor school these days?
[ 2010.12.12 01:31:24 ] Dr Crippen > ha ha ha this is not my main my main is dave starfly i would look out if i was you
[ 2010.12.12 01:31:47 ] Dryfty > Im terrified sir. If you’re as inept on your main, as you are on your alt, I quiver at the thought of it
[ 2010.12.12 01:32:09 ] Dryfty > so unless you give yourself a labotomy before logging into this pilot, I dont have much to fear
[ 2010.12.12 01:32:58 ] Dr Crippen > well look him up he in 00 at moment corp monro
[ 2010.12.12 01:33:35 ] Dryfty > looking now actually, still not impressed. But whatever makes you happy, makes me happy sir.
[ 2010.12.12 01:33:45 ] Dr Crippen > modro
[ 2010.12.12 01:33:59 ] Dryfty > the whole “Ill crush you with my main” is so 2005
[ 2010.12.12 01:35:20 ] Dryfty > Though I do thank you, you’ve topped off my Tear Capacitors quite nicely.
[ 2010.12.12 01:35:39 ] Dr Crippen > yes so is picking on people in high sec p off to low sec and have a go
[ 2010.12.12 01:35:56 ] Dryfty > You fired at me sir, just who is picking on who?
[ 2010.12.12 01:36:08 ] Dryfty > at least take responsibility for your actions
[ 2010.12.12 01:36:42 ] Dr Crippen > you stole from me
[ 2010.12.12 01:37:06 ] Dr Crippen > you whent red to me
[ 2010.12.12 01:37:14 ] Dryfty > I severely doubt you were going to actually take / use anything from that wreck.
[ 2010.12.12 01:37:39 ] Dryfty > just trying to keep the spacelanes clear of debris
[ 2010.12.12 01:37:52 ] Dr Crippen > when you are low on isk all helps get back in game
[ 2010.12.12 01:38:09 ] Dryfty > you’ll notice I allowed you to salvage the wreck of your Retriever, before blowing up your Drake. We all have to do our part
[ 2010.12.12 01:39:01 ] Dryfty > perhaps you should “get back into the game” in low/null sec. You’re obviously much more powerful there than here.
[ 2010.12.12 01:39:14 ] Dryfty > perhaps theres kryptonite in this solar system?
[ 2010.12.12 01:39:50 ] Dryfty > dont worry, 1 more minute and you can safely undock
[ 2010.12.12 01:40:00 ] Dr Crippen > why i have not done anyone any harm here unlike some people i could say
[ 2010.12.12 01:40:10 ] Dryfty > no need to fear me sir, and I hope this unfortunate incident doesnt get in the way of our friendship.
[ 2010.12.12 01:40:18 ] Dryfty > I feel a special bond growing between us
[ 2010.12.12 01:40:23 ] Dryfty > like we’ve known each other for years.
[ 2010.12.12 01:40:32 ] Dr Crippen > :-)
[ 2010.12.12 01:40:40 ] Dryfty > oh sorry, that was gas
[ 2010.12.12 01:40:41 ] Dr Crippen > lol
[ 2010.12.12 01:40:42 ] Dryfty > my mistake
[ 2010.12.12 01:41:05 ] Dryfty > well you enjoy the rest of your day sir, fly safe if you cant fly smart ;)

And so ends the Tale of Dryfty and Dr Crippen. Riveting.

Good evening gentle reader, give me but a moment to compose myself and wipe away the tears of laughter, and we will get to the heart of tonight’s entry.  Recently I’ve been spending more time in the Domain region because of the generally low profile presence of TEARS operatives.  We’ve focused so much on a handful of trouble areas that we’ve been neglecting the rest of the universe, and I’m trying to do my part to correct this pattern of behavior.

Tonights subject is one Rokh pilot named: Commissar Ludd

Now I’m not sure what Herr Ludd was expecting tonight when he undocked and proceeded into a deadspace area in an attempt to rescue some stranded Prisoners, but I’m fairly certain from our lengthy conversation that it was not me.  Utilizing my Sister’s Expanded Probe Launcher that I’ve come to rely on so heavily, I locate the signature of Herr Ludd’s Rokh all by himself in a deep corner of the system.  Sensing, nay knowing, that something untoward was happening in that deadspace pocket I quickly went to investigate.  It was a good thing I did.

Herr Ludd was just finishing off the last of the nefarious pirates that inhabited the area, and I couldn’t help but notice that there were numerous wrecks and cargo containers littering the area.  At this time my TEARS operative training kicked in, but apparently so did Herr Ludd’s aggressive nature.  As I approached the first of these wrecks in order to begin removing the debris from municipal space, a shot comes blazing across my bow and blows chunks of the wreck everywhere.  Instead of a nice clean salvage job, I got the impression that this was going to turn into a scrapyard brawl and I was not far from being right.  Wreck after wreck are blown up, as well as any cargo container that I approach.  It’s not the way I’d have handled the situation, but perhaps Herr Ludd was taking responsibility for his messiness and attempting to clean up after himself.

Finally all the wrecks and cargo containers have been destroyed…  except one.  Curious, I approach this container which is located approximately 60km from Herr Ludd’s ship, after a moment of waiting for the expecting discharge of weaponry, nothing happens.  I take a look inside said container and to my dismay discover 10 emaciated prisoners obviously suffering from exposure to the harsh environs of deep space in such a flimsy vehicle.  I was obligated, nay morally obliged, to assist in their rescue as Herr Ludd was still an unacceptable distance away and the prisoners could start suffering from hypothermia at any moment.

After securing the prisoners in the small but well-equipped medical bay aboard my Vigil, I open a direct line of communication to Commissar Ludd in the hopes of coordinating the return of these prisoners to the proper authorities.  Below is the log of our discourse, and I must caution you gentle reader, it is not for the eyes of young pilots.  I must also apologize for the seeming nonsense of my replies late in the conversation, but I had tired of Herr Ludd and was curious to see just how long he’d remain on the line.  I was not disappointed.

[00:32:15] Commissar Ludd > what the hell. give me that now
[00:32:15] Dryfty > didnt need these did you? Prisoners
[00:32:49] Dryfty > 15mil
[00:32:52] Dryfty > and they’re yours
[00:33:07] Dryfty > guess you shouldn’t have shot the other wrecks..
[00:34:07] Commissar Ludd > give them to me now and i won’t kill you
[00:34:44] Dryfty > hrmm, I like my terms better. Quite generous really
[00:35:07] Dryfty > going rate is 20mil
[00:35:56] Commissar Ludd > why the hell did you steal those?
[00:36:10] Dryfty > well, you shot everything else, there had to be a reason you didnt shoot that one
[00:36:22] Dryfty > and oh look
[00:36:23] Dryfty > there was
[00:36:25] Dryfty > \o/
[00:36:36] Dryfty > so
[00:36:38] Dryfty > 15mil
[00:36:45] Dryfty > before my price goes up
[00:36:57] Commissar Ludd > i’m talking to my corp mates to get some help with it
[00:37:52] Commissar Ludd > you coward
[00:38:04] Dryfty > Ill put them up on a private contract just for you
[00:38:08] Dryfty > here in system
[00:38:17] Commissar Ludd > what station?
[00:38:35] Dryfty > name calling just raised the price to 18mil
[00:38:43] Dryfty > and if you look, theres only 1 station
[00:39:07] Dryfty > you really should treat others with the respect you’d like to be treated with
[00:39:51] Commissar Ludd > you are a fucking asshole. my friend is in system he just raised the price on you life.
[00:40:00] Dryfty > thanks nice
[00:40:03] Dryfty > 19mil
[00:40:07] Dryfty > thats*
[00:40:30] Commissar Ludd > undock you little coward.
[00:40:55] Dryfty > actually, “fucking asshole” and “coward” arent really original enough to merit that price hike
[00:41:06] Dryfty > we’ll call it good at 17.5mil because Im feeling generous
[00:41:13] Dryfty > you should thank me
[00:42:04] Commissar Ludd > you are a worthless coward. you don’t deserve to fly this space. undock and come face me you piece of pirate crap
[00:42:26] Dryfty > sorry sir, but the correct term is “ninja”, pirates are something altogether different
[00:42:50] Dryfty > Contract is up
[00:43:00] Dryfty > private for for the next hour
[00:43:04] Commissar Ludd > suck my cock you shit head
[00:43:29] Dryfty > well that’s not very neighborly at all now is it?
[00:43:43] Commissar Ludd > undock and face me like a fucking man kid
[00:43:56] Dryfty > so.. how much standing do you lose for failing a mission because of your ego?
[00:44:07] Dryfty > it’s not like Im asking a lot
[00:44:26] Dryfty > this isnt one of those “its the principle” things is it?
[00:44:33] Dryfty > because that would just make you sad
[00:44:35] Commissar Ludd > its still not right. i hate little dick bag kids like you
[00:44:50] Dryfty > but we love you sir
[00:44:53] Dryfty > and all your kind
[00:45:17] Commissar Ludd > you are a worthless coward. shouldn’t it be you camping me? fucking coward.
[00:45:17] Dryfty > are you a Native American sir?
[00:45:29] Dryfty > because I think “Raging Bear” would be an EXCELLENT name
[00:45:46] Commissar Ludd > you cock biteing bitch. fucking fight me.
[00:45:48] Dryfty > do you own a tomahawk?
[00:46:09] Dryfty > or perhaps a headdress from those bars with YMCA impersonators?
[00:46:16] Dryfty > work with me here sir
[00:46:26] Dryfty > for the low low price of 17.5mil isk
[00:46:31] Dryfty > you can put this all behind you
[00:46:31] Commissar Ludd > you fucking coward. come out and fight me you no dick bitch
[00:46:51] Dryfty > fine fine you win
[00:46:58] Commissar Ludd > come fucking fight.
[00:47:10] Dryfty > bet you lose
[00:47:22] Commissar Ludd > fucking coward.
[00:47:41] Dryfty > has anyone ever told you how cute you are when you’re angry?
[00:48:14] Commissar Ludd > has anyone ever told you how stupid and raceist you are?
[00:48:53] Dryfty > Ive not said a racist thing at all sir. I was simply sharing my thought that you have the makings of an outstanding Native American, at least from a descriptive name standpoint
[00:49:04] Dryfty > Im sorry if you’ve confused “wit” with “racism”
[00:49:23] Dryfty > but generally speaking, intelligence has never been the carebear strongpoint
[00:49:38] Commissar Ludd > you have no wit. you are a fucking idot.
[00:49:47] Dryfty > I.D.I.O.T. sir
[00:49:48] Commissar Ludd > i have what i need. suck my dick and die
[00:49:50] Dryfty > just saying
[00:50:00] Dryfty > have a good day sir
[00:50:10] Dryfty > but I must regretfuly inform you
[00:50:10] Commissar Ludd > go fuck yourself
[00:50:18] Dryfty > that Ill not be sucking anything of yours
[00:50:25] Dryfty > and best of luck with your petition
[00:50:34] Commissar Ludd > and you consider yourself to have wit?
[00:50:51] Dryfty > well, compared to you I should really be traveling the country doing stand up
[00:50:57] Commissar Ludd > i’ve heard frenchmen with more wit then you
[00:51:11] Dryfty > I LOVE MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL OMG OMG OMG!
[00:51:17] Dryfty > wow, we could be BFF’s
[00:51:24] Dryfty > what are the odds?
[00:51:32] Dryfty > in this great big universe
[00:51:47] Dryfty > so…. are you a Gemini?
[00:52:03] Commissar Ludd > you fucking retard. you are a witless ball less coward

And there you have it gentle reader. My only regret is that I was unable to engage him on the field of honor, as he called in a friend in a Bhaalgorn and I didn’t really fancy my chances against the pair. Today discretion was the better part of valor for myself, but somehow I get the feeling that Chief Raging Bear didn’t take away the same lessons from our fortuitous meeting.

Also, for anyone who may need them for an agent of their own, or simply to own a small piece of what some day might be considered history, a public contract is currently available in Domain Region entitled “[WTS] Commissarr Ludd’s Prisoners”. Don’t hurt each other getting to the front of the line gentle readers, and fly safe.

Greetings again to you gentle reader.  In catching up on my colossal stack of paper I came across these reports that I’d yet to upload.  I do so now.

In exploring the Luminaire system, I came across Mr. Kraftdiner busily mining away in his Procurer mining barge.  Unfortunately, in clear violation of TEARS ordinance, into an unlicensed jetcan.  I proceed to impound his illegally stored ore into a TEARS Licensed Ore Receptacle, but no sooner had I moved the last of it than he steals it from the impound.  Of course there can only be one conclusion.  Or can there? Almost immediately his accomplice Killauea warps into the belt flying a Catalyst and engages me in my Big Bad Wolf.  He is quickly eaten.  Just when I think that this bloodbath is over, Kraftdiner receives a second nomination for a Darwin award by warping back into the belt in an Iteron…  30km from the ore he’s so desperate to reclaim.  Obviously the Darwin is a posthumous award.

Continuing in my patrols I came across Mr. ozzy812 mining from his Hulk into multiple jetcans.  I quickly moved 2 full containers of Solid Pyroxeres into TEARS Licensed Ore Receptacles, but caution was the better part of valor and ozzy took his Hulk and docked up.  Unwilling to leave such a large amount of debris in a municipal asteroid belt, I quickly destroyed it and turned in for the night, but not before issuing this citation:

Dear Sir or Madame:

This citation is a direct result of the use of an unlicensed jetcan in CONCORD space. As the authorized TEARS agent in the sector, I confiscated and impounded 55,000 m3 of Pyroxeres valued at roughly 4.5 million ISK that had been left floating in a municipal asteroid belt / warplane. This ore was transferred into two licensed TEARS containers awaiting pickup, but has since been abandoned. Please note that the offending ore has been destroyed as of 04:10 EVE standard time. Please see the attached citation for the fine due and instructions for remittance. Thank you.

Questions, comments, or complaints may be submitted to subgroup commander Aiden Mourn

Dryfty, Genesis Region TEARS Representative

FORM #46183.A-C93 UNREGISTERED JETCAN CITATION
Issued by: TEAR EXTRACTION AND RECLAMATION SERVICE

Sector ID: 486BFG88499HG-3345-588FN
Jetcan Inventory: See Misc/Ref. Lading Log #6587-15

Operatives of TEARS Alliance, Subgroup: Suddenly Ninjas [YOINK] have issued a member of your Corporation a Citation for Failure to Properly Register an Unsecured Jetcan Residing in a Municipal Asteroid Belt per EDEN Municipal Code #46183.A in 0.8 System: Pakhshi

Parties In Violation:
ozzy812

Infraction of EDEN Municipal Code #46183.A can incur a fine of up to 500,000.00 ISK, authorized destruction of vessel and resulting wreck salvage fees, not to exceed 20,000.00 ISK.

Registration Fee ………………………………………….. 250,000 ISK
Astrogation LIDAR Omission Penalty …………………………. 150,000 ISK
Debris Handling Fee……………………………………………………….. 50.000 ISK
Disposal Fee …………………………………………………………… 15,000 ISK
TEARS Licensed Destructable Jetcan x2…………………………….100,000 ISK
TEARS Officer Ammunition………………………………………….200,000 ISK
Fraternal Order of Salvagers Union Fund Contribution … 5,500 ISK

Total Assessment: 745,000 ISK

Please Remit Funds to TEARS – Spacelane Sanitation Division
Authorized Representative or your nearest TEARS Alliance Officer.
Failure to submit payment on this citation may prompt additional TEARS action and requisite sanctions.

The next morning I awoke and took to the stars once more, only to stumble upon Mr. ozzy812 yet again, and his poor mining practices had not improved overnight.  Once again securing a can of Solid Pyroxeres, this time ozzy decided to take back what he felt was his.  In an Orca. Without a tank or warp core stabilizers.  This led only to further disappointment. Here’s a copy of the broadcast:

[ 2010.09.10 00:20:10 ] ozzy812 > Dryfty your pissing mr off lol
[ 2010.09.10 00:22:08 ] Dryfty > Sorry sir, just doing my job. You really should use a properly licensed container if you’re going to leave ore lying around space
[ 2010.09.10 00:22:26 ] ozzy812 > lol its cool
[ 2010.09.10 00:25:43 ] ozzy812 > do yous guys get payment for that?
[ 2010.09.10 00:25:51 ] ozzy812 > its great
[ 2010.09.10 00:26:07 ] ozzy812 > i framed it
[ 2010.09.10 00:26:27 ] Dryfty > we make a meager salary sir, most of our income is provided from citations that we issue in the course of duty
[ 2010.09.10 00:26:51 ] Dryfty > and of course we accept donations from grateful citizens
[ 2010.09.10 00:28:34 ] ozzy812 > ok hang out ill give you 1
[ 2010.09.10 00:34:45 ] ozzy812 > no
[ 2010.09.10 00:34:55 ] ozzy812 > stop you will start a war
[ 2010.09.10 00:35:16 ] ozzy812 > i will give you ransom
[ 2010.09.10 00:35:20 ] Dryfty > I might be willing to overlook this infraction for 2/3 the hull value, I believe thats about 200m
[ 2010.09.10 00:35:39 ] ozzy812 > fine
[ 2010.09.10 00:35:57 ] ozzy812 > stop
[ 2010.09.10 00:36:04 ] ozzy812 > i need to get the isk
[ 2010.09.10 00:36:07 ] Dryfty > I dont see a deposit yet sir
[ 2010.09.10 00:36:32 ] ozzy812 > wait
[ 2010.09.10 00:36:36 ] ozzy812 > shit
[ 2010.09.10 00:36:38 ] Dryfty > you’re losing time sir
[ 2010.09.10 00:36:46 ] ozzy812 > iam working on it
[ 2010.09.10 00:37:12 ] Dryfty > very well, I can afford to give you a minute
[ 2010.09.10 00:38:10 ] Dryfty > times up sir
[ 2010.09.10 00:38:31 ] Dryfty > I imagine you have about 1min left
[ 2010.09.10 00:38:39 ] ozzy812 > all i have is 24 mil
[ 2010.09.10 00:40:26 ] ozzy812 > ok
[ 2010.09.10 00:40:56 ] Dryfty > thank you for utilizing TEARS spacelane debris removal services
[ 2010.09.10 00:41:31 ] Dryfty > you’ll receive a citation with my contact information attached shortly, and we ask that you not make this a habit
[ 2010.09.10 00:41:38 ] Sleevedace > nice orca bro
[ 2010.09.10 00:41:42 ] Ninjarider > dude your citations are garbage
[ 2010.09.10 00:41:48 ] Ninjarider > all your doing is coning people
[ 2010.09.10 00:41:51 ] Ninjarider > so shove it
[ 2010.09.10 00:42:15 ] Dryfty > just doing our job sir, no need for hostility
[ 2010.09.10 00:42:23 ] Dryfty > theft cannot be tolerated
[ 2010.09.10 00:42:27 ] Sleevedace > to protect the asteroids!
[ 2010.09.10 00:42:55 ] Ninjarider > no because your stealing from people to get them aggro
[ 2010.09.10 00:43:05 ] Dryfty > Mr. Ozzy still has an outstanding fine and citation from yesterday
[ 2010.09.10 00:43:13 ] Dryfty > this only compounded his crimes
[ 2010.09.10 00:43:39 ] Dryfty > for the time being, justice has been served, but we are ever vigilant
[ 2010.09.10 00:43:42 ] Ninjarider > well im puting a petition in with ccp so enjoy
[ 2010.09.10 00:43:54 ] Sleevedace > cool story bro
[ 2010.09.10 00:44:04 ] Dryfty > Im sure you’ll be just as satisfied with their response as you have been with my service
[ 2010.09.10 00:44:06 ] Dryfty > not very.
[ 2010.09.10 00:44:13 ] Dryfty > we’re professionals sir
[ 2010.09.10 00:44:41 ] Dryfty > Mr. Ozzy was given the opportunity to pay his fine and save that poor helpless Orca
[ 2010.09.10 00:44:56 ] Ninjarider > lol crimes against what
[ 2010.09.10 00:44:56 ] Dryfty > unfortunately he was trying to pull a fast one on a respected officer of the law
[ 2010.09.10 00:44:59 ] Ninjarider > you stealing from h im
[ 2010.09.10 00:45:09 ] Ninjarider > lol you dont play for the game
[ 2010.09.10 00:45:17 ] Ninjarider > you dont work for ccp you you have no “Law”
[ 2010.09.10 00:45:24 ] Dryfty > I was merely impounding the offending ore in a properly licensed container, for the protection of innocent travelers
[ 2010.09.10 00:45:49 ] Dryfty > once the fine had been paid, the property would have been moved to a secure location for immediate release to the offender
[ 2010.09.10 00:46:16 ] Dryfty > consider this a lesson
[ 2010.09.10 00:46:20 ] Dryfty > a very expensive one
[ 2010.09.10 00:46:25 ] Dryfty > and fly safe gentlemen
[ 2010.09.10 00:47:25 ] Dryfty > please do also be aware the TEARS officers conduct regular patrols through this sector, and your willful negligence has warranted placing your Corporation on our watch list
[ 2010.09.10 00:47:56 ] Ninjarider > … im scared…
[ 2010.09.10 00:48:23 ] Dryfty > not trying to frighten sir, just to advise you to be careful of your mining procedures in the future
[ 2010.09.10 00:48:42 ] Dryfty > nobody wants to collide with your unlicensed jetcan midwarp and turn into a fiery ball of death
[ 2010.09.10 00:48:58 ] Ninjarider > thats such a crock of crap
[ 2010.09.10 00:49:10 ] Dryfty > fiery balls of death are nothing to sneer at sir.
[ 2010.09.10 00:49:37 ] Ninjarider > like a jet can is going to do something versus an asteroid…
[ 2010.09.10 00:49:41 ] Ninjarider > your too full of yourself
[ 2010.09.10 00:49:42 ] ozzy812 > ya i know thats why your in high sec
[ 2010.09.10 00:49:44 ] Ninjarider > get a life
[ 2010.09.10 00:49:59 ] Dryfty > we don’t handle reports of asteroid molestation sir
[ 2010.09.10 00:50:11 ] Ninjarider > oh just you ripping people off
[ 2010.09.10 00:50:20 ] Dryfty > we’re here strictly to keep the spacelanes clean of volatile debris
[ 2010.09.10 00:50:35 ] ozzy812 > this guy is anel
[ 2010.09.10 00:50:43 ] Dryfty > you’re presenting collision hazards for unsuspecting warp travellers and we simply cannot abide that
[ 2010.09.10 00:51:18 ] Dryfty > I am curious sir
[ 2010.09.10 00:51:25 ] Dryfty > have you ever actually ridden a ninja?
[ 2010.09.10 00:51:37 ] Ninjarider > ho ride your hand
[ 2010.09.10 00:51:42 ] Ninjarider > go*
[ 2010.09.10 00:51:47 ] Dryfty > you’ll find we are wiry and difficult to keep a grip on
[ 2010.09.10 00:51:54 ] Dryfty > its part of being.. well… a ninja
[ 2010.09.10 00:52:06 ] Ninjarider > which is exactly what you are
[ 2010.09.10 00:52:08 ] Ninjarider > a theif
[ 2010.09.10 00:52:09 ] ozzy812 > i feel sorry for you  Dryfty sound like i lost aship but i think you lost your life to this game
[ 2010.09.10 00:52:31 ] ozzy812 > fly safe your in my book
[ 2010.09.10 00:52:35 ] Ninjarider > thats ok he has to con his isk from people since he cant play the game
[ 2010.09.10 00:52:50 ] Dryfty > if you should feel the need to continue your destructive behavior sir, we can arrage for you to lose many more if you persist in ignoring legally issued fines and citations
[ 2010.09.10 00:53:08 ] Ninjarider > get bent
[ 2010.09.10 00:53:19 ] ozzy812 > ya i know he’s a losser never see him in null
[ 2010.09.10 00:53:32 ] Sleevedace > You go to null…
[ 2010.09.10 00:53:34 ] Sleevedace > That’s.
[ 2010.09.10 00:53:35 ] Sleevedace > Amusing
[ 2010.09.10 00:53:38 ] Dryfty > win or lose, Im just doing my job sir
[ 2010.09.10 00:53:40 ] ozzy812 > iam sick of hanging out here anyway
[ 2010.09.10 00:53:48 ] Sleevedace > Cool story bro
[ 2010.09.10 00:54:09 ] Dryfty > then I wish you well, and encourage you to clean any remaining debris from your mining locations
[ 2010.09.10 00:54:38 ] ozzy812 > you one man you got this one
[ 2010.09.10 00:54:44 ] Dryfty > you’ll find that those in low and nullsec are even less tolerant of your sector squatting and littering than TEARS operatives are
[ 2010.09.10 00:55:46 ] Dryfty > if its any consolation
[ 2010.09.10 00:55:59 ] ozzy812 > please tell
[ 2010.09.10 00:56:12 ] Dryfty > theres a  Small Tractor Beam I here in the TEARS licensed jetcan that we seem to be out of room to transport
[ 2010.09.10 00:56:19 ] Dryfty > it may make a start in recovering your losses
[ 2010.09.10 00:56:25 ] Dryfty > 299 more of them
[ 2010.09.10 00:56:28 ] Dryfty > and you’ll break even
[ 2010.09.10 00:56:33 ] Dryfty > o7
[ 2010.09.10 00:57:24 ] ozzy812 > god you can add ta?
[ 2010.09.10 00:57:52 ] Dryfty > some rudimentary math skills are required of all TEARS officers
[ 2010.09.10 00:58:14 ] ozzy812 > yes
[ 2010.09.10 00:58:35 ] Dryfty > I do encourage you to remove this tractor beam from space at your earliest convenience
[ 2010.09.10 00:58:43 ] Dryfty > otherwise we’ll be forced to issue another citation
[ 2010.09.10 00:58:52 ] Tosted > haha do it …
[ 2010.09.10 00:58:58 ] Tosted > nothing is going to happen
[ 2010.09.10 00:59:43 ] Dryfty > the forms must be followed sir
[ 2010.09.10 00:59:49 ] Dryfty > if we allow the process to break down
[ 2010.09.10 00:59:54 ] Dryfty > then we are no better than animals
[ 2010.09.10 01:00:33 ] ozzy812 > you got that right
[ 2010.09.10 01:00:47 ] Dryfty > well, I AM in a Wolf sir
[ 2010.09.10 01:00:57 ] Dryfty > sorry, police humor, not everyone gets it
[ 2010.09.10 01:02:23 ] Dryfty > well, we’re moving forward with our patrols.  Farewell citizens.

After this exchange I patiently waited for the promised declaration of war, but so far it has not been forthcoming.  I am disappointed.  Of course I also sent an addendum to my original citation to ozzy812 and his Corp CEO, but no response or payment of fines have been forthcoming.

Good evening gentle reader, and welcome again to my humble archive.  Tonight I’m pleased as can be and hope that you will be too as my story unfolds.  I was docked in the Brutor Tribe Treasury in Rens, picking up some more ammunition for my Rifter to replace what I expended in the previous nights adventure.  Upon completing my transactions, I headed up towards Ammold to pick up a few new skillbooks that I’ve been meaning to read and decided on the spur of the moment to check the belts in Frarn for any spacelane maintenance violations.  Warping to Frarn VI, I quickly took note of the nearby objects displayed by my Rifter’s onboard scanner.   Examining the occupants of asteroid belt 3, I noticed a few wrecks left behind by vanquished pirates, a lone cargo container, and “BigChris1′s Retriever”.  Intrigued by what might possibly be in that lone cargo container when the nearby wrecks appeared to be untouched, I warped into the belt only to discover that said Retriever was nowhere to be found.   Upon examining the cargo container I noticed that it contained approximately 35,000 Rich Plagioclase carelessly left unattended by Mr. BigChris1 as he had apparently left space for whatever reason.  Without much hope of bringing this belt litterer to justice, I secured the ore in a TEARS approved container and marked it with the offenders name for easy identification later.

Something tugged at the back of my mind that I hadn’t seen the last of this willful offender, so I remained in the area, periodically checking the local population on my navcom and the asteroid belt in question on my ships scanner.  Soon enough my diligence was rewarded as BigChris1′s Retriever again appeared on scan, and this time accompanied by a comically mismatched flight of various drones.  I can only assume that he was contemplating an attempt to illegally remove the confiscated ore from TEARS custody, so I maintained my vigil from afar until he finally recalled his two Acolyte I’s, lone Hammerhead I, and lone Mining Drone I.  Believing the moment of his second offense to be at hand I quickly warped to the containers location prepared for the worst, but Chris saw the face of justice descending upon him in the form of my nimble Rifter and quickly fled the scene.  Feeling that I’d not seen the last of this offender, I returned to my overwatch position and soon discovered BigChris1′s Hoarder moving into position to abscond with the impounded contents of the container.

Preferring to again be too early as opposed to too late and losing the criminal after the fact, I again warped to the container only to see him several kilometers away from the container but moving towards it slowly and steadily.  Again the presence of my righteous indignation spooked the culprit and he fled once more.   From here I decided to stay in the vicinity to guard the evidence so as to more easily deprive BigChris1 of the opportunity to reclaim the evidence against him.  Soon a lone pirate frigate entered the belt, for what reason I can only guess, and was quickly dispatched by myself, though little did I suspect that this was merely a warm-up for the confrontation soon to come.

As I was finishing dispensing fiery justice upon the lone pirate, BigChris1 returned some 20 kilometers from my position in a very threatening looking Hurricane.  Consigning myself to the worst, I reluctantly targeted and destroyed the container possessing the entirety of the evidence in this case, knowing that should I fail to subdue the offender who was now obviously intent on confrontation, that at least the hazardous debris would be removed from circulation and no longer threaten the safety of Frarn’s warplanes.   Immediately after I’d destroyed the last of the damning debris, I found myself targeted and assaulted by a motley collection of low level combat drones and what appeared to be artillery shells firing across my bow.  Knowing that speed was my only chance of surviving this encounter, I quickly engaged my afterburner and spiraled quickly into a close orbit of BigChris1′s Hurricane while activating my warp disruptor at the same time.  I knew in my gut that my time was running out as his drones slowly but steadily outpaced my damage control system, so I turned my guns first to them.  Half expecting another drone to replace each one to fall, I was immensely relieved when the Hurricane and I were once again alone in our dance of death.

Now that I was rapidly orbiting him at approximately 500m, I was safely under the effective range of his artillery and found myself only taking damage from two launchers spewing bloodclaw light missiles as rapidly as possible.  I settled in for a long confrontation as I slowly and steadily began breaking down his shields with my rack of autocannons and a rocket launcher that was woefully low on ammunition. BigChris1 realized the precarious nature of his position and immediately started broadcasting requests for assistance.

[ 2010.08.27 01:15:56 ] BigChris1 > can someone help me in asteroid belt 3?
[ 2010.08.27 01:16:06 ] BigChris1 > got a ninja asshole here
[ 2010.08.27 01:16:16 ] lon010 > same here
[ 2010.08.27 01:16:22 ] BigChris1 > can you warp here?
[ 2010.08.27 01:16:25 ] BigChris1 > please
[ 2010.08.27 01:16:32 ] lon010 > whats he doing?
[ 2010.08.27 01:16:40 ] Dryfty > sir, you opened fire on me.
[ 2010.08.27 01:16:44 ] Dryfty > Im merely defending myself
[ 2010.08.27 01:16:50 ] BigChris1 > you stole my ore
[ 2010.08.27 01:16:54 ] Dryfty > negative sir
[ 2010.08.27 01:17:05 ] Dryfty > I was merely removing some debris from the warplane
[ 2010.08.27 01:17:42 ] BigChris1 > you took my ore ass
[ 2010.08.27 01:17:56 ] BigChris1 > and then destroyed the rest
[ 2010.08.27 01:17:59 ] Dryfty > Im sorry sir, but that amount of ore wouldnt fit in this ship, even if I HAD taken it
[ 2010.08.27 01:18:08 ] Dryfty > it was all destroyed to clear the way for innocent travellers
[ 2010.08.27 01:18:29 ] Dryfty > so your original accusation is patently false

Now our conflict began to attract spectators flying all manner of different ships.  I quickly found myself targeted by an Ishkur, Drake, and a few others though they were powerless to take hostile action to assist the litterer and would-be fugitive, for fear of incurring the wrath of my supervisors at CONCORD.  Bolstered by thoughts of my guardian angels (unrelated in any way to the notorious pirate conglomerate, the Angel Cartel), I decided that it might still be prudent to request backup should the unexpected come to pass.

[ 2010.08.27 01:15:07 ] Dryfty > any RR in Frarn? got a Cane with my Rifter
[ 2010.08.27 01:15:12 ] Dryfty > 6 belt 3
[ 2010.08.27 01:16:04 ] Zavulon Sukkot > 5 jumps…
[ 2010.08.27 01:16:08 ] Zavulon Sukkot > can you hold or should i not bother?
[ 2010.08.27 01:16:15 ] Dryfty > I can hold I think
[ 2010.08.27 01:16:33 ] Dryfty > hes looking for help in local
[ 2010.08.27 01:16:35 ] Zavulon Sukkot > kk omw
[ 2010.08.27 01:16:48 ] Spuddles31 > hmmm i could potentialy steal his cane
[ 2010.08.27 01:16:54 ] Spuddles31 > with an orca 3
[ 2010.08.27 01:18:10 ] Spuddles31 > how much canes go for?
[ 2010.08.27 01:18:26 ] Zavulon Sukkot > 30ish
[ 2010.08.27 01:18:31 ] Spuddles31 > aite lol
[ 2010.08.27 01:18:34 ] Spuddles31 > be there in an orc
[ 2010.08.27 01:18:58 ] Spuddles31 > 2 jumps
[ 2010.08.27 01:19:02 ] Spuddles31 > get the RR on there

Knowing that assistance was on the way should it be necessary, I redoubled my efforts, quickly reloading my smoking and now empty guns before lighting back into the Hurricane’s still functioning shields.  I’d been holding steady for some while with my shields down and armor near 45%, but with his drones gone and him unable to bring the bulk of his weaponry to bear, my shields began to recharge slowly and steadily.  By the time Zavulon arrived with the promised armor repairs, I’d regained 50% of my shields and quickly determined that lack of ammunition would be the only possible way to lose this engagement though I yet counted 4 reloads of thermal and explosive rounds among my cargo. I as yet remained unaware of Spuddles31′s efforts behind the scenes, so imagine my surprise when his Orca appeared suddenly in the midst of our battle and soon after the Hurricane simply disappeared into thin air.  So startled was I by this abrupt development, that I failed to notice BigChris1 speeding away towards station in a Gallente Shuttle.  But where did that shuttle come from? Having never experienced this before, it took a few moments for me to come to my senses rather than staring blankly out into space where my quarry had been only seconds before. At this point I received a transmission from Spuddles31, so hoping he could shed some light on what just happened, I accepted and joined this conversation between the two already in progress.

[ 2010.08.27 01:23:53 ] BigChris1 > yo
[ 2010.08.27 01:23:57 ] Spuddles31 > douche bag ninjas huh
[ 2010.08.27 01:24:17 ] Spuddles31 > i can help u
[ 2010.08.27 01:24:24 ] BigChris1 > oh ya
[ 2010.08.27 01:24:24 ] Spuddles31 > i got an orca and a spare ship
[ 2010.08.27 01:24:29 ] BigChris1 > where are ya?
[ 2010.08.27 01:24:34 ] Spuddles31 > fleet me
[ 2010.08.27 01:24:40 ] Spuddles31 > ill warp to ya
[ 2010.08.27 01:24:42 ] Spuddles31 > when u see me
[ 2010.08.27 01:24:58 ] Spuddles31 > right click on my ship
[ 2010.08.27 01:25:00 ] Spuddles31 > and click board shuttle
[ 2010.08.27 01:25:05 ] Spuddles31 > and GTFO b4 he points u again
[ 2010.08.27 01:25:16 ] BigChris1 > ij
[ 2010.08.27 01:25:22 ] BigChris1 > ok
[ 2010.08.27 01:25:24 ] Spuddles31 > yeah dude ninjas a fucking gay dude
[ 2010.08.27 01:26:14 ] Spuddles31 > GO GO GO
[ 2010.08.27 01:26:24 ] Spuddles31 > make ur way towards me
[ 2010.08.27 01:27:12 ] Spuddles31 > make sure u warp out
[ 2010.08.27 01:27:20 ] Spuddles31 > dont goto teh station cuz they will hunt ya down
[ 2010.08.27 01:28:12 ] BigChris1 > says i can’t stolre ship?
[ 2010.08.27 01:28:35 ] Spuddles31 > board that shuttle
[ 2010.08.27 01:29:11 ] BigChris1 > ok
[ 2010.08.27 01:29:14 ] BigChris1 > where is my ship?
[ 2010.08.27 01:29:43 ] BigChris1 > i just left, where do i go
[ 2010.08.27 01:29:58 ] Spuddles31 > to the station
[ 2010.08.27 01:30:15 ] BigChris1 > what about my ship?
[ 2010.08.27 01:30:44 ] Dryfty > gentlemen
[ 2010.08.27 01:30:50 ] Spuddles31 > damn ninjas
[ 2010.08.27 01:31:13 ] Spuddles31 > what do you want!
[ 2010.08.27 01:31:50 ] Dryfty > Ill give you 10mil for the Cane
[ 2010.08.27 01:32:05 ] Spuddles31 > o.0 oh rly?
[ 2010.08.27 01:32:31 ] Dryfty > I like to keep souvenirs
[ 2010.08.27 01:32:41 ] Spuddles31 > hmmmm that is a hard offer =\
[ 2010.08.27 01:32:48 ] Spuddles31 > big chris u got a counter offer there?
[ 2010.08.27 01:32:49 ] Dryfty > not worth flying with that failfit Im sure, but it’ll look good in my hangar
[ 2010.08.27 01:33:13 ] BigChris1 > no, i dont
[ 2010.08.27 01:33:17 ] BigChris1 > mother fuckers
[ 2010.08.27 01:33:27 ] Spuddles31 > pleasur doing business dryfly =]
[ 2010.08.27 01:33:29 ] BigChris1 > i don’t have 10 mil to my name
[ 2010.08.27 01:33:36 ] Dryfty > Im sorry sir, but that language isnt necessary
[ 2010.08.27 01:33:44 ] Dryfty > it was you that put yourself in this situation
[ 2010.08.27 01:33:58 ] Dryfty > but Ill think of you everytime I dock and see your ship in my hangar
[ 2010.08.27 01:34:58 ] BigChris1 > fuck
[ 2010.08.27 01:36:02 ] Dryfty > well, it’s been a pleasure doing business with you sir
[ 2010.08.27 01:36:14 ] Dryfty > I hope that 35k of Plagioclase was worth the trouble
[ 2010.08.27 01:36:23 ] Dryfty > also, you’ll be receiving an invoice for my services post-haste
[ 2010.08.27 01:36:38 ] Dryfty > TEARS Operatives are in high demand, and I spent quite a while bringing you to justice
[ 2010.08.27 01:37:32 ] Dryfty > would you care to make a statement in your defense for my report?
[ 2010.08.27 01:39:19 ] Dryfty > apparently not.  Ill be sure to attach my contact information to the citation you’ll be receiving in your mail soon should you decide to make a statement at a later time
[ 2010.08.27 01:39:28 ] Dryfty > fly safe, and keep those spacelanes clear sir.

So in the end, BigChris1 lost his ore, his Hurricane, and quite probably his self-respect.  This entire ordeal could have been avoided had he not so carelessly drawn the ever-watchful eye of TEARS.  As a souvenir I kept his Hurricane, and paid citizen Spuddles31 half of the net value for his efforts in bringing this case to a successful conclusion.  “BigChris1′s Hurricane” now occupies a place of honor in my hangar and has since been retro-fitted into a vastly more capable battlecruiser which would have ended the fight in his favor before I ever destroyed a single of his drones.  The ship is only as good as the pilot who flies it gentle reader.  Keep this in mind, and fly safe.

Good evening gentle reader, I hope this transmission finds you well.  I’m certain that it will actually find you this time, for I have bid a fond adieu to the series of wormholes that I’ve spent the past several days exploring and returned to beautiful Heimatar.  Like any authority figure that goes on vacation, on my return I was appalled to see the sheer volume of unsecured debris cluttering up the regional spacelanes.  I traded in my recently overworked Cheetah for the new Rifter that I purchased to replace my beloved Citation Jr. that so nobly gave it’s life recently.

Extending my patrol southward, I entered the Onga system not expecting the disturbing experience that awaited me.  On the third asteroid belt of my patrol, I came upon Phredreich haphazardly mining in his Stabber, and to my dismay, leaving large chunks of scordite banging around in not one, but TWO unlicensed cannisters.  I immediately engaged my afterburner, and moved in to confiscate the ore and consolidate it into an approved TEARS issue container to be hauled to the local impound.  No sooner had I secured the last of the ore, than I found myself being targeted and Phredreich’s lone Warrior I drone being launched in my direction.  I quickly consulted Chapter 4 of the TEARS Operative Manual on “Evasive Maneuvers” and settled into a close orbit as suggested, activating my Warp Scrambler II on the Stabber while focusing my fire on the Warrior and quickly sending it to whatever special hell drones go to when they die.  As I began to eat through Phredreich’s armor I could almost imagine the look of frustration and disbelief on his face as he realized that he indeed, was going to pay for his crimes.  Keeping an eye on the local population, I noticed that one of Phredreich’s compatriots had just entered the system and he soon arrived in the belt where I was chipping away at the Stabbers armor.  Having the feeling that this was going to hurt, I consigned myself the the possibility of losing this nearly brand new Rifter, but I was determined that I’d take Phredreich’s Stabber down in the ball of flames with me.

At this time I realized that even with the assistance of the obnoxiously-named Thermo Luminescence (names like this truly do begin to grate on your nerves when you’re filling out paperwork in triplicate.), I was holding steady at about 30% armor.  I turned my attention to the Rupture now, quickly chasing him down the 16 kilometers I needed to cover in order to engage my warp scrambler.  If he’d been paying any kind of attention to the demise of his friend, or was possessed of any common sense, Thermo would have used this delay to remove himself from the field.  Fortunately for my now-appeased sense of justice he did not.

I took this moment to get myself into a station for some much needed armor repairs and to top off the charges in my weapons.  On coming back out I went to check the seals on the TEARS container with the confiscated ore and was shocked to see Thermo once again in the belt, only this time in a Wreathe.  He was obviously attempting to violate TEARS Impound Code 723.C in committing unauthorized removal of confiscated items, but fortunately I intercepted him before any of the containers seals were disturbed.  Right as Thermo’s Wreathe was creaking its last death throes, who should arrive but Phredreich but in a Cyclone this time.  I was eager to test my mettle against this utterly new challenge, but as fortune would have it there were 50 kilometers between us and I did not fancy my chances of survival should I attempt to cover that ground while under fire.  Luckily though the confiscated ore was much closer to his ship.  I quickly warped to the nearest adjacent belt, threw my poor little Rifter into the tighester 180 she could manage, and warped back on top of the cannister.  I was in nearly perfect range, but at this time my window of opportunity granted by CONCORD chose to expire.  Perhaps another day.

Once the wrecks and their contents were secured for additional impound measures, I proceeded to detonate the confiscated ore inside the container as they obviously had no intention of paying the fine for it’s release, and there were no couriers in the area available for transport.  No debris remains in the belt and the spacelanes are clear once more.

Entirely for their benefit, I attempted to open a civil discourse to congratulate them on sticking to their own twisted principles even though they be in the moral minority, and hopefully to educate them as to the importance of using properly licensed containers for the storage of ore.  From the logs below I’m sure you can deduce that this extended olive branch was not well received.

[03:11:44] Dryfty > Rifter 1 – Stabber and Rupture 0
[03:27:39] Dryfty > Gentlemen, please keep an eye on your mailboxes for your citations in the near future.
[03:28:22] Dryfty > 2 counts of unlicensed use of a jetcan, and 2 counts of unlawful aggression towards an authorized TEARS representative between the two of you
[03:28:37] Dryfty > you could be looking at a fairly hefty fine, but I wont know until I complete the paperwork
[03:28:56] Dryfty > fly safe, and keep the spacelanes clear o7
[03:31:58] Dryfty > as an aside, the offending contraband is scheduled for routine destruction.  Please don’t let this kind of thing happen again.
[03:32:53] Thermo Luminescence > Please be advised: Our Systems have picked up a POS (Piece of Shit) in one of our local channels. Be aware: we do not tolerate shitbaggery: Dryfty
[03:33:20] Dryfty > now that kind of tone simply isnt called for
[03:33:37] Dryfty > I do believe you were the ones that opened fire on me in the course of my justly appointed duties
[03:33:53] Dryfty > if anyone is guilty of “shitbaggery” it would be you two kind gentlemen
[03:34:08] colby sheets > llool
[03:34:18] Dryfty > but really now, once the citations are issued, and the fines are paid, we can put this whole messy incident behind us
[03:34:26] Thermo Luminescence > Considering U blow up my teammate when I arrive, then blow me up?
[03:34:31] Thermo Luminescence > Your logic=Fail
[03:34:42] Dryfty > which was only possible because you fired on me.
[03:35:11] Dryfty > and quite honestly, based on the fittings of your Cruisers, I did you a favor
[03:35:24] Thermo Luminescence > Again your logic = Fail. Blocking procedues of POS known as Dryfty: Completed
[03:35:28] Thermo Luminescence > Have a nice day!
[03:35:39] Dryfty > please refer to EVE Commandment #2:  Thou Shall Not Failfit
[03:35:57] colby sheets > lol cn u sen me a rupture fit?
[03:36:46] Dryfty > another good days work completed.  Thank you for your compliance Onga Citizens
[03:36:51] Dryfty > fly safe o7

Attached Documents:  Copy of TEARS Citation #716897

Mr. Phredreich, Mr. Luminescence:

Pursuant to our earlier interaction, I am officially enclosing the aforementioned citation and requisite fine for TEARS Officer intervention. We hope that together with your cooperation we can keep areas like Onga safe for travelers and miners alike and must insist in the future that you use a properly licensed TEARS jetcan for your ore storage needs. Individual licenses may be purchased from myself or any TEARS representative for the nominal sum of 50,000 ISK. Please see details below for Corporation licensing.

Your prompt payment of this fine will conclude TEARS involvement in this case. Should you wish to appeal this citation, file a complaint, or request a quote for a Corporation Jetcan License: please contact SN CEO Aiden Mourn

Dutifully Yours,
Dryfty – Heimatar Region TEARS Representative

FORM #46183.A-C93 UNREGISTERED JETCAN CITATION
Issued by: TEAR EXTRACTION AND RECLAMATION SERVICE

Sector ID: 486BFG88499HG-3345-588FN
Jetcan Inventory: See Misc/Ref. Lading Log #6587-15

Operatives of TEARS Alliance, Subgroup: Suddenly Ninjas [YOINK] have issued a member of your Corporation a Citation for Failure to Properly Register an Unsecured Jetcan Residing in a Municipal Asteroid Belt per EDEN Municipal Code #46183.A in 1.0 System: Onga

Parties In Violation:
Phredreich
Thermo Luminescence

Infraction of EDEN Municipal Code #46183.A can incur a fine of up to 500,000.00 ISK, authorized destruction of vessel and resulting wreck salvage fees, not to exceed 20,000.00 ISK.

Registration Fee ………………………………………….. 250,000 ISK
Astrogation LIDAR Omission Penalty …………………………. 150,000 ISK
Debris Handling Fee……………………………………………………….. 50.000 ISK
Disposal Fee …………………………………………………………… 15,000 ISK
TEARS Licensed Destructable Jetcan…………………………….25,000 ISK
TEARS Officer Ammunition………………………………………….200,000 ISK
Assault of an Authorized TEARS Officer……………500,000 ISK
Fraternal Order of Salvagers Union Fund Contribution … 5,500 ISK

Total Assessment: 1,195,000 ISK

Please Remit Funds to TEARS – Spacelane Sanitation Division
Authorized Representative or your nearest TEARS Alliance Officer.
Failure to submit payment on this citation may prompt additional TEARS action and requisite sanctions.

Hello again on this beautiful night in EVE gentle reader. I hope you are relaxing snugly in your pods, safely spinning in station or elsewhere that I might have your attention for a few moments once more.  As I mentioned in my log from earlier in the cycle, I’ve been roaming around the native systems of my biological people, primarily familiarizing myself with the area, and even *gasp* running a few missions in the hopes of eventually being able to keep myself supplied with Sisters Probes and Launchers.

Tonight I decide to take a new Rifter, using Mr. Set Shwayo’s excellent “Citation” fitting, out for a spin to see how she handles.  While not being quite as maneuverable as my trusty Payload, the Citation Jr. performed admirably though she was not tested in combat.

My report of tonight’s activities is as follows:

While cruising through the numerous asteroid belts of the Abudban system (0.7) I came across one “Natedog40″ mining from a Retriever into an unlicensed jetcan, and dangerously close to a known warp corridor.  Approaching Mr. Dog40′s position, he failed to respond to my attempts to raise him on the navcom and so I was forced to confiscate the contents of the jetcan in question and impound them temporarily in a TEARS Licensed Ore Containment Unit.

At this point Mr. Dog40 proceeded to lock on to my patrol ship and I felt that attack from his Warrior I combat drones was imminent.  For reasons unknown to this officer, the suspect held his fire but continued to annoy me with his persistent “yellow box” whenever I moved within range in hopes of initiating a dialog.  At this juncture I decided to proceed with standard hazardous material disposal procedures by shuffling the confiscated ore from the standard TEARS LOCU, to a new prototype container that I’ve been working on: the TEARS Licensed Destructible Jetcan, or TLDJ.

Once all the ore was safely secured in the TLDJ, I proceeded along a safe vector and activated the ignition sequence.  The blast radius was confined to 400m of the site, no debris was detected on DSCAN, and the corridors were safe once again.  I decided to wait in the area for a moment to see if I could finally get a response from Mr. Dog40 but none was forthcoming.  I docked up to attend to the call of nature, and the call of paperwork.

Here I assumed that this was a pretty open and shut case of space littering and prepared to fill out the proper forms.  When I returned from the “office”, and the records room with a fresh stack of blank forms I noticed that I’d missed an incoming private transmission from Mr. Natedog40.  Wondering what prompted this communication, I immediately opened a return channel and entered into this dialog.  Please note that at [03:04:18] Eden Standard Time, one “Enigmatic Lunatic” joined the conversation as Mr. Dog40′s Corporate CEO.

[02:54:04] Natedog40 > hello
[02:54:08] Dryfty > hi there, sorry I was away for a bit
[02:54:11] Dryfty > what can I do for you?
[02:54:25] Natedog40 > give back my ore that u stole
[02:54:47] Dryfty > unfortunately that ore no longer exists
[02:54:58] Natedog40 > then pay me for it
[02:55:29] Dryfty > it was clogging the spacelane and after confiscating it, and without a response from you, I destroyed it to prevent any unfortunate accidents
[02:56:05] Dryfty > you seem to misunderstand the situation, but as soon as I finish my paperwork rest assured that you’ll receive a copy of your citation for littering
[02:56:21] Natedog40 > well your actions have been demmed wrong and my corp hunters are in the sector
[02:56:22] Dryfty > at that time you’ll have the opportunity to pay the fine and put this whole incident behind you
[02:57:02] Dryfty > well I sincerely hope for their part that they take a little more pride in their work than you seemed to, leaving all that just lying around
[02:57:19] Dryfty > but rest assured, where there’s debris, I’ll do my best to be there to help clean up
[02:57:29] Natedog40 > i hope u are ready to lose your ship
[02:57:54] Dryfty > I do believe you had ample opportunity to attempt that yourself earlier but didnt seize the moment
[02:58:01] Dryfty > *shrug*
[02:58:13] Natedog40 > in a mining barge r u nuts
[02:58:34] Dryfty > perhaps in the future you will act more promptly to right these so-called “wrongs” that you claim to be a victim of
[02:59:06] Dryfty > your drones were perfectly capable of destroying those innocent belt refugees that come through every so often
[02:59:27] Dryfty > I wouldn’t have thought a tiny Citation Issue Rifter would be a problem for you
[02:59:38] Natedog40 > perhaps in the future u will learn respect
[03:00:02] Natedog40 > i just hope it doesnt take a podding tot each u that respect
[03:00:21] Dryfty > oh I have lots of respect for those that uphold TEARS Ordinance #46183.A,  but unfortunately your littering ways disqualify you from that distinction
[03:00:38] Dryfty > it really is sad, I think we could’ve been great friends
[03:00:39] Natedog40 > if u reimburse the value of the ore i may spare your ship/pod
[03:01:08] Dryfty > unfortunately sir we here at SN and TEARS don’t negotiate with terrorists
[03:01:22] Natedog40 > wtf your the terroist
[03:01:25] Dryfty > which its increasingly apparent that is what you really are
[03:01:30] Natedog40 > u popped my can
[03:01:54] Dryfty > hiding behind your “oh its a mining barge” excuses while you clog the spacelanes with debris, hoping to destroy hapless travelers by
[03:02:21] Dryfty > and then publicly harranguing officially licensed TEARS operatives who step in to help you resolve the situation
[03:02:36] Dryfty > now on top of that you’re making militant threats on condition of ransom
[03:02:40] Dryfty > sounds like a terrorist to me sir
[03:02:52] Natedog40 > u owe me 200,000 isk for that ore if u pay i will s[pare your ship/pod
[03:03:05] Dryfty > so as I said before, as much as I wish we could’ve been friends, we simply don’t negotiate with terrorists
[03:03:40] Dryfty > and for the record, that looked like a lot more than 200k worth of ore, just because you’re a terrorist doesn’t mean you should sell yourself so short
[03:03:52] Dryfty > have some pride in your work at least
[03:04:05] Dryfty > while you murder women and children with your “mining lasers”
[03:04:18] Enigmatic Lunatic > hey dryfty
[03:04:25] Dryfty > why hello there \o
[03:04:25] Enigmatic Lunatic > im nate coe
[03:04:31] Enigmatic Lunatic > o7
[03:04:47] Dryfty > doesn’t ring a bell, but what can I do for you nate?
[03:04:58] Dryfty > was just oh nm
[03:04:59] Dryfty > I misread
[03:05:03] Dryfty > you’re Nate’s CEO
[03:05:03] Natedog40 > he is my corp leader
[03:05:12] Enigmatic Lunatic > sorry im nate’s ceo sorry i cant type right today
[03:05:28] Dryfty > well Nate and I were just having a discussion of the reasons that he really should turn his life around and give up terrorism
[03:05:38] Enigmatic Lunatic > yeah .. if you want a duel im down to duel you but nate is new
[03:05:42] Dryfty > surely as his CEO and friend you can help him see the wisdom of this?
[03:05:48] Enigmatic Lunatic > wow nate when did you become a terrorist
[03:05:57] Natedog40 > dunno i was one
[03:06:16] Natedog40 > here i thought i was jetcan mining
[03:06:18] Enigmatic Lunatic > if by terrorist you mean frendly miner makeing isk and having fun i think your correct
[03:06:20] Dryfty > I encountered Mr. Dog40 a short while ago placing IED cannisters around the M8 Belt 4
[03:06:32] Dryfty > hoping to snare innocent travelers in his web of death ore
[03:06:53] Dryfty > thankfully as a local TEARS representative I came upon the scene and removed the hazardous debris
[03:06:58] Enigmatic Lunatic > ahh so you thought you would be a good samaritan and pop that “dangerous object” he was leaving in space
[03:07:19] Dryfty > Ill be certain to copy you on Mr. Dog40′s citation once I file my report
[03:07:33] Enigmatic Lunatic > well as somone who knows nate i can safely say that he has no explosives to use in said dangerous containers
[03:07:42] Dryfty > we here at TEARS look forward to a speedy resolution to all such incidents
[03:08:11] Dryfty > once the fine is paid in full we’ll be happy to write this whole thing off as a youthful offense
[03:08:13] Enigmatic Lunatic > well thanks dryfty
[03:08:17] Dryfty > given Mr. Dog40′s age
[03:08:20] Enigmatic Lunatic > the fine?
[03:08:40] Dryfty > certainly welcome, if there’s anything else we can do for you, please don’t hesitate to contact a local TEARS representative
[03:09:11] Dryfty > oh yes, possession of an unlicensed jetcan, improper storage of hazardous materials, among others
[03:09:31] Dryfty > the typical fine comes out to around 500k, but I wont know the extend of the damages until I type my report
[03:09:50] Dryfty > extent*
[03:09:59] Enigmatic Lunatic > lol ill keep you guys in mind if i need something to laugh myself to death with
[03:10:16] Dryfty > we do what we can sir, one system at a time
[03:10:22] Enigmatic Lunatic > im glad we could talk about this and keep it fun
[03:10:29] Enigmatic Lunatic > do you guys do merc work ever
[03:10:31] Dryfty > unless there’s anything else you’d like to discuss, fly safe o7
[03:10:47] Enigmatic Lunatic > cuz i might need to hire some people in a month or so
[03:11:09] Dryfty > no sir, though we have excellent relations with several merc corps, and might be able to refer you to one, we don’t take on those kinds of jobs
[03:11:25] Enigmatic Lunatic > thanks mind if i bookmark you
[03:11:29] Dryfty > we’re much too busy here in the Spacelane Sanitation Division
[03:11:33] Dryfty > of course, please do
[03:11:44] Enigmatic Lunatic > fly safe dryfty
[03:11:50] Dryfty > look forward to hearing from you, fly safe
[03:12:32] Natedog40 > well i got mining to do bye

I find myself infinitely thankful for the reasonable presence of Enigmatic Lunatic (irony? I think so.) that kept Nate from dangerously escalating the situation any further.  At times during the conversation I had begun to genuinely fear for my own safety and that of other TEARS operatives in the area.

Fortunately “EL” was present to calm things down, and I think that my professional tone and friendly manner went a long way towards diffusing the situation.  With everything now well in hand, I finally proceeded to complete the required paperwork which allowed me to officially issue this citation to “EL” on behalf of TEARS for the inappropriate actions of his employee.

I do appreciate the fact that by the end of our discussion, Mr. Natedog40 had essentially yielded his position with a “Thank you sir, may I have another?”. Pending payment of the fine, or a formal response to the citation, this case is tabled.

Citation #47620-3 Use of Unregistered Jetcan
From: Dryfty
Sent: 2010.08.03 04:37
To: Enigmatic Lunatic,

Mr. Lunatic,

Pursuant to our earlier interaction, I am officially enclosing the aforementioned citation and requisite fine for TEARS Officer intervention. We hope that together with your cooperation we can keep areas like Abudban VIII Belt IV safe for travelers and miners alike and must insist in the future that you use a properly licensed TEARS jetcan for your ore storage needs. Individual licenses may be purchased from myself or any TEARS representative for the nominal sum of 50,000 ISK. Please see details below for Corporation licensing.

Your prompt payment of this fine will conclude TEARS involvement in this case. Should you wish to appeal this citation, file a complaint, or request a quote for a Corporation Jetcan License: please contact SN CEO Aiden Mourn

As a gesture of goodwill I have decided to “forget” the terroristic threats made by Mr. Dog40 during our previous discussion and have not included those fees in the below citation. I hope we here at TEARS can count on your continued support in our efforts to keep the spacelanes clear for all.

Respectfully Yours,
Dryfty – Heimatar Region TEARS Representative

FORM #46183.A-C93 UNREGISTERED JETCAN CITATION
Issued by: TEAR EXTRACTION AND RECLAMATION SERVICE

Sector ID: 486BFG88499HG-3345-588FN
Jetcan Inventory: See Misc/Ref. Lading Log #6587-15

Operatives of TEARS Alliance, Subgroup: Suddenly Ninjas [YOINK] have issued a member of your Corporation a Citation for Failure to Properly Register an Unsecured Jetcan Residing in a Municipal Asteroid Belt per EDEN Municipal Code #46183.A in 0.7 System Abudban, Planet VIII, Belt IV

Party In Violation:  Natedog40

Infraction of EDEN Municipal Code #46183.A can incur a fine of up to 500,000.00 ISK, authorized destruction of vessel and resulting wreck salvage fees, not to exceed 20,000.00 ISK.

Registration Fee ………………………………………….. 250,000 ISK
Astrogation LIDAR Omission Penalty …………………………. 150,000 ISK
Debris Handling Fee……………………………………………………….. 50.000 ISK
Disposal Fee …………………………………………………………… 15,000 ISK
TEARS Licensed Destructable Jetcan…………………………….25,000 ISK
TEARS Officer Ammunition………………………………………….20,000 ISK
Fraternal Order of Salvagers Union Fund Contribution … 5,500 ISK

Total Assessment: 515,500 ISK

Please Remit Funds to TEARS – Spacelane Sanitation Division
Authorized Representative or your nearest TEARS Alliance Officer.

Forthcoming replies will be appended to the case file

Update: Reply from Enigmatic Lunatic Re: Citation #47620-3 Use of Unregistered Jetcan, and my response.

Re: Citation #47620-3 Use of Unregistered Jetcan
From: Enigmatic Lunatic
Sent: 2010.08.03 06:55
To: Dryfty

Mr. Dryfty,

After much thought and consideration i have chosen to decline your offer and keep this matters punishment “in house.” If you are not able to lend me the courtesy of keeping my affairs in house i will have to seek “counsultants” to help me handle any negative relations. Please do not contact me at home about this matter as my security company is very well paid and very bored.

Your quick response is appreciated.
The Lunatic

Mr. Lunatic,

As always it’s a pleasure speaking with you.  While I can certainly respect your desire to handle the discipline of your employee “in house”, records must be maintained so that should future incidents occur, all parties involved can make sound and rational judgments.  Having already been informed by Mr. Dog40 of his refusal to remit said fine, this case has been marked “Closed, No Resolution” and Mr. Dog40 has been red-flagged for additional monitoring.  Should he stumble back into his illegal use of unlicensed jetcans, further TEARS action may be forthcoming.

Speaking to your use of “counsultants”, we here at TEARS certainly welcome dialog with any parties that may be so inclined to involve themselves in matters of jurisdiction and corrective actions.  Should you or your “counsultants” wish to pursue this line further please do not hesitate to contact SN CEO Aiden Mourn

Respectfully Yours,
Dryfty – Heimatar Region TEARS Representative