Good day gentle reader, it’s been a while since last we spoke. Yesterdays happenings on patrol demanded a log entry, so here we are yet again to tell the tale of one Apocalypse pilot named Licena

This pilot had a “certain look” about her, and I knew deep down in her core she was exactly the kind of devious criminal mastermind that I had set out to expose. I scanned down her Apoc and arrived to find it in the midst of brutally brutalizing an innocent fleet of Sansha pilgrims on their way to an Incursion. Her accomplice in this matter was a somewhat lethargic Noctis pilot that was woefully under-performing his duties. I was obliged to step in and assist, as well as seek justice for the defeated Sansha.

My trusty Vigil made short work of about a dozen wrecks before Licena apparently took notice and both her and her accomplice logged out on the spot. Undeterred, I make a note on the bookmark and proceed to investigate other reports in the system. Several hours pass and I’ve met with additional success on other cases when I notice Licena reappear in space. I wait a few minutes to finish my current batch of reports and to let her think that the long arm of justice has forgotten her transgressions.

I then dash her hopes of a clean getaway. She is back to massacring those helpless pilgrims and though I can do but little to prevent their demise, I give as many as I can a proper burial and see that their worldly possessions are looked after. I sit in a tight orbit around the Noctis and intercept those wrecks and cargoes that he so kindly tractors in and finally Licena commits her second to last mistake of the evening: opening fire on me.

Immediately she finds her warp drive disabled and a very angry Vigil buzzing around her at 20km. Her massive lasers can’t hit our nimble hero (me), and her woefully inadequate Tech 1 drones are quickly mercy-killed as she tries to align out towards the station. My deputy is already en route with the Orca responding to my request for backup and as soon as he enters the room Licena once again tries to bury her head in the sand by logging out. Not this time my dear. The Orca quickly catches up and launches my ever faithful Sleipnir from her ship bay and I make quick work of the Apocalypse.

Left somewhat unsatisfied by this success, as the perpetrator wasn’t around to appreciate the efforts that I went to on their behalf, I decide to make her pay the ultimate price for her arrogance. After cleaning up the debris left from our encounter I notice a lowly Rifter in the Orcas ship bay and decide to send it on one last glorious mission. I quickly scan down Licena’s capsule which is still hovering in space and warp to it in the Rifter. There she is, sitting so smugly thinking that she’s only lost a ship. Not having the time to file the appropriate paperwork with my fellow CONCORD representatives, I resign myself to the loss of the Rifter as the price for making an example out of this criminal and disintegrate the capsule.

The only thing worse than breaking the law gentle reader, is not having the courage to stick around and face the consequences. Until next time.

Good morning gentle reader! Lately I’ve been testing the waters with a rookie co-pilot flying backup in an Orca and I have to say I’m quite impressed with his versatility. This young fellow has fairly revolutionized my day to day patrol activities and brought efficiency up to heights unknown until now.

As with any new endeavor, there is always a learning curve. Unfortunately in my line of work, mistakes mean criminals get away without paying the price for their offenses. Fortunately as I’ve become more accustomed to my new partner, I’ve been able to bring the swift hand of justice to bear.

Jade Azumi’s Abaddon was the first to fall, to be followed shortly by mikkelrev’s Maelstrom. mikkelrev was initially offered a fine of 100mil isk in lieu of the destruction of his ship, but instead he tried to pull a fast one to the tune of 100k isk. I obviously noticed and made him aware of his accounting error, collected the proper amount due, then found him guilty of attempted grand larceny. His Maelstrom was adjudicated forfeit to the aggrieved party (me).

My confidence was rising in my new co-pilot’s abilities, but as is often the case the local criminal element began dispersing as word of my swift and sure justice so I thought it prudent to further expand my patrols.

After relocating I stumble upon one “Sliceri” laying waste to a helpless population of Sansha refugees. In my attempt to clean up some of the carnage, I find myself targeted not only by Sliceri but also some of the grieving family members of those he’s recently slaughtered. Mistaking me as Sliceri’s accomplice no doubt, I have the great misfortune to find myself webbed by a defensive tower at exactly the same time Sliceri opens fire with his Apoc. My poor Vigil didn’t stand a chance.

As I warped back to get another ship I noticed Sliceri docking up and figured he would simply wait out the timer. I moved on to investigate another report and lost track of time, I noticed the timer expiring too late and the Apoc undocked from station as soon as it expired. I rushed back to the first room of his mission and secured another item from a wreck just as he was warping in. His prior assisted success had apparently made our offender overconfident. On landing, he immediately deployed drones, locked me, and engaged.

I settled my Vigil immediately into a 20km orbit and proceeded to dispatch his flight of T2 drones with extreme prejudice. As his drones were dying in tiny balls of fire, my new protege was enroute with the Orca. Once the Orca arrived I ordered it into a collision course with the Apoc to knock him out of warp alignment. Again my expectations were exceeded as the impact sent the hapless battleship spinning like a top. I quickly boarded the Hurricane that was stored in the Orca’s hangar, reestablished point, and proceeded to melt the Apoc’s defenses.

Once I’d taken him to structure, I decided to offer the pilot the opportunity to post bail and escape with his ship intact. He declined to pay the standard 100mil isk fine and instead thought to assault my innocent assistant and his pristine Orca. I guess if you’re going to lose a ship, you might as well do it with style. CONCORD soon arrived to assist me with finishing off the flaming Apoc, letting me do the lion’s share as per usual, and relieving Sliceri of some of his security status in the process.

Good day gentle reader, fear not for I have not abandoned the spacelanes!  I’ve been doing a good bit of traveling lately, casting my Net of Justice far out into the Sea of Villainy that is New Eden.  Lately I’ve been exploring the backwaters of Amarr space searching for those who seek to avoid punishment for their crimes by avoiding regular patrols. They can run, but they can’t hide.

I’ve apprehended numerous minor offenders, issued them citations, and in several cases forcibly removed ships from their possession when necessary.  None of these incidents really merit a log entry here, but I thought this one had that little extra something that should have an official record.

Flying into the deadend Ahteer system, I came across a Corporate mining operation with 3 Hulks, a Retriever, an Iteron V, a Rokh, and an Orca.  I had noticed 2 unlicensed jetcans during my initial investigation, but they had been collected by the Orca before I was able to impound the contents and issue a citation.  I felt that this situation needed to be monitored however so I warped to a safe and waited.  Shortly I noticed new wrecks appearing in the area so I returned to find the smoking hulls of some local Sansha pirates littering the asteroid belt.  I quickly moved in to help with cleanup operations and as soon as I secured a 50mm armor plating in my cargohold the Rokh pilot blew his top over the Local broadcast.  I quickly decided that it was necessary to adjust my usually professional approach to deal with this overly hostile offender.

[ 2011.02.16 02:16:37 ] Faalenleaf > lol
[ 2011.02.16 02:16:45 ] Faalenleaf > come on dryfly shoot me
[ 2011.02.16 02:16:51 ] Faalenleaf > bitch
[ 2011.02.16 02:17:11 ] Dryfty > Ladies and Incompetents first
[ 2011.02.16 02:17:13 ] Faalenleaf > go for it punk ass bitch
[ 2011.02.16 02:17:23 ] Dryfty > now now that sort of language isnt called for
[ 2011.02.16 02:17:39 ] Faalenleaf > do it you scumb bag
[ 2011.02.16 02:17:39 ] Dryfty > thought you miners were supposed to be civilized, gentle folk
[ 2011.02.16 02:17:56 ] Ntwaidumela > awww did we hurt your wittle feeewings ??? LOL
[ 2011.02.16 02:17:57 ] Faalenleaf > I’ll show you civilized you piece of shit
[ 2011.02.16 02:18:17 ] Dryfty > oh?
[ 2011.02.16 02:18:42 ] Faalenleaf > mark my name down come get me during hulkageddon. I’ll cap your scank ass
[ 2011.02.16 02:18:54 ] Dryfty > not very likely, but as you wish
[ 2011.02.16 02:19:06 ] Dryfty > also
[ 2011.02.16 02:19:10 ] Dryfty > you might want to shower.
[ 2011.02.16 02:19:13 ] Faalenleaf > heh I’ll call your bluff bud
[ 2011.02.16 02:19:18 ] Dryfty > you seem to have some asteroid dust in your vagina
[ 2011.02.16 02:19:26 ] Faalenleaf > yeah I bet bud
[ 2011.02.16 02:19:36 ] Faalenleaf > why don’t you come back so I can kill you with my drones?
[ 2011.02.16 02:20:16 ] Dryfty > if you were going to try you wouldve, instead of trying to scare me
[ 2011.02.16 02:20:27 ] Dryfty > good effort though
[ 2011.02.16 02:20:29 ] Faalenleaf > You calling me out on this?
[ 2011.02.16 02:20:29 ] Dryfty > B-
[ 2011.02.16 02:20:42 ] Faalenleaf > Cause if your calling me out, come on in and we can play
[ 2011.02.16 02:22:33 ] Faalenleaf > heh talk is cheap get in here

Now at this point there’s a veritable horde of drones being fielded by the various miners, and I highly suspect there might be a surprise waiting for me in the maintenance bay of that Orca, so I play it safe and maintain an orbit of 75km from the Rokh who has me targeted.  Sure enough, one of the other miners boards a Worm from the Orca and begins burning towards me using a microwarp drive.   I put some additional distance between us and the rest of his Corp without putting us to warp range, then  engage the Worm with my trusty Firetail.

He puts out a flight of Hobgoblin II’s and I know the success of this arrest depends on how quickly I can take them out, but I was not prepared for just how quickly I would do that.  The first drone died in 2 volleys from my two 150mm Autocannons, the rest took either 2 or 3.  Once the first flight of drones were dead I turned my loving caresses to the Worm and he melted to half armor before managing to get his second flight of Hobs out of the drone bay.

By this point I was taking steady damage and had allowed my shields to get lower than I should have, so instead of worrying about the drones I overheated my guns, along with my shield hardener and burned the Worm the rest of the way in short order with 10-15% of my Firetails shields remaining.

The Rokh pilot didn’t have much to say after seeing that Worm go down in flames, but a few minutes pass and I receive this mail from him:

can
From: Faalenleaf
Sent: 2011.02.16 02:28
To: Dryfty,

Hey look it was uncalled for on my part…no hard feelings…just a pissy night on my end.

While considering whether or how to respond I also received a private communication so I decided to gently push his buttons and see if anything else came out.

[ 2011.02.16 02:34:30 ] Dryfty > ?
[ 2011.02.16 02:34:46 ] Faalenleaf > hey that crap was uncalled for on my part
[ 2011.02.16 02:35:03 ] Faalenleaf > I am used to can flipping, and I apologize about being a dumbass
[ 2011.02.16 02:35:21 ] Faalenleaf > No excuse for my behaivor
[ 2011.02.16 02:35:25 ] Dryfty > its ok, you cant help it
[ 2011.02.16 02:35:30 ] Dryfty > I bring out the best in people
[ 2011.02.16 02:35:33 ] Dryfty > \o/
[ 2011.02.16 02:35:51 ] Dryfty > you did go from 0 to WOAH
[ 2011.02.16 02:35:59 ] Dryfty > was pretty funny
[ 2011.02.16 02:36:02 ] Faalenleaf > Well, figured I would at least make the attempt to apologize…..not like it has not happened before..can flipping that is

So there you have it gentle reader, another harrowing tale of crime, punishment, and repentance. You may notice that I highlighted part of his initial ranting, challenging me to find him during Hulkageddon. I’m not quite done with this offender I think. Unfortunately, I don’t have any experience with this particular brand of justice, so I put the call out to you my readers.

On top of the chance at fame, glory, and prizes you stand to win from the competition, I will contribute 20 million isk for each API verified killmail linked in the comments of this post on Faalenleaf, and 10 million for any of his Corp ProtoStar Trading, for the duration of Hulkageddon.

Obviously common sense restrictions apply (empty shuttle kills, etc), and I reserve the right to withhold the bounty from anyone that looks to be trying to take advantage of this noble quest for justice.

Good evening gentle reader, it’s been quite the eventful weekend shift here are TEARS patrol HQ in Agrallarier.  The most recent offender is quickly making his way up the food chain towards “habitual offender”.  Bear with me (no pun intended) as I lay out his many transgressions for you gentle reader, and I will step back and let him be judged additionally by the court of public opinion.

It was a relatively quiet afternoon, and a slow evening until I happened upon one “bullfart1” (yes, that’s actually his name…) happily slaughtering Serpentis employees and not bothering to clean up the moderate mess he was leaving behind.  I say moderate, because there appeared to not be a single battleship class vessel in the entire deadspace, so cleanup fortunately doesnt take me near as long.  On the third wreck he recalls his drones and warps off towards the station, leaving me to complete my job in relative peace as the remaining Serpentis’ are more concerned about saving their own hides than tanning mine.  That was until I received the following incoming transmission from bullfart1 (really, this name should be the first offense on the guys permanent record.):

[ 2011.01.23 06:01:33 ] Dryfty > yes?
[ 2011.01.23 06:01:57 ] bullfart1 > yeah would you mind leaving hte area
[ 2011.01.23 06:02:13 ] Dryfty > sorry, but theres still salvage that needs to be secured
[ 2011.01.23 06:02:19 ] Dryfty > Ill be done shortly though I assure you
[ 2011.01.23 06:02:25 ] bullfart1 > and it’s my slavage
[ 2011.01.23 06:02:36 ] Dryfty > as its in my cargohold, I believe its actually mine
[ 2011.01.23 06:02:38 ] bullfart1 > so fuck off
[ 2011.01.23 06:02:42 ] Dryfty > your salvage is in your hold sir
[ 2011.01.23 06:02:55 ] Dryfty > I really cant be blamed for your inefficiency
[ 2011.01.23 06:03:33 ] bullfart1 > either way fuck off
[ 2011.01.23 06:03:48 ] Dryfty > Im fine thanks, and I really dont appreciate your lack of manners
[ 2011.01.23 06:04:03 ] Dryfty > you could at least say “please fuck off”
[ 2011.01.23 06:04:06 ] bullfart1 > coming from the theif
[ 2011.01.23 06:04:37 ] Dryfty > we prefer to think of it as “spacelane sanitation”

At this time he returned to the mission, targeted my frigate, and opened fire. I kept the lines of communication open in an attempt to lull him into complacency, which was either successful or completely unnecessary. I continue the chatter as I warp back to station to spare my ship more of the ineffectual beating from his railguns and swap for a ship with a few more teeth: 425mm teeth.

[ 2011.01.23 06:05:07 ] Dryfty > well I suppose thats a bit more convincing than “fuck off”
[ 2011.01.23 06:05:10 ] Dryfty > its all yours
[ 2011.01.23 06:05:27 ] bullfart1 > next time think before my guns do the talking
[ 2011.01.23 06:05:34 ] Dryfty > roger that
[ 2011.01.23 06:06:17 ] bullfart1 > all i want to do is my mission and salvage after, so if isn’t an abandoned wreck then don’t touch it
[ 2011.01.23 06:07:14 ] Dryfty > an understandable request, there are many who arent as conscientious as you though
[ 2011.01.23 06:07:20 ] Dryfty > and that makes for very dirty space
[ 2011.01.23 06:08:06 ] bullfart1 > only in your mind, in mine it’s makes for a prfitable day

Oh dear. He sounds like he might have the makings of a TEARS officer, if only he weren’t so damn stupid. I’m now warping back in my trusty, and toothy, Cynabal and am dismayed when I arrive 48km from the Megathron. Knowing he’ll see the doom swooping down on him and head for the station I overheat my afterburner (still need to do further experimentation with the newly enable Micro Warp Drives before they’re ready for patrol duty) and warp disruptor hoping to hook him before he can leave. As it turns out, yet another completely unfounded worry as he didn’t even try to budge. It’s admirable when someones that confident, or clueless, about their ability to withstand a TEARS style arrest. I settle into a close orbit under the already pitiful firing solution offered by his railguns (he’d engaged me on my head-on approach and with 2 volleys only managed to remove 1% shields) and begin pelting him with Republic Fleet Fusion ammunition while deploying my Warrior II’s for good measure. His response?

[ 2011.01.23 06:09:03 ] bullfart1 > leave me alone

That’s right. Let’s take one more look at that just to be sure we’re all seeing it properly.. perhaps with more emphasis as I like to imagine him screaming it all alone in his cockpit

[ 2011.01.23 06:09:03 ] bullfart1 > leave me alone

What kind of man am I that can ignore such a potent warning and plea? I don’t know gentle reader, but it scares me deep inside, making me worry about the monster that could even now be lurking just beneath the surface of this mild-mannered and dedicated law enforcement official. That is a topic for another day however. Now to continue with the conversation, and it gets better:

[ 2011.01.23 06:09:20 ] Dryfty > Im sorry, but you did intiate hostilities against me sir
[ 2011.01.23 06:09:30 ] Dryfty > you’ve wounded my ship and my pride
[ 2011.01.23 06:09:33 ] bullfart1 > and now i am leaving

OH REALLY? For a moment I wondered if perhaps he knew something I didn’t and had taken the opportunity in station to fit a warp core stabilizer. Turns out he’s just an idiot, and after 20 seconds or so of him madly mashing the Align button on his console we continue our conversation.

[ 2011.01.23 06:09:53 ] bullfart1 > so you have to ba dick about it
[ 2011.01.23 06:10:18 ] Dryfty > Ive been nothing but polite sir
[ 2011.01.23 06:10:22 ] bullfart1 > all i gave you was warning shot
[ 2011.01.23 06:10:47 ] Dryfty > well you could consider this a warning shot, I would be willing to put all this behind us for say 40mil?
[ 2011.01.23 06:10:54 ] Dryfty > much cheaper than the alternative
[ 2011.01.23 06:11:08 ] Dryfty > Ill eve give you a minute
[ 2011.01.23 06:11:10 ] bullfart1 > says you if i had the isk\
[ 2011.01.23 06:11:19 ] Dryfty > thats unfortunate
[ 2011.01.23 06:11:29 ] Dryfty > its such a nice looking ship

I thought perhaps he didn’t want to discourse with me anymore, since he left the comm channel as his Megathron exploded in all it’s terribly fit glory. After securing the contents of the wreck, I decided to be charitable and let him know that I’d neglected to abscond with the tremendously heavy Cap Booster 800 charges he had been carrying.

Loot
From: Dryfty
Sent: 2011.01.23 06:13
To: bullfart1,

I left you the Cap Boosters, but thanks for the rest.

---

go fuck yourself
From: bullfart1
Sent: 2011.01.23 06:15
To: Dryfty,

how about you go fuck yourself, in my world people like you do not deserve to live, should i ever find in life i will be make sure that holds true

---

Re: go fuck yourself
From: Dryfty
Sent: 2011.01.23 06:16
To: bullfart1

Now you’ve carried your rudeness into real life threats. Im sorry sir, but thats unacceptable and will be duly reported to CCP. Also, you should be THANKING for blowing up that monstrosity you call a ship. Cheap armor plate, cheap hardeners, but no armor reps? But you fit Cap 800s and a Large Shield Booster? Wtf were you thinking?

I’ve just rendered a public service taking that out of space, really I should be sending you a bill.

---

loot this
From: bullfart1
Sent: 2011.01.23 06:16
To: Dryfty,

you couldn’t even be respectful, there was no damage to your ship and you were stealing my salvage in the first place, you have no honour and no concept of pride or respect

I’m really at a loss for words by this point gentle reader, but unlike our aggressor I manage to scrape together a few coherent sentences (really, I think he was so angry he may have literally gone retarded by the end of those mails. Note how his ability to communicate is distorted by extreme levels of unfocused rage.) and escalated these threats to my superiors within CONCORD. Here is a copy of that communication and their most timely response:

Name: bullfart1
Report:

After firing on my ship, and subsequently getting blown up by me, this player resorted to threatening to kill me in real life.

“how about you go fuck yourself, in my world people like you do not deserve to live, should i ever find in life i will be make sure that holds true”

You can find his EVEmail in my Inbox for your inspection. I appreciate your attention to this matter.

---

Hi,

<REDACTED SECRETS>

Best regards,
GM Zhainius
EVE Online Customer Support

Oops.

Good afternoon gentle reader. Last night’s patrol of Agrallarier was fairly routine, with a good portion of my time spent cleaning up the fields of debris left by the usual suspect: careless bears. One of the bears in question happened to be one Mr. Lorphall of the Aliastra Corporation. Upon my arrival in the deadspace occupied by Mr. Lorphall’s Megathron, and his accomplice Unkas’ Raven, I noticed at once that I had been presented with an opportunity. Instantly identifying the mission as World’s Collide, I moved quickly through the gate to the Serpentis Base only to find it destroyed. I made my way towards the Research Outpost, cleaning up a few wrecks on my way and bookmarking the rest for later disposal, I proceeded into the next area with the hope of stopping this pointless conflict before more lives were lost.

Arriving at the Research Outpost, I noticed that almost half of the defenders had been killed by messieurs Lorphall and Unkas, so I set about my grizzly duty of interring the newly departed and properly disposing of their remaining worldly possessions. Apparently our fine, upstanding mass-murderers took issue with the performance of my duties and both quickly targeted my defenseless salvage ship. After cleaning up two or three more balls of crushed steel, flesh, and bone I found myself fired upon by Mr. Lorphalls railguns and a flight of angry looking Warrior I’s heading my direction. I withstood the fire long enough to lay two more crews to rest before I was forced to flee by the deteriorating condition of my own ship. I was not to be gone long though gentle reader.

Back at station I quickly boarded my trusty Cynabal that was waiting on standby and checked to make sure I had the proper munitions loaded. Warping back into deadspace I see that our two battleships are still on their spree of death and destruction, and my determination to bring them to justice flared even hotter as I warped into the Research Outpost landing practically on top of the Megathron. Before he could even react he found himself scrambled, orbited, and taking heavy fire from my guns and drones. His associate Unkas locked my ship hoping to forestall the destruction of Lorphall’s Megathron, but I knew that my backup from CONCORD was waiting in the wings to take action should he open fire. It did not take long at all for Lorphall to join the ranks of the departed.

I finally noticed something else after securing the remains of the Megathron in my cargohold: there were no Serpentis left alive in the area, Lorphall had been 20 kilometers from the Damaged Heron when his attention was so forcefully occupied by myself, and Unkas was another 30 kilometers farther away than Lorphall. Perhaps imagining I could hear the cries of the survivors, or maybe knowing on a deeper level that there were still lives to be saved, I made my way over to the Damaged Heron to find the entire Ship’s Crew battered but alive and in need of rescue. I quickly ushered them on board the Cynabal and set a course back to the nearest station where they could receive medical attention and some much needed rest.

En route to station I picked up an incoming transmission from Lorphall:

[ 2011.01.21 23:53:50 ] Lorphall > whats ur problem dude?
[ 2011.01.21 23:54:11 ] Dryfty > you shot me, so I shot back
[ 2011.01.21 23:54:24 ] Lorphall > u were stealing our loots
[ 2011.01.21 23:54:29 ] Dryfty > Ship’s Crew got this too
[ 2011.01.21 23:54:32 ] Lorphall > ur a pirate
[ 2011.01.21 23:54:46 ] Dryfty > no sir, Im a ninja
[ 2011.01.21 23:54:49 ] Dryfty > there’s a distinct difference
[ 2011.01.21 23:54:54 ] Dryfty > just remember, you shot me first
[ 2011.01.21 23:55:03 ] Dryfty > I was merely cleaning up after you
[ 2011.01.21 23:55:03 ] Lorphall > U hink I was supposed to let u ninja loots and dont shoot back?
[ 2011.01.21 23:55:11 ] Lorphall > alright.
[ 2011.01.21 23:55:13 ] Dryfty > well, yes
[ 2011.01.21 23:55:19 ] Dryfty > Ill be a good sport though
[ 2011.01.21 23:55:29 ] Lorphall > congrats, I cant buy another BS, and Im leaving the game. Good job
[ 2011.01.21 23:55:32 ] Dryfty > and sell you your mission objective back for the reasonable sum of 18mil
[ 2011.01.21 23:55:40 ] Dryfty > can I have the rest of your stuff then?
[ 2011.01.21 23:55:45 ] Dryfty > no sense it going to waste
[ 2011.01.21 23:55:46 ] Lorphall > fuck u
[ 2011.01.21 23:55:52 ] Dryfty > now thats not very nice
[ 2011.01.21 23:55:57 ] Lorphall > Il trash it all b4 giving yo u
[ 2011.01.21 23:55:58 ] Dryfty > Im trying to do you a favor

In the end, justice was served, and yet another criminal has been punished. Some may call my line of work thankless or misunderstood. I just call it necessary. Fly safe gentle reader.

To conclude our trilogy of tales of the trials and tribulations of those unfortunate enough to incur the disapproving stare of TEARS, we look to an Alliance Executor by the name of Lyphar. This unfortunate pilot liked to write checks with his mouth that his Alliance couldn’t cash, and was bankrupted when TEARS came to collect.

Some of the TEARS “Caldari Crew” met up with Lyphar and his Corporation/Alliance in the systems surrounding Ruvas.  The bears were happily missioning away when they took umbrage to some of our noble operatives doing their part and cleaning up the deadspace behind them.  Of course after initiating hostilities, they were shown the error of their ways.

Much wailing and gnashing of teeth ensued on Oblivion United’s behalf, and they declared themselves to now be an “anti-ninja fleet” and set about to thwart our stalwart operatives in the execution of their duties.  They failed miserably.

Normally this would be the end, or near it, of a situation like this.  That is, had not some of our operatives taken a special liking to the tang of OU’s tears.  Within a matter of hours their primary Corporation, Oblivion Chaos Fleet, had been infiltrated and the true mission had begun.

Now we fast forward a couple of months.  It is time to act.  With the information provided by our spy within the ranks, TEARS declares bloody war on Oblivion United.  They think they have 24 hours of continued safety.  They think they have 24 hours before we can harm them.  How very wrong they are.

We know where they mission, where they mine, and where they have their low and highsec POS’s.  We also have the forcefield password.  A small TEARS strike team moves in with the assistance of the mole and liberates the contents of the Ship Maintenance Array, including a fully fit Orca that is helpful in the relocation of the rest of their assets.  In the end only a single Retriever escaped our grasp simply because we couldnt haul anymore.

I arrived on the scene after the heist was completed, on the trail of an OU pilot that had been spotted entering their lowsec territory.  Unfortunately he arrived at the POS before I could engage in my Jaguar, and a few of us proceeded to monitor the station from within taunting range.  Sadly this is where our first and only loss of the campaign occurred, as my Jaguar flew a little too close to the manually controlled POS guns.  Lesson learned gentle reader.. lesson learned.

All ships were safely transported back to Empire space to be sold, and the shedding of tears commenced. Try to contain your laughter gentle reader, as I relay to you some of the pearls of wisdom passed down from Lyphar to his acolytes.

Exhibit 1

WAR: MARSHAL LAW
From: Lyphar
Sent: 2010.12.05 07:12
To: Oblivion United,

At ease Gentlemen,
As of this point I am declaring marshal law. No one is to talk in alliance without director status. EVERYONE is to reply to this email with a limited API key and User ID for each of their accounts. EVERYONE’s status, ranks, titles, and such are suspended until the war is over. If you do not reply within 24hrs, you or your corp shall be expended from your corp or alliance. The ears are in the walls and we’re burning out the cockroaches with flamethrowers. This mandate is for you and your corporation’s general well being and properity.

Second. Everyone is to evacuate Ziona surrounding area. Move details will come after the 24hr period. No one is to engage, no one is to fly alone, no one is to mine, mission run, ect. EVERYONE is to read our tutorials page AND FOLLOW THE PVP COMMANDMENTS TO THE LETTER. http://griffin30007productions.com/obchf/tutorials.htm
I had a higher faith in your guys’ integrety. Thank you for proving that wrong (you know who you are).

More details to follow.

May our enemies perish in the holy fire of our lasers.
Lyphar
Admiral of Oblivion Chaos Fleet
Head of Oblivion United

Exhibit 2

WAR: Battle Plan
From: Lyphar
Sent: 2010.12.05 21:39
To: Oblivion United,

Hey guys,
API/UserID policy is put on hold for now. Everyone is to lie low for the first 48hrs of the war while the Alliance and Corp restructures. Please watch local playerlists for war targets, avoid major player hubs, move a couple combat ships out of Ziona, and place jump clones. No one is to be mission running or mining within the first 48 hrs and not after without carefully watching local and always being aligned. This war has horrible timing and we need to gather more intel as to what the enemy will actually be flying or putting into the war or if they will get bored and lax after 24hrs.
Once again please read my PvP Crash Course on our website, ESP. if this is your first war.
http://griffin30007productions.com/obchf/tutorials.htm

We will try to avoid placing any rules for alliance which do not help keep you guys safe and prepare us for this war as well as others. Fleets will be forming after the 48hr bunker time.
Victory for Oblivion United!
Lyphar
Admiral of Oblivion Chaos Fleet

Exhibit 3

WAR: MARSHAL LAW and New Policy
From: Lyphar
Sent: 2010.12.06 01:55
To: Oblivion Chaos Fleet,

As per our corp. I still expect everyone’s UserIDs and Limited API keys (https://www.eveonline.com/login.asp?r=%2F&t=%2Fapi%2Fdefault.asp%3F). These keys are not a temporary thing and are not to be changed. If they are changed, the new key is to be sent to myself within 24hrs. No exceptions.
No one shall have BPO access except high command.
No one shall have wallet or hanger access except high command.
This shall go into effect after the war. During the war Marshal Law is still in affect.
Everyone is to stay docked up for the next 48hrs while we restructure alliance and corp.
Again several corp members are theives and they know who they are.
Lyphar

Exhibit 4 – Compliments of Hefe Weizen

Intel on our new friends
From: Hefe Weizen
Sent: 2010.12.05 06:59
To:

Basic info:

Tear Extraction and Reclamation consists of 8 corporations. Most of those corporations probably aren’t going to be a problem, as a few of them are purely industrial.

They ARE NOT directly affiliated with the ongoing pirate action we have had in Ziona with Daff Punk and Death Incarnate INC. Any association between the two has to be under the table, so to speak.

The main corporate threat will be Suddenly Ninjas with 224 players and to a lesser degree, Ritual Suicide with 23 members.

Most likely ships used by hostiles are:

Rifter
Heron (for surveilance, they lose these alot)
Vigil
Hurricane

Most previous activity has occured in Minimitar, Caldari and Gallente space. I have not been able to find data for Ammar space in recent history. Although Suddenly Ninjas has appeared around here, they have had no kills.

CEO and Founder is

Tchell Dahhn
No active kill since April of 2009. Probably running an Alt now.
Her email and MSN account is [useless email redacted]

Their top hitters from Suddently Ninjas are. (Top 30 and with kills within the past week)

Arden Elenduil
Bladewise
Solomar Espersei
Ullus Demos
danjor2
Xa Fel
Michael Zign
Aiden Mourn
Cam Clarke
Rigby Jess
Tuomas Arturi
waagstrom
Galmarr
Sebulous
Skippermonkey
Dryfty <– I made the list \o/
Set Shwayo
Bass Indy
Dhazar
radonicon
Zavulon Sukkot
Natthias Sharl
Shale Kelevra
knight david
Scopique
Simen123
Lars Foolsbane
Soul Decayed
JordanParey
Nexus Havoc

Their website and forum, which is open to view is http://suddenlyninjas.net/forum.php, although at the moment they do have radio silence when it comes to actual fleet activity.

More information to follow

- Hefe

In the end, nothing really helped them. There may have been a few that escaped our attentions during the war, but I’ve yet to hear of any.

Two Corporations gave up the fight and dropped from the Alliance during the first few days of the war. Coming to the close of the first week I had a member of Tactical Operations Fleet Delta pinned into station in Youl for the better part of 2 days, and they finally struck up a conversation. After 30 minutes of talking they also dropped from the Alliance, and were followed by 2 other Corps within a matter of hours.

They’d been under the impression that the war was almost over, and things would soon be back to normal. I corrected that misconception for them, and there was more than a little animosity towards Lyphar for dragging them into this in the first place.

Within two hours, Oblivion Chaos Fleet stood alone. Well, except for the SIX one-man holding Corporations owned by Lyphar and held by his alts. Really? Once the wardec was officially extended for a second week, OBCHF didn’t start losing members… it started hemorrhaging members.

Now, 2 days later, Lyphar truly stands alone. The only pilots left in the Corp are him and his alts. He was offered a reasonable ransom and if he’d cared about his Corp/Alliance, he’d have swallowed his pride and paid it. This is how Alliances rise and fall, swinging on the ego of individuals. Welcome to New Eden gentle reader.

Welcome to part two of this miniature trilogy gentle reader. Here I will regale you with a harrowing tale of two miners, seven unlicensed containers of ore, two solar systems, and what happens when they meet yours truly.

Our two protagonists for this epic yarn go by the names Tru Warden and Brutalis Furia (I couldn’t make those up if I tried). I encountered this intrepid duo busily laying waste to asteroid after asteroid in another backwater system by the name of Gaknem. Now, this is a 0.6 system so there is no excuse for such sloppy mining practices as were displayed by these two. Brutalis is even the CEO of their tiny corporation. Sometimes corruption and willful ignorance of the law goes all the way to the top.

I was immediately intrigued when I noticed a Rokh, Hulk, and Caldari Shuttle on my scanner, along with two containers labeled with timestamps. Moving in to investigate, I immediately took corrective action by impounding the contents of the two illegal containers. Tru Warder fled the scene of the crime, heading for a local mining outpost while Mr. Furia continued to mine obliviously and I kept watch over the impounded ore and began my paperwork.

Shortly Tru Warder returned in a Mammoth and began to approach the impounded ore, but thought better of his planned theft and returned to station once more. By this time Brutalis has filled his cargohold but is obviously reluctant to pollute space further in the presence of a TEARS officer and sits idly.

At this time a message comes through from an uninvolved party that requires my immediate and undivided attention. Unable to continue to maintain the integrity of the impounded ore, and having had no communication from either offender, I make the appropriate notations on my paperwork and flag the ore for immediate disposal. I then dock for the next couple of hours to handle that intruding business.

Fear not gentle reader, our story does not stop here. After my other business was concluded I return to find both Tru Warder and Brutalis Furia gone from Gaknem. I have a gut feeling however that they have not learned their lesson from our earlier encounter, and sure enough I find them merely in the next system over continuing their ruinous roid rampage, while still jettisoning ore into illegal containers. Dismayed by their lack of cooperation with local authorities, I warp in to their belt to discover FIVE timestamped containers floating dangerously close to a municipal warplane.

I move to impound the first container which is full to capacity, when the below transmission shows up on the local broadcast channel. Through all this I continue to impound container after container while the two deviant miners stare dumbly and vent their frustrations via comms.

[ 2010.12.12 03:31:55 ] Tru Warder > Dryfty – we CAN’T fight you – if you’re just looking for a fight
[ 2010.12.12 03:32:05 ] Tru Warder > all you”re doing is being a PITA
[ 2010.12.12 03:32:31 ] Dryfty > just keeping the spacelanes clear of dangerous unlicensed jetcans sir
[ 2010.12.12 03:33:57 ] Tru Warder > I’d just as soon not have wasted several hours of gameplay, if you don’t mind
[ 2010.12.12 03:34:17 ] Dryfty > Im sorry sir, but your unsafe mining practices put lives at risk
[ 2010.12.12 03:34:20 ] Tru Warder > my strongest ship is a cormorant
[ 2010.12.12 03:34:32 ] Tru Warder > I don’t think that would constitute a fair fight, do you?
[ 2010.12.12 03:34:40 ] Brutalis Furia > Explain that one if you don’t mind
[ 2010.12.12 03:34:52 ] Tru Warder > him, or me?
[ 2010.12.12 03:34:57 ] Brutalis Furia > him
[ 2010.12.12 03:35:23 ] Dryfty > leaving improperly licensed jetcans in municipal warplanes are a severe collision hazard
[ 2010.12.12 03:35:35 ] Dryfty > part of our duties are to keep the warplanes clear of these obstacles
[ 2010.12.12 03:35:36 ] Tru Warder > uh-huh
[ 2010.12.12 03:36:02 ] Brutalis Furia > do you represent any sanctioned agency with apropriate juristiction over these maters
[ 2010.12.12 03:36:03 ] Tru Warder > I’ve bounced off STATIONS, never mind itsy-bitsy jetcans…
[ 2010.12.12 03:36:14 ] Tru Warder > *matters
[ 2010.12.12 03:36:18 ] Tru Warder > :)
[ 2010.12.12 03:36:25 ] Dryfty > TEARS Operatives are sanctioned by CONCORD itself
[ 2010.12.12 03:36:39 ] Tru Warder > uh-huh – and that’s why you turned RED?
[ 2010.12.12 03:36:46 ] Dryfty > you’ll both be receiving citations via evemail once my paperwork for the day is complete
[ 2010.12.12 03:36:57 ] Brutalis Furia > please show or link me to that relevant document
[ 2010.12.12 03:37:24 ] Dryfty > as I said, you’ll receive copies of my report with your citations once the days paperwork is complete. I only have two hands sir
[ 2010.12.12 03:37:39 ] Brutalis Furia > not acceptable
[ 2010.12.12 03:38:16 ] Dryfty > well, apparently thats just too damn bad sir.
[ 2010.12.12 03:38:29 ] Brutalis Furia > if you are impounding my property, i demand aprpriate paperwork on the matter
[ 2010.12.12 03:38:36 ] Dryfty > your non-compliance will be noted in my report
[ 2010.12.12 03:39:08 ] Dryfty > actually sir, because of your repeat offender status, the property has been reffered for proper disposal
[ 2010.12.12 03:39:46 ] Brutalis Furia > like the two cans you destroyed in gaknem? where was the prior offence that time?
[ 2010.12.12 03:39:46 ] Dryfty > you’ll notice that where there were 5 unlicensed jetcans, there are now only 2 to dispose of
[ 2010.12.12 03:40:26 ] Dryfty > actually, that was a matter of my attention being required elsewhere, and I couldnt trust you and your accomplice not to simply steal the impounded property
[ 2010.12.12 03:40:43 ] Dryfty > its really your own doing sir
[ 2010.12.12 03:41:13 ] Brutalis Furia > who is your superoir officer sir?
[ 2010.12.12 03:41:18 ] Dryfty > have no fear sir, Im almost done here
[ 2010.12.12 03:41:40 ] Dryfty > complaints are best referred to Aiden Mourn I suppose, that Im uncertain how anyone could have a complaint with the service Ive rendered
[ 2010.12.12 03:41:48 ] Dryfty > Aiden Mourn
[ 2010.12.12 03:41:49 ] Brutalis Furia > that matters not, i wish to file a complaint
[ 2010.12.12 03:44:01 ] Dryfty > I appreciate your attentiveness in this matter
[ 2010.12.12 03:44:05 ] Dryfty > and removing the last of the debris
[ 2010.12.12 03:44:21 ] Dryfty > unfortunately that can have no bearing in the issuance of my citations for your previous offences
[ 2010.12.12 03:44:49 ] Dryfty > should you decide to pursue this self-destructive criminal lifestyle
[ 2010.12.12 03:44:51 ] Tru Warder > you are an ass, sir
[ 2010.12.12 03:45:02 ] Dryfty > Im afraid further intervention will be necessary
[ 2010.12.12 03:45:17 ] Tru Warder > cry to Concord
[ 2010.12.12 03:46:07 ] Dryfty > apparently we have differing definitions of crying sir
[ 2010.12.12 03:46:12 ] Dryfty > Im simply doing my job

You may see from the log that Tru Warder finally decided that watching his ore being impounded was simply too much to bear and he proceeded to jump back to Gaknem for his trusty Mammoth that he was too afraid to employ earlier. This time he was a bit more successful as I had mere seconds remaining before my crew could jettison another impound container, and he managed to save a single container of ore from authorized disposal. As he managed to secure that amount of ore, I did not reflect it in the following citation as we must encourage these people to clean up after themselves. I was sincere in my appreciation for his belated assistance in keeping the spacelanes clear.

Mr. Tru Warder, Mr. Brutalis Furia:

Pursuant to our earlier interaction, I am officially enclosing the aforementioned citation and requisite fine for TEARS Officer intervention. We hope that together with your cooperation we can keep areas like Gaknem and Phoren safe for travelers and miners alike and must insist in the future that you use a properly licensed TEARS jetcan for your ore storage needs. Individual licenses may be purchased from myself or any TEARS representative for the nominal sum of 5,000,000 ISK. Please see details below for Corporation licensing.

Your prompt payment of this fine will conclude TEARS involvement in this case.

Dutifully Yours,
Dryfty – Tash-Murkon Region TEARS Representative

FORM #46183.A-C93 UNREGISTERED JETCAN CITATION
Issued by: TEAR EXTRACTION AND RECLAMATION SERVICE

Sector ID: 486BFG88499HG-3345-588FN
Jetcan Inventory: See Misc/Ref. Lading Log #6587-15

Operatives of TEARS Alliance, Subgroup: Suddenly Ninjas [YOINK] have issued a member(s) of your Corporation a Citation for Failure to Properly Register an Unsecured Jetcan Residing in a Municipal Asteroid Belt per EDEN Municipal Code #46183.A in 0.6 Systems: Gaknem and Phoren

Parties In Violation:
Tru Warder
Brutalis Furia

Infraction of EDEN Municipal Code #46183.A can incur a fine of up to 500,000.00 ISK per m3 of debris, authorized destruction of vessel and resulting wreck salvage fees, not to exceed 20,000,000.00 ISK.

Registration Fee ………………………………………….. 250,000 ISK
Astrogation LIDAR Omission Penalty …………………………. 150,000 ISK
Debris Handling Fee……………………………………………………….. 50.000 ISK
Disposal Fee …………………………………………………………… 1,000,000 ISK
TEARS Licensed Destructable Jetcan x6…………………………….2,200,000 ISK
TEARS Officer Ammunition………………………………………….200,000 ISK
Fraternal Order of Salvagers Union Fund Contribution … 5,500 ISK

Total Assessment: 3,855,500 ISK

Please Remit Funds to TEARS – Spacelane Sanitation Division
Authorized Representative or your nearest TEARS Alliance Officer.
Failure to submit payment on this citation may prompt additional TEARS action and requisite sanctions.

Resolution of this case is still pending. Past due notices are scheduled to be distributed in the next few hours.

Good evening gentle reader! Once again I pulled the weekend patrol, and encountered a variety of offenders. From the cooperative, to the belligerent, to the violent, all were dealt with appropriately and the corresponding paperwork filed in triplicate. I believe there is much to be learned from their experiences with this humble TEARS Operative, and so I share their three separate tales with you now.

We begin the reports with one “Dr Crippen“, who I believe is no real doctor at all though I’ve been unable to confirm this suspicion. The good doctor was busily mining away in a small backwater system in Tash-Murkon by the name of Iro. I was in the area patrolling for unlicensed jetcans in my Jaguar when I encountered his Retriever merrily mining away, but there were no cans to be found.

On my way to leave I noticed a pirate wreck that as yet lay unsalvaged so I checked the cargohold to discover a Civilian Shield Booster. Not having a salvager equipped presently, I could not properly remove all of the debris, but I did what little I could by taking care of that module and preparing to move on to inspect the next asteroid belt.

No sooner had I begun to align for warp, I found myself being targeted by the Retriever and a rather angry looking flight of Hornet I’s coming at me full speed. My training and instincts took over as I returned the target lock, engaged my warp scrambler, and burned towards the Retriever as fast as my afterburner would allow. As is my habit, I began targeting his drones in order to dispatch that threat first when I accidentally sent a volley of autocannon fire into the Retriever and was shocked to see his shields disappear completely along with a quarter of his armor. Quickly deciding that the drones were tougher than the ship, I dispatched the Retriever with two more successive volleys and the drones went inactive.

Dr Crippen warped his capsule off towards a station to presumably lick his wounds, and being in no particular hurry I took my time sifting through the wreckage of his Retriever and destroying what I was unable or unwilling to take with me.

One thing I’ve learned is that paying attention to your ships scanning instrumentation can pay off, and such was the case today. As I was warping off I noticed “Dr Crippen’s Drake” appear outside the station he’d warped to, so I proceeded to a neutral area of the system and turned my scanner on the asteroid belt I’d just left. I did not wait long before the Drake appeared in the belt and I engaged my warp drive.

Arriving in the belt I immediately lock him and again engage my warp scrambler and afterburner as he’s salvaging the wreck of his Retriever. Burning into a close orbit we begin exchanging fire and he deploys another flight of Hornet I’s. This time the Hornets are definitely the priority, so I systematically destroy them while maintaining my orbit around the Drake. My Jaguar is pelted by volley after volley of cruiser missiles, but they have practically no effect on my shields. On the other hand, my guns steadily break through first his shields, and then his armor. Once I begin firing on the exposed hull of the Drake I open a private channel to Dr Crippen and offer a reasonable ransom for the survival of the Drake, but I was rebuffed. Moments later the asteroids in the belt got their second fireworks show of the evening.

Almost instantly Dr Crippen realizes that he is now without a ship to fly, and proceeds to vent his frustration over the local broadcast channel:

[ 2010.12.12 01:26:11 ] Dr Crippen > what a ass hole
[ 2010.12.12 01:26:26 ] Dryfty > I offered a reasonable ransom, you declined.
[ 2010.12.12 01:27:10 ] Dr Crippen > some of us dont have that sort of isk pratt
[ 2010.12.12 01:27:26 ] Dryfty > it was less than the cost of replacing that Drake hull
[ 2010.12.12 01:27:30 ] Dryfty > *shrug*
[ 2010.12.12 01:27:46 ] Dr Crippen > thats why your a ass
[ 2010.12.12 01:28:27 ] Dryfty > your logic escapes me. Perhaps inhaling all that asteroid dust has affected your brain?
[ 2010.12.12 01:29:24 ] Dr Crippen > i said i had no isk do you not under stand cant give what you dont have that why your a ass
[ 2010.12.12 01:29:40 ] Dryfty > you being poor != me being an ass sir
[ 2010.12.12 01:30:19 ] Dryfty > I believe theres an ancient Chinese proverb that applies to this situation, and I think you may find it useful
[ 2010.12.12 01:30:26 ] Dryfty > “dont fly what you cant afford to lose”
[ 2010.12.12 01:30:33 ] Dryfty > you might have heard it before sir?
[ 2010.12.12 01:30:56 ] Dryfty > I expected higher intellect from a “Dr”
[ 2010.12.12 01:31:08 ] Dryfty > what are they teaching in doctor school these days?
[ 2010.12.12 01:31:24 ] Dr Crippen > ha ha ha this is not my main my main is dave starfly i would look out if i was you
[ 2010.12.12 01:31:47 ] Dryfty > Im terrified sir. If you’re as inept on your main, as you are on your alt, I quiver at the thought of it
[ 2010.12.12 01:32:09 ] Dryfty > so unless you give yourself a labotomy before logging into this pilot, I dont have much to fear
[ 2010.12.12 01:32:58 ] Dr Crippen > well look him up he in 00 at moment corp monro
[ 2010.12.12 01:33:35 ] Dryfty > looking now actually, still not impressed. But whatever makes you happy, makes me happy sir.
[ 2010.12.12 01:33:45 ] Dr Crippen > modro
[ 2010.12.12 01:33:59 ] Dryfty > the whole “Ill crush you with my main” is so 2005
[ 2010.12.12 01:35:20 ] Dryfty > Though I do thank you, you’ve topped off my Tear Capacitors quite nicely.
[ 2010.12.12 01:35:39 ] Dr Crippen > yes so is picking on people in high sec p off to low sec and have a go
[ 2010.12.12 01:35:56 ] Dryfty > You fired at me sir, just who is picking on who?
[ 2010.12.12 01:36:08 ] Dryfty > at least take responsibility for your actions
[ 2010.12.12 01:36:42 ] Dr Crippen > you stole from me
[ 2010.12.12 01:37:06 ] Dr Crippen > you whent red to me
[ 2010.12.12 01:37:14 ] Dryfty > I severely doubt you were going to actually take / use anything from that wreck.
[ 2010.12.12 01:37:39 ] Dryfty > just trying to keep the spacelanes clear of debris
[ 2010.12.12 01:37:52 ] Dr Crippen > when you are low on isk all helps get back in game
[ 2010.12.12 01:38:09 ] Dryfty > you’ll notice I allowed you to salvage the wreck of your Retriever, before blowing up your Drake. We all have to do our part
[ 2010.12.12 01:39:01 ] Dryfty > perhaps you should “get back into the game” in low/null sec. You’re obviously much more powerful there than here.
[ 2010.12.12 01:39:14 ] Dryfty > perhaps theres kryptonite in this solar system?
[ 2010.12.12 01:39:50 ] Dryfty > dont worry, 1 more minute and you can safely undock
[ 2010.12.12 01:40:00 ] Dr Crippen > why i have not done anyone any harm here unlike some people i could say
[ 2010.12.12 01:40:10 ] Dryfty > no need to fear me sir, and I hope this unfortunate incident doesnt get in the way of our friendship.
[ 2010.12.12 01:40:18 ] Dryfty > I feel a special bond growing between us
[ 2010.12.12 01:40:23 ] Dryfty > like we’ve known each other for years.
[ 2010.12.12 01:40:32 ] Dr Crippen > :-)
[ 2010.12.12 01:40:40 ] Dryfty > oh sorry, that was gas
[ 2010.12.12 01:40:41 ] Dr Crippen > lol
[ 2010.12.12 01:40:42 ] Dryfty > my mistake
[ 2010.12.12 01:41:05 ] Dryfty > well you enjoy the rest of your day sir, fly safe if you cant fly smart ;)

And so ends the Tale of Dryfty and Dr Crippen. Riveting.

Good evening gentle reader!  Another weekend is upon us at last, and I must say it was a busy week indeed.  Spacelanes were patrolled, numerous offenses were investigated, and even a few violators were…  well, violated.   While I had the good fortune to fly with some outstanding operatives, and bring a few criminals to justice, the most satisfying of these began with a somewhat overzealous and loudmouthed Rattlesnake pilot by the name of SovereignTM.

I was merrily making my way through quite the backlog of debris reports with the assistance of undercover operatives Clantyn and Slim Biggins, when I come upon aforementioned loudmouth in a deadspace simply littered with wrecks and other debris.  I of course did what I do best and began removing the offending debris from space, but something told me that the intrepid mission bear did not appreciate my efforts.

[ 2010.12.01 23:54:51 ] SovereignTM > Fag off my wrecks please
[ 2010.12.01 23:55:15 ] Dryfty > I dont see your name on them… oh wait. I do. Oh well
[ 2010.12.01 23:55:33 ] SovereignTM > No problem here, I’ll just pop them
[ 2010.12.01 23:55:46 ] Dryfty > then why so butthurt?
[ 2010.12.01 23:55:52 ] Dryfty > you guys make no sense
[ 2010.12.01 23:56:10 ] Slim Biggins > at least hes thinking about ways to keep the shipping lanes free of deadly space wrecks
[ 2010.12.01 23:56:12 ] SovereignTM > Not “butthurt” just think its a pathetic thing to do
[ 2010.12.01 23:56:37 ] Dryfty > then you should make a donation to the Fraternal Order of Salvagers so we dont have to steal wrecks to feed our families
[ 2010.12.01 23:56:57 ] Slim Biggins > lol
[ 2010.12.01 23:57:14 ] SovereignTM > Or you could just try doing missions yourself
[ 2010.12.01 23:57:28 ] Dryfty > much easier to let you do them for me
[ 2010.12.01 23:57:35 ] Dryfty > its all about efficiency
[ 2010.12.01 23:57:56 ] SovereignTM > Well pretty flippers won’t get anything from me
[ 2010.12.01 23:58:07 ] SovereignTM > Rather pop my wrecks than let people like you have them ^^
[ 2010.12.01 23:58:11 ] Dryfty > and what is a “pretty flipper” I may ask?
[ 2010.12.01 23:58:21 ] Dryfty > a type of dolphin?
[ 2010.12.01 23:58:40 ] SovereignTM > I meant petty actually, my bad
[ 2010.12.01 23:59:17 ] Augum > apologies for ninja’ing your wrecks, but am skint and must raise some funds without the cash to fund a new ship
[ 2010.12.02 00:00:46 ] Dryfty > dont apologize, 90% of these tossers leave them floating in space. They only get butthurt when someone else comes along to get something out of it
[ 2010.12.02 00:01:09 ] SovereignTM > Some of us can afford a Noctis to salvage ourselves
[ 2010.12.02 00:01:30 ] Dryfty > *looks around, doesnt see a Noctis, continues salvaging*

During the course of this exchange I of course continue to salvage wrecks and secure the contents of their cargoholds. First he tries to deter me by shooting the wrecks, but knowing he will just quit if I were to leave and our first duty as TEARS operatives being spacelane safety, I carry on and then double back to the previous pockets to clear up any wrecks I might have missed in my rush to clear the largest obstructions first.

I finish the previous pockets and rejoin the offender who this time decides to target my salvage ship as I continue cleaning up after him. Once caught up I decide to return to station to make some room in my cargohold and then pop over to Dodixie to do a little shopping.

Once my short trip to Dodixie is finished I return to Agra and notice our offender crying out yet again for attention in Local.

[ 2010.12.02 00:22:51 ] SovereignTM > Was it something I said? :)
[ 2010.12.02 00:23:51 ] SovereignTM > Or maybe I scared the little flipper
[ 2010.12.02 00:23:54 ] SovereignTM > Could be it
[ 2010.12.02 00:24:12 ] Dryfty > actually, I took all the Larges and moved on, but Ill be glad to come back shortly
[ 2010.12.02 00:24:38 ] SovereignTM > Unless you want my Rattlesnake up your arse you’d better not ^^
[ 2010.12.02 00:24:55 ] Dryfty > awww now thats no way to make friends and influence people
[ 2010.12.02 00:25:23 ] SovereignTM > Neither if flipping really
[ 2010.12.02 00:26:30 ] Dryfty > I think you also need to lookup the definition of “flipping”, that suggests that Im actually leaving something, which I dont
[ 2010.12.02 00:27:17 ] SovereignTM > I’m not quite sad enough to look up the EVE slang dictionary but the day I am I’ll let you know
[ 2010.12.02 00:29:52 ] Dryfty > well there’s a difference between learning enough to not sound like a retard, and being “sad”
[ 2010.12.02 00:30:16 ] SoraXIII > ^ +1
[ 2010.12.02 00:30:51 ] SovereignTM > Then clearly you need to look up the definition of retard
[ 2010.12.02 00:31:07 ] Dryfty > I did, thats how I ended up in your mission
[ 2010.12.02 00:31:14 ] SoraXIII > you people and your definitions
[ 2010.12.02 00:31:25 ] Slim Biggins > its pronounced ruh tard
[ 2010.12.02 00:31:30 ] SovereignTM > And for someone who uses the term butthurt your hardly one to call me on proper use of grammar
[ 2010.12.02 00:31:31 ] SoraXIII > ^^
[ 2010.12.02 00:32:06 ] Slim Biggins > thats not a word?> shit i use that all the time
[ 2010.12.02 00:33:25 ] SovereignTM > Well its not but I was just pointing out its a pretty bad insult
[ 2010.12.02 00:33:44 ] Dryfty > it would be if it were an insult… its more a “state of mind”
[ 2010.12.02 00:33:53 ] Slim Biggins > ^^
[ 2010.12.02 00:34:03 ] Slim Biggins > i cant really call someone a butthurt now can i?
[ 2010.12.02 00:34:57 ] SovereignTM > I didn’t say that, your still using it as an insult, but you are only a flipper so, what more can be expected
[ 2010.12.02 00:35:09 ] Slim Biggins > whats a flipper?
[ 2010.12.02 00:35:49 ] Slim Biggins > is that like the flappers of years past?
[ 2010.12.02 00:36:45 ] SovereignTM > Heh look at him go, earning his pennies :)
[ 2010.12.02 00:37:50 ] Slim Biggins > just remember pennies add up
[ 2010.12.02 00:38:06 ] TriKamRed > -.-
[ 2010.12.02 00:38:25 ] Ustrello > awww..
[ 2010.12.02 00:38:29 ] SovereignTM > And the little flipper flys away
[ 2010.12.02 00:38:41 ] Dryfty > well I cant tank the mission for you forever
[ 2010.12.02 00:38:43 ] Ustrello > hit the second gate like three times
[ 2010.12.02 00:39:05 ] SovereignTM > Not my fault if you stupidly piss off a group is it :L
[ 2010.12.02 00:39:40 ] Dryfty > still 21 Armor Plates richer, so I count it as a win
[ 2010.12.02 00:40:12 ] Slim Biggins > i still like the tripped power circuits
[ 2010.12.02 00:40:24 ] Ustrello > surely you cant be serious dry
[ 2010.12.02 00:40:24 ] Dryfty > 70 of those \o/
[ 2010.12.02 00:40:34 ] Slim Biggins > i find they drop more than plates
[ 2010.12.02 00:41:16 ] SovereignTM > Lol if thats what motivates you to play everyday your a very lonely person Dry :)
[ 2010.12.02 00:43:30 ] Slim Biggins > what motivates you to play sov?
[ 2010.12.02 00:43:47 ] Slim Biggins > i have to say salvaging is much more interesting than mining
[ 2010.12.02 00:44:00 ] Slim Biggins > to me that is the most mind numbing task ever
[ 2010.12.02 00:44:03 ] Dryfty > meh
[ 2010.12.02 00:44:09 ] Dryfty > I am disappoint.
[ 2010.12.02 00:44:11 ] Ustrello > can i make it in time
[ 2010.12.02 00:44:14 ] Ustrello > dun dun dun dun
[ 2010.12.02 00:44:40 ] Ustrello > weeeeeeeeeee

The latter portion of the above log is where it starts to get interesting. I warped back to the Rattlesnake and continued where I’d left off, salvaging what he’d killed (and not shot, just as I suspected). I soon noticed a Hurricane appear on scan, but wasn’t terribly concerned as we were 4 gates into Angel’s Extravaganza, so I knew I had a bit of time. I simply kept a respectable distance from the warpin, which wasn’t hard as the Rattler had moved 50km off and his wrecks followed. Soon enough the valiant White Knight™ Ustrello appears on grid some 40km away and quickly targets my Vigil. Being somewhat familiar with the Hurricane myself (see my collected works for references), I quickly determine that he’s carrying only short range weaponry so I primarily concern myself with staying well out of point range while I determine just how big a mistake our hero is going to make.

Here their Corporation has about 8 minutes left in which to destroy my ship for taking their hard-won salvage, and I have a Rattlesnake and Hurricane targeting me but unwilling to pull the trigger… or so it would seem. To nudge them in the proper direction, I align to station from a vector that puts me on a slow approach towards the Hurricane who has been burning towards me since entering the pocket. As I align I disable my afterburner and just barely keep myself at 30km, outside T2 Disruptor range if he doesn’t overheat. My hunch was correct and I remained unpointed. The “can I make it in time?” question in Local was asked as I began to align, so I had a good feeling about my chances of getting shot at.

Suddenly Success.

He deploys a flight of Warrior II’s and sends them in, firing a hopeful volley from his autocannons as the drones near their range. I wait for the Drones to score a first volley on my shields before warping out to be certain of the effect. This all happens in the course of 3-4 seconds and the Rattlesnake did not fire. Oh well, sometimes you have to settle for bringing in the little fish to keep from starving, even if it means spooking the big fish.

Remember there are 3 members of this Corporation in system now gentle reader, and one has committed a violent act upon my ship and my person. As I queue up the pod transfer from my Vigil to my Hurricane in station, I notice Ustrello docking. My heart sinks at once, just knowing that I’ve lost the opportunity to bring this particular criminal to justice, only to soar moments later when he undocks and I receive notice from Clantyn and Slim that he’s sitting outside the station in the undocking lane along with another Corpmate in a Hurricane.

Finally sitting in my own Hurricane, I decide to wait out the 6 minutes left on their Corporate timer and engage Ustrello once his friends are unable to assist. I realize the possibility of the other Hurricane pilot having Logistic modules fit, so I have some assistance of my own on standby in the form of Slim’s Exequror. Slim does his part by keeping them distracted in Local, and Clantyn brings out a Kestrel and begins bumping Ustrello away from the station. I’m taking one shot at this arrest, and I detest playing station games.

I time my undock to coincide with the expiration of the Corp timer in the hope of catching the other Hurricane with a CONCORDOKKEN, and quickly lock Ustrello, deploy drones, and engage. I slam on the warp disruptor and stasis web to prevent any attempt at escape, and quickly burn into a close orbit laying into his shields with volley after volley. I’m surprised he doesn’t already have his own drones out, and my fingers hover over the targeting console waiting to lock them once they deploy, but I’m left waiting. In fact, as I break his shields and start drilling rounds into the ships armor, I notice that I haven’t even been targeted yet.

Ustrello finally wakes up, targets me, and returns fire as he hits approximately 85% armor and out come his own drones. At first my instinct is to neutralize the opposing Warrior II’s, but I focus on the Hurricane and continue melting it where it lay. I experience a brief flash of panic as my own shields dissipate in 4-5 volleys before realizing that this is an armor tanked Hurricane that I simply haven’t flown in some time. It doesn’t even have T2 guns.

Occupants of the Agrallarier Astral Mining Inc. Refinery were treated to quite the fireworks show as Ustrello’s Hurricane went up in glorious flames.

Here’s the logs of where he realizes what’s happening, and Corpmate BlackTalon07 just sits and watches his friend take it.

[ 2010.12.02 00:53:46 ] Ustrello > opps
[ 2010.12.02 00:53:49 ] Ustrello > scaredd me
[ 2010.12.02 00:54:02 ] BlackTalon07 > lol i shit myself a little
[ 2010.12.02 00:54:06 ] BlackTalon07 > jk lol
[ 2010.12.02 00:54:11 ] Ustrello > damn targeting…
[ 2010.12.02 00:54:57 ] Ustrello > oh noes
[ 2010.12.02 00:55:08 ] BlackTalon07 > damn…
[ 2010.12.02 00:55:12 ] Dryfty > gf
[ 2010.12.02 00:55:14 ] Slim Biggins > surprise!
[ 2010.12.02 00:55:17 ] Ustrello > hehe wasent paying attention
[ 2010.12.02 00:55:37 ] Slim Biggins > you scared me ust i wasnt either
[ 2010.12.02 00:55:47 ] Slim Biggins > i saw the fight and figured you were mean so the other guy gets the reps
[ 2010.12.02 00:55:49 ] Ustrello > station lied to me saying its a not a kick out
[ 2010.12.02 00:56:10 ] Slim Biggins > see what happens when you dont tell people whats going on :)
[ 2010.12.02 00:56:16 ] Ustrello > eh idc
[ 2010.12.02 00:56:18 ] Ustrello > its a game
[ 2010.12.02 00:56:25 ] Clantyn > \o/
[ 2010.12.02 00:56:30 ] Dryfty > either way, gf man :D
[ 2010.12.02 00:56:35 ] Ustrello > not really lol
[ 2010.12.02 00:56:40 ] Ustrello > wasent paying attentipon
[ 2010.12.02 00:56:41 ] Slim Biggins > stickem up?
[ 2010.12.02 00:56:47 ] Ustrello > attention
[ 2010.12.02 00:56:55 ] Slim Biggins > lols
[ 2010.12.02 00:56:59 ] SovereignTM > Neut repping is also considered faggy
[ 2010.12.02 00:56:59 ] Ustrello > by the time i switched targets i was dead
[ 2010.12.02 00:57:07 ] Ustrello > /emote shurgs
[ 2010.12.02 00:57:10 ] Slim Biggins > but legal
[ 2010.12.02 00:57:13 ] Ustrello > shurgs?
[ 2010.12.02 00:57:15 ] Slim Biggins > and to the victors go the spoils
[ 2010.12.02 00:57:37 ] Dryfty > honestly I didnt need the reps, had a pretty good headstart
[ 2010.12.02 00:57:43 ] Ustrello > lol yeah you did
[ 2010.12.02 00:57:59 ] Ustrello > would of been interesting if you didnt have the nuet rep and we both started the same
[ 2010.12.02 00:58:06 ] SovereignTM > Surprising you can fly anything other than your little Vigil really
[ 2010.12.02 00:58:14 ] Dryfty > we’re just full of surprises
[ 2010.12.02 00:58:40 ] Slim Biggins > the battle vigil will not be talked about like that
[ 2010.12.02 00:58:46 ] Ustrello > the one time i forgot my ecm drones
[ 2010.12.02 00:58:47 ] Ustrello > lol
[ 2010.12.02 00:58:48 ] Slim Biggins > it is a noble garbage collection vessel
[ 2010.12.02 00:58:49 ] Ustrello > could of helped
[ 2010.12.02 00:59:17 ] SovereignTM > Heh well another example of not fighting fair
[ 2010.12.02 00:59:29 ] Dryfty > alls fair in love and internet spaceships

An example has been made gentle reader, and another criminal has learned that there are consequences for every action. Standing against law, order, and TEARS has harsh and immediate repercussions my friends, so fly smart and stand alongside us.

Greetings gentle reader, I hope I find you well this evening. Things have been rather slow for me lately due to some mandatory vacation imposed by my supervisors, but I’m back now and have already started the month out with quite the bang.

For the past several weeks I’ve been attempting to expand the TEARS jurisdiction into Amarr space and sadly I’ve only met with sporadic success. It generally takes the discovery of a violation in order to exert our presence as TEARS officers, and so far these Amarrians are just so damned conscientious about their mining habits that there have been few and far between offenses to issue citations for!

One recent development that I’ll briefly comment on is the current war happening between TEARS and some Corp with an annoying Latin name that I can’t be bothered to remember. Not that I’ve had a whole lot of opportunities to recognize them as they’ve been mainly cowering in their home station since before the war went live. Luckily the ninja is a patient creature, so I still believe that their time will come.

Speaking of patience, that tidily brings me to the meat of today’s entry. Often in the course of cleaning up debris in deadspace pockets the more aggressive members of the bearus carealotus species will try to prevent us from bringing their littering to a halt. Today was one of those days for me while out on my patrols.

Looking through my probe report for the presence of likely offenders, I came across another Apocalypse Navy Issue (please see my earlier report, The Bigger They Are for details on the previous engagement) and immediately moved to investigate. After only the third wreck had been properly disposed of, including the contents of it’s cargo bay, I found myself under attack from a swarm of Hobgoblin II drones. Barely escaping with my hide intact, I returned to the station and sent my trusty Vigil in for repairs while he Hurricane was being prepped for undock. Upon returning to the deadspace area in question I noticed that the offending pilot had so typically fled the scene.

I moved to a more secure location from which I could monitor not only the deadspace pocket, but the only station in system as well. I settled in to wait. 35 to 40 minutes later our adventurous bear undocked from the station in nothing but his life support capsule and proceeded to leave system. Of course I realized that he was going to bring in some additional firepower, and I was curious to see what would happen. Shortly I see him return to system and sure enough I detect a Heavy Assault Cruiser entering the deadspace pocket.

This wasn’t the ship that had damaged my beloved Vigil though, so I remained patient. Sure enough mere minutes later the HAC departs for the station and I notice the ANI undock. Setting a wider scan pattern I detect the offender on the fringes so I know he’s in warp to the pocket, so I engage my warp drive and arrive mere seconds after him, before he’s even had the chance to align to the acceleration gate. He’s mine…. wait…. what’s this CONCORD warning for? I’m still within my rights, I have 8 minutes left on my window for justice administration….

Thoroughly puzzled I try all manner of things to reassign the proper status to the offender with no success, and finally the timer runs out and the ANI remains at large. This one can only be attributed to jurisdictional conflict.

But wait, this report is titled The One That Almost Got Away! Well sadly enough the ANI really did get away, but the subject of my next investigation would not be so fortunate. Returning to the probe report, I decide to look in on a Raven Navy Issue registered to one “HuntBegin”. Little did he know that the hunter would soon become the hunted.

By now the repairs had been completed to my Vigil, so I take her out easy to make certain of the welds and then engage the warp drive and hammer it to the Ravens deadspace pocket. The first pocket is crammed full of debris, primarily medium and small sized wrecks that don’t pose too much of a space lane hazard. The sheer quantity here was stunning though so I was obligated to clean up those that were in my path to the next acceleration gate.

On entering the next pocket I see the Navy Raven busily launching missiles for all she’s worth and I continue my cleanup efforts. Again after only slight progress has been made, I find myself targeted and under attack. This time no real damage is sustained, so I instruct the dockworkers to simply take her to my hangar and prep the Hurricane again. On my way back to the scene I notice that the Raven pilot, Mr. HuntBegin is no longer in the system. Upon arriving I notice that he seemed to have completed his objective and simply left all the debris floating in space that he no longer cared about. I wait to see if perhaps his agent will send him back to this area for his next mission, but after 12 minutes or so it doesn’t appear likely. I applied for an extension on my arrest window and after it was approved I exchanged my Hurricane for my Cheetah and guessed at which neighboring system he might be in. I guessed correctly.

I immediately dropped a single probe set for enough scan strength to give me an overview of the ships present in the entire system, but didn’t find a match to the Ravens known signature. Knowing I had some time to work with, I sent out several more probes and immediately detected a battleship signature off in the middle of nowhere. Narrowing my scan, imagine my good fortune when it turns out to be a Raven Navy Issue. I’m already fairly certain that this is my perpetrator, as there aren’t numerous RNI’s in Amarr space to begin with.

I warp into the first pocket at a distance with my Covert Ops cloak active and a quick directional scan past the acceleration gate reveals that it is indeed my man. With a grin on my face and a spring in my step I warp back to the stargate, and through into the original system. I once again dock up and board my Hurricane, and quickly file for another timer extension which is granted. I warp back to the gate and into the neighboring system before immediately warping into this new deadspace pocket. Cleanup can wait this time, I’ve got justice to serve.

My luck holds and he’s still there according to my scan. I warp into the second pocket only to find another acceleration gate a few kilometers away. I engage my afterburner, but don’t overheat yet, trusting to luck that he doesn’t see me coming. Warping into the third pocket, I see him. He’s 25km off my starboard bow and looking the other direction. I hit the afterburners again and only target once I’m just outside disruptor range. Almost immediately following the lock, I get a notification that the disruptor is in range and engage it. He doesn’t start to target me until I’m only 10km away, and by then its too late. I tear through the remaining 50% of his shields, through his almost non-existent armor, and 3 quick volley’s destroy his structure and make for some lovely fireworks.

I can’t help but feel vindicated for the escape of the Navy Apnoc earlier. The Raven kill came together so well that I’m not even bothered by the loss of the A-Type Shield Booster, and he died far too quickly for me to offer him a ransom that I wouldn’t have honored anyway.

Until next time gentle reader, fly safe o7