Good evening gentle reader, give me but a moment to compose myself and wipe away the tears of laughter, and we will get to the heart of tonight’s entry.  Recently I’ve been spending more time in the Domain region because of the generally low profile presence of TEARS operatives.  We’ve focused so much on a handful of trouble areas that we’ve been neglecting the rest of the universe, and I’m trying to do my part to correct this pattern of behavior.

Tonights subject is one Rokh pilot named: Commissar Ludd

Now I’m not sure what Herr Ludd was expecting tonight when he undocked and proceeded into a deadspace area in an attempt to rescue some stranded Prisoners, but I’m fairly certain from our lengthy conversation that it was not me.  Utilizing my Sister’s Expanded Probe Launcher that I’ve come to rely on so heavily, I locate the signature of Herr Ludd’s Rokh all by himself in a deep corner of the system.  Sensing, nay knowing, that something untoward was happening in that deadspace pocket I quickly went to investigate.  It was a good thing I did.

Herr Ludd was just finishing off the last of the nefarious pirates that inhabited the area, and I couldn’t help but notice that there were numerous wrecks and cargo containers littering the area.  At this time my TEARS operative training kicked in, but apparently so did Herr Ludd’s aggressive nature.  As I approached the first of these wrecks in order to begin removing the debris from municipal space, a shot comes blazing across my bow and blows chunks of the wreck everywhere.  Instead of a nice clean salvage job, I got the impression that this was going to turn into a scrapyard brawl and I was not far from being right.  Wreck after wreck are blown up, as well as any cargo container that I approach.  It’s not the way I’d have handled the situation, but perhaps Herr Ludd was taking responsibility for his messiness and attempting to clean up after himself.

Finally all the wrecks and cargo containers have been destroyed…  except one.  Curious, I approach this container which is located approximately 60km from Herr Ludd’s ship, after a moment of waiting for the expecting discharge of weaponry, nothing happens.  I take a look inside said container and to my dismay discover 10 emaciated prisoners obviously suffering from exposure to the harsh environs of deep space in such a flimsy vehicle.  I was obligated, nay morally obliged, to assist in their rescue as Herr Ludd was still an unacceptable distance away and the prisoners could start suffering from hypothermia at any moment.

After securing the prisoners in the small but well-equipped medical bay aboard my Vigil, I open a direct line of communication to Commissar Ludd in the hopes of coordinating the return of these prisoners to the proper authorities.  Below is the log of our discourse, and I must caution you gentle reader, it is not for the eyes of young pilots.  I must also apologize for the seeming nonsense of my replies late in the conversation, but I had tired of Herr Ludd and was curious to see just how long he’d remain on the line.  I was not disappointed.

[00:32:15] Commissar Ludd > what the hell. give me that now
[00:32:15] Dryfty > didnt need these did you? Prisoners
[00:32:49] Dryfty > 15mil
[00:32:52] Dryfty > and they’re yours
[00:33:07] Dryfty > guess you shouldn’t have shot the other wrecks..
[00:34:07] Commissar Ludd > give them to me now and i won’t kill you
[00:34:44] Dryfty > hrmm, I like my terms better. Quite generous really
[00:35:07] Dryfty > going rate is 20mil
[00:35:56] Commissar Ludd > why the hell did you steal those?
[00:36:10] Dryfty > well, you shot everything else, there had to be a reason you didnt shoot that one
[00:36:22] Dryfty > and oh look
[00:36:23] Dryfty > there was
[00:36:25] Dryfty > \o/
[00:36:36] Dryfty > so
[00:36:38] Dryfty > 15mil
[00:36:45] Dryfty > before my price goes up
[00:36:57] Commissar Ludd > i’m talking to my corp mates to get some help with it
[00:37:52] Commissar Ludd > you coward
[00:38:04] Dryfty > Ill put them up on a private contract just for you
[00:38:08] Dryfty > here in system
[00:38:17] Commissar Ludd > what station?
[00:38:35] Dryfty > name calling just raised the price to 18mil
[00:38:43] Dryfty > and if you look, theres only 1 station
[00:39:07] Dryfty > you really should treat others with the respect you’d like to be treated with
[00:39:51] Commissar Ludd > you are a fucking asshole. my friend is in system he just raised the price on you life.
[00:40:00] Dryfty > thanks nice
[00:40:03] Dryfty > 19mil
[00:40:07] Dryfty > thats*
[00:40:30] Commissar Ludd > undock you little coward.
[00:40:55] Dryfty > actually, “fucking asshole” and “coward” arent really original enough to merit that price hike
[00:41:06] Dryfty > we’ll call it good at 17.5mil because Im feeling generous
[00:41:13] Dryfty > you should thank me
[00:42:04] Commissar Ludd > you are a worthless coward. you don’t deserve to fly this space. undock and come face me you piece of pirate crap
[00:42:26] Dryfty > sorry sir, but the correct term is “ninja”, pirates are something altogether different
[00:42:50] Dryfty > Contract is up
[00:43:00] Dryfty > private for for the next hour
[00:43:04] Commissar Ludd > suck my cock you shit head
[00:43:29] Dryfty > well that’s not very neighborly at all now is it?
[00:43:43] Commissar Ludd > undock and face me like a fucking man kid
[00:43:56] Dryfty > so.. how much standing do you lose for failing a mission because of your ego?
[00:44:07] Dryfty > it’s not like Im asking a lot
[00:44:26] Dryfty > this isnt one of those “its the principle” things is it?
[00:44:33] Dryfty > because that would just make you sad
[00:44:35] Commissar Ludd > its still not right. i hate little dick bag kids like you
[00:44:50] Dryfty > but we love you sir
[00:44:53] Dryfty > and all your kind
[00:45:17] Commissar Ludd > you are a worthless coward. shouldn’t it be you camping me? fucking coward.
[00:45:17] Dryfty > are you a Native American sir?
[00:45:29] Dryfty > because I think “Raging Bear” would be an EXCELLENT name
[00:45:46] Commissar Ludd > you cock biteing bitch. fucking fight me.
[00:45:48] Dryfty > do you own a tomahawk?
[00:46:09] Dryfty > or perhaps a headdress from those bars with YMCA impersonators?
[00:46:16] Dryfty > work with me here sir
[00:46:26] Dryfty > for the low low price of 17.5mil isk
[00:46:31] Dryfty > you can put this all behind you
[00:46:31] Commissar Ludd > you fucking coward. come out and fight me you no dick bitch
[00:46:51] Dryfty > fine fine you win
[00:46:58] Commissar Ludd > come fucking fight.
[00:47:10] Dryfty > bet you lose
[00:47:22] Commissar Ludd > fucking coward.
[00:47:41] Dryfty > has anyone ever told you how cute you are when you’re angry?
[00:48:14] Commissar Ludd > has anyone ever told you how stupid and raceist you are?
[00:48:53] Dryfty > Ive not said a racist thing at all sir. I was simply sharing my thought that you have the makings of an outstanding Native American, at least from a descriptive name standpoint
[00:49:04] Dryfty > Im sorry if you’ve confused “wit” with “racism”
[00:49:23] Dryfty > but generally speaking, intelligence has never been the carebear strongpoint
[00:49:38] Commissar Ludd > you have no wit. you are a fucking idot.
[00:49:47] Dryfty > I.D.I.O.T. sir
[00:49:48] Commissar Ludd > i have what i need. suck my dick and die
[00:49:50] Dryfty > just saying
[00:50:00] Dryfty > have a good day sir
[00:50:10] Dryfty > but I must regretfuly inform you
[00:50:10] Commissar Ludd > go fuck yourself
[00:50:18] Dryfty > that Ill not be sucking anything of yours
[00:50:25] Dryfty > and best of luck with your petition
[00:50:34] Commissar Ludd > and you consider yourself to have wit?
[00:50:51] Dryfty > well, compared to you I should really be traveling the country doing stand up
[00:50:57] Commissar Ludd > i’ve heard frenchmen with more wit then you
[00:51:11] Dryfty > I LOVE MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL OMG OMG OMG!
[00:51:17] Dryfty > wow, we could be BFF’s
[00:51:24] Dryfty > what are the odds?
[00:51:32] Dryfty > in this great big universe
[00:51:47] Dryfty > so…. are you a Gemini?
[00:52:03] Commissar Ludd > you fucking retard. you are a witless ball less coward

And there you have it gentle reader. My only regret is that I was unable to engage him on the field of honor, as he called in a friend in a Bhaalgorn and I didn’t really fancy my chances against the pair. Today discretion was the better part of valor for myself, but somehow I get the feeling that Chief Raging Bear didn’t take away the same lessons from our fortuitous meeting.

Also, for anyone who may need them for an agent of their own, or simply to own a small piece of what some day might be considered history, a public contract is currently available in Domain Region entitled “[WTS] Commissarr Ludd’s Prisoners”. Don’t hurt each other getting to the front of the line gentle readers, and fly safe.

Good day gentle reader. I hope you can pardon the recent lapse in log entries, but paperwork has a tendency to pile up with the sheer volume of calls that we TEARS operatives handle on a daily basis. I assure you that this will be worth the wait as I have much to catch up on, not least the apprehension of the second most valuable offender on record for TEARS (I refuse to count that Carrier).

While we expend much of our patrol efforts in the numerous asteroid belts of New Eden, we do regularly seek out those less obvious hazards: deadspace wreck fields.  These silent killers are not as obtrusive as an asteroid belt filled with the cast-offs of sloppy miners, but they clog the warplanes nonetheless and must be removed to preserve the integrity of our warplanes.  Sometimes in the course of this duty a TEARS operative will encounter a hostile pilot that while not securing these wrecks and their cargo, seem determined to prevent us from doing so as well.  Often they go so far as to fire upon a duly sanctioned TEARS officer, which opens up a whole other level of citations and, you guessed it, paperwork.

Over the course of the previous two weeks I’ve dipped my toes into this wellspring of offenders and have emerged refreshed.  My first successful attempt to bring a violent fugitive to justice resulted in the destruction of Ms. Luna Pretoria’s Typhoon.  Up to, and for a week after this arrest, I busied myself with my normal belt patrols and scouting new systems to ordnance violators which led to my apprehension of two additional offenders just yesterday. Mr. Kaiser Barker thought to flout the decree of law and open fire on my TEARS Issue Vigil while I was securing and processing a large number of Sansha’s Large Wrecks and their cargo that he had carelessly left clogging a heavily traveled warplane.  I paused in my salvage duties to assess the threat posed by his Armageddon battleship, and put it down like the rabid dog it was.  Finally as I was considering turning in at the end of my shift, I decided to branch out and explore surrounding systems for possible violations.  The TEARS presence is minimal in Amarr space, and I’m loathe to allow the criminal element the comfort of complacency.

Checking the whiteboard for pirate activity, I was drawn to the Ekid solar system.  Upon arrival in my trusty Cheetah I immediately knew something was wrong.  There were only 14 pilots in the system including myself, yet the number of pirate ships that had been recently destroyed was off the charts!  We had a serious offender here.  Definitely serial killer potential.  I engage my trusty Sister’s Combat Probes (a recent addition, quite fond of them really) and set out to bring justice to this Amarrian backwater.  My first contact was a Raven who appeared to simply be sitting by himself out in space, alone with his thoughts.  Only a few moments later though I found him: Mr. Apocalypse Navy Issue.  Oh yes, this was our man. I docked my Cheetah in system and quickly made the three jumps back to Penirgman where I’d temporarily stored my assets and returned as quickly as possibly in Payload, my trusty Vigil.  Upon warping into the deadspace area he was engaging I noticed that these were no pirates at all, but my Matari brothers who’d chosen to serve in the Republic Fleet!  Enraged I hit the acceleration gate and notice that our ANI pilot has an underling in a Catalyst removing the evidence of his crimes from the field.  This must not stand.  I warp into the second sector and there he is, slaughtering left and right without the decency to give my brothers a military burial.  I engage my afterburner and move to correct this wrong, collecting the fallen’s dogtags to send back to their families, and salvaging what I can from the wrecks of their ships for the Republic Fleet Pension Fund.  Unfortunately, after laying to rest only two crews I found myself engaged by the Apoc pilot, Purple Delpoodle, and his drones coming in fast.

I managed to warp out, and immediately headed for Penirgman to repair the damage to my Vigil and exchange it for my Hurricane.  Never expecting him to be there when I returned, imagine my surprise when after 6 jumps and the station hangar delay (damn union dock workers), there he is on my navcom just as before.  I warp into the first room where I’d previously encountered his salvage minion in a Catalyst, but there was nothing to be found.  I activate the acceleration gate and prepare to rain swift and fiery justice down upon the offender…  but he’s no longer there.  Quickly checking my navcom I see his salvage minion busily working away at the veritable graveyard, but the ANI is nowhere to be seen.  Then I spot the next acceleration gate 10km away and immediately burn towards it in slow motion.  I fully expect him to be gone by the time I arrive, having been forewarned by his faithful minion who’s surely noticed a giant flashy red Hurricane by now, but to my surprise and delight I warp in directly on top of him as he engages even more of my Matari brethren.

Upon noticing me finally, he begins to align for warp.  I quickly target him and engage my Warp Disruptor II, and he’s suddenly stranded with a bunch of angry Minmatar.  I quickly chew through his armor and was contemplating demanding a ransom for his ship when this comes across the broadcast:

[ 2010.09.17 03:57:48 ] Purple Delpoodle > hey dry
[ 2010.09.17 03:57:51 ] Purple Delpoodle > ill pay ransom
[ 2010.09.17 03:57:58 ] Dryfty > 250mil or you die
[ 2010.09.17 03:58:01 ] Purple Delpoodle > kkk
[ 2010.09.17 03:58:16 ] Purple Delpoodle > stop shooting first please
[ 2010.09.17 03:58:20 ] Dryfty > money first.
[ 2010.09.17 03:58:31 ] Purple Delpoodle > you get that?
[ 2010.09.17 03:58:37 ] Dryfty > indeed, and thanks
[ 2010.09.17 03:58:44 ] Dryfty > SUDDENLY BETRAYAL
[ 2010.09.17 03:59:24 ] Purple Delpoodle > not cool

This was the result. Let this serve as a reminder to those who would flout the law and expect to avoid the repercussions. This is not low/null sec where pirate does battle with pirate and ransoms form a necessary revenue stream.  This is TEARS sec.  If you break the law, you will be broken in turn. Although tears normally fuel our ships, faction modules certainly don’t hurt.

So to you Purple Delpoodle: You did not cry, and died well, so my virtual hat (as you can plainly see I don’t wear one) is off to you.  If you’re interested you will find your Shadow Serpentis Tracking Computer and Imperial Navy Heat Sink on public contract in Amarr for reasonable prices.

Greetings again to you gentle reader.  In catching up on my colossal stack of paper I came across these reports that I’d yet to upload.  I do so now.

In exploring the Luminaire system, I came across Mr. Kraftdiner busily mining away in his Procurer mining barge.  Unfortunately, in clear violation of TEARS ordinance, into an unlicensed jetcan.  I proceed to impound his illegally stored ore into a TEARS Licensed Ore Receptacle, but no sooner had I moved the last of it than he steals it from the impound.  Of course there can only be one conclusion.  Or can there? Almost immediately his accomplice Killauea warps into the belt flying a Catalyst and engages me in my Big Bad Wolf.  He is quickly eaten.  Just when I think that this bloodbath is over, Kraftdiner receives a second nomination for a Darwin award by warping back into the belt in an Iteron…  30km from the ore he’s so desperate to reclaim.  Obviously the Darwin is a posthumous award.

Continuing in my patrols I came across Mr. ozzy812 mining from his Hulk into multiple jetcans.  I quickly moved 2 full containers of Solid Pyroxeres into TEARS Licensed Ore Receptacles, but caution was the better part of valor and ozzy took his Hulk and docked up.  Unwilling to leave such a large amount of debris in a municipal asteroid belt, I quickly destroyed it and turned in for the night, but not before issuing this citation:

Dear Sir or Madame:

This citation is a direct result of the use of an unlicensed jetcan in CONCORD space. As the authorized TEARS agent in the sector, I confiscated and impounded 55,000 m3 of Pyroxeres valued at roughly 4.5 million ISK that had been left floating in a municipal asteroid belt / warplane. This ore was transferred into two licensed TEARS containers awaiting pickup, but has since been abandoned. Please note that the offending ore has been destroyed as of 04:10 EVE standard time. Please see the attached citation for the fine due and instructions for remittance. Thank you.

Questions, comments, or complaints may be submitted to subgroup commander Aiden Mourn

Dryfty, Genesis Region TEARS Representative

FORM #46183.A-C93 UNREGISTERED JETCAN CITATION
Issued by: TEAR EXTRACTION AND RECLAMATION SERVICE

Sector ID: 486BFG88499HG-3345-588FN
Jetcan Inventory: See Misc/Ref. Lading Log #6587-15

Operatives of TEARS Alliance, Subgroup: Suddenly Ninjas [YOINK] have issued a member of your Corporation a Citation for Failure to Properly Register an Unsecured Jetcan Residing in a Municipal Asteroid Belt per EDEN Municipal Code #46183.A in 0.8 System: Pakhshi

Parties In Violation:
ozzy812

Infraction of EDEN Municipal Code #46183.A can incur a fine of up to 500,000.00 ISK, authorized destruction of vessel and resulting wreck salvage fees, not to exceed 20,000.00 ISK.

Registration Fee ………………………………………….. 250,000 ISK
Astrogation LIDAR Omission Penalty …………………………. 150,000 ISK
Debris Handling Fee……………………………………………………….. 50.000 ISK
Disposal Fee …………………………………………………………… 15,000 ISK
TEARS Licensed Destructable Jetcan x2…………………………….100,000 ISK
TEARS Officer Ammunition………………………………………….200,000 ISK
Fraternal Order of Salvagers Union Fund Contribution … 5,500 ISK

Total Assessment: 745,000 ISK

Please Remit Funds to TEARS – Spacelane Sanitation Division
Authorized Representative or your nearest TEARS Alliance Officer.
Failure to submit payment on this citation may prompt additional TEARS action and requisite sanctions.

The next morning I awoke and took to the stars once more, only to stumble upon Mr. ozzy812 yet again, and his poor mining practices had not improved overnight.  Once again securing a can of Solid Pyroxeres, this time ozzy decided to take back what he felt was his.  In an Orca. Without a tank or warp core stabilizers.  This led only to further disappointment. Here’s a copy of the broadcast:

[ 2010.09.10 00:20:10 ] ozzy812 > Dryfty your pissing mr off lol
[ 2010.09.10 00:22:08 ] Dryfty > Sorry sir, just doing my job. You really should use a properly licensed container if you’re going to leave ore lying around space
[ 2010.09.10 00:22:26 ] ozzy812 > lol its cool
[ 2010.09.10 00:25:43 ] ozzy812 > do yous guys get payment for that?
[ 2010.09.10 00:25:51 ] ozzy812 > its great
[ 2010.09.10 00:26:07 ] ozzy812 > i framed it
[ 2010.09.10 00:26:27 ] Dryfty > we make a meager salary sir, most of our income is provided from citations that we issue in the course of duty
[ 2010.09.10 00:26:51 ] Dryfty > and of course we accept donations from grateful citizens
[ 2010.09.10 00:28:34 ] ozzy812 > ok hang out ill give you 1
[ 2010.09.10 00:34:45 ] ozzy812 > no
[ 2010.09.10 00:34:55 ] ozzy812 > stop you will start a war
[ 2010.09.10 00:35:16 ] ozzy812 > i will give you ransom
[ 2010.09.10 00:35:20 ] Dryfty > I might be willing to overlook this infraction for 2/3 the hull value, I believe thats about 200m
[ 2010.09.10 00:35:39 ] ozzy812 > fine
[ 2010.09.10 00:35:57 ] ozzy812 > stop
[ 2010.09.10 00:36:04 ] ozzy812 > i need to get the isk
[ 2010.09.10 00:36:07 ] Dryfty > I dont see a deposit yet sir
[ 2010.09.10 00:36:32 ] ozzy812 > wait
[ 2010.09.10 00:36:36 ] ozzy812 > shit
[ 2010.09.10 00:36:38 ] Dryfty > you’re losing time sir
[ 2010.09.10 00:36:46 ] ozzy812 > iam working on it
[ 2010.09.10 00:37:12 ] Dryfty > very well, I can afford to give you a minute
[ 2010.09.10 00:38:10 ] Dryfty > times up sir
[ 2010.09.10 00:38:31 ] Dryfty > I imagine you have about 1min left
[ 2010.09.10 00:38:39 ] ozzy812 > all i have is 24 mil
[ 2010.09.10 00:40:26 ] ozzy812 > ok
[ 2010.09.10 00:40:56 ] Dryfty > thank you for utilizing TEARS spacelane debris removal services
[ 2010.09.10 00:41:31 ] Dryfty > you’ll receive a citation with my contact information attached shortly, and we ask that you not make this a habit
[ 2010.09.10 00:41:38 ] Sleevedace > nice orca bro
[ 2010.09.10 00:41:42 ] Ninjarider > dude your citations are garbage
[ 2010.09.10 00:41:48 ] Ninjarider > all your doing is coning people
[ 2010.09.10 00:41:51 ] Ninjarider > so shove it
[ 2010.09.10 00:42:15 ] Dryfty > just doing our job sir, no need for hostility
[ 2010.09.10 00:42:23 ] Dryfty > theft cannot be tolerated
[ 2010.09.10 00:42:27 ] Sleevedace > to protect the asteroids!
[ 2010.09.10 00:42:55 ] Ninjarider > no because your stealing from people to get them aggro
[ 2010.09.10 00:43:05 ] Dryfty > Mr. Ozzy still has an outstanding fine and citation from yesterday
[ 2010.09.10 00:43:13 ] Dryfty > this only compounded his crimes
[ 2010.09.10 00:43:39 ] Dryfty > for the time being, justice has been served, but we are ever vigilant
[ 2010.09.10 00:43:42 ] Ninjarider > well im puting a petition in with ccp so enjoy
[ 2010.09.10 00:43:54 ] Sleevedace > cool story bro
[ 2010.09.10 00:44:04 ] Dryfty > Im sure you’ll be just as satisfied with their response as you have been with my service
[ 2010.09.10 00:44:06 ] Dryfty > not very.
[ 2010.09.10 00:44:13 ] Dryfty > we’re professionals sir
[ 2010.09.10 00:44:41 ] Dryfty > Mr. Ozzy was given the opportunity to pay his fine and save that poor helpless Orca
[ 2010.09.10 00:44:56 ] Ninjarider > lol crimes against what
[ 2010.09.10 00:44:56 ] Dryfty > unfortunately he was trying to pull a fast one on a respected officer of the law
[ 2010.09.10 00:44:59 ] Ninjarider > you stealing from h im
[ 2010.09.10 00:45:09 ] Ninjarider > lol you dont play for the game
[ 2010.09.10 00:45:17 ] Ninjarider > you dont work for ccp you you have no “Law”
[ 2010.09.10 00:45:24 ] Dryfty > I was merely impounding the offending ore in a properly licensed container, for the protection of innocent travelers
[ 2010.09.10 00:45:49 ] Dryfty > once the fine had been paid, the property would have been moved to a secure location for immediate release to the offender
[ 2010.09.10 00:46:16 ] Dryfty > consider this a lesson
[ 2010.09.10 00:46:20 ] Dryfty > a very expensive one
[ 2010.09.10 00:46:25 ] Dryfty > and fly safe gentlemen
[ 2010.09.10 00:47:25 ] Dryfty > please do also be aware the TEARS officers conduct regular patrols through this sector, and your willful negligence has warranted placing your Corporation on our watch list
[ 2010.09.10 00:47:56 ] Ninjarider > … im scared…
[ 2010.09.10 00:48:23 ] Dryfty > not trying to frighten sir, just to advise you to be careful of your mining procedures in the future
[ 2010.09.10 00:48:42 ] Dryfty > nobody wants to collide with your unlicensed jetcan midwarp and turn into a fiery ball of death
[ 2010.09.10 00:48:58 ] Ninjarider > thats such a crock of crap
[ 2010.09.10 00:49:10 ] Dryfty > fiery balls of death are nothing to sneer at sir.
[ 2010.09.10 00:49:37 ] Ninjarider > like a jet can is going to do something versus an asteroid…
[ 2010.09.10 00:49:41 ] Ninjarider > your too full of yourself
[ 2010.09.10 00:49:42 ] ozzy812 > ya i know thats why your in high sec
[ 2010.09.10 00:49:44 ] Ninjarider > get a life
[ 2010.09.10 00:49:59 ] Dryfty > we don’t handle reports of asteroid molestation sir
[ 2010.09.10 00:50:11 ] Ninjarider > oh just you ripping people off
[ 2010.09.10 00:50:20 ] Dryfty > we’re here strictly to keep the spacelanes clean of volatile debris
[ 2010.09.10 00:50:35 ] ozzy812 > this guy is anel
[ 2010.09.10 00:50:43 ] Dryfty > you’re presenting collision hazards for unsuspecting warp travellers and we simply cannot abide that
[ 2010.09.10 00:51:18 ] Dryfty > I am curious sir
[ 2010.09.10 00:51:25 ] Dryfty > have you ever actually ridden a ninja?
[ 2010.09.10 00:51:37 ] Ninjarider > ho ride your hand
[ 2010.09.10 00:51:42 ] Ninjarider > go*
[ 2010.09.10 00:51:47 ] Dryfty > you’ll find we are wiry and difficult to keep a grip on
[ 2010.09.10 00:51:54 ] Dryfty > its part of being.. well… a ninja
[ 2010.09.10 00:52:06 ] Ninjarider > which is exactly what you are
[ 2010.09.10 00:52:08 ] Ninjarider > a theif
[ 2010.09.10 00:52:09 ] ozzy812 > i feel sorry for you  Dryfty sound like i lost aship but i think you lost your life to this game
[ 2010.09.10 00:52:31 ] ozzy812 > fly safe your in my book
[ 2010.09.10 00:52:35 ] Ninjarider > thats ok he has to con his isk from people since he cant play the game
[ 2010.09.10 00:52:50 ] Dryfty > if you should feel the need to continue your destructive behavior sir, we can arrage for you to lose many more if you persist in ignoring legally issued fines and citations
[ 2010.09.10 00:53:08 ] Ninjarider > get bent
[ 2010.09.10 00:53:19 ] ozzy812 > ya i know he’s a losser never see him in null
[ 2010.09.10 00:53:32 ] Sleevedace > You go to null…
[ 2010.09.10 00:53:34 ] Sleevedace > That’s.
[ 2010.09.10 00:53:35 ] Sleevedace > Amusing
[ 2010.09.10 00:53:38 ] Dryfty > win or lose, Im just doing my job sir
[ 2010.09.10 00:53:40 ] ozzy812 > iam sick of hanging out here anyway
[ 2010.09.10 00:53:48 ] Sleevedace > Cool story bro
[ 2010.09.10 00:54:09 ] Dryfty > then I wish you well, and encourage you to clean any remaining debris from your mining locations
[ 2010.09.10 00:54:38 ] ozzy812 > you one man you got this one
[ 2010.09.10 00:54:44 ] Dryfty > you’ll find that those in low and nullsec are even less tolerant of your sector squatting and littering than TEARS operatives are
[ 2010.09.10 00:55:46 ] Dryfty > if its any consolation
[ 2010.09.10 00:55:59 ] ozzy812 > please tell
[ 2010.09.10 00:56:12 ] Dryfty > theres a  Small Tractor Beam I here in the TEARS licensed jetcan that we seem to be out of room to transport
[ 2010.09.10 00:56:19 ] Dryfty > it may make a start in recovering your losses
[ 2010.09.10 00:56:25 ] Dryfty > 299 more of them
[ 2010.09.10 00:56:28 ] Dryfty > and you’ll break even
[ 2010.09.10 00:56:33 ] Dryfty > o7
[ 2010.09.10 00:57:24 ] ozzy812 > god you can add ta?
[ 2010.09.10 00:57:52 ] Dryfty > some rudimentary math skills are required of all TEARS officers
[ 2010.09.10 00:58:14 ] ozzy812 > yes
[ 2010.09.10 00:58:35 ] Dryfty > I do encourage you to remove this tractor beam from space at your earliest convenience
[ 2010.09.10 00:58:43 ] Dryfty > otherwise we’ll be forced to issue another citation
[ 2010.09.10 00:58:52 ] Tosted > haha do it …
[ 2010.09.10 00:58:58 ] Tosted > nothing is going to happen
[ 2010.09.10 00:59:43 ] Dryfty > the forms must be followed sir
[ 2010.09.10 00:59:49 ] Dryfty > if we allow the process to break down
[ 2010.09.10 00:59:54 ] Dryfty > then we are no better than animals
[ 2010.09.10 01:00:33 ] ozzy812 > you got that right
[ 2010.09.10 01:00:47 ] Dryfty > well, I AM in a Wolf sir
[ 2010.09.10 01:00:57 ] Dryfty > sorry, police humor, not everyone gets it
[ 2010.09.10 01:02:23 ] Dryfty > well, we’re moving forward with our patrols.  Farewell citizens.

After this exchange I patiently waited for the promised declaration of war, but so far it has not been forthcoming.  I am disappointed.  Of course I also sent an addendum to my original citation to ozzy812 and his Corp CEO, but no response or payment of fines have been forthcoming.

Good evening gentle reader, and welcome again to my humble archive.  Tonight I’m pleased as can be and hope that you will be too as my story unfolds.  I was docked in the Brutor Tribe Treasury in Rens, picking up some more ammunition for my Rifter to replace what I expended in the previous nights adventure.  Upon completing my transactions, I headed up towards Ammold to pick up a few new skillbooks that I’ve been meaning to read and decided on the spur of the moment to check the belts in Frarn for any spacelane maintenance violations.  Warping to Frarn VI, I quickly took note of the nearby objects displayed by my Rifter’s onboard scanner.   Examining the occupants of asteroid belt 3, I noticed a few wrecks left behind by vanquished pirates, a lone cargo container, and “BigChris1′s Retriever”.  Intrigued by what might possibly be in that lone cargo container when the nearby wrecks appeared to be untouched, I warped into the belt only to discover that said Retriever was nowhere to be found.   Upon examining the cargo container I noticed that it contained approximately 35,000 Rich Plagioclase carelessly left unattended by Mr. BigChris1 as he had apparently left space for whatever reason.  Without much hope of bringing this belt litterer to justice, I secured the ore in a TEARS approved container and marked it with the offenders name for easy identification later.

Something tugged at the back of my mind that I hadn’t seen the last of this willful offender, so I remained in the area, periodically checking the local population on my navcom and the asteroid belt in question on my ships scanner.  Soon enough my diligence was rewarded as BigChris1′s Retriever again appeared on scan, and this time accompanied by a comically mismatched flight of various drones.  I can only assume that he was contemplating an attempt to illegally remove the confiscated ore from TEARS custody, so I maintained my vigil from afar until he finally recalled his two Acolyte I’s, lone Hammerhead I, and lone Mining Drone I.  Believing the moment of his second offense to be at hand I quickly warped to the containers location prepared for the worst, but Chris saw the face of justice descending upon him in the form of my nimble Rifter and quickly fled the scene.  Feeling that I’d not seen the last of this offender, I returned to my overwatch position and soon discovered BigChris1′s Hoarder moving into position to abscond with the impounded contents of the container.

Preferring to again be too early as opposed to too late and losing the criminal after the fact, I again warped to the container only to see him several kilometers away from the container but moving towards it slowly and steadily.  Again the presence of my righteous indignation spooked the culprit and he fled once more.   From here I decided to stay in the vicinity to guard the evidence so as to more easily deprive BigChris1 of the opportunity to reclaim the evidence against him.  Soon a lone pirate frigate entered the belt, for what reason I can only guess, and was quickly dispatched by myself, though little did I suspect that this was merely a warm-up for the confrontation soon to come.

As I was finishing dispensing fiery justice upon the lone pirate, BigChris1 returned some 20 kilometers from my position in a very threatening looking Hurricane.  Consigning myself to the worst, I reluctantly targeted and destroyed the container possessing the entirety of the evidence in this case, knowing that should I fail to subdue the offender who was now obviously intent on confrontation, that at least the hazardous debris would be removed from circulation and no longer threaten the safety of Frarn’s warplanes.   Immediately after I’d destroyed the last of the damning debris, I found myself targeted and assaulted by a motley collection of low level combat drones and what appeared to be artillery shells firing across my bow.  Knowing that speed was my only chance of surviving this encounter, I quickly engaged my afterburner and spiraled quickly into a close orbit of BigChris1′s Hurricane while activating my warp disruptor at the same time.  I knew in my gut that my time was running out as his drones slowly but steadily outpaced my damage control system, so I turned my guns first to them.  Half expecting another drone to replace each one to fall, I was immensely relieved when the Hurricane and I were once again alone in our dance of death.

Now that I was rapidly orbiting him at approximately 500m, I was safely under the effective range of his artillery and found myself only taking damage from two launchers spewing bloodclaw light missiles as rapidly as possible.  I settled in for a long confrontation as I slowly and steadily began breaking down his shields with my rack of autocannons and a rocket launcher that was woefully low on ammunition. BigChris1 realized the precarious nature of his position and immediately started broadcasting requests for assistance.

[ 2010.08.27 01:15:56 ] BigChris1 > can someone help me in asteroid belt 3?
[ 2010.08.27 01:16:06 ] BigChris1 > got a ninja asshole here
[ 2010.08.27 01:16:16 ] lon010 > same here
[ 2010.08.27 01:16:22 ] BigChris1 > can you warp here?
[ 2010.08.27 01:16:25 ] BigChris1 > please
[ 2010.08.27 01:16:32 ] lon010 > whats he doing?
[ 2010.08.27 01:16:40 ] Dryfty > sir, you opened fire on me.
[ 2010.08.27 01:16:44 ] Dryfty > Im merely defending myself
[ 2010.08.27 01:16:50 ] BigChris1 > you stole my ore
[ 2010.08.27 01:16:54 ] Dryfty > negative sir
[ 2010.08.27 01:17:05 ] Dryfty > I was merely removing some debris from the warplane
[ 2010.08.27 01:17:42 ] BigChris1 > you took my ore ass
[ 2010.08.27 01:17:56 ] BigChris1 > and then destroyed the rest
[ 2010.08.27 01:17:59 ] Dryfty > Im sorry sir, but that amount of ore wouldnt fit in this ship, even if I HAD taken it
[ 2010.08.27 01:18:08 ] Dryfty > it was all destroyed to clear the way for innocent travellers
[ 2010.08.27 01:18:29 ] Dryfty > so your original accusation is patently false

Now our conflict began to attract spectators flying all manner of different ships.  I quickly found myself targeted by an Ishkur, Drake, and a few others though they were powerless to take hostile action to assist the litterer and would-be fugitive, for fear of incurring the wrath of my supervisors at CONCORD.  Bolstered by thoughts of my guardian angels (unrelated in any way to the notorious pirate conglomerate, the Angel Cartel), I decided that it might still be prudent to request backup should the unexpected come to pass.

[ 2010.08.27 01:15:07 ] Dryfty > any RR in Frarn? got a Cane with my Rifter
[ 2010.08.27 01:15:12 ] Dryfty > 6 belt 3
[ 2010.08.27 01:16:04 ] Zavulon Sukkot > 5 jumps…
[ 2010.08.27 01:16:08 ] Zavulon Sukkot > can you hold or should i not bother?
[ 2010.08.27 01:16:15 ] Dryfty > I can hold I think
[ 2010.08.27 01:16:33 ] Dryfty > hes looking for help in local
[ 2010.08.27 01:16:35 ] Zavulon Sukkot > kk omw
[ 2010.08.27 01:16:48 ] Spuddles31 > hmmm i could potentialy steal his cane
[ 2010.08.27 01:16:54 ] Spuddles31 > with an orca 3
[ 2010.08.27 01:18:10 ] Spuddles31 > how much canes go for?
[ 2010.08.27 01:18:26 ] Zavulon Sukkot > 30ish
[ 2010.08.27 01:18:31 ] Spuddles31 > aite lol
[ 2010.08.27 01:18:34 ] Spuddles31 > be there in an orc
[ 2010.08.27 01:18:58 ] Spuddles31 > 2 jumps
[ 2010.08.27 01:19:02 ] Spuddles31 > get the RR on there

Knowing that assistance was on the way should it be necessary, I redoubled my efforts, quickly reloading my smoking and now empty guns before lighting back into the Hurricane’s still functioning shields.  I’d been holding steady for some while with my shields down and armor near 45%, but with his drones gone and him unable to bring the bulk of his weaponry to bear, my shields began to recharge slowly and steadily.  By the time Zavulon arrived with the promised armor repairs, I’d regained 50% of my shields and quickly determined that lack of ammunition would be the only possible way to lose this engagement though I yet counted 4 reloads of thermal and explosive rounds among my cargo. I as yet remained unaware of Spuddles31′s efforts behind the scenes, so imagine my surprise when his Orca appeared suddenly in the midst of our battle and soon after the Hurricane simply disappeared into thin air.  So startled was I by this abrupt development, that I failed to notice BigChris1 speeding away towards station in a Gallente Shuttle.  But where did that shuttle come from? Having never experienced this before, it took a few moments for me to come to my senses rather than staring blankly out into space where my quarry had been only seconds before. At this point I received a transmission from Spuddles31, so hoping he could shed some light on what just happened, I accepted and joined this conversation between the two already in progress.

[ 2010.08.27 01:23:53 ] BigChris1 > yo
[ 2010.08.27 01:23:57 ] Spuddles31 > douche bag ninjas huh
[ 2010.08.27 01:24:17 ] Spuddles31 > i can help u
[ 2010.08.27 01:24:24 ] BigChris1 > oh ya
[ 2010.08.27 01:24:24 ] Spuddles31 > i got an orca and a spare ship
[ 2010.08.27 01:24:29 ] BigChris1 > where are ya?
[ 2010.08.27 01:24:34 ] Spuddles31 > fleet me
[ 2010.08.27 01:24:40 ] Spuddles31 > ill warp to ya
[ 2010.08.27 01:24:42 ] Spuddles31 > when u see me
[ 2010.08.27 01:24:58 ] Spuddles31 > right click on my ship
[ 2010.08.27 01:25:00 ] Spuddles31 > and click board shuttle
[ 2010.08.27 01:25:05 ] Spuddles31 > and GTFO b4 he points u again
[ 2010.08.27 01:25:16 ] BigChris1 > ij
[ 2010.08.27 01:25:22 ] BigChris1 > ok
[ 2010.08.27 01:25:24 ] Spuddles31 > yeah dude ninjas a fucking gay dude
[ 2010.08.27 01:26:14 ] Spuddles31 > GO GO GO
[ 2010.08.27 01:26:24 ] Spuddles31 > make ur way towards me
[ 2010.08.27 01:27:12 ] Spuddles31 > make sure u warp out
[ 2010.08.27 01:27:20 ] Spuddles31 > dont goto teh station cuz they will hunt ya down
[ 2010.08.27 01:28:12 ] BigChris1 > says i can’t stolre ship?
[ 2010.08.27 01:28:35 ] Spuddles31 > board that shuttle
[ 2010.08.27 01:29:11 ] BigChris1 > ok
[ 2010.08.27 01:29:14 ] BigChris1 > where is my ship?
[ 2010.08.27 01:29:43 ] BigChris1 > i just left, where do i go
[ 2010.08.27 01:29:58 ] Spuddles31 > to the station
[ 2010.08.27 01:30:15 ] BigChris1 > what about my ship?
[ 2010.08.27 01:30:44 ] Dryfty > gentlemen
[ 2010.08.27 01:30:50 ] Spuddles31 > damn ninjas
[ 2010.08.27 01:31:13 ] Spuddles31 > what do you want!
[ 2010.08.27 01:31:50 ] Dryfty > Ill give you 10mil for the Cane
[ 2010.08.27 01:32:05 ] Spuddles31 > o.0 oh rly?
[ 2010.08.27 01:32:31 ] Dryfty > I like to keep souvenirs
[ 2010.08.27 01:32:41 ] Spuddles31 > hmmmm that is a hard offer =\
[ 2010.08.27 01:32:48 ] Spuddles31 > big chris u got a counter offer there?
[ 2010.08.27 01:32:49 ] Dryfty > not worth flying with that failfit Im sure, but it’ll look good in my hangar
[ 2010.08.27 01:33:13 ] BigChris1 > no, i dont
[ 2010.08.27 01:33:17 ] BigChris1 > mother fuckers
[ 2010.08.27 01:33:27 ] Spuddles31 > pleasur doing business dryfly =]
[ 2010.08.27 01:33:29 ] BigChris1 > i don’t have 10 mil to my name
[ 2010.08.27 01:33:36 ] Dryfty > Im sorry sir, but that language isnt necessary
[ 2010.08.27 01:33:44 ] Dryfty > it was you that put yourself in this situation
[ 2010.08.27 01:33:58 ] Dryfty > but Ill think of you everytime I dock and see your ship in my hangar
[ 2010.08.27 01:34:58 ] BigChris1 > fuck
[ 2010.08.27 01:36:02 ] Dryfty > well, it’s been a pleasure doing business with you sir
[ 2010.08.27 01:36:14 ] Dryfty > I hope that 35k of Plagioclase was worth the trouble
[ 2010.08.27 01:36:23 ] Dryfty > also, you’ll be receiving an invoice for my services post-haste
[ 2010.08.27 01:36:38 ] Dryfty > TEARS Operatives are in high demand, and I spent quite a while bringing you to justice
[ 2010.08.27 01:37:32 ] Dryfty > would you care to make a statement in your defense for my report?
[ 2010.08.27 01:39:19 ] Dryfty > apparently not.  Ill be sure to attach my contact information to the citation you’ll be receiving in your mail soon should you decide to make a statement at a later time
[ 2010.08.27 01:39:28 ] Dryfty > fly safe, and keep those spacelanes clear sir.

So in the end, BigChris1 lost his ore, his Hurricane, and quite probably his self-respect.  This entire ordeal could have been avoided had he not so carelessly drawn the ever-watchful eye of TEARS.  As a souvenir I kept his Hurricane, and paid citizen Spuddles31 half of the net value for his efforts in bringing this case to a successful conclusion.  “BigChris1′s Hurricane” now occupies a place of honor in my hangar and has since been retro-fitted into a vastly more capable battlecruiser which would have ended the fight in his favor before I ever destroyed a single of his drones.  The ship is only as good as the pilot who flies it gentle reader.  Keep this in mind, and fly safe.

Good evening gentle reader, I hope this transmission finds you well.  I’m certain that it will actually find you this time, for I have bid a fond adieu to the series of wormholes that I’ve spent the past several days exploring and returned to beautiful Heimatar.  Like any authority figure that goes on vacation, on my return I was appalled to see the sheer volume of unsecured debris cluttering up the regional spacelanes.  I traded in my recently overworked Cheetah for the new Rifter that I purchased to replace my beloved Citation Jr. that so nobly gave it’s life recently.

Extending my patrol southward, I entered the Onga system not expecting the disturbing experience that awaited me.  On the third asteroid belt of my patrol, I came upon Phredreich haphazardly mining in his Stabber, and to my dismay, leaving large chunks of scordite banging around in not one, but TWO unlicensed cannisters.  I immediately engaged my afterburner, and moved in to confiscate the ore and consolidate it into an approved TEARS issue container to be hauled to the local impound.  No sooner had I secured the last of the ore, than I found myself being targeted and Phredreich’s lone Warrior I drone being launched in my direction.  I quickly consulted Chapter 4 of the TEARS Operative Manual on “Evasive Maneuvers” and settled into a close orbit as suggested, activating my Warp Scrambler II on the Stabber while focusing my fire on the Warrior and quickly sending it to whatever special hell drones go to when they die.  As I began to eat through Phredreich’s armor I could almost imagine the look of frustration and disbelief on his face as he realized that he indeed, was going to pay for his crimes.  Keeping an eye on the local population, I noticed that one of Phredreich’s compatriots had just entered the system and he soon arrived in the belt where I was chipping away at the Stabbers armor.  Having the feeling that this was going to hurt, I consigned myself the the possibility of losing this nearly brand new Rifter, but I was determined that I’d take Phredreich’s Stabber down in the ball of flames with me.

At this time I realized that even with the assistance of the obnoxiously-named Thermo Luminescence (names like this truly do begin to grate on your nerves when you’re filling out paperwork in triplicate.), I was holding steady at about 30% armor.  I turned my attention to the Rupture now, quickly chasing him down the 16 kilometers I needed to cover in order to engage my warp scrambler.  If he’d been paying any kind of attention to the demise of his friend, or was possessed of any common sense, Thermo would have used this delay to remove himself from the field.  Fortunately for my now-appeased sense of justice he did not.

I took this moment to get myself into a station for some much needed armor repairs and to top off the charges in my weapons.  On coming back out I went to check the seals on the TEARS container with the confiscated ore and was shocked to see Thermo once again in the belt, only this time in a Wreathe.  He was obviously attempting to violate TEARS Impound Code 723.C in committing unauthorized removal of confiscated items, but fortunately I intercepted him before any of the containers seals were disturbed.  Right as Thermo’s Wreathe was creaking its last death throes, who should arrive but Phredreich but in a Cyclone this time.  I was eager to test my mettle against this utterly new challenge, but as fortune would have it there were 50 kilometers between us and I did not fancy my chances of survival should I attempt to cover that ground while under fire.  Luckily though the confiscated ore was much closer to his ship.  I quickly warped to the nearest adjacent belt, threw my poor little Rifter into the tighester 180 she could manage, and warped back on top of the cannister.  I was in nearly perfect range, but at this time my window of opportunity granted by CONCORD chose to expire.  Perhaps another day.

Once the wrecks and their contents were secured for additional impound measures, I proceeded to detonate the confiscated ore inside the container as they obviously had no intention of paying the fine for it’s release, and there were no couriers in the area available for transport.  No debris remains in the belt and the spacelanes are clear once more.

Entirely for their benefit, I attempted to open a civil discourse to congratulate them on sticking to their own twisted principles even though they be in the moral minority, and hopefully to educate them as to the importance of using properly licensed containers for the storage of ore.  From the logs below I’m sure you can deduce that this extended olive branch was not well received.

[03:11:44] Dryfty > Rifter 1 – Stabber and Rupture 0
[03:27:39] Dryfty > Gentlemen, please keep an eye on your mailboxes for your citations in the near future.
[03:28:22] Dryfty > 2 counts of unlicensed use of a jetcan, and 2 counts of unlawful aggression towards an authorized TEARS representative between the two of you
[03:28:37] Dryfty > you could be looking at a fairly hefty fine, but I wont know until I complete the paperwork
[03:28:56] Dryfty > fly safe, and keep the spacelanes clear o7
[03:31:58] Dryfty > as an aside, the offending contraband is scheduled for routine destruction.  Please don’t let this kind of thing happen again.
[03:32:53] Thermo Luminescence > Please be advised: Our Systems have picked up a POS (Piece of Shit) in one of our local channels. Be aware: we do not tolerate shitbaggery: Dryfty
[03:33:20] Dryfty > now that kind of tone simply isnt called for
[03:33:37] Dryfty > I do believe you were the ones that opened fire on me in the course of my justly appointed duties
[03:33:53] Dryfty > if anyone is guilty of “shitbaggery” it would be you two kind gentlemen
[03:34:08] colby sheets > llool
[03:34:18] Dryfty > but really now, once the citations are issued, and the fines are paid, we can put this whole messy incident behind us
[03:34:26] Thermo Luminescence > Considering U blow up my teammate when I arrive, then blow me up?
[03:34:31] Thermo Luminescence > Your logic=Fail
[03:34:42] Dryfty > which was only possible because you fired on me.
[03:35:11] Dryfty > and quite honestly, based on the fittings of your Cruisers, I did you a favor
[03:35:24] Thermo Luminescence > Again your logic = Fail. Blocking procedues of POS known as Dryfty: Completed
[03:35:28] Thermo Luminescence > Have a nice day!
[03:35:39] Dryfty > please refer to EVE Commandment #2:  Thou Shall Not Failfit
[03:35:57] colby sheets > lol cn u sen me a rupture fit?
[03:36:46] Dryfty > another good days work completed.  Thank you for your compliance Onga Citizens
[03:36:51] Dryfty > fly safe o7

Attached Documents:  Copy of TEARS Citation #716897

Mr. Phredreich, Mr. Luminescence:

Pursuant to our earlier interaction, I am officially enclosing the aforementioned citation and requisite fine for TEARS Officer intervention. We hope that together with your cooperation we can keep areas like Onga safe for travelers and miners alike and must insist in the future that you use a properly licensed TEARS jetcan for your ore storage needs. Individual licenses may be purchased from myself or any TEARS representative for the nominal sum of 50,000 ISK. Please see details below for Corporation licensing.

Your prompt payment of this fine will conclude TEARS involvement in this case. Should you wish to appeal this citation, file a complaint, or request a quote for a Corporation Jetcan License: please contact SN CEO Aiden Mourn

Dutifully Yours,
Dryfty – Heimatar Region TEARS Representative

FORM #46183.A-C93 UNREGISTERED JETCAN CITATION
Issued by: TEAR EXTRACTION AND RECLAMATION SERVICE

Sector ID: 486BFG88499HG-3345-588FN
Jetcan Inventory: See Misc/Ref. Lading Log #6587-15

Operatives of TEARS Alliance, Subgroup: Suddenly Ninjas [YOINK] have issued a member of your Corporation a Citation for Failure to Properly Register an Unsecured Jetcan Residing in a Municipal Asteroid Belt per EDEN Municipal Code #46183.A in 1.0 System: Onga

Parties In Violation:
Phredreich
Thermo Luminescence

Infraction of EDEN Municipal Code #46183.A can incur a fine of up to 500,000.00 ISK, authorized destruction of vessel and resulting wreck salvage fees, not to exceed 20,000.00 ISK.

Registration Fee ………………………………………….. 250,000 ISK
Astrogation LIDAR Omission Penalty …………………………. 150,000 ISK
Debris Handling Fee……………………………………………………….. 50.000 ISK
Disposal Fee …………………………………………………………… 15,000 ISK
TEARS Licensed Destructable Jetcan…………………………….25,000 ISK
TEARS Officer Ammunition………………………………………….200,000 ISK
Assault of an Authorized TEARS Officer……………500,000 ISK
Fraternal Order of Salvagers Union Fund Contribution … 5,500 ISK

Total Assessment: 1,195,000 ISK

Please Remit Funds to TEARS – Spacelane Sanitation Division
Authorized Representative or your nearest TEARS Alliance Officer.
Failure to submit payment on this citation may prompt additional TEARS action and requisite sanctions.

Oh little Rifter
Shooting wrong ammunition
At the tech 2 drones

This gentle reader sums up my evening sadly. After days of patrolling the belts around Heimatar and even up into Metropolis a little, I found that most miners seem to be using properly anchored Giant Secure Containers for their ore collection, and thus I have found no violations in need of a TEARS intervention. This is both blessing and curse I suppose.  Knowing that the spacelanes are not in immediate danger certainly lets me sleep better of an evening, but having nothing to investigate finds me getting that sleep behind the throttle as it were.

I took my Cheetah “Mr. Peepers” out for a spin to blow the cobwebs out of the afterburners, and decided to look in on some of the neighborhood mission bears.  I must assume that the mission bear biological clock differs slightly from their furrier, honey-loving cousins, for in all the system I found only THREE that were out about their business.  Swapping for my trusty Payload, I proceeded to the first mission area to find it in disarray.  Wrecks everywhere!  Unfortunately, these particular wrecks were mostly comprised of scrap metal which quickly filled the limited cargohold available to me, and forced me to abort my efforts prematurely.

Dropping in on our second industrious bear, which was actually a pair of bears, I made a much more significant impact in clearing the debris away from the acceleration gates and their consequent avenues of travel, going so far as the final pocket of wrecks without ever encountering our elusive bears.  Cleaning the largest pieces of debris first, I then returned to the initial pocket of space to proceed with the detailed cleaning of the smaller messes.  No sooner had I salvaged the first wreck for this foray, but a bear appears in his cozy Hurricane and promptly opens fire on his friendly local TEARS representative!  Obviously my sweet little Payload is not equipped to handle such wanton acts of violence, so I quickly guide her out of range of Mr. Denfior’s (our not-so-gentle bear) warp disruptor (the fact that he was equipped with the disruptor in the first place should have been my signal to let this one be) and returned to the station to slip into something a little more… aggressive.

Unfortunately selection is pretty slim when it comes to fitting new ships in my current system and I found myself left with only my trusty Citation Jr.  As eluded to in my musing above, I didn’t take the care I should have in preparing her for this adventure. After many minutes of cat and mouse before settling in for the finish, I made a valiant attempt, but was found wanting in the end.  Then again, not paying attention to my sector population readings and being oblivious to his friend who brought a Nemesis to the party…  well, the best laid plans of mice and men, and all that.  This was definitely not my best laid plan, but days of being starved for action pushed me over the bounds of prudence.  Alas my poor Rifter paid that ultimate price.

Greetings and salutations gentle reader \o Last night brought a couple of new experiences for me, as I not only did my first real Wormhole reconnaissance mission, but I was also asked to assist with the confiscation of a fairly significant amount of “Blue Ice” in the Sinq Laison region by a couple of fellow ninjas.  There really wasn’t a whole lot going on in the wormhole I stumbled upon, but I did find medium and large stations, both of which possessed some very very tasty looking assets.  Unforunately I had neither the time, opportunity, or firepower to liberate any of these shiny artifacts from the tyrannical rule of their German owners.

I was simply probing around, seeing what sights (and sites!) there were to see, when I received an urgent transmission from fellow Suddenly Ninja, Kyle Shepard.  It seemed that they’d stumbled upon a small fleet of Mackinaw pilots that had left their ice mining operation completely unattended for the last several hours, and in that time something or someone had destroyed the ship of their Orca pilot who was still sitting there amongst the Mack’s in his pod.  One can only assume that he was as oblivious to his own distress as were the Mackinaws.  The Mackinaws were SO oblivious infact, that they continued to fill jetcan after jetcan with Blue Ice, clogging the radar of everyone in the belt.  As a duly commissioned TEARS operative, this kind of transgression could not be allowed to go unresolved.  While I was still exploring my new Wormhole I raised my reserve pilot and dispatched him in his Orca to go see what he could do to clean up that Ice mess.  Thankfully by the time he arrived, Kyle and danjor2 had managed to at least consolidate the debris into several properly licensed TEARS Refrigerated Containers and were awaiting the reserves arrival to haul it to a station.

Warping into the ice belt, it was quite amusing to see these Mackinaw’s going about their business, blissfully unaware that their hard earned Ice was going into someone elses cargohold.  Such is the price of inattention.  Cramming the ice into every available nook and cranny in the Orca, my reserve pilot made trip after trip securing the debris in a local station for processing.  In the end, the total amount of ice came to 451 units with a net worth of some 45 million isk.  Not the fortune I might have hoped for of course, but public service is a reward in itself.  Just knowing that I’ve helped to keep the spacelanes safe would normally be enough, but my cut of the proceeds will certainly help with the exorbitant cost of fueling my reserves Orca through system after system.

So let this be a lesson to all who would be lazy and inattentive to their mining operations.  You may get away with it today, or tomorrow, but one day soon a TEARS operative will stumble upon the scene of your crimes.  We will use whatever means necessary to keep the spacelanes safe for our fellow pilots, and you Mr. Miner, will have nothing.

Hello again on this beautiful night in EVE gentle reader. I hope you are relaxing snugly in your pods, safely spinning in station or elsewhere that I might have your attention for a few moments once more.  As I mentioned in my log from earlier in the cycle, I’ve been roaming around the native systems of my biological people, primarily familiarizing myself with the area, and even *gasp* running a few missions in the hopes of eventually being able to keep myself supplied with Sisters Probes and Launchers.

Tonight I decide to take a new Rifter, using Mr. Set Shwayo’s excellent “Citation” fitting, out for a spin to see how she handles.  While not being quite as maneuverable as my trusty Payload, the Citation Jr. performed admirably though she was not tested in combat.

My report of tonight’s activities is as follows:

While cruising through the numerous asteroid belts of the Abudban system (0.7) I came across one “Natedog40″ mining from a Retriever into an unlicensed jetcan, and dangerously close to a known warp corridor.  Approaching Mr. Dog40′s position, he failed to respond to my attempts to raise him on the navcom and so I was forced to confiscate the contents of the jetcan in question and impound them temporarily in a TEARS Licensed Ore Containment Unit.

At this point Mr. Dog40 proceeded to lock on to my patrol ship and I felt that attack from his Warrior I combat drones was imminent.  For reasons unknown to this officer, the suspect held his fire but continued to annoy me with his persistent “yellow box” whenever I moved within range in hopes of initiating a dialog.  At this juncture I decided to proceed with standard hazardous material disposal procedures by shuffling the confiscated ore from the standard TEARS LOCU, to a new prototype container that I’ve been working on: the TEARS Licensed Destructible Jetcan, or TLDJ.

Once all the ore was safely secured in the TLDJ, I proceeded along a safe vector and activated the ignition sequence.  The blast radius was confined to 400m of the site, no debris was detected on DSCAN, and the corridors were safe once again.  I decided to wait in the area for a moment to see if I could finally get a response from Mr. Dog40 but none was forthcoming.  I docked up to attend to the call of nature, and the call of paperwork.

Here I assumed that this was a pretty open and shut case of space littering and prepared to fill out the proper forms.  When I returned from the “office”, and the records room with a fresh stack of blank forms I noticed that I’d missed an incoming private transmission from Mr. Natedog40.  Wondering what prompted this communication, I immediately opened a return channel and entered into this dialog.  Please note that at [03:04:18] Eden Standard Time, one “Enigmatic Lunatic” joined the conversation as Mr. Dog40′s Corporate CEO.

[02:54:04] Natedog40 > hello
[02:54:08] Dryfty > hi there, sorry I was away for a bit
[02:54:11] Dryfty > what can I do for you?
[02:54:25] Natedog40 > give back my ore that u stole
[02:54:47] Dryfty > unfortunately that ore no longer exists
[02:54:58] Natedog40 > then pay me for it
[02:55:29] Dryfty > it was clogging the spacelane and after confiscating it, and without a response from you, I destroyed it to prevent any unfortunate accidents
[02:56:05] Dryfty > you seem to misunderstand the situation, but as soon as I finish my paperwork rest assured that you’ll receive a copy of your citation for littering
[02:56:21] Natedog40 > well your actions have been demmed wrong and my corp hunters are in the sector
[02:56:22] Dryfty > at that time you’ll have the opportunity to pay the fine and put this whole incident behind you
[02:57:02] Dryfty > well I sincerely hope for their part that they take a little more pride in their work than you seemed to, leaving all that just lying around
[02:57:19] Dryfty > but rest assured, where there’s debris, I’ll do my best to be there to help clean up
[02:57:29] Natedog40 > i hope u are ready to lose your ship
[02:57:54] Dryfty > I do believe you had ample opportunity to attempt that yourself earlier but didnt seize the moment
[02:58:01] Dryfty > *shrug*
[02:58:13] Natedog40 > in a mining barge r u nuts
[02:58:34] Dryfty > perhaps in the future you will act more promptly to right these so-called “wrongs” that you claim to be a victim of
[02:59:06] Dryfty > your drones were perfectly capable of destroying those innocent belt refugees that come through every so often
[02:59:27] Dryfty > I wouldn’t have thought a tiny Citation Issue Rifter would be a problem for you
[02:59:38] Natedog40 > perhaps in the future u will learn respect
[03:00:02] Natedog40 > i just hope it doesnt take a podding tot each u that respect
[03:00:21] Dryfty > oh I have lots of respect for those that uphold TEARS Ordinance #46183.A,  but unfortunately your littering ways disqualify you from that distinction
[03:00:38] Dryfty > it really is sad, I think we could’ve been great friends
[03:00:39] Natedog40 > if u reimburse the value of the ore i may spare your ship/pod
[03:01:08] Dryfty > unfortunately sir we here at SN and TEARS don’t negotiate with terrorists
[03:01:22] Natedog40 > wtf your the terroist
[03:01:25] Dryfty > which its increasingly apparent that is what you really are
[03:01:30] Natedog40 > u popped my can
[03:01:54] Dryfty > hiding behind your “oh its a mining barge” excuses while you clog the spacelanes with debris, hoping to destroy hapless travelers by
[03:02:21] Dryfty > and then publicly harranguing officially licensed TEARS operatives who step in to help you resolve the situation
[03:02:36] Dryfty > now on top of that you’re making militant threats on condition of ransom
[03:02:40] Dryfty > sounds like a terrorist to me sir
[03:02:52] Natedog40 > u owe me 200,000 isk for that ore if u pay i will s[pare your ship/pod
[03:03:05] Dryfty > so as I said before, as much as I wish we could’ve been friends, we simply don’t negotiate with terrorists
[03:03:40] Dryfty > and for the record, that looked like a lot more than 200k worth of ore, just because you’re a terrorist doesn’t mean you should sell yourself so short
[03:03:52] Dryfty > have some pride in your work at least
[03:04:05] Dryfty > while you murder women and children with your “mining lasers”
[03:04:18] Enigmatic Lunatic > hey dryfty
[03:04:25] Dryfty > why hello there \o
[03:04:25] Enigmatic Lunatic > im nate coe
[03:04:31] Enigmatic Lunatic > o7
[03:04:47] Dryfty > doesn’t ring a bell, but what can I do for you nate?
[03:04:58] Dryfty > was just oh nm
[03:04:59] Dryfty > I misread
[03:05:03] Dryfty > you’re Nate’s CEO
[03:05:03] Natedog40 > he is my corp leader
[03:05:12] Enigmatic Lunatic > sorry im nate’s ceo sorry i cant type right today
[03:05:28] Dryfty > well Nate and I were just having a discussion of the reasons that he really should turn his life around and give up terrorism
[03:05:38] Enigmatic Lunatic > yeah .. if you want a duel im down to duel you but nate is new
[03:05:42] Dryfty > surely as his CEO and friend you can help him see the wisdom of this?
[03:05:48] Enigmatic Lunatic > wow nate when did you become a terrorist
[03:05:57] Natedog40 > dunno i was one
[03:06:16] Natedog40 > here i thought i was jetcan mining
[03:06:18] Enigmatic Lunatic > if by terrorist you mean frendly miner makeing isk and having fun i think your correct
[03:06:20] Dryfty > I encountered Mr. Dog40 a short while ago placing IED cannisters around the M8 Belt 4
[03:06:32] Dryfty > hoping to snare innocent travelers in his web of death ore
[03:06:53] Dryfty > thankfully as a local TEARS representative I came upon the scene and removed the hazardous debris
[03:06:58] Enigmatic Lunatic > ahh so you thought you would be a good samaritan and pop that “dangerous object” he was leaving in space
[03:07:19] Dryfty > Ill be certain to copy you on Mr. Dog40′s citation once I file my report
[03:07:33] Enigmatic Lunatic > well as somone who knows nate i can safely say that he has no explosives to use in said dangerous containers
[03:07:42] Dryfty > we here at TEARS look forward to a speedy resolution to all such incidents
[03:08:11] Dryfty > once the fine is paid in full we’ll be happy to write this whole thing off as a youthful offense
[03:08:13] Enigmatic Lunatic > well thanks dryfty
[03:08:17] Dryfty > given Mr. Dog40′s age
[03:08:20] Enigmatic Lunatic > the fine?
[03:08:40] Dryfty > certainly welcome, if there’s anything else we can do for you, please don’t hesitate to contact a local TEARS representative
[03:09:11] Dryfty > oh yes, possession of an unlicensed jetcan, improper storage of hazardous materials, among others
[03:09:31] Dryfty > the typical fine comes out to around 500k, but I wont know the extend of the damages until I type my report
[03:09:50] Dryfty > extent*
[03:09:59] Enigmatic Lunatic > lol ill keep you guys in mind if i need something to laugh myself to death with
[03:10:16] Dryfty > we do what we can sir, one system at a time
[03:10:22] Enigmatic Lunatic > im glad we could talk about this and keep it fun
[03:10:29] Enigmatic Lunatic > do you guys do merc work ever
[03:10:31] Dryfty > unless there’s anything else you’d like to discuss, fly safe o7
[03:10:47] Enigmatic Lunatic > cuz i might need to hire some people in a month or so
[03:11:09] Dryfty > no sir, though we have excellent relations with several merc corps, and might be able to refer you to one, we don’t take on those kinds of jobs
[03:11:25] Enigmatic Lunatic > thanks mind if i bookmark you
[03:11:29] Dryfty > we’re much too busy here in the Spacelane Sanitation Division
[03:11:33] Dryfty > of course, please do
[03:11:44] Enigmatic Lunatic > fly safe dryfty
[03:11:50] Dryfty > look forward to hearing from you, fly safe
[03:12:32] Natedog40 > well i got mining to do bye

I find myself infinitely thankful for the reasonable presence of Enigmatic Lunatic (irony? I think so.) that kept Nate from dangerously escalating the situation any further.  At times during the conversation I had begun to genuinely fear for my own safety and that of other TEARS operatives in the area.

Fortunately “EL” was present to calm things down, and I think that my professional tone and friendly manner went a long way towards diffusing the situation.  With everything now well in hand, I finally proceeded to complete the required paperwork which allowed me to officially issue this citation to “EL” on behalf of TEARS for the inappropriate actions of his employee.

I do appreciate the fact that by the end of our discussion, Mr. Natedog40 had essentially yielded his position with a “Thank you sir, may I have another?”. Pending payment of the fine, or a formal response to the citation, this case is tabled.

Citation #47620-3 Use of Unregistered Jetcan
From: Dryfty
Sent: 2010.08.03 04:37
To: Enigmatic Lunatic,

Mr. Lunatic,

Pursuant to our earlier interaction, I am officially enclosing the aforementioned citation and requisite fine for TEARS Officer intervention. We hope that together with your cooperation we can keep areas like Abudban VIII Belt IV safe for travelers and miners alike and must insist in the future that you use a properly licensed TEARS jetcan for your ore storage needs. Individual licenses may be purchased from myself or any TEARS representative for the nominal sum of 50,000 ISK. Please see details below for Corporation licensing.

Your prompt payment of this fine will conclude TEARS involvement in this case. Should you wish to appeal this citation, file a complaint, or request a quote for a Corporation Jetcan License: please contact SN CEO Aiden Mourn

As a gesture of goodwill I have decided to “forget” the terroristic threats made by Mr. Dog40 during our previous discussion and have not included those fees in the below citation. I hope we here at TEARS can count on your continued support in our efforts to keep the spacelanes clear for all.

Respectfully Yours,
Dryfty – Heimatar Region TEARS Representative

FORM #46183.A-C93 UNREGISTERED JETCAN CITATION
Issued by: TEAR EXTRACTION AND RECLAMATION SERVICE

Sector ID: 486BFG88499HG-3345-588FN
Jetcan Inventory: See Misc/Ref. Lading Log #6587-15

Operatives of TEARS Alliance, Subgroup: Suddenly Ninjas [YOINK] have issued a member of your Corporation a Citation for Failure to Properly Register an Unsecured Jetcan Residing in a Municipal Asteroid Belt per EDEN Municipal Code #46183.A in 0.7 System Abudban, Planet VIII, Belt IV

Party In Violation:  Natedog40

Infraction of EDEN Municipal Code #46183.A can incur a fine of up to 500,000.00 ISK, authorized destruction of vessel and resulting wreck salvage fees, not to exceed 20,000.00 ISK.

Registration Fee ………………………………………….. 250,000 ISK
Astrogation LIDAR Omission Penalty …………………………. 150,000 ISK
Debris Handling Fee……………………………………………………….. 50.000 ISK
Disposal Fee …………………………………………………………… 15,000 ISK
TEARS Licensed Destructable Jetcan…………………………….25,000 ISK
TEARS Officer Ammunition………………………………………….20,000 ISK
Fraternal Order of Salvagers Union Fund Contribution … 5,500 ISK

Total Assessment: 515,500 ISK

Please Remit Funds to TEARS – Spacelane Sanitation Division
Authorized Representative or your nearest TEARS Alliance Officer.

Forthcoming replies will be appended to the case file

Update: Reply from Enigmatic Lunatic Re: Citation #47620-3 Use of Unregistered Jetcan, and my response.

Re: Citation #47620-3 Use of Unregistered Jetcan
From: Enigmatic Lunatic
Sent: 2010.08.03 06:55
To: Dryfty

Mr. Dryfty,

After much thought and consideration i have chosen to decline your offer and keep this matters punishment “in house.” If you are not able to lend me the courtesy of keeping my affairs in house i will have to seek “counsultants” to help me handle any negative relations. Please do not contact me at home about this matter as my security company is very well paid and very bored.

Your quick response is appreciated.
The Lunatic

Mr. Lunatic,

As always it’s a pleasure speaking with you.  While I can certainly respect your desire to handle the discipline of your employee “in house”, records must be maintained so that should future incidents occur, all parties involved can make sound and rational judgments.  Having already been informed by Mr. Dog40 of his refusal to remit said fine, this case has been marked “Closed, No Resolution” and Mr. Dog40 has been red-flagged for additional monitoring.  Should he stumble back into his illegal use of unlicensed jetcans, further TEARS action may be forthcoming.

Speaking to your use of “counsultants”, we here at TEARS certainly welcome dialog with any parties that may be so inclined to involve themselves in matters of jurisdiction and corrective actions.  Should you or your “counsultants” wish to pursue this line further please do not hesitate to contact SN CEO Aiden Mourn

Respectfully Yours,
Dryfty – Heimatar Region TEARS Representative

This was an important day in my piloting career, for it was a day of firsts. The first “first” if you will, was a bittersweet affair indeed. I came upon a new pilot by the name of Miss Cupiditas mining Omber in the second asteroid belt surrounding Balle IV and at once I sensed that something was amiss. Upon closer inspection of the situation via my navcom, I realized that our intrepid miner was in fact offloading the ore from the cargohold of her Navitas into an unanchored Giant Secure Container. Granting that Balle is a 0.5 security rated system, there is simply no excuse for this type of unsafe practice.

Being the stickler that I am for the proper handling and maintenance of cargo and cargo containers, I took it as my civic duty to step in and educate Miss Cupiditas to the dangerous situation she was creating not only for herself, but other pilots passing through the vicinity.  They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and an extension of this proverb could easily be “You don’t know what you have until it’s gone.”.  This was the lesson that I hoped to impart to our young miner by first moving the ore from the unanchored container, into a licensed TEARS Ore Containment Unit for it’s safety and hers while I explained the dangers of her methods.

No sooner had I secured the Omber, than Miss Cupiditas aligned her Navitas towards the local Center for Advanced Studies and engaged her warp drives, leaving me spinning from the backwash of her thrusters.  Surely she wouldn’t just abandon her hard won assets without at least hearing me out?  This, gentle readers, is where my story takes a turn for the worse.  No sooner had I begun trying to establish a comlink with the Navitas (only to be told by the computer that it was no longer online), than Miss Cupiditas comes back into the asteroid belt in a Catalyst, targets me, and opens fire!

Not certain of how to respond, and being the natural pacifist that I am, I first thought of simply leaving her to her wayward mining practices and escaping before anymore damage could be done to my stalwart Rifter “Hurp”.  I considered this of course, but the sheer brutality of her aggression disturbed me greatly, and I knew then and there that I could not allow her to leave unchastened.  What unfortunate pilot might she come upon next with her careless mining and trigger happy ways?  I settled into a close orbit knowing that the Catalyst would surely begin tearing through my meager shields and into the somewhat tougher underbelly of my armor.  With the flick of two switches I engaged my warp scrambler and 200mm Light Prototype Automatic Cannons and began to pray.  Soon enough it became apparent that I had little to fear from the Catalyst as none but the first volley managed to even scratch my shields.  Then, Suddenly Fireworks!

So I must finally thank you Miss Cupiditas, for on your first day in New Eden, you became my first kill.  I’ll never forget you.  Here is the invoice submitted to her for my services, and a special thanks to Mr. Set Shwayo for use of his excellent template that enabled me to submit the paperwork in a timely manner.

Bill for Services Rendered: Case #73285
From: Dryfty
Sent: 2010.07.28 19:37
To: Miss Cupiditas,

Miss Cupiditas,

Thank you for engaging the services of your local TEARS representatives for your spacelane cleanup, and cannister education needs.

I was very pleased with the overall success of today’s encounter and hope to be of service in the future. Please find below the invoice for the TEARS services rendered.

- Dryfty, Balle System TEARS Representative

FORM #23512-Z-4u7720 UNSECURED CONTAINER CITATION
Issued by: TEAR EXTRACTION AND RECLAMATION SERVICE

Sector ID: 486BFG88499HG-3345-588FN
Debris Field Inventory: See Misc/Ref. Lading Log #4589-54

Operatives of TEARS Alliance, Subgroup: Suddenly Ninjas [YOINK] have issued a Citation for Failure to Properly Anchor a Secured Cargo Container Residing in a Municipal Asteroid Belt per EDEN Municipal Code #234.678z

Party In Violation:  Miss Cupiditas

Infraction of EDEN Municipal Code #234.678z can incur a fine of up to 2,000,000.00 ISK, authorized destruction of vessel and resulting wreck salvage fees, not to exceed 20,000.00 ISK.

Registration Fee ………………………………………….. 250,000 ISK
Cargo Container Anchoring Review…………………………….100,000 ISK
Astrogation LIDAR Omission Penalty …………………………. 150,000 ISK
Debris Hauling Fee……………………………………………………….. 50.000 ISK
Disposal Fee …………………………………………………………… 5,000 ISK
Fraternal Order of Salvagers Union Fund Contribution … 5,500 ISK
Total Assessment: 560,000 ISK

Please Remit Funds to TEARS – SpaceLane Traffic Authority Division
Authorized Representative or your nearest TEARS Alliance Officer.

In the event that this citation is not paid and offending cargo removed within the current 15 minute timer interval, TEARS Operatives are authorized to employ Level III Advanced Citation Protocol 2345-2. This protocol can include additional fines, destruction of cargo, and including destruction of vessel.

Oh, but I’m not yet done gentle reader!  For did I not say that this was a day of firsts? As in more than one? Indeed I did!  While continuing to meander around Balle later that very same cycle I became aware of a “Planetary Launch Container” on my navcom.  With my curiosity peaked, and nothing better to do at the moment, I decided to investigate!  Finally narrowing the range and angle of my scan, I plotted it on my system chart directly ahead give or take 5 degrees, at a rough distance of 12,000km.  That’s quite a jaunt, but I quickly returned to the local station and bought a Vigil along with a couple of Capacitor Rechargers that I knew would come in handy, and also fitted it with a brand new microwarp drive that I had laying around my hangar.  Thus scantily clad I returned to the location I’d spotted the container and began moving in that direction at a rate of 3662 m/s.  Needless to say this was no quick journey,  but I maintained my focus and eventually I was rewarded as the elusive container popped onto my overview grid.

As I approached the container I felt a sense of giddiness at the unknown aspect of this discovery, but also at the impending reward for my perseverance.  I pulled the container into my hold and as the cargobay pressurized the hiss of the locks releasing was music to my ears.  I eagerly watched the monitor to see what was inside, and imagine my surprise when it turned out to be….

261 x Precious Metal

Oi.  Not only was it practically worthless, and of limited quantity, but it belonged to someone else!  Inside the container I noticed a datacore that simply displayed the words

“Property of Kwazio, Center for Advanced Studies”

Now I really faced a quandry!  Should I simply sell the items for what meager profits I may? But what of the owner? He would certainly soon arrive at the location where his container should be located only to find empty space.  Not having a giant secure container of my own to either replace the items or at least leave him a message, I decided to return to station with the goods and ponder a solution there.  After much thought I finally had it!  I would simply contract the items back to the original owner for the fair market value (only to cover the expenses I incurred by safely hauling his goods to the station rather than leaving them floating in space) of 96.00 Thousand isk.  I then mailed Mr. Kwazio to inform him of what had transpired and how he could go about recovering his merchandise.

All in all it was a good day…  but now that I think about it…  Did I put 96.00 Thousand, or Million on that contract?  I suppose only time will tell… But here is the letter submitted to Mr. Kwazio letting him know of the efforts I went to on his behalf.

Re: Planetary Launch Container
From: Dryfty
Sent: 2010.07.29 01:37
To: Kwazio,

Mr. Kwazio,

I had the occasion to come across a Planetary Launch Container that I believe belongs to you. Noticing that it seemed to be nearing expiration I took it upon myself to gather the contents and create a private contract to you for the amount I’d have receiving selling them at the Balle station of 96.00 Thousand isk.

Precious Metals x 261

Im glad to be able to return these items to you, but I can’t stress enough the importance of collecting your Planetary Interaction products in a timely manner. It’s mere chance that I was the one to find them as opposed to someone who’d have just taken the money and run.

Fly Safe \o
- Dryfty